Anti toy gun here, too, including squirt guns. But I'm also anti video games and DVD players in cars, so basically my boys are going to have a boring childhood
My UO is teacher related. I wish all teachers had to be randomly observed every year, several times a year, and their future employment would be largely based on those observations. When I was teaching I saw the absolute worst teachers put on a dog and pony show for the one time they'd get observed (every three years, no less). These teachers had been teaching for 30 years or so, and were using the same curriculum from their first year - down to the same ditto worksheets! If you're not ready to be observed at the drop of a hat, chances are that you're not a very good teacher.
I have come to believe that one of the secrets of Asian boys'
self-regulation is the way that aggressive play is seen as a normal
stage of childhood, rather than demonized and hidden out of sight.
Although many of us in America worry that gun play desensitizes kids to violence, the research doesn't bear this out.
In fact, it can actually help teach children to read each other's
facial cues and body language, figure out their place in a group, and
learn how to adjust their behavior in social settings. Play helps
children learn how to signal each other: this is fantasy.
When children are engaged in play they choose, they are more engaged and
motivated to sustain it for longer. Imaginary play hones
self-regulation, which is essential for school success but has declined in recent decades. [...] Research has found that incorporating preschool boys' interest in weapon
play rather than banning it entirely leads them to play longer, more
elaborate games that go beyond mere weapon play. The British
government, in fact, concerned by a pattern of preschool boys falling
behind girls in part due to zero-tolerance policies that had led
teachers to curb any hint of boisterous play, advised preschools to
allow boys to play with toy weapons and other play of their choosing,
since the research suggests that acknowledging their interests will help
them feel more engaged in school and improve their academic
performance.
@barefoot84 That is an interesting article. I completely agree that fantasy/imaginative play is normal and part of development. I think that as humans, we have a primitive part of us that can be aggressive and violent--but we have evolved enough where that should be controlled. Not to sound cliche and corny, but have we not learned that violence isn't the answer? It seems very caveman-esque to believe that kids should be allowed to act out their aggressions toward one another in order to develop social skills and awareness. I would argue that we should be doing the opposite in teaching kids to not fall back on that aggressive impulse and instead develop some empathy and conflict resolution skills. Those can also be expressed and worked out via imaginative play. That article kind of had a "boys will be boys" tone that I don't necessarily agree with.
As you said, we have a primitive part of us that can be violent and aggressive, and I dream of the day that everyone can learn to control that part of us. However, I think to learn to control it, we need to acknowledge it exists and learn to control/regulate it at a young age by play.
I wish I could write more, but Tumaini is trying to climb all over me...
@barefoot84 That is an interesting article. I completely agree that fantasy/imaginative play is normal and part of development. I think that as humans, we have a primitive part of us that can be aggressive and violent--but we have evolved enough where that should be controlled. Not to sound cliche and corny, but have we not learned that violence isn't the answer? It seems very caveman-esque to believe that kids should be allowed to act out their aggressions toward one another in order to develop social skills and awareness. I would argue that we should be doing the opposite in teaching kids to not fall back on that aggressive impulse and instead develop some empathy and conflict resolution skills. Those can also be expressed and worked out via imaginative play. That article kind of had a "boys will be boys" tone that I don't necessarily agree with.
I agree. I really dislike the "boys will be boys" mentality. I know that gunplay will likely be part of my sons' play, just as it was part of my sisters' and my play when we were little, but I don't need to literally put the guns in their hands and encourage it.
We have swords, daggers, and maces on our walls. So she'll know about those. I think we have a bow and arrow somewhere. We'll have toy guns here. I plAn on having water gun fights and stuff like that. I will also teach the dangers if real guns. I don't know any one with them but that's not to say people I know don't have them. But she's too young to have squirt guns and to have that talk right now. Maybe next year.
I dislike online shopping. I would much rather have the instant gratification of going to a store and seeing and touching whatever I'm buying.
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10
BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
@barefoot84 That is an interesting article. I completely agree that fantasy/imaginative play is normal and part of development. I think that as humans, we have a primitive part of us that can be aggressive and violent--but we have evolved enough where that should be controlled. Not to sound cliche and corny, but have we not learned that violence isn't the answer? It seems very caveman-esque to believe that kids should be allowed to act out their aggressions toward one another in order to develop social skills and awareness. I would argue that we should be doing the opposite in teaching kids to not fall back on that aggressive impulse and instead develop some empathy and conflict resolution skills. Those can also be expressed and worked out via imaginative play. That article kind of had a "boys will be boys" tone that I don't necessarily agree with.
As you said, we have a primitive part of us that can be violent and aggressive, and I dream of the day that everyone can learn to control that part of us. However, I think to learn to control it, we need to acknowledge it exists and learn to control/regulate it at a young age by play.
I wish I could write more, but Tumaini is trying to climb all over me...
I can agree with the part of needing to acknowledge something and be able to practice control of it. I just don't know of a good way to do that with aggression. I think my issue is tjat aggression in the sense that we are talking about implies a physical altercation between people and there being a victim involved. I don't think it's right to teach kids it's ok to violate someone else in that way.
Now, you could look at sports like football as a pro social way of managing this inherent aggression. Activities like this may be a better way of allowing for processing and working through aggressive behavior because it doesn't condone using aggression as a reaction to anger...
Sports are great, but it's yet another activity with predefined rules that are enforced by adults during play time. They don't give children the chance to use their imagination to make up their own rules. Also, today, when enough kids are together to play a sport, it's usually part of an organized activity, where a coach/referee will get involved at the first sign of a problem. Therefore, when there's an argument, they don't get to solve it between children, without intervention.
In my opinion, our kids are deprived today of sufficient free play, where they can discover who they are and their emotions and react to them in unsupervised interaction with other children. I'm not saying we should all give them guns and set them loose in the woods like our grand-parents did with our parents, but they should be allowed opportunities to feel agression and learn to regulate it without us parents butting in.
Re: UO
I have come to believe that one of the secrets of Asian boys' self-regulation is the way that aggressive play is seen as a normal stage of childhood, rather than demonized and hidden out of sight.
Although many of us in America worry that gun play desensitizes kids to violence, the research doesn't bear this out. In fact, it can actually help teach children to read each other's facial cues and body language, figure out their place in a group, and learn how to adjust their behavior in social settings. Play helps children learn how to signal each other: this is fantasy.
When children are engaged in play they choose, they are more engaged and motivated to sustain it for longer. Imaginary play hones self-regulation, which is essential for school success but has declined in recent decades. [...] Research has found that incorporating preschool boys' interest in weapon play rather than banning it entirely leads them to play longer, more elaborate games that go beyond mere weapon play. The British government, in fact, concerned by a pattern of preschool boys falling behind girls in part due to zero-tolerance policies that had led teachers to curb any hint of boisterous play, advised preschools to allow boys to play with toy weapons and other play of their choosing, since the research suggests that acknowledging their interests will help them feel more engaged in school and improve their academic performance.
I wish I could write more, but Tumaini is trying to climb all over me...
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
In my opinion, our kids are deprived today of sufficient free play, where they can discover who they are and their emotions and react to them in unsupervised interaction with other children. I'm not saying we should all give them guns and set them loose in the woods like our grand-parents did with our parents, but they should be allowed opportunities to feel agression and learn to regulate it without us parents butting in.