Vent/Perspective needed?

Empireceo

So, I'm pretty much in agreement with the regs here about second showers, diaper raffles, books instead of cards, etc.  My question is, how do you feel about 1st birthday parties?

When DS turned 1, we had a small party at our house with grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles, 10 people.  Just some homemade pizza (we have a brick oven, so it was kind of special and fun), a cupcake for him to smash, and cake for the adults.  In the past 4-5 months, we have been invited to/attended 10 1st birthday parties for DS's playgroup friends and I'm totally put off by them.  50-100 people, clowns, magic shows...and the guest of honor usually sleeps through it or cries during the birthday song from being so overwhelmed.  It just seems really AW-ey to me and gift grabby (seriously, gifts are never opened because there are so many and 1 year olds can't sit through that crap for an hour).  I've started finding excuses not to go, even though I do usually send a gift.  Am I being a grumpy bitch about this?  I just don't see the point in having a balls to the wall party for a child too small to understand what is happening.  Thoughts?

VOR

I am along the same train of thought as you.  While 1st b-day parties really are more for the parents than the kid, at the same time - I've only ever been invited to the 1st b-day parties of family and GOOD friends.   I do find it a big AW-y to invite "everyone you know" to such an event.

however, I couldn't care less about gifts not being opened at a kids party.  I find gift openings to be boring.  The only reason I feel they HAVE to be done at showers is because that's really the POINT of the shower and people truly do expect it.  And to wrangle the kids to sit down and behave/ pay attention/ etc...  I just don't see the need. 

jf198400

Yea I don't think it's necessary either. We still go and enjoy the entertainment (my kids love bouncy castles), but I do think it's too much. We had our first big party for DD when she turned 3. We had about 30 people at a local park, it was fun and she loved it. But now I am dreading having to live up to that again. I honestly wish I had waited another year or 2.

VOR

MandJS said:

No one locally seems to open birthday presents at parties. We have not yet done it with either kid - Shirya just had her 4th a couple weeks ago... To be fair, it was at a gym where they had a soccer lesson, so timing/location could be a factor? 

Same here.  we've been to a LOT of parties in the past couple years and not once have gifts been opened.  Especially at the gym type of places, they are on a VERY strict schedule.  you get 2 hours and that's it - in and out.  There really isn't time to open gifts. 

Empireceo

VOR said:

MandJS said:

No one locally seems to open birthday presents at parties. We have not yet done it with either kid - Shirya just had her 4th a couple weeks ago... To be fair, it was at a gym where they had a soccer lesson, so timing/location could be a factor? 

Same here.  we've been to a LOT of parties in the past couple years and not once have gifts been opened.  Especially at the gym type of places, they are on a VERY strict schedule.  you get 2 hours and that's it - in and out.  There really isn't time to open gifts. 

Yeah, I guess I don't care about seeing my gift opened but since I haven't gotten thank you cards for any of them either, it would be nice to have some kind of acknowledgement, you know.

VOR

Empireceo said:

Yeah, I guess I don't care about seeing my gift opened but since I haven't gotten thank you cards for any of them either, it would be nice to have some kind of acknowledgement, you know.

Well, that's a whole other issue.   With my DSs 5th b-day, I wrote out all thank you's ASAP and then I had HIM sign them!   He's going to learn to be appreciative and thankful - we won't bypass that even if we don't open gifts at the party!

Helenahhandbasket

Well, I guess I am a grumpy bitch too.

I think it's a little show-offy, to be honest, and obviously for the parents (and not the child.)

runningyogimama

We're only having each of our immediate families over to grill out and have cake for DD's 1st bday. I just don't understand the over the top, huge birthday parties for kids in general, especially when they're so young that it's really for the parents. But, I'm also not big on putting together parties.

nah82

I did have a good amount of people at both of my boys' first birthday parties because we have big families that all still live in the area (somewhere around 35-45 people) and I did rent a hall the second time because my house was pretty cramped the first time around, but I don't think what we did was over the top.  For one I ordered fried chicken from the Walmart deli and the other we cooked a bunch of meatballs for meatball subs and I made the cupcakes/smash cakes.  We did not rent a bounce house or a clown, etc. etc.

At the time it is mostly for the parents, but my four year old loves themed parties and really enjoys looking back at the photos of his birthdays and helping me make things for his and his brother's parties.  Our families do not get together for holidays anymore, so it is nice to have a reason to get together.  We just attended my cousin's youngest son's first birthday at a gymnastics center.  While it is more money than I would sink into a birthday party, all of the cousins that don't get to see each other often had a BLAST playing together, and it was a great day.

Inviting one year old "friends" from daycare, I don't see much of a point in.  We aren't doing birthday parties at all this year.  For my four year old's birthday we rode the Polar Express train and took him to a Chuck E Cheese type place.  My youngest's second birthday is coming up in March and we are going to go on a day trip to the museum to see the dinosaurs.  Cuts down on all the work and all the thank you card writing for all the extra toys that just clutter the house.

lexusolsen

We do a big first birthday with our extended families because they live local and it's what my family does. So dd's first birthday had 70 or so people. However, after that we move to smaller parties. Last year we had our immediate families, dd's godparents, and some friends of ours who have kids the same age. It still wound up being thirty people. Her birthday isn't until June but I haven't figured out yet it we will do a friend party and a separate family gathering or invite or families to the fun party and celebrate at home on her birthday.

TheMrs820

Helenahhandbasket said:

Well, I guess I am a grumpy bitch too.

