DS and OCD :(

meo34

I have posted before about DS and issues with aniexty. It got better for awhile and we had taken a break for now from counselling based on the counsellors recommendation. It has been progressively getting worse again and other issues started to arise with germs, worried about saying a bad word and doing things wrong. So doing some research I was reading about OCD and his actions are in line with this issue. I have a pit in my stomach right now. I will be calling to set up an appointment on Monday but I feel so sad about this sometimes, like I am failing at being a good mom . I don't talk about this much to anyone, grandparents keep saying it is a phase he will grow out of, friends who say I am overly patient with him and need to be more firm, and for DH I am holding it together for him and acting like I have it together because I know he is so worried as well.

meo34

I should add I am not looking really looking for advice but just needed to say it to someone, even if it is strangers on the internet.

Deac130

I'm sorry that you are going through this. My niece also has OCd and anxiety and counseling has helped her immensely. How old is your DS? My niece is 7 and it is hard to hear that she worries about things that haven't happened or are adult things (similar to what you said, she worries that she will do something bad or what will happen if she doesn't believe in God).

I also want to let you know that you are not failing as a mom. It's easy for someone outside of the situation (even well meaning friends and grandparents) to tell you what you should do. I think that you are an awesome mom because you recognize that your son is struggling and you are going to help him. That is what moms do.

Creepy internet hugs coming your way

Ago

I'm not sure how old your son is, but I have to say that OCD is a very uncommon diagnosis for people who aren't adults, for reasons his grandparents are giving. It is an anxiety disorder, which may be a diagnosis given, but don't fret - anxiety is not uncommon in kids. I had lots of anxiety about the same things as a kid and even some OCD traits at times, but I rarely deal with anxiety as an adult.

KatieB19

You are not failing. You are seeing something that isn't right, and you are trying to find help for your son. Family and friends may be well intentioned in telling you that it's just a phase or it's normal behavior -- and you know, maybe it is -- but he's YOUR son, and you see things that others just don't see. Please don't be hard on yourself.

As for your husband, I understand that you are trying to hold it together for him so that he doesn't perhaps come apart too. But do you think maybe it will help to talk to him? You need someone who sees what you see to validate your feelings or even to help you see things in a different light. You are trying to be his pillar; he could perhaps be the same for you.

It might also help to find someone, like a therapist, to talk to yourself, especially if you feel like you can't unload all your worries onto your husband. Sometimes even just talking to someone can relieve some of the stress. Big hugs.

hopefulmom81

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  I have anxiety and moments of OCD, and I can tell you there is NOTHING my parents could or could not have done to prevent it.  I believe it is my nature and a potential chemical imbalance.

You are worried for your son and are trying to help, that makes you a GREAT mom.

meo34

Deac130 said:

I'm sorry that you are going through this. My niece also has OCd and anxiety and counseling has helped her immensely. How old is your DS? My niece is 7 and it is hard to hear that she worries about things that haven't happened or are adult things (similar to what you said, she worries that she will do something bad or what will happen if she doesn't believe in God).

I also want to let you know that you are not failing as a mom. It's easy for someone outside of the situation (even well meaning friends and grandparents) to tell you what you should do. I think that you are an awesome mom because you recognize that your son is struggling and you are going to help him. That is what moms do.

Creepy internet hugs coming your way

Thanks so much! It is tough to see them struggle with this. He is eight and we have been having issues off and on for 2 years now. It is definitely hard to hear them talking about these things. No one has diagnosed anoything yet but I think there may be hestitation to do so at this age, which is understandable. I think people are well meaning but don't see the day to day behaviours that we are dealing one. Definitely not normal and not a phase. When was your niece diagnosed? It is so encouraging to hear counselling is helping. Thanks for the hugs too. They are not creepy

meo34

Ago said:

I'm not sure how old your son is, but I have to say that OCD is a very uncommon diagnosis for people who aren't adults, for reasons his grandparents are giving. It is an anxiety disorder, which may be a diagnosis given, but don't fret - anxiety is not uncommon in kids. I had lots of anxiety about the same things as a kid and even some OCD traits at times, but I rarely deal with anxiety as an adult.

Ago said:

I'm not sure how old your son is, but I have to say that OCD is a very uncommon diagnosis for people who aren't adults, for reasons his grandparents are giving. It is an anxiety disorder, which may be a diagnosis given, but don't fret - anxiety is not uncommon in kids. I had lots of anxiety about the same things as a kid and even some OCD traits at times, but I rarely deal with anxiety as an adult.

meo34

oops. Meant to quote you Ago but messed it up! I agree it is not common and should say it has not been diagnosed. But at the same time I think we need to push for further assessment because I think he needs help. It has been on and off for two years and why I would not think it is a phase. Also I don't want to get into details but is hampering his ability to function at school ( and also a frustration of mine because the teacher did not tell me what was going on even though I had talked her about his aniexty disorder. He told me about some of the incidents which she then confirmed). So that is a concern of mine. He also has rashes and sore spots on his skin due to rituals related to being concerned about germs. Not sure if you experienced that related to aniexty (not meaning to pry)? Maybe it is not that uncommon? I have aniexty too but not anything I have experienced so a little out of my element.

meo34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I agree I probably need to talk to someone as well. DH is super supportive but really worried. Some more venting but also annoyed by comments that I am just obessing because he is my only child. I don't think it would matter how many children you have I would think you would know when your child needs help. My head tells me it is not something we have done but it is s truggle not to wonder if we are doing something wrong and question our appoarch. That is thing I am hoping we can get help with as parents, how to best handle it so we can help him. We have gotten some help in terms of the aniexty but I don't think the counsellor went deep enough into the issues. Hopefully we get in this week. I will likely talk to her without DS prior to her meeting with him so I will see how that goes and maybe talk through my own worries. Thanks again everyone.

