Late to the Party, Intro.

PoppetsMom

Now is as good a time as any to tell my current pregnancy story, as it goes. I will try to be brief, but I expect glossing over some points will not help. 

I'm 37 years old, twice divorced, with DS born between the two marriages, and a total of 5 lost pregnancies. Three were spontaneous abortions at approximately 10 weeks, and two ectopic pregnancies, one of which ruptured and cost me my right tube and ovary. This is pregnancy number seven, a surprise and a miracle. I had actually intended on having a hysterectomy this year after losing my last pregnancy 4 years ago. Obviously, God had other plans. 

Without going into specifics, I left the sperm donor prior to finding out I was pregnant this time. Upon learning I was pregnant, I was begged to reconsider and try to work things out. I refused to enter into a relationship I knew was doomed to failure just because I was pregnant, however, I did try to make things work in a friendship capacity to give the SD a chance to be a part of his daughters life. Long story short, a little less than three months later I was left with no option but to make a hasty exit from the home and spent the better part of two weeks in a Battered Women's Shelter, filing a restraining order, and picking up the pieces of my life the best that I can. I have another court appearance to make next month to determine if there is enough cause to grant me an order of protection for five years rather than one. I do not have to worry about him making an appearance at the hospital for DD's arrival. At this point I don't even know when my c/s will be scheduled, but should know in short order as I approach my third trimester.

Since being out of the home I'm in a safe place, and much more relaxed to be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I have an amazing support network of family and friends as I re-establish myself and have my daughter. At my very first prenatal appointment my OB and I decided it was by far safer for me to have a c/s with DD as a result of complications from my sons birth, and the damage that was wrought upon my body with the losses afterwards. Which left me wondering who I should have with me.

While I have already had a c/s with my son, I still didn't want to go and have DD alone. I had to sit down and really think about who I wanted to be there... My best friend who has stepped up and been the acting Father of the baby since finding out I was pregnant, helping with anything I may need and going so far as to chase down a milkshake at 4 in the morning because I was craving it. Or, I could ask my Mom to come with me. The woman who gave me life, taught me to be a woman, through no fault of her own could not be involved with my pregnancy with DS because we lived over 500 miles away at the time, and was by my side through 21 hours of labor only to get stuck in the waiting room when I was whisked away to have a c/s with DS and his father.

I'd LOVE for both my best friend and my mother to be there. I even talked to my best friend about it before I finally decided I really wanted my Mom to be there with me, especially if I could only take one. My best friend supports this decision whole heartedly, but I feel guilty that he may not be able to be there as well. However, I gave him a demonstration of what would happen in the OR, he decided he might not want to be there anyway. I have heard some hospitals will allow two people to go back with you, and I can hope that is the case here. It's something I'll be looking into when I go to my Child Birth classes next month. It would mean so much to me to have them both.

My Mom is honored that I would even ask her to be with me, and I think it's pretty neat that we will have three generations of Lillian's in one room, two witnessing the thirds first breath and cries. It's an experience that I don't think many women will ever have the opportunity to do, and I feel blessed to be able to have it.

Is it awful that I feel so guilty I may not be able to have both of the most important people with me?

chickpea912

First off - welcome, happy to have you here.

Quite a story you have there - it definitely sounds like you've had a hard time of it, but I'm glad to hear you seem to be in a better place.

You'll need to check with your doctor about the protocols at your hospital.  I'm only allowed one person in the OR with me, I think, so I don't know what is "normal."  It also sounds like your best friend might not be super keen on being in there anyway.   I hope you are able to get some answers and make an easy decision.

I would suggest you read the "New here" posts at the top and lurk around a bit to get the feel of the board - since there are a couple of links to another message board in your text, I"m not sure if you've done that here yet or not, so this may or may not be a good community for you - take a look around and get a feel for the environment here and see what works for you.

Best of luck.

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Mztwilson

I'm just going to start with hello welcome and congrats.

Your life sounds like it was on a downward spiral. I'm glad you are out and safe. As far as who to have with you in the delivery room I'd go with your mom. She's the one who's always going to be there for you no matter what. And this is her grandchild. I have BFFs but none are feeling offended that I won't let them in the delivery room with me.

ashanne88

Congratulations and welcome!  

I agree with @ugabamafans about being cautious with information based on your situation.

As for who should be with you, I would chose my Mom in that situation.  BUT I think it's a personal choice that only you can make in the end and one that you have to be comfortable with.

PoppetsMom

@Lizardbreath14BFF and I dated 4 years ago. I broke up with him then because he hadn't been quite ready to cut the umbilical cord so to speak. However, we've remained best friends over the years. We have visited the relationship conversation and both of us want to wait until after DD is born and I've recovered from being so emotional, before we make that decision. We don't want my part of the decision to be made based on my raging hormones and need to have a Daddy for DD.

Right now everything is so emotional for me that it wouldn't be fair to him or DD to enter into a relationship when I'm not sure if it's just hormones and a need to be taken care of, considering the circumstances I'm dealing with in regard to the SD. We want my decision to get back together to be one I made when I'm more in control of my emotions and not in crisis mode. 

He's been there through the best and the worst. He's really stepped up his game. He has taken an active role in my pregnancy when it became clear that sperm donor had no intentions of being involved or supportive. BFF has really taken a lot on himself taking care of me and the baby and looks forward to meeting her and being involved in our lives in whatever capacity. At one point he did in fact ask If I wanted him there at DD's birth, which is how the discussion began between us originally.

We both feel this is the most responsible decision in regard to our relationship at this time. When the time comes to revisit this discussion, we'll act like grown ups and make the best decision for the three of us. Hopefully, that clears things up a bit. 

PoppetsMom

To elaborate a bit further, I am doing what I need to to take care of baby and myself as well. I've re-established a safe living environment, am paying my bills, preparing for DD's arrival, making my court appearance, and appointments with my lawyer, have applied for Financial Aid to return to School, have started the re-admission process to finish my degree. As well as attending childbirth preparation classes, infant CPR, a BF class, going to my prenatal appointments, and seeing a counselor for my psychological well being. 

I know it may sound as if I bounced around from relationship to relationship based off of just my first post, but that is not the case. There was 10 years between both my marriages. My son's father and I are still friends and our relationship started 2 years after the first marriage, ending 2 years before meeting husband 2. BFF and I dated about a year after second husband, but broke up shortly there after. It wasn't until 2 1/2 years later that I started seeing the sperm donor. BFF stepped into the role of acting Father of DD of his own accord, not at my behest, more to be supportive, and so I wouldn't feel alone going through my pregnancy with everything else that's already on my plate.

Lord knows I have a ton on my plate, and a lot of hurdles to overcome. In the end as long as Poppet and I are safe and happy is all that matters. We have an enormous support system through family and friends. I just feel a bit guilty that I won't be able to have one of my biggest supporters with me in the OR.