I think it's a little show-offy, to be honest, and obviously for the parents (and not the child.)

I totally agree!

RibbitGrl930

I agree it's too much. Until at LEAST age 2 or 3, the kid doesn't really comprehend what's going on at a birthday party. Birthday parties for one-year-olds are more for the parents than the kids. We do plan to have a party to celebrate Jake's 1st birthday, but I do not plan for it to be any bigger than a typical cookout for us. The only difference is I'll put up a few cute decorations and get a birthday cake...and he'll probably "open" some presents.

dufferoo

I kind of don't think parents have big over-the-top first birthday parties because they really want a bunch of gifts- because, face it, nobody really has room for all that crap, and it's not like you're registering for the stuff you really want- but I agree with everyone that they are definitely a way for parents to show off not just for their own friends, but for facebook and pinterest as well ...and they just wind up being gift grabs in the process.

Valie18

I want to agree with you but I just added up 39 people that are must-invites to the little guy's 1st. In my family, the must invite list looks something like this:
1 - honoree
13 - people of whom the honoree is a direct descendent (now also by marriage)
12 - aunts and uncles within an hour radius
3 - cousins within an hour radius
10 - aunts, uncles, and cousins farther away but who might be in town or make the trip anyway
1 - godparent of the honoree not all ready on the list
2 - adoptive great-grands (my Dad's parents are immigrants. These people have been part of the family longer than my Dad has been alive.)

ETA: crap that's 42 now I think. Too tired to add.

Maybe DH and I can invite some of our friends and their kiddos too??

I can see how this party could easily exceed 50ppl. Heck yes I want it catered!

MzCurnett8886

After reading this I did a quick tally of how many people we would have for DD's 1st birthday. I'm at 63 of just our immediate families. Everyone on DH's side is divorced and remarried so DD has 5grandmas on just that side. One sister is an event planner and my other sister's boyfriend is an executive chef and he cooked for my baby shower and already offered to again. I can easily see this becoming a big affair if my family got their way.

kimberpoo

I agree that anything beyond a family bbq for birthdays 1-4 is ridiculous. The kid doesn't care or know the difference, so why be a show-off parent?

I do agree that doing a little something on every birthday is nice, not so much for the kid but for the families. I married into a big fat greek family and we get together for every kid's birthday. These events are low key, even though the family is big....think sandwiches/hotdogs/burgers/beer at someone's house. the adults enjoy visiting with each other and the kids go play outside. (no planned games, rented stuff, etc.). everyone has a great time. I'll do this for LO's 1st. I'll do it more for the new grandma's than anyone...they are already SO excited about LO. my mom already bought his first b-day present and I'm not even due for 5 more weeks.

once the kid hits 4 or 5 and starts wanting a party, I think that the family BBQ thing is still sufficient but inviting a few of LO's friends over is ok. I'm not a fan of the big noisy chuck-e-cheese type places but I might entertain the idea of renting a bounce house for the backyard or something when LO is old enough to appreciate it.

MJM3108

We just had our son's 1st birthday party. DH and I both come from big families and we also invited some very close friends from our church. We had 40 people at his party. I did do a train theme, but I made all decorations myself, and made all the food (pork BBQ and mac-n-cheese, w/ other snacky stuff). I did buy the cake for our guests, but made the smash cake. Also, we rented space at our church, but only because we have a small house, and even thinking about having 40 people in my house made me feel claustrophobic! 

I don't think it was too over the top, and I am really looking forward to planning his 2nd birthday party. I'd honestly love to just do a BBQ in our backyard, but an outdoor party in February in PA is just not going to happen!

MamaPiers

I agree with you totally. DH and I will do family only for our bday parties. Our family is big enough!

nah82

mrsjessicamitchell said:

I'd honestly love to just do a BBQ in our backyard, but an outdoor party in February in PA is just not going to happen!

That's sure the truth!  My boys are December and March.  Outdoor parties will never be an option!

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daisy662

For my sons first we had about 30 or so people, all family and close friends. I had it catered because I was 5 months pregnant and didn't feel like cooking for that many people! Honestly, I may have had it catered anyway... We didn't do anything fancy, just BBQ. I did have a theme, Cookie Monster and Sesame Street, and ordered some things off etsy for decorations. I don't think it was crazy over the top except for the cake. I had a crazy awesome cake. And, pp's are right, it was more for me than my son. But, I enjoy entertaining. It had nothing to do with showing off, I just enjoyed preparing for it. I will do something similar when my DS turns one. For 2nd birthdays and until they really understand and have friends, it will be just grandparents and hamburgers on the grill or order a pizza and a homemade cake.

MMason12

I 100% agree with you.  A 1st Birthday party is more for the adults celebrating the baby is one verse the baby celebrating it's birthday. As you know the baby isn't going to remember the party anyways!!

I see nothing wrong with having a small gathering with family and a few close friends, but having a huge balls to the wall party for their birthday is insane. Seriously.... who would want to spend that much money on a kids birthday party anyways?!?

Empireceo

@mmason12, we miss you in May but I'm glad to see you're in S14! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

MMason12

Empireceo said:

@mmason12, we miss you in May but I'm glad to see you're in S14! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

@Empireceo - Thanks! I miss you ladies too! 

Ceridwen21

I think big birthday parties for kids are insane. We had about 15 family members for DS' 1st birthday. Food, booze, cake smash, gifts, and goodbye! It was fun. I have one friend who throws massive parties for her kids (a joint party because they share a birthday, but 2 years apart). I get overwhelmed just being in attendance, but apparently she and her family enjoy it.