group gift?

beezybaby

I am throwing a shower/sprinkle for a friend who is having her second baby.  Her first little one is only two, but they lived abroad when he was a baby, and had to leave a ton of his stuff there, so they are basically starting over.  They also are not finding out the gender, AND they are pretty hard off financially SOOOOOO I was thinking it would be nice to try to do a group gift for one of the big ticket items. She also mentioned really wanting a newborn photographer, didn't get to have it with her first, but can't afford it now. So that would be another group gift option.  

Questions-  How do I mention this to the guests?  

Is a shower weird if their is only one gift to open?

Is it rude to even propose this to the guests? 

any other thoughts?

Thanks!

Sam Buttons

Ignoring the whole second shower thing (which is its own issue) it honestly depends on how close you are with the other guests. I would feel totally comfortable if I was approached by a friend hosting a shower for another friend about a group gift, but I would not be okay with my friend's sister who I barely talk to asking me to go in on a group gift with her. Know what I mean? Because you're asking, I am guessing you aren't really close with all the people you'd be asking so I would say no. Perhaps you could do a group gift with a couple close friends?

Also, I would definitely not do the newborn photographer. Professional photography is a luxury, not a necessity. If she is strapped for cash, I think the car seat or sleeping vessel (crib or pack n play) would be more appropriate.

dufferoo

Oooh... I don't like any of it! I totally think you mean well, but regardless of your friend's financial/geographical/anatomical situation, showers just really aren't so fun for guests the second time around. I hate to say it, but once you're a mom, it's just not as exciting that you're having another. That being said, IF I had a friend so dear that I was really stoked to celebrate her second baby with a formal party, I certainly woudn't want someone telling me what to buy her! Yikes. It's all bad; I'm sorry. Why don't you just save the money you would spend on hosting the shower and use it to buy your friend whichever big ticket items you want to buy her, and trust that her other friends will do the same if they so choose?

RibbitGrl930

Yes, it would be weird to go to a shower where only one gift is opened, and yes it is rude to tell guests how to spend their money.

VOR

The only way I would approach this is "I'm considering getting XX for them.  If anyone would like to participate, let me know." and then back off and see if anyone bites or not.

If they are hard off financially, I would NOT be spending my $$ on a photographer.  While newborn photoshoots seem to be all the rage, the fact is that they aren't the "norm".  I didn't have one and I know PLENTY of people who didn't have one (and could afford it!).  or who have NEVER had professional pics done at all.  I know it seems to be everywhere, but really.... this is so far down the list of where to spend your $$ when you're not doing well financially.

jf198400

Did the mother have a shower with her first baby? If I had a friend in this situation I wouldn't mind going to a shower for her i didn't already attend a shower 2yrs ago. I think as far as a group gift goes, you should only ask people you are close with. I have only done group gifts with my SILs. Otherwise it would be awkward to ask someone for money for a specific item.

beezybaby

Thank you all for your honesty and keeping it unsnarky!  

I like the idea of a group gift from a specific group of people.  

And I guess if it isn't as exciting the second time around for the people we invite, they can choose not to come. 

kimberpoo

I agree with PP - don't do this as a shower or sprinkle. If you really want to do something for her, have a small dinner at your house (or something along those lines) and invite girls you know want to get her something and you are close to. discuss the group gift with them before the dinner and surprise the MTB with it at the dinner. that way, there's no awkward 2nd shower issues but you can still get together with the girls.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.