Name stealing and friends

Leahmearle

I really looked for someone talking about this particular issue and I hope no one is mad I started a new topic!

So I have a name in mind that popped into my head when I peed on a stick December 20th and I have shared it with people now that I am 13 weeks pregnant.

The other night two girls from my bookclub took me out to dinner...thinking that after 2 mcs and a long time trying to conceive including a fertility dr that they were going to congratulate me and want to hear about the baby...I went. When I got their they brought up the topic right away of names and I said I had one in mind and then one of the girls who is further along then me said that that was her name and that I can't have it. Further she has a few names still not one and I can't have any of them. After that they both proceeded to make up silly unusable names I could have and even the non pregnant one told me her names so i would be sure not to use them. It was awful...they talked about other girls they have un-friended because of this issue and basically told each other they would never take each other's names in front of me. The whole thing made me feel sick.

I have been trying to be more mature about things I politely mentions that they both had very common names and that many babies would have the same name...and I said I wasn't feeling well and left.

What do I do? Drop these bitches or is this a legitimate concern of there's? Can you call names? Honestly at this point it's not the names but the grade school like bullying that took place that makes me mad...we are all in our late 20s and early 30s here.

MrsLaLaBug

I'd name your child whatever the eff you want. 

Stacylarae

How close are you with the pregnant girl? If you're kids and families will spend tons of time together consider a new name. If they are short term friends then you should just keep your name. I would only consider changing my name because of someone else of we were very close and I thought we would remain close.

And yes I agree with you they are acting dumb.

ChesTal

MrsLaLaBug said:

I'd name your child whatever the eff you want. 

This! 10 years down the road your child will still have their name but, by the sounds of it, you probably won't have these 2 as friends. Base your naming on what you and your DH want, not what bitchy friends say.

Edit: damn autocorrect

bear1215

Screw 'em. I wouldn't call them my friends if they are going to get pissy over names.

kayemgi

Ditto the above ladies. The only way I would consider not using a name is for exactly the reasons Empire stated. Even if it was my bff and we loved the same name, I think we would both just either think it was awesome that our kids would share a name or one of us would choose a different name if we felt uncomfortable. I would never say to anyone that I care about, "that's my name and if you use it we won't be friends anymore." Those ladies are not your friends to begin with and you shouldn't lament losing them.

whataboutscience

It's your baby and they have no business telling you what you can and can't name your child. Name your child what you want. I wouldn't even care if a "friend" uses it first if you love it. You'll have that child for life, who knows how long you'll have these friends. It sounds like a mean girls clique. My honest opinion, obviously you should do what you are comfortable with and you do sound like you care what they think.

mrsdanielleM2010

I wouldn't name my child the same as one of their first cousins or siblings (I'm looking at you, George Foreman) but for friends I don't care.

Ceridwen21

Your friends are insane. No one owns a name. Now for me personally, I probably wouldn't use a name that a friend's child already has, but I certainly wouldn't not use a name I love because a friend might use it.

Frogtown Bride-to-Be

I feel your pain. My oldest brother & his wife have a daughter name Madeline that they call Mattie for short. I've always loved the name Madeline but obviously since I have a niece with this name, if I have a daughter, well, she won't be named Madeline. 

If it's a friend, depending on how close you are, I would still consider naming my child the name my husband and I love. It's hard enough to choose a name and you certainly can't please everyone so choose something that works for your family and move on. They can always be Sarah H. and Sarah B. if need be. Or like we do in the South, she can have a double name:) Good luck.

punnybunny

I personally don't want to use a name that has already been used in my family or close friends, just because I come from a large family and I have a cousin with the same name as me. But my name is common enough I had a next-door neighbor who had the same name as me too. So personally, I'm looking for less common names.

In your situation, those friends were being stupid. You should use your name and forget about what they said.

ham0216

I would've left too! I say name your baby whatever you want... especially if you've had your heart set on it. If they have such a problem with it, they can get over it, or if they want to "defriend" you then they weren't your friends to begin with.  Name calling is so dumb to me & the way they're acting is beyond annoying. I'm sorry they're being so bitchy!

AnyMax

Friends do not treat friends like that. Those childish women are not your friends.
You should name your child whatever you want to name your child.

beckynsean11

Name your child whatever the hell you want. I would only avoid a name that I knew a family member or very close friend has planned to use. Bitches like those can suck it. If they are going to stop being your friend over something as ridiculous as a name, they're not people you need in your life.

