Parenting after 35

Going back to work

I can't believe I am in the final 2 weeks of my maternity leave.  This SUCKS!!!!  I love being home with my 2 crazies.  My 2 year old is going to have a VERY hard time when I have to go back to work.  We have a ton of issues to work out before that happens.  We are lucky in that my Mom and my in-laws watch the kids for us so we don't have to send them to daycare.  Before my son was born my hubs and I discussed that we didn't want our parents schlepping the kids anywhere because it would be too much for them.  Heck at times it is too much for us!!!  The other day my MIL started asking about the baby's car seat and discussing getting a car seat for their car for him so they could go places.  I almost died.  I appreciate all that my in-laws do for us but they are older and not very quick in the speed dept.  They are great watching my 2 year old when she is contained within my house or theirs but it takes both of them to corral the beast when she goes to Storytime with them at the really small library in the town in which they live.  My husband is going to have to have a chat with them and I know it is going to go over like a lead balloon.  They already hate that I didn't allow them to buy my 2 year old a tablet for her birthday and that I can't stand that they let her watch way too much TV for my liking.  I could live without a TV, the in-laws have it on 24-7.  That is a whole other issue for another time ;) 

Just needed to vent a little.  Hope all of you ladies are well.  How is the unpacking coming Guennie?

 


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Re: Going back to work

  • I've been back at work now for almost 2 months. Some days are easier than others but I was looking forward to going back. Its hard now that E is super close to rolling over, I hate that i'll most likely miss her first time! We have family that comes to our house to watch also, which made my return to work so much easier. And it does help me to know that although I may miss her first time with some milestones, one of her grandparents will be there for it!

    I know at some point they will start to take her places instead of hanging out at home all day. Its much easier for me since it's just E. While I'm not crazy about the idea, I just remind myself that they have all managed with taking their other grandkids places, so i'm sure everything will be fine. Plus, I get bored staying home all day, I can only imagine being at someone else's house all day. Although my mom does text me occasionally and ask where the vacuum and cleaning supplies are!

    Good luck with your return!

    We need an update Guennie!
  • MWhipple- Wow I can't believe you've been back that long.  I was lucky with my 1st I had her in Feb and I took the rest of the year off.  I was teaching and had been there for years so I had a ton of time banked. 

    I went back to work when my DD was 6 months old.  I told my Mom and In-laws that if she did anything for the 1st time I didn't want to know about it.  My mom understood, my MIL looked at me like I was nuts.  She said "like if if her tooth pops through I shouldn't tell you." and I told her, no, it'll still be there when I get home from work to discover it for myself.  My MIL was big into her getting her 1st teeth.  I have no idea why but she was.  Luckily for me they abided by my wishes.  Luckily for us she really did do most things with us 1st. 

    When it was just my daughter I had no problem with them taking her places.  But now that she is 2 and quite a handful its more of a safety issue.  Both my in-laws are older and they don't move quickly at all so I can forsee a slew of problems having to juggle the baby and my crazy 2 year old (just turned 2 on Sunday) who has a mind of her own.  

    I too get bored staying at home, I was always out and about when I just had my daughter.  Now that the baby is here getting out of the house is a challenge with both of them.  There have been numerous concerns before the baby got here.  My MIL would always say "she just doesn't understand the word no, and stop."  Umm yeah she is only 2 (at that point she wasn't even 2 yet).  My in-laws spilled the beans once that my DD ran into the street while across the street at their neighbors house.  Luckily they don't live on a busy street but it isn't the point.  My kids are their only grandchildren so it's trial by fire.  They only have to watch her 2 days a week and I come home for lunch.  I luckily work 5 minutes from my house so I come home daily for lunch.  It is going to be interesting to say the least. 

    I LOVE when it is my Mom's days to watch them because she can't sit still and is a neat freak so she cleans for me ;)  I'll start laundry and she will dry and fold it for me, she will load or unload the dishwasher wash the floors etc.  LOVE it!!!

    Good Times! 