Deac130

@meo34: she was just diagnosed a few months ago. Like your DS, there have been signs for a few years but this year it has started to affect her at school which prompted them to seek counseling and diagnosis. One of the things that her therapist did with her was a "worry box." She writes down what she worries about and puts it into the box. It seems to help her. I hope that you get some answers soon and that your little guy can feel better.

Myaflowers

I'm a lurker...keep meaning to intro...but I hope it's ok if I chime in. I'm a child/adolescent therapist. I've worked with many children with anxiety, and several with OCD. I know it can be very overwhelming for parents. Please don't blame yourself... OCD is definitely not something that the parents cause. In my experience, children with anxiety/OCD tend to make excellent progress in treatment. I also wanted to mention a few excellent books (available on Amazon)--Talking Back to OCD, What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck, and What to Do When You Worry Too Much. The children/parents I work with seem to find them very helpful. Anyway, hope it was ok for me to post. Good luck and try to hang in there! Counseling should help a lot!

meo34

Thanks so much Myaflowers.  I will definitely check out those books!  So reassuring to hear that therapy can help.  It can be overwhelming and dealing with the anxiety alone is a lot to handle.  As I read more about OCD I see my son and us as parents reflected in the behaviours and scenarios.  I see myself being a part of his rituals and actions and seeing some interesting insights into I can help stop feeding into this in a gentle and reassuring way.  I hate to label and again he has not been diagnosed but when I read about it and in my conversations with my son I think being able to but a name on it and talk about it would really help him move forward.  He tells me he wishes he could erase his brain sometimes because he does not like what his brain tells him. 

I am feeling so much better today and looking forward to sitting down and discussing with his therapist.  Thank you all so much for your support!

Myaflowers

You are welcome, @meo34! The Talking Back to OCD book has a section in the back for parents that has a lot of good info/advice. There is also another book called Freeing Your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that a lot of parents seem to like. Good luck and, once again, don't blame yourself! Anxiety and depression tend to run in families (they do in mine) and you can do everything right as a parent and still have a child with depression or anxiety.

[Deleted User]

No advice, but wanted to offer hugs. You are doing a great job trying to help your son.

Ago

meo34 said:

oops. Meant to quote you Ago but messed it up! I agree it is not common and should say it has not been diagnosed. But at the same time I think we need to push for further assessment because I think he needs help. It has been on and off for two years and why I would not think it is a phase. Also I don't want to get into details but is hampering his ability to function at school ( and also a frustration of mine because the teacher did not tell me what was going on even though I had talked her about his aniexty disorder. He told me about some of the incidents which she then confirmed). So that is a concern of mine. He also has rashes and sore spots on his skin due to rituals related to being concerned about germs. Not sure if you experienced that related to aniexty (not meaning to pry)? Maybe it is not that uncommon? I have aniexty too but not anything I have experienced so a little out of my element.

I think I was trying to say what @myaflowers was saying, that it is very treatable.  I think people shy away from that diagnosis, as it can be a diagnosis that sticks for life, even if kids don't show the signs or symptoms later in life, so hopefully therapy would help ease this for both of you!

Personal experience - I didn't have a diagnosis of OCD, but I had some tendencies toward it with my own anxiety.  Not handwashing, but more like constant worry and "if I say my prayers the right way every night, everything will be okay" kind of thing.  Also when I started driving I became obsessed over worrying that I ran over something/someone, so I'd check my rearview mirror frequently and would stop my car and get out to check (lasted about a year). I also had a Tourrette's like symptom - constantly sniffling with my nose (like every 2-3 seconds) for a few months.  Drove my parents crazy and it made my nose bleed.  Funny thing though - I didn't ever receive therapy or medications for this stuff, they just went away on their own.  I do, however, have chronic depression now, which does run in my family, and I treat it with medications and therapy, so that probably helps with anxiety too.

meo34

Thanks again everyone.  I think one of the reasons @Ago that I have not pushed is because I don't want him to be labeled and agree with you there, but now I think it might help if it could be diagnosed.  Also would help with school as he would get more support there I think.  Stuff I don't want to get into is going on there but some of it relates to them not taking this seriously in terms of being something I need to be communicated on.  He does throat clearing like that, hope it goes away on his own. He also does a shaking thing with his hands and head. 

Interesting it can be hereditary.  I have not read far enough into it yet to get to that.  Definitely have to hit the books.  But he has members of DHs family and my family that have diagnosed depression, anxiety (myself included there) and one case of OCD.  My anxiety is very specific around enclosed spaced and I am claustrophobic so I think it is easier to handle with medication.  I know my triggers and can address in advance.  His is more general which is harder to manage.

 

Also no strep throat so no link there. 

The support has been so great here!  We have an appointment set up and it will just be me and DH for the first one and I am feeling much more hopeful and positive because of your input.