AccioPizza

I probably wouldn't give my kid the same name as a friend's already-born or already-100-percent-sure-on-it named kid. But if you already had one in your own mind that you are already set on (or aren't close to this girl), i wouldn't side eye you for using it anyway!
But trying to reserve names for kids not born yet? HELL NO. Use any of 'their' names you want, and if they get pissed then you have an easy way to drop a couple of assholes as friends.

krazyinsane

About the only people I would consider listening to a 'dibs' from would be my sisters or DH's siblings... And 1 from each side is still in middle school so they unconcerned with baby names. My sister and I both follow the same theme but name differently so while we did run names by each other it wasn't a big deal since they were no where close to one another.

I say it's up to you and YH on whether your comfortable using a pretty popular name but would not be upset losing these "friends"

kmbk27

My jaw dropped reading your post, OP. It seems that you were way more polite than I would have been in that situation.

Moral of the story: Bitches be crazy. Name your baby whatever you want.

LM915

These girls don't sound like people I'd want to be friends with.  It's not the end of the world for two babies to have the same name!  They need to chill out.

I would name your baby whatever you want.  We have names picked out, although we haven't told anyone yet.  IF someone was to say that they were going to use the same name, we might make a comment that we also love that name and might use it... and how funny it would be if we had kids with the same name,etc.  We'd let them know that we also are going to use that name so there wouldn't be any surprises or anger or whatever on their end, but like I said, it shouldn't be a big deal!

chusum

Are these ladies in middle school? The while dinner sounds ridiculous. If you don't drop them as friend I would think they aren't people you'll be close friends with at all. They will always have childish rules. Let them have their names, and you name your child whatever you want. Unless they are close cousins or more immediate family who cares about them?

teenybean

Not. Your. Friends. Move on

MBano

They sound like a bunch of bullies who have nothing better to do. It is your child, you can name him or her whatever you want. By the way they sound, I highly doubt you will be friends with them for the rest of your child's life. Don't listen to them. Listen to your heart, if you want a specific name, by all means, use it!
Feel better!

wrightpalomo

Ugh this whole event sounds so... cliqueish! FFS these women don't know how grownups behave! They invited you out to "celebrate" your healthy pregnancy and then blindside you with the name rules thing? And then they imply that they will "unfriend" you if you use the name? These people sound cruel and disgusting. Get the hell away from these sociopaths! 

[I'm using the word "sociopath" in hyperbole, please don't jump my case and give me a clinical definition of a sociopath.]

fireball08

YOUR baby, YOUR choice . People need to get over themselves :-w

brittneyandadam

You handled it better than I would have...especially with these raging hormones. Name your baby what you want and dump those crazies. They're not worth your time.

an02102

If this baby is a girl, I will name it abigail, another friend already has an abigail, but our families don't hang out all that often.  SIL likes that name as well but we agreed that the first to have a girl gets the name, turns out she had a girl and named it amelia.  So I still get abigail.  This whole since the name is on my short list so you can't use it is bull.  The only time I don't think you can use it is if someone else in your immediate family has already used the name

SanRemo

I dropped someone for stealing the name I had picked out for my last baby. 

Back story, I never liked her anyways so it was a convenient excuse to drop her from my life. I had picked the name "Jack" when I was pg in 2006, since I knew I was having a boy, just knew it.

DH told her the name, she and her H were also pg at the same time. She snagged it. Bitch. But it turns out I had a girl so it never mattered and everyone else that year chose Jack or Jackson as a first name.

JackieB15

She doesn't sound like a close friend, so use your name. If she has a problem with that, too bad.

I did tell my SIL that she wasn't allowed to use my girl name, but it was my grandmother's name and I was much closer to her than my brother was. Plus, he didn't even know how to spell it correctly.

MeNV

I can't believe you stayed as long as you did! There is no such thing as name stealing. You using it does not prevent them. It's not like your kids will be growing up in the same house. 

I get the being possessive thing. My husband and I have been telling our family for close to 10 years that if we ever have a girl we were going to give her a middle name that honored a family friend for doing something we felt was amazing. My sil just had a girl and gave her the same middle name (it's common) but then went on to post to the world that the reason they gave her that name was all the things we've been saying for all these years. It hurt my hormonal self a little bit because, hey now, way to steal our little tribute, but I won't say anything. If this one is a girl, we'll do it anyway.   

Leahmearle

That is exactly what I thought of at the dinner

Leahmearle

I read every single one of these responses and am overwhelmed by how amazing and supportive you guys are. Thanks I feel much much better! I will do what Lindsay should have done in the beginning of mean girls and just stick with my real friends!

