What advice would you give to May 14 newbs?

Xath

Spinning off of my UO post.  I've been working a lot at the office on "fostering a productive environment through effective communication" and apparently it's spilling over into my personal life.  :P  So, since recurring newb mistakes seem to cause lots of angst/drama among more seasoned posters, it seems that it would be beneficial to have some sort of "New to May 14? Start Here!" guide to help people get a sense of the community before diving in foot-in-mouth first.  

What advice would you give to new posters?  I'll start:

We use a lot of GIFs here.  If you'd like to add a GIF to your own post, search for one you like on the search engine of your choice.  (For Google, go to image search and look for your topic.  Click on Search Tools to specify and under "Type" select "Animated."  This will give you animated (.gif) images).  To add them to your post, right click on the image and select "Copy Image URL."  Then in your response window on TB, look for the "Insert Image" button (it looks like a polaroid picture with a tree in it).  Click that button and paste your copied link in the pop-up box.  This will insert your .gif (or any other photo) to your post.

You might find it beneficial to spend some time lurking before you post to get a sense of the community.  Lots of times, new people will come in and ask questions that have been asked and answered dozens of times already.  Try searching for your topic of interest before posting a new thread.  You can search May 14 threads by going back to the top of the forum page.  Right under the list of our awesome moderators, you'll find a magnifying glass.  Click on that to enter your search term.  Find the answer you're looking for?  Great!  Still no answer?  Bump a relevant existing thread, if there's an appropriate one, or start one of your own.

Give a little to get a little.  The members here have formed a community; if you want people to be excited about your exciting news or AW (attention whoring) posts, you should be a part of the community.  Folks who give support to others get a lot of attention and support when they AW.  Folks who come here just to toot their own horn get flamed.  

Introduce yourself!  This is an active community with a lot of members, and it's hard to keep people straight.  Once you've decided you'd like to stick around, start your very own (AW) Intro thread.  Tell us as much information about you/your baby as you're comfortable sharing with strangers over the internet.  

Don't use the word "retarded" in any sort of derogatory way.  This shouldn't need to be said, but we've been burned too many times by idiocy.

While there are plenty of folks who love unicorns and rainbow farts, this is not a "support board" or "place where people are here just to answer questions and provide what you want to here."  This is the internet.  It's a public forum, and we have a full spectrum of personalities here.  People will disagree with you; people will call you out if you do something stupid.  How you respond to this will shape how people see you as we get to know you.  If someone disagrees with you, it's not a personal attack (most of the time).  If you really offend someone, try to see it from their perspective and apologize.  Everyone has a bad day, and we tend to be a forgiving bunch unless you keep digging yourself deeper and deeper into the hole.

The "Flag" button is not a "dislike" button.  It is specifically for reporting spam, and abuse as defined by The Bump terms of use.  Our awesome volunteer mods have to look into every Flag reported, so don't abuse it outside of its intended function.  If you dislike a post, either ignore it or flame it with glorious .gifs for the entertainment of the rest of us. 

I'm sure there are more, but this is what I can think of right now.  

alphalyrae

Please learn to do your own google searches/don't just post looking for us to give you information but you don't reply or you fail to join in on discussions because you are too busy. We don't mind offering up cool stuff we've found but have only so much patience and it only takes so long to offer a heartfelt 'Good luck', or 'I'm sorry to hear about x', or so on.

Also, know your audience. If you claim to be lurking, then you would know the back stories and you will not post a stupid response that garners the support of other May mom's who have bothered to invest a little bit of the time in the community over the last 20 to 30 weeks . 

spacepotatoes

There is a sticky with a link to the May 14 blog. Some of this information is actually in the blog. Maybe the blog could be updated and the title of that thread changed to make it more enticing to newbs? No need to completely reinvent the wheel.

The flag guidelines are in a sticky as well. But people who tend to be flag happy do not usually give two shits about the sticky threads.

Xath

spacepotatoes said:

There is a sticky with a link to the May 14 blog. Some of this information is actually in the blog. Maybe the blog could be updated and the title of that thread changed to make it more enticing to newbs? No need to completely reinvent the wheel.

The flag guidelines are in a sticky as well. But people who tend to be flag happy do not usually give two shits about the sticky threads.

I read that when I first joined, and I found it very helpful.  It'd be great if it could be updated with the new "norms/rules" that have popped up since September.   Also, the "new poster" information is easily visible on a full web browser, but isn't terribly easy to find via mobile.  

LoveIsAll25

Welcome! 
Welcome! 

The board doesn't do well with the following:

-kid spankers
-racist remarks
-throwing your own baby shower for any reason
-using the 'R' word, apologizing for using the word, making an excuse for using the word, and then calling all of us the 'R' word

-being inconsiderate of of a mother's feeling after she lost a child

*** Same advice I gave a few weeks ago.

andoll8

thou shalt not use the "r" word. this is anathema.

thou shalt not say mean things or curse out other mammas dealing with pain or loss.

thou shalt support thy fellow bumpies, and thou shalt not be an attention-seeking hoar-bag. 

