When did you start (the nursery, looking into daycare, a pediatrician, buying major items?

BabyFox25

Our bio mom is currently 28 weeks. Should we start now or wait more? After my last conversation with the expectant mom, I feel like she wants us to get the nursery set up and wants to make sure we are ready. At first we weren't going to buy anything, but now I feel like we do owe it to her to move forward and share things with her. Thoughts? Experience? Thanks!!!

Dr.Loretta

Do what you're comfortable with. Some people hold off in case a match falls through. Some want the nursery to be a project that keeps them busy.

Keep in mind that you may like furniture that needs to be ordered and takes several weeks for delivery. And you didn't mention if you're having a shower.

i wouldn't necessarily let guilt sway your decision. But you know your relationship with the e-mom best.

Fwiw we decided to buy a crib, stroller, car seat, and PnP when we went active. We slowly started buying diapers and clothes. DD was already born when we were matched, so we played catch-up the night she came home.

 

ETA: For daycare and pediatrician, the sooner the better. Some daycares have wait lists, and since you are matched at this point, you have a timeline to work with. We were lucky with our doctor--we went to a DO who was our family doctor, so we just added DD as another one of his patients. And he was fabulous--he offered to look over any medical records for any matches we may have, gave us advice on drug and alcohol exposures, and was a generally great guy. Like maryoosa said, it's a good idea to find one who's going to be familiar with adoption.

maryoosa

Do what you're comfortable with. Once we unofficially matched we went out and registered for stuff - made a list of essentials that I could hand to my parents with a credit card  if we got a stork drop and they could run out and take care of for us. We ordered a glider at some point. We decided on a whim to order a crib- and good thing we did because who knew they take 8 weeks to show up!? ?
Our agency required us to pony up the name of a pediatrician and a lawyer by the time we signed placement papers--so we interviewed pediatricans about 8 weeks out from birth and found one we could live with (when you do this, I really encourage you to feel them out about adoption and if you're doing one, open adoption--- I live in a major city and had really REALLY stupid things fly out of dr's mouths about adoption). We hired our lawyer based on our SW's recommendation.

We painted and "decorated" (without furniture) the nursery about 2.5 months before birth -because the emom was coming to our place for dinner.
We bought some clothing pre-birth, a box of diapers and a case of wipes. And that was it.

Sparky1014

I know I'm putting the cart before the horse, but have already started looking. I'm going through the state, and the require some of this information in the first big packet of paperwork. Some of the day area Ive looked at are super receptive, and so,emdont want to deal with " well I don't know when I'll need a spot. No, I'm not sure what age". It's been eye opening, so I think the sooner the better.

orangecupcake

We started decorating the nursery once we went active, it was helpful to me to be working on it (not everyone is the same). We also purchased the crib (was a gift from MIL), car seat after active status, and then purchased some clothes, blankets, diapers, wipes occasionally when there was a sale or coupons. As the waiting continued, I started asking around about pediatricians and day care centers. Once matched, I met with DD's pedi for a "prenatal" appointment, where I decided if I liked her, felt comfortable with her, talked BM's medical history and due date, then when to call and schedule first appointment. I actually didn't do anything with a day care until DD was already a week or two old. We were referred to a young lady who did in home and had an opening. This time around, since DD is now in a center, they are aware of our adoption plans and will work with us.

BabyFox25

Thank you everyone! It's good to hear what others in our situation have done. We're buying the simple things and planning a "sip n see" after about 6 or 7 weeks for friends and family to meet our new addition! I've started writing down and online researching pediatricians and daycares and will call in a few weeks.

spotco2

We used a consultant and adopted an infant from another state. Once our home study was completed and we were starting to present our profiles, we casually looked at furniture and other necessities but did not do any real planning until we were matched.

We were matched the week of Thanksgiving and she was due in January, so we started seriously looking. Two weeks later we had planned to go down to meet the parents and went ahead and bought the furniture and painted. They called to let us know that she was having issues and might deliver early the second week of December. Then they called on Dec 12 to let us know that he was on the way! We tossed random things in bags and hit the road, calling family and friends to let them know we were leaving and did not know when we would return.

Our son was born that evening and we had very little. He had to spend the next few weeks in NICU so we shopped around locally for clothes and ordered a stroller and car seat and had it delivered to our hotel. Our family and friends set up the furniture and had the nursery set up for us when we finally got home for New Years.

We did not want to set up a nursery early because we knew that it would be difficult for us mentally to walk by that empty room every day. Also we did not buy clothes until we found out how big he was (and that it was in deed a he). We also waited until the paperwork was signed before we really went out on a shopping spree. That turned out to be therapeutic since it gave us something to do instead of just sitting in NICU 24/7.

We had already decided on a pediatrician since we knew several early on from other family and friends that had small children. We had also already decided on a child care system that included grandparents and other family members early on instead of a day care.

Best of luck to you and your family on this great journey!

emca

I started looking into things immediately after we were home study approved, but now 7 months later, all we really have set up is our child care plans for when we go back to work. I have lots of friends with kids/ having babies, so a pediatrician won't be difficult to find. We were just matched this week, so I am ready to order the furniture that we want and paint the nursery, but will not do much more than that until we are placed with the baby and know the gender, etc. Good Luck!!

Bpmg

We had made the decision not to prepare anything before we were matched, and then actually only had a few days to prep before our little one's arrival. One trip to the baby store got us everything we needed immediately - car seat, pack and play and sheets, diapers, wipes, onsies, washcloths, soap, diaper rash cream, a couple of swaddles, bottles and formula.  That was all we had for the first week, and then I ordered everything from Amazon! Everyone prepares differently, but for me, it actually turned out to be a lot less stressful to just have the essentials. We took our time decorating the nursery after her arrival and its been a nice process. I also think it kept me from buying a lot of things that really aren't that useful. 

sumati

We already started preparing a nursery and looking into daycare (but haven't contacted them)... BUT We started some of this stuff when we were TTC and when we were pregnant (which ended in miscarriages)... We recently built a new house with one of the rooms designated as a future nursery... So it's painted and we already have a crib and a few other items... 

We don't plan to actually put the nursery together (it is kind of a hodge podge/baby stuff storage right now), contact the daycares we've been eyeing, look into pediatricians, etc until after we are matched.

With that said, do what is comfortable for you. I am a uber planner and in total nesting mode.. so I like buying baby things and decorating the future nursery.  Everyone is different.

arbutusbride

We only have two things: a carseat (required by agency in case of "surprise babies" ) and a swing (friend wanted to sell it for cheap, never used). I refuse to buy anything else because I don't want the constant reminder of an empty nursery.  I have a list ready in case we get placed immediately but don't want to jump the gun. We figure that it's a baby so he or she won't need a decorated nursery right away. 

annalisel

I couldn't handle an empty nursery so we bought nothing until a couple of days before LO's emom was induced. We had a list of baby essentials and just picked them up at babies r us. This worked well for us because we wanted LO to sleep in our room for the first few months anyway. Newborns don't need much and places will deliver just about anything you might need in a couple of days.

If you are traveling to meet baby, our SW actually suggested not buying a carseat until after consents are signed.

I think if I were going to buy things ahead of time, I'd do it before a match. Personally, I think it's better to think of the nursery as for your future baby rather than a specific baby that might be yours. 

One thing I regret is not getting on the large day care center waitlists. It can be 2 years(!) waiting around here and you can defer start time. We had to scramble a bit to find openings in small in home day cares, but you know what, plenty of people who had newborns through pregnancy were also looking right along with us.