Seriously thanks! I needed some stress relief as I'm trying to be nice and calm for baby!

megs2011

I say screw them. If they are going to be like that, I don't think that you can even call them good friends. We don't share our names just because of this whole thing. My SIL has a girl's name that she's got dibs on but I don't want that name anyways. That being said, name your baby what you want. Are these ladies going to be part of your life 5 or 10 years down the road? If no, who cares.

mdw9798

Drop them!

coffee bean

Depends how close you are.  Doesn't sound like these are close friends of yours, so screw them.

I told my BFF (we've been friends since preschool) about a name we liked - Amelia - and she freaked, because that's "her" name.  In that situation, I let her have it.  It wasn't THAT passionate about it and it wasn't worth it in the end!

This is a good reason to NOT tell people the names you are thinking of.  Alas, I always do.

arniomg

Honestly, I'm a member of a book club too and I can't see this ever being an issue with any of the girls! These girls just seem like they don't have much else going on except for creating issues that don't really need to exist. I wouldn't consider them close friends, so in this case, I would name my child whatever I wanted, you're 100% entitled. It's a shame that they both made it such an uncomfortable situation for you

wrightpalomo

arniomg said:

Honestly, I'm a member of a book club too and I can't see this ever being an issue with any of the girls! These girls just seem like they don't have much else going on except for creating issues that don't really need to exist. I wouldn't consider them close friends, so in this case, I would name my child whatever I wanted, you're 100% entitled. It's a shame that they both made it such an uncomfortable situation for you

This!

courtney4425

We've picked Camille and Caroline if we have girls..... They are classic common names and I could care less if a friend/acquaintance etc has those names or wants to use those names in the future. It just doesn't matter in the long run. People get caught up in the most trivial things. Drop you "friends" they are useless human beings.

MMason12

I would name my kid exactly what my husband and I want to name them, and I could give two $hits less what some "friend" thinks about my name choice. 

TexasTwinMom

@courtney4425, Camille is MY daughters name! You can't use it! They may meet some day!!!

But seriously. It's a gorgeous name I picked in the shower and I get so many compliments on it and you should totally have a precious baby girl and name her Camille.

StefanyaMarie

I would say name your child whatever you want. My younger sister gave me a full page list of names she didn't want me to use because she liked them. I crumpled it up and threw it at her. It was ridiculous. She is scared of having children and was a 24 year old virgin at the time with no boyfriend. Love her dearly but I wanted to kick her. Also, when my dad and his first wife were pregnant with my older brother this best friend was pregnant too and they both wanted to use the name Cory. So they agreed to just spell it differently. My dad used Corey and his friend used Cory. They ended up best friends through high school and everyone referred to them as the Cory's...pretty funny since this was the 80's and Feldman and Haim were big at the time. Anyways, name your child whatever you want. You can't call dibs on name. The only time I would consider using a different name is if it's family and even then, if the child isn't born yet then tell them tough sh*t! Good luck!

AnyMax

SanRemo said:

I dropped someone for stealing the name I had picked out for my last baby. 

Back story, I never liked her anyways so it was a convenient excuse to drop her from my life. I had picked the name "Jack" when I was pg in 2006, since I knew I was having a boy, just knew it.

DH told her the name, she and her H were also pg at the same time. She snagged it. Bitch. But it turns out I had a girl so it never mattered and everyone else that year chose Jack or Jackson as a first name.

You sound just as dreadful as the disgusting women OP had to deal with.

LTMama

@Leahmearle, sorry those bitches stressed you out.  Honestly, I wouldn't even know how to react to something so ridiculous.  You mentioned they're in your book club, right?  So not necessarily close friends?  I think this is a good opportunity to purge your friend list (not on Facebook, but in real life), because they aren't friends.  They're catty and horrible. 

This isn't exactly the same, but when I got engaged, I was surprised by the reactions of some of my friends at the time.  Instead of being happy for me, some of them got outright pissed (one of them said to me, why are you wearing a ring on THAT finger? In a tone of voice like she was asking me why I'd shoved her or something).  That attitude continued, so I dropped them and was much happier for it.  Really, you don't need toxic people in your life, and these two obviously are.  I mean, if they took you out to dinner and tag teamed you to talk about this, they've obviously been obsessing about it and planning how to come at you with it.  Ridiculous. 

You name your child whatever the hell you want.  I agree with posters above that it's nice to avoid using the names of children your friends may have lost, or maybe names of close family.  Though I have a couple of first cousins who named their kids the same names, and they see each other a lot.  Doesn't bother anyone.  My cousin also mentioned to me that she had been considering my daughter's name (Lilia) for her little girl who is about 6 months younger (she went with a diff name), and it didn't bother me.  I was flattered that she liked the name so much.