Gender Stereotypes

StephanieL2014

Hi Everyone,

I am curious to know what you lovely people think about gender stereotyping? (ex: pink = girls/ blue = boys)

We are having a girl and there is no way I am wrapping my little one in pink frilly dresses and bows. Our family has quite a few boys in it and so people are pretty stoked to be adding a girl to the gang, but I have made it clear from the get-go that we are not going to be raising a 'little lady' so to speak. I am a country girl and ran with the boys, despised dresses and spent my spare time playing hockey and was in karate for 8 years before university. Needless to say I didn't fit the girly mode. I would love my little girl to be adventurous, climb trees and not be scared to get some dirt on her face. I am very aware of societal pressures on young women and girls and I would like to bring confidence and some kick-ass attitude in my child to help her deal with that.I do not look down on people who dress their little girl in frills, bows and sparkles, to each your own. I am just wondering how everyone else feels about gender stereotypes and if that is going to play a large role in raising your child or if you would try to stay away from falling into the "gender trap". 

Cosmolove

Personally I think you should just let the kid explore and find his or her own identity. Growing up my parents didn't bring me up frilly girly but then I wanted to dance and cheerlead.

Then eventually I starte playing ice hockey lol. I am happy I was allowed to choose my path.

I honestly can't stand the parents who tell a kid no for reasons like oh that's not who you are or that's to girlie or something. I don't think coming up with an ultimate plan for your kid and essentially saying no dance or pink because its too girlie is really a good idea. My parents were anti pink....but pink is my favorite color

WashingtonQueen

Ok, this could get long and it's late so hopefully I get will what I want to say across properly.

I hate it when people are super into gender stereotypes, but I also hate it when people are super anti gender stereotypes. The stereotypes are there for a reason, they stemmed from common and popular traits, but at they same time they are certainly not everything.

A little about me and my kids.

My 2 oldest sons ages 6 and 8: They are rough and tumble. They love to wrestle around the living room and they cheer on the WWE. They love football and basketball, tell me all the time that they want to play on a team when they can. They play with Hot Wheels everyday. Heck, they play with them so much that they can routinely tell me the makes and models of cars on the street.

You want to know what else they like? Dolls, they each have several. They take turns playing mom and dad, cooking on their play kitchen and pretending to breastfeed the babies. They were fighting yesterday about who got to be Anna and who got to be Elsa. Pink is their favorite color. DS #2 came home with a treasure box toy a couple weeks ago that he picked out, it was a pink and purple glitter bracelet.

My 2 year old DS: His life is about cars, trains and planes. That is seriously what he lives for right now. However, I did buy him his own a doll not long ago. He loves playing with my hair. I bought him one with long hair and he now goes to bed with it, gently stroking the hair as he falls asleep.

Now about me: My mom is a girl, but not a girly girl. She doesn't do her hair or make-up or nails and she is not into fashion at all. My dad wanted me to be a boy. I wasn't. He raised me to be a tomboy. We routinely went to drag races and monster truck shows, we watched sports together on TV. We went camping and fishing. He taught me how to build things and had me help him work on the cars. While that is all fine and I still LOVE most of those things I was raised doing, I love other things too.

When I was a little kid I desperately wanted to paint my nails. It was forbidden by my father. It was one of those girl things he didn't want me doing. I so badly wanted it that I started coloring my nails with markers. Whenever I got caught I was in HUGE trouble.

It wasn't until my parents got divorced and I moved away from my dad that I was allowed to start exploring my girly side. My wardrobe consisted of nothing but dresses and I wore nail polish all the time. In high school I became cheerleader and competed in pageants.

My daughter is 6 months old. As of right now I have absolutely no idea what she is going to like. I deck her out in dresses, frills and bows galore because that is what I like and she is too young to choose. Of course I will introduce her to all the things I love, both girly girl and tomboy, and hope that she loves some of it too. Eventually she will grow her own personality with her own likes and dislikes and I will allow her to explore and find herself.

Bottom line, it is perfectly ok to raise your child to love the things that you love as long as you let them be themselves as well. You may not like girly girl stuff, but she might LOVE it. Or she could turn out to be exactly like you in every way. Be prepared to let your child be who they are.

MinnesotaMomma91

I wasnt the most feminine girl around when i was a child and well into my teenage years. I was more focused on art to be bothered with it. Walking around with paint splattered jeans and shirts was a regular thing for me. In my private high school i was constantly getting written up for it because i was breaking dress code.

I was also the kid who drew full sleeves on myself in math class cause i was bored. Then all the sudden at seventeen i started wanting to be feminine. I stopped coloring my hair from a box and chopping off my own hair to going to a salon. I started painting my nails to hide the paint and other art utensils under my nails. I was enrolled in cosmetology school until child care issues came up and wont be able to go back till i get my shoulder fixed.

