PR: Toddler Physical Aggression?

LuckyDad

So my almost 2 year old occasionally pushes other kids. He also will try (pitifully) to push us when he's mad at us or we're not giving him what he wants.

From what I've heard and read this is a common phase a lot of kids go through. I'm just worried that when I use force to make him do something he doesn't want to, I'm teaching him that it's ok to use force if you're stronger. Sort of like the reason we don't spank, because that teaches it's ok to hit?

Examples: Sometimes he doesn't want to brush his teeth or says he's done after 10 seconds. I will sometimes restrain him to brush his teeth. I've also forced him to take a bath before, and physically restrained him during a tantrum. I've tried to physically put him back into his bed, but that rarely works to get him to sleep, just gets him more amped up. And when we need to leave to go to DC or leave the playground when he isn't ready, sometimes I pick him up and carry him.

Is this just something I have to deal with until he matures a bit more? I try to reason and then use bribery, but sometimes I feel like I just have to force him to do what he doesn't want to do

ByeBabyBunting

It is totally normal, but definitely punishable behavior. We started time out about the time DS started hitting. 

We use bribes a lot too but then we move to threats. So in the bath example I'd start with "You can bring your favorite toy in the tub, I bet he would love to go in with you and get all clean!" and then if bribes don't work we move on to "You can either take a bath or sit in time out while mommy gives your toy a bath." And if it doesn't work, I follow through and he sits in TO until he changes his mind.

I generally don't try to physically force something on him because they he will just fight me the whole way through it, where as if I bribe he does it on his own. 

Mrs.adambabycakes

I agree on not physically restraining him, i've found that makes it worse.  I have had my fair share of taking a screaming and kicking child out of a store or class because letting her tantrum there would be worse.

Mrs.adambabycakes

Also, do you think he would understand telling him we have to go bye-bye in 10min, then 5 min, etc?  Just to prepare him to leave rather than springing it on him that you are leaving.

LinnyAnne10

ByeBabyBunting said:

It is totally normal, but definitely punishable behavior. We started time out about the time DS started hitting. 

We use bribes a lot too but then we move to threats. So in the bath example I'd start with "You can bring your favorite toy in the tub, I bet he would love to go in with you and get all clean!" and then if bribes don't work we move on to "You can either take a bath or sit in time out while mommy gives your toy a bath." And if it doesn't work, I follow through and he sits in TO until he changes his mind.

I generally don't try to physically force something on him because they he will just fight me the whole way through it, where as if I bribe he does it on his own. 

This we have moved to threats.. seems to be the way to motivate him to get what we want him to do.. They are simple threats like no computer, no trucks, or for bed time, no more chocolate milk unless you............... they work for the most part just gotta follow through and stick to your guns

LuckyDad

Mrs.adambabycakes said:

Also, do you think he would understand telling him we have to go bye-bye in 10min, then 5 min, etc?  Just to prepare him to leave rather than springing it on him that you are leaving.

Yeah. Sometimes that works. Sometimes he casually says "No." when I inform him we're going to leave in 10 minutes, 5 minutes, etc.

shadypines

Sounds pretty normal. Have you consider using a timer?

missyishere

I don't physically restrain during a true tantrum at home but will remove her from the situation.  If she is mad in the family room for something, I will take her into the kitchen for distraction or a change of environment.  I will give her one warning after she has hit or kicked me, and if she continues, it is a time out.  If we are out in public and she trows a tantrum, it's an automatic removal from the area. 

theseaword

My DS is close to your son's age and is doing the same thing. It's not your parenting, it's just kids being kids. Depending on the situation, I either ignore the behavior entirely and walk away ( if it's part of a tantrum), or, if he deliberately hit, we go to time out.