    Hope you have a great weekend :)


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  • Geeps2 said:

    Before my son was born my hubs and I discussed that we didn't want our parents schlepping the kids anywhere because it would be too much for them.  Heck at times it is too much for us!!!  The other day my MIL started asking about the baby's car seat and discussing getting a car seat for their car for him so they could go places.  I almost died...  

    Why are you afraid of your childs grandparents taking them places? Do you think they are going to take them somewhere inappropriate like a bar or strip club?

    That's what grandparents do. They live their lives to show off the precious grandbabies. Also the babies need to be used to traveling with their care givers as well as their parents. What if something happened and your MIL NEEDED to go somewhere but did not have a car seat?

    My wifes aunt and uncle watch our 2 month old son and their two grandchildren. They both have seat bases in their cars for our car seat as well as a stroller. Both sets of grandparents have seat bases in their vehicles for our car seat and we have a spare seat that bounces around from family member to family member.

    There is no reason for these people to stop their lives and be confined to their home simply because they are watching your child for you. It will also be very good for the baby to get out and see the world a little and get introduced to some things that you might not have the opportunity to take them to.

    Our parents did a pretty good job of raising us and I think they will be fine taking care of our children.
    Proud 40 year old, first time daddy!
  • Hey guys! I have been busy busy busy taking care of Maddy and trying to play Tetris with all our stuff! The piles of boxes have turned into piles of stuff which keep getting moved from one spot to another. At least the piles are slowly getting smaller LOL!

    I feel so lucky that I get to stay home with my baby. It's still hard right now since I'm still pumping...I can't get out of the house with her as much as I'd like, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. She is growing so fast and super close to rolling over. I moved her to her crib in her room a few nights ago because she outgrew the moses basket. I cried so hard!

    I like our new home a lot. It's really pretty here and people are so nice! And I'm enjoying the cool temps- I missed my sweaters and my boots. :)

    I turned 41 last week and DH took me out to dinner at Bonefish Grill. It was our first outing with Maddy. She did great and charmed the pants off everyone. She's such a great baby. We are so very lucky.

    Anyway, I am perpetually tired and sore from pumping and I'm on my own trying to get unpacked and organized while DH is at work, so it's slow going but I'm getting there. It's going to look great when I'm done.

    Geeps, I understand your concerns with your in-laws, a 2 year old is hard to keep up with. I wonder if you could come up with a couple places they could go on occasion that would be a safe environment so they could get out of the house once in awhile and you wouldn't have to worry about them? I'm sure they would appreciate it and it would be good for your kiddos. Would they respect your wishes and only take them to the places you approve?
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • Guennie- glad to hear you are settling in :)  and Happy Birthday!!!! 

    My in-laws will respect our wishes luckily but not without some pouting from my MIL.  It's a complicated scenario.  It will work itself out.  I was just venting basically.  Thanks for listening.

     


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  • Hi Geeps ~ just wanted to say hi and that I understand how you feel about the car issue. When my parents took my son in the car for the first time, I was so nervous. I know they are good drivers, but it felt so strange to see them drive off with him for the first time. I just said lots of prayers to get me through that day. Also -sorry you have to go back to work soon. I'm blessed to be able to work from home so my heart goes out to you. My parents help take care of my son when I work, so that makes it easier for me too. Take care!

  • @geeps2 - have your parents taken your kids anywhere yet? My mom wants to take E to lunch with some friends this coming Friday. I figure a short outing like that is a good starter for her.
  • Oh my gosh I can suddenly relate a little to your feelings Geeps! My FIL and his wife just came to visit for a couple of days. They offered to watch M for me so I could run some errands. I went to get my hair cut for the first time in over a year and it was the first time I left her with other people, I couldn't stop thinking about her the whole time! I knew she was in good hands but my heart was so torn, it was hard!
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • Mwhipple my mom and in laws used to take and still do take my daughter places. I never had concerns with them taking her places when she was younger and even now. what concerns me now is the added addition of my son. It's hard to keep all eyes on a 2 yr old while carting around a 3 month old. I think your mom bringing the baby to lunch is great. My mom used to take my daughter grocery shopping to run errands and costco. the 2 of them had a blast eating their way down the aisles lol. Guennie it is so hard leaving even now. I do what I have to do and go right home. My mil would bug me all the time when my 1st was born to babysit so I could have a break. I didn't want one. I was so in love with my daughter I didn't want or need a break. I adored my alone time with her. It does get easier but I still love being with my munchkins and even on a bad day there is no place I would rather be. But it is nice to do things by myself sometimes ......but again I come right home when I'm done. not because I don't trust anyone ,but because I miss my babies.

