Late Term and Child Loss

Books and memoirs on baby loss... list!

Hi all.  Since my Conner and my Benjamin died in January, I have been reading like crazy - maybe a new book every 2-3 days.  Along with posting on this board and blogging, reading about other people's experience has really helped me through my grief and my emotions.  I think it helps because no one really knows what I am going through (besides all of you), and reading memoirs of mothers who have lost their babies makes me feel like I'm not alone.  Below is a list of books I have read with some short descriptions.  I hope that some of these helps all of you.  If anyone would like to add to this list, please do so!  I am running out of books to read and I'm sure everyone else would like to hear.  I am writing brief descriptions here, and I know they may seem like spoilers but the information I'm providing is part of the book descriptions (on the book jackets, Amazon, book websites, etc.) so I'm not really giving anything away. 

Love, Mom by Cynthia Baseman - from a mother to her stillborn daughter.  She explores grief and how the loss created a riff between herself and her husband. 
This Lovely Life by Vicki Forman - oh boy... difficult to read.... - her twins were born at 23 weeks, and she made the decision to give them comfort care only.  However, the hospital she was at resuscitated her babies.  Her daughter dies and her son is left profoundly disabled.  This book is heartbreaking and shows the immense strength of a mother.  
For the Love of Babies by Dr. Sue Hall - various stories about a doctor working in the NICU.  She recalls memorable patients.  Warning: some of these babies die, and some survive.  I personally chose to skip over the chapters of those babies with happy endings because it made me so angry that my babies were not one of them. 
To Full Term by Darci Klein - One of my favorites.  This mother's personality reminds me so much of my own.  After she delivers her daughter prematurely, she goes on to have multiple miscarriages and an early delivery of her twins at 23 weeks (neither of them survived).  She then becomes pregnant, a total shock to her and her husband.  She takes her failed pregnancies into her own hands, does research, and demands specific treatments from her doctors.  And guess what?  IT WORKED.  She managed to deliver a full term baby boy, all because of her own persistence and research. 
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken - she learns her baby boy has died during her 9th month of pregnancy.  The author is a little jumpy from chapter to chapter, but overall may be worth reading.
I Will Carry You by Angie Smith  - heartbreaking.  This is a very Christian- centered book.  She learns her baby will not survive outside the womb.  Instead of terminating the pregnancy, she and her husband decide to carry the baby so that they can spend a few hours with their baby and so that their baby will know the love of their family.  
Half Baked by Alexa Stevenson - one of my favorites - it may actually be my top pick.  The author delivers twins prematurely.  One is stillborn, the other spends a lot of time in the NICU.  She spends much of her time writing about being a NICU mother, but she does address her grief over her son.  She has a way of writing that makes you want to be friends with her.  She is somehow humorous, even through her loss.  
Holding Sylvan by Monica Wesolowska  - out of all the books I read, this one was by far the most difficult to get through.  Obviously all the books are for various reasons, but this one takes the cake.  Her baby boy is left brain dead, and for reasons I will not explain here, she and her husband have decided to let their baby go.  The thing is, his brainstem is still working, leaving his vital organs functioning (but that's it).  The only way to let him go is to withhold food from him, as to euthanize people is illegal.  He survives for weeks, and she watches her baby slowly die.  Many people will have varying opinions of this mother and her choice, but I closed the book knowing that she did indeed love her son and did what she believed was best for him.  Never in a million years could I do go through what this woman did. 
Fragile Beginnings by Dr. Adam Wolfberg  - a new ob doctor rushes his wife to the hospital when she goes into labor with their daughter prematurely.  They spend alot of time in the NICU.  This book is less about how he dealt with his experience with his daughter and more about the history of the NICU and premature babies, as well as the lengths doctors will go through to save premature babies (as well as some insight as to whether or not it may be worth it for babies on the brink of viability, or in other words, earlier than 24 weeks).
Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander  - I wanted to read books that proved heaven was real, and that my boys were there.  I have faith in God, but as you can imagine when you lose two baby boys you start to question God.  This book was written by a neurosurgeon who often hears stories from his patients about their near death experiences, but often blows them off. He always had scientific reasons for why they thought they experienced heaven.  That is, until he has a near death experience himself.  He is brain dead for days, and travels to heaven and lives to tell his story.  He even tries to refute what he has experienced with medicine and science, but to no avail.  This may be the real deal.
Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo - cute story.  A lot of people like it, so I decided to put it on this list.  I have my suspicions about this book, as it was told by a preschooler to his preacher father.  But that is my opinion only, so make of it what you will.  

Re: Books and memoirs on baby loss... list!

  • Thank you!!
  • Thank you for sharing!
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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  • Jesse835235Jesse835235 member
    edited February 2014
    **Ticker**  



    Thanks for sharing. :)
    Me: 27    DH: 30
    Married in 2011
    Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
    Baby 2: Due May 2016

  • Great list! An Exact Replica... is my very favorite. 

    A few more I've read are:

    Empty Cradle, Broken Heart
    Sunshine after a Storm
    When Things Fall Apart (not babyloss related, but helpful)
    The Year of Magical Thinking (not babyloss related, but memoir on grief)

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
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  • Thanks! I just ordered This Lovely Life. 


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • I may or may not have a huge lump in my throat and feel on the verge of tears from just reading your list.  Great post idea--I definitely see a few books I'm adding to my list.


    I'd like to second the recommendation for "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart." I bought DH "A Guide For Father's: When A Baby Dies," a good, quick read that explained to DH where his wife went.

    On my nightstand to read next:

    "The Guilt of God"  https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781630633141

    "The Geography of Loss" https://www.amazon.com/The-Geography-Loss-Embrace-Honor/dp/0762778946/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1393611123&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Geography+of+loss


    image
    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I need to cut and paste this thread. I'm not ready to read these, but think they may help in the future. Thanks!!

    BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010

    BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011

    BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013

    BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy.  Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)    

                                  <3 We love and miss you Timothy <3

    BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014

  • I was at the movies this afternoon and saw the trailer for "Heaven is For Real". ::cue lump in throat:: Coming to theaters April 16. I'm in the no-work tomorrow (yay!) snow zone, so I think I'll download the book on my Kindle and get started on it.

    image
    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I forgot another one:  "Something Happened" - a good book to explain loss to living siblings

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     
  • This is a great list, thanks!

     

    Some of my favorites

    "Our Children live on" about signs from our babies

    "Growing up in heaven" by James Van Pragg about the afterlife

    "Someone came before you" We bought this for Ana's birthday. Its for kiddos who come after an angel baby. It's very well done.

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        My Blog

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
      

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
    Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013

    BFP # 2 8/7/14 EDD 4/22/15
    Please be our rainbow!!

    **All AL Welcome**

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