Don't know what to do

Jwyman93

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and me and the father recently broke up because neither of us is happy and didnt want to bring a baby into an unhappy household. I'm not going to breast feed but don't know how long it should be before the dad takes him over night...and how do I talk to him about it? We are still friends

MinnesotaMomma91

Keep it a buisness partnership. And your lo can start over nights as soon as you and bd are ready for it

MinnesotaMomma91

Im actually changinh my answer im calling MUD

Jwyman93

What's MUD?

MinnesotaMomma91

Mud=made up drama

Jwyman93

Wow your a bitch it's not made up at all it's my life and what I'm going through maybe you should grow up and realize some people actually need advice on things because they've never been through them

20thirteen

She's not a bitch. We get lots of "drive-by" drama queens looking for attention. Your post looked like a typical drive-by.

Jwyman93

But it's not and it's not fair that someone who is actually looking for help gets told that they are pretty much just looking for attention...I'm simply looking for advice because I don't know how any of this works

20thirteen

I'm just giving you the low down. The attention seekers usually post and never come back. But since you've returned...:

I'm not sure we have too many regulars who are in your situation. Minnesota's initial advice seems pretty on point. Most of us worry about the BD wanting to take the LO way too early since a lot of us ended up breastfeeding. You say you're not, so it's really up to you and your BD. does he live close by? My BD lives (last I heard) in a car on the outskirts of the city about 1/2hr-45min away from me. Even if he had a place to live, I wouldn't trust that fucker with a baby. Last time he held DD, he almost dropped her on her head and almost broke her arm trying to catch her. If your BD is reliable and trustworthy, and knows how to hold a child, you guys should figure out a plan for when he would feel most comfortable with a newborn.

Jwyman93

He does live close...I have to take 6 weeks off of work and feel like for at least those 6 weeks the baby should be with me and the dad can come stay with me if he wants...it just scares me for him to take him over night without spending some time seeing how he does because he's never dealt with babies...he's never changed diapers or calmed a crying baby...I work at a daycare in the baby room and have a better idea of what I'm doing...I just feel mean telling him I don't feel comfortable with him being alone with him right away

jesuisfatiguee

I would not recommend jumping into overnights with someone who doesn't know what they're doing. Those first 12 weeks are really a roller coaster for everyone, including the baby. I almost feel like within the first 6 months is too early for overnights away from mom, but I can't seem to separate myself from the question to really answer objectively. 

I would suggest keeping an open dialogue about it between the two of you. You also may change your mind about BF, which would definitely affect that decision, as well. Find out his thoughts on the overnights situation, and make sure he knows where you're coming from. 

ETA: Clarity

MinnesotaMomma91

@Roxalot, i love you.

At op, im not a bitch. I am thee bitch.

Oh and i love the you dont know my lyfe you are such a biotch line. Screams noobie who doesnt know how to take a flamming. I still think your a drive by poster and thus i dont care you think im a bitch.

MinnesotaMomma91

Oh and if you lurked at all, you would know that im a single mother to a man who is a pathological liar but also terrible ptsd issues and i wont let see my son unless myself, my bf, or my sons sm is present.

You would also know im sm to a two year old little boy whose mom only takes care of him when its convienent to her. So dont act like a special snow flake im not a.poster who blows sunshine and roses up asses.

Gamera3000

I often have a "were cool nbd" feeling right after I break up with someone, and it doesn't always stay that way.

I'm glad things are okay for you now, but you really should read through some of the other posts here so you can be prepared if things get complicated. The moms here have been through a lot and gained a lot of valuable knowledge from that.

Welcome to the board!

Jwyman93

Thank you guys for the advice...I never thought I would be in this situation but as I think we all know things don't always go how we expect them to...I will sit down with the dad and tell him my concerns and hopefully we can come to an agreement...hopefully he understands I would really like to stay on good terms with him for the sake of our kid

freeatlast2014

I would explain that with bf it's hard to tell when you will both be ready. I'm inclined to say not before 6 months but I had friends BF for 6 weeks or exclusively pump which would make things different. But like PP mentioned, you have to be 110% comfortable with knowing he can care for a newborn/infant. And if you aren't, using BF is a great excuse!