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  • My friend has two young kids and when she would go out in busy public places, she would use one of those animal backpack kid friendly leashes, where the stuffed animal's tail acts as a leash. Her daughter loved it and that way she couldn't run off from her. She got the idea from seeing parents at the zoo use them with their kids. It may sound funny to use a leash but because they are geared for kids and only connected to the backpack they wear, it's really cute and works. Just an idea for your MIL when she takes them both out. :)

  • NunyaBennisNunyaBennis member
    edited April 2014
    spotco2 said:


    Geeps2 said:

    Before my son was born my hubs and I discussed that we didn't want our parents schlepping the kids anywhere because it would be too much for them.  Heck at times it is too much for us!!!  The other day my MIL started asking about the baby's car seat and discussing getting a car seat for their car for him so they could go places.  I almost died...  


    Why are you afraid of your childs grandparents taking them places? Do you think they are going to take them somewhere inappropriate like a bar or strip club?

    That's what grandparents do. They live their lives to show off the precious grandbabies. Also the babies need to be used to traveling with their care givers as well as their parents. What if something happened and your MIL NEEDED to go somewhere but did not have a car seat?

    My wifes aunt and uncle watch our 2 month old son and their two grandchildren. They both have seat bases in their cars for our car seat as well as a stroller. Both sets of grandparents have seat bases in their vehicles for our car seat and we have a spare seat that bounces around from family member to family member.

    There is no reason for these people to stop their lives and be confined to their home simply because they are watching your child for you. It will also be very good for the baby to get out and see the world a little and get introduced to some things that you might not have the opportunity to take them to.

    Our parents did a pretty good job of raising us and I think they will be fine taking care of our children.


    ---quote fail---

    I wouldn't mind GPs taking our babies anywhere to have fun and show them off iiiiiffffffffff (and that's a big if) I could trust them to get there safely in addition to keeping up once they got there. For me, it's not a fear of them doing something without me, or doing something potentially inappropriate, it's about them being unable to see well and not having quick reflexes while driving and running into things all too often without thinking it's a big deal (oh, that's what bumpers are there for). While I would love for the GPs to get out & about, I cringe to think of an infant & toddler wailing in the back seat while poorly attempting to dodge traffic. I've seen my parents barely avoid WAY too many accidents (and even not avoid a couple) to be comfortable with them driving my babies outside of an absolute emergency. I'm tempted to break their hearts and opt for day care for no other reason than safety & sanity. Sorry (but not really) if that makes me unappreciative of their support. Our parents indeed did a fine job of raising us... decades ago. Getting old is a bitch, and so am I.
  • NuNY- I hear ya!  Luckily it has proven too much for them to leave the house so I haven't had to worry about it.  I also got my sister's best friend to watch the kids 2 days a week so when it is my Mom's day to watch the kids my mom can take my 2 year old to the library for story time with my sister and my niece and nephew and my sisters Bff stays behind with my 4 month old.  I am looking into daycare for next year or seeing if my sisters bff would be interested in watching the kids 5 days a week for me and then the inlaws and my mom could take the 2 yr old places during the day and the BFF would just have the baby. 

     I don't care about hurting anyone's feelings. I appreciate my family for stepping up and helping out but my kids safety is first and foremost.  I won't apologize to anyone for that.  Like you said if that makes me a beesh than so be it.  I'm glad you get it, as do most of the people that commented. 


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