The point of all of this. My parents didnt force stereo types but they werent against them either. I can sew, but i also grew up on a farm my first pet was a sheep.

I love reading, but i also enjoy browsing youtube for hair/makeup tipsI have lots of male and female friends and i do interact with them differently.

I dont know who ds will be. Maybe he will be real artsy, into tattoos, codmetology, reading, and fashion like me. Or maybe hell be very analytical, very methodical, logical, and sport driven like his biological dad. He could also decide he wants to be a chef and id be okay with that because i just dont know what he will like in the future.

All i can really tell you right now is he prefers his soft stuffed monkeys and his trains to play with versus the hard loud electronice toys.

Edited cause words are hard and im tired

RondackHiker

I echo everyone else. Let her be who she is. I know plenty of "girly girls" who wear pink and frills and make up who are smart and strong and tough as nails and could easily hold their own against "wild country boys" (hey, another stereotype). Girls and women who love fashion and stereotypically feminine things aren't weak or lesser. You can raise a tough girl who loves pink.

Teach her to be tough and true to herself, even if it doesn't please someone... And that includes you. Teach her that she can do any job and teach her to be strong and independent .

Chichigo

You will get pink and frilly presents whether you want it or not. I think that's a good thing- it will diversify your daughter's wardrobe.

There are other ways to work on avoiding gender stereotypes. Expose her to hobbies and experiences that are traditionally female, and those that are traditionally male. Mix it up. Let your daughter wear a sparkly pink tutu while playing football, or wear yoga pants and a T-shirt while practicing ballet.

ksukitty1979

I am a total tomboy,  Our first two babies were boys, so I was fully prepared for a tomboy when I found out I was having a girl with my little girl.  We put her in pink, we also put her in many "boy colors".  She has a boyish nickname and has been exposed to boy stuff since the day she was born because of her brothers.  She has never had a girly influence, because I am not that way at all.  Guess what she is the biggest girly girl ever.  She love dolls, nail polish, clothes, shoes and pretending to be a princess.  But you know what, she's tough as nails and can keep up with the boys.  She also has started liking dinosaurs and her best friend is a little boy.  The point is they will be who they will be and you can't fight it.  If she's girly embrace it, it doesn't mean anything bad.  As long as she has confidence and is kind that's all that matters.

kmawb

I have to agree with all the ladies so far.  I am a tomboy, love watching and playing sports, had dolls and trucks (which my Barbies drove) growing up, and never wore pink as a kid (my mother doesn't like the colour because it looks horrible on her with her red hair so my sister and I really never wore it).  I wouldn't consider myself girly but I do knit, crochet, sew, wear makeup, jewelry, dresses/skirts and heels and practice a traditionally (and still) male dominated profession (I'm an engineer).

I have an almost 3-1/2yo DD and she runs the gamut from wearing pink dresses (that I've made her) to jeans and tshirts; dressing up like a princess or a pirate; playing with her play kitchen, dolls, cars or workbench and tools; picking flowers outside to playing hockey/soccer in the driveway with the neighbour's kids (a boy and a girl).  When she wants to play Cinderella I willingly play the prince for her or the fairy godmother (whatever she wants), when she wants to pretend to be a pirate I am her matey.  She can do as she wishes and play with any toy she likes.  I will never tell her she can't do something because it is too girly or boyish.  I have bought her fairy wings and wands as well as construction trucks for her sand box.

I am now pregnant with a baby boy and the same rules will apply to him, he can play with any toys and wear what he chooses, nothing is off limits.

Let your little girl make her own choices and you can't go wrong.

seells

I let my daughter do what she wants. When she was a baby I dressed her how I liked which included A LOT of polka dots and purple.

She's almost 4 and she is totally a girly-girl. She loves to dress up and do make overs and has 50 pairs of shoes. But she also likes to climb trees and garden and kick butt. She LOVES watching superheroes like the justice league and batman and pretends she's Wonder Woman and Black Canary! She even pretends to be the Hulk.

She's rough, tough, smart, capable, and beautiful. She plays with whatever toys she wants and we make sure to give her a healthy dose of kickass Heroines to balance out the simpering Disney princesses. In the end we are raising her to be capable and confident and how she dresses and what she plays with has no bearing on what she's able to accomplish.

Sorry this is so long. My sister is a tomboy and is always ragging on my daughter for being "prissy" because she doesn't like to get dirty and it bugs the crap out of me.

momthatlifts

To each their own. If my child looks good in it in my eyes then she will wear it (if she wants to). No I wouldn't put pink on my son just because I like the color. He may hate it and I'll leave that up to him in the future.

greeneyed_bride

WashingtonQueen said:

I hate it when people are super into gender stereotypes, but I also hate it when people are super anti gender stereotypes. 

This. I remember a mom who posted a while back that she didn't ever want her newborn son wearing anything with sports, balls, trucks, or anything else promoting boy gender stereotypes, because she and her husband weren't into those things, and they didn't want their son to be either. It reaches a point where it's just kind of ridiculous. What your child wears at three months is not going to affect who they are at age 12. I wore tons of frilly clothes as a little girl, and I was the best tree climber I knew. You can still climb trees, run, and play sports if you're wearing pink.

By all means, dress your daughter in gender neutral clothes. Or some boy clothes and some girl clothes. But if someone buys you a pink outfit, it's not the end of the world. My son had so many diaper blowouts as a newborn that by the end of the day, I would've dressed him in an outfit that was meant for a cat if it was clean.

shanaynerz

Personally, I tried to avoid gender stereotypes as much as possible with DD, despite painting her room bubblegum pink. Just because you were a certain girl doesn't mean she'll be that way. Expose her to everything (as much as you can) and let her decide. I usually put DD in jeans and hoodies, but I love getting her dolled up for special occasions and in the summer more. At 16 months she doesn't care,

I agree with not only exposing her to girly stuff, like we want her to try skating and hockey for example, but she likes to dance and do gymnastics, too. Try not to focus too much on it and just do whatever at the beginning. But don't expect her to be you; let her be her own person, even if that means frilly pink things everywhere.

yeah.

You can't actually control it. I have two girls. One is a tomboy - hates dresses, princesses. Loves dinos, birds, science, dirt, trucks. The other is as girly as they come.

Both are curious and adventurous (the second even more than the first) and smart and interesting . I did none of this; it's all personality.

dschneider1583

My DS who is going to be 3 at the end of the month is a total boy loves sports, cars, trucks, and loves doing things that a lot of boys do. But, he is also has such a sensitive side, he loves watching Sofia the First and just picked out a Sofia doll at the store the other day. I am big on letting him explore so he can become who he wants to be. If he wants to plays with dolls great! If he wants to plays with trucks great! I don't care.

I agree with everyone else allow her to explore and all that. I am pregnant with my 2nd son and I am going to allow him to do what DS #1 has done. I want him to explore and grow to be who he wants to do.

rcbuko

Your girl will be who she will be. That might mean a real Gurly girl so be prepared for that. I was a tomboy and am still not really that girly for the most part but so far both my girls delight in many things girly. I didn't introduce them to Disney princesses but they became interested anyway. My oldest refused to wear pants for awhile and only wanted dresses. My girls are also not afraid of getting dirty and delight in the outdoors. My youngest girl who is three can't wait to learn how to play hockey but my oldest wants to figure skate so she can wear pretty outfits (they both take skating lessons). Gender stereotypes exist for a reason and that's because more of a particular sex are attracted to different things. It doesn't mean that all people of that sex are attracted to "girl" or "boy" things. I consider myself to be a feminist and work in a very masculine and male dominated field so have stepped out of my gender norm but still don't find it offensive that gender stereotypes exist. Let your girl lead the way and all will be fine. Girls are very versatile in that they really can do anything a boy can do. I love having my two and soon to be three little girls and one little boy.

kandersn

Ill be honest. I have 3 children with number 4 on the way. With my first son I was very anti girl things. Didn't want him playing with dolls...etc I wanted him to be tough. Then my second boy came along and I started to relax a little. Let them be who they wanted to be. If they pushed a little girl stroller around the store....so what...it was cute. Then I had my daughter.......I grew up a big tomboy....even though my mom pushed girly things on me, that just wasn't me. I was great at sports and loved to ride 4wheelers. My daughter is my polar opposite. I think it's wonderful who she is. She loves to wear dresses, get her nails painted....etc. I'm letting my children decide what they love. I did buy girly clothes when she was born, but if she wanted to only wear jeans and t-shirts now, then that is fine. My kids were born with their own likes/dislikes...I will embrace whatever they choose.

ksukitty1979

Just to add one additional note to this.  My almost seven year old has severe classic autism.  The first time he started pushing a stroller with his little sister and followed her lead in playing house with her, you can bet I didn't care at all.  He could play with dolls every day all day and I would be happy.  I'm just saying this to put things into perspective.  There will be much bigger parenting challenges then whether your child fits/doesn't fit gender stereotypes.  So don't worry about the things that aren't the big.

Jiffy38

I understand exactly where you're coming from.  The pink=girl, blue=boy and yellow/green= neutral mindset that is so prevalent right now frustrates me soooo much! 

We aren't finding out baby's sex for a couple of reasons but one of them is because we don't want to inundated with frilly pink or boy themed clothes and toys.  I kinda think babies should be gender neutral - they will gravitate towards what works for them eventually!  Society pressure can be so strong in a lot of ways and i don't want to start out trying to pidgeon hole my kid! 

My plan is to provide baby with a rainbow of colors and see what they eventually like!  Also - I like blue so my kid is getting some blue themes in the nursery so matter what sex they are!