Empireceo

Don't overthink this and just observe the social norms you would IRL. Unless you're a douche. Then just move it the fuck along already.

kat8805

runningyogimama

Maybe I'm just crabby today, but I think the problem is that anyone who needs these common sense kind of things spelled out for them isn't going to take the time to read a post or click on the link to the blog. The people who are are the people smart enough to google or search and figure things out on their own.

kat8805

JmeJme said:

Maybe I'm just crabby today, but I think the problem is that anyone who needs these common sense kind of things spelled out for them isn't going to take the time to read a post or click on the link to the blog. The people who are are the people smart enough to google or search and figure things out on their own.

and again...

and then maybe a little of

RedInLove

If they don't have the sense to bother to read the stickies we've made, and browse about the board first, or practice common sense and basic social practices, then they're not going to read this advice buried in this thread and even if they do, it likely won't do any good. Call it high school, call it what you want. We have been here for months, you are late to the party, and this is the way things are now done around here. We're not interested in how you (collectively, not directed to OP) think we should behave, in what you think this board should be about, or whether you totes have a ZohMG great new idea and expect us all to squeee over it and jump right in.

Like it or not, this is our board. It really is as simple as this: We Were Here First. New people are more than welcome to knock on the door, introduce themselves, and the non-solicitors will be welcomed in. It's those that barge in and expect to sit at the head of the table that will find themselves not at all less welcome.

Seriously, I'm not holding another adult's hand and teaching them how to make new friends time and time again. If you lack the social skills to integrate yourself into an established social circle, you probably shouldn't be utilizing the interwebz unsupervised.

kat8805

RedInLove said:

If they don't have the sense to bother to read the stickies we've made, and browse about the board first, or practice common sense and basic social practices, then they're not going to read this advice buried in this thread and even if they do, it likely won't do any good. Call it high school, call it what you want. We have been here for months, you are late to the party, and this is the way things are now done around here. We're not interested in how you (collectively, not directed to OP) think we should behave, in what you think this board should be about, or whether you totes have a ZohMG great new idea and expect us all to squeee over it and jump right in.

Like it or not, this is our board. It really is as simple as this: We Were Here First. New people are more than welcome to knock on the door, introduce themselves, and the non-solicitors will be welcomed in. It's those that barge in and expect to sit at the head of the table that will find themselves not at all less welcome.

Seriously, I'm not holding another adult's hand and teaching them how to make new friends time and time again. If you lack the social skills to integrate yourself into an established social circle, you probably shouldn't be utilizing the interwebz unsupervised.

CamrynnsMommy

RedInLove said:

If they don't have the sense to bother to read the stickies we've made, and browse about the board first, or practice common sense and basic social practices, then they're not going to read this advice buried in this thread and even if they do, it likely won't do any good. Call it high school, call it what you want. We have been here for months, you are late to the party, and this is the way things are now done around here. We're not interested in how you (collectively, not directed to OP) think we should behave, in what you think this board should be about, or whether you totes have a ZohMG great new idea and expect us all to squeee over it and jump right in.

Like it or not, this is our board. It really is as simple as this: We Were Here First. New people are more than welcome to knock on the door, introduce themselves, and the non-solicitors will be welcomed in. It's those that barge in and expect to sit at the head of the table that will find themselves not at all less welcome.

Seriously, I'm not holding another adult's hand and teaching them how to make new friends time and time again. If you lack the social skills to integrate yourself into an established social circle, you probably shouldn't be utilizing the interwebz unsupervised.

Miles2Go

Pick a regular to be your nemesis and then flame said person every chance you get.

pandadair

Miles2Go said:

Pick a regular to be your nemesis and then flame said person every chance you get.

Except for @Miles2Go. She is already spoken for.

Rocknroll64

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

typeset

Suck less? 

Xath

Rocknroll64 said:

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

Nope; I just enjoy problem solving.  One of the reasons I like these boards so much.  If I didn't enjoy it or it became a burden, I'd just stop posting.  

Jillzy86

OP I think it's a good thing you are trying to help. After the second R word crazy girl post, I didn't want to get back on here for a few weeks. It's great that you are trying. I hope some newbs read this, because so far it's just the ladies who have been here since August/ September.

spacepotatoes

Jillzy86 said:

OP I think it's a good thing you are trying to help. After the second R word crazy girl post, I didn't want to get back on here for a few weeks. It's great that you are trying. I hope some newbs read this, because so far it's just the ladies who have been here since August/ September.

I wouldn't be too surprised that the regs are posting in here since the thread is asking for our advice. Whether or not newbies are reading this...we can only hope.

83edwards

Miles2Go said:

Pick a regular to be your nemesis and then flame said person every chance you get.

Pick me, choose me, love me.....

CamrynnsMommy

gertiebarden said:

Rocknroll64 said:

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

Nope; I just enjoy problem solving.  One of the reasons I like these boards so much.  If I didn't enjoy it or it became a burden, I'd just stop posting.  

I appreciate the sentiment and I do like you as a poster, but I really don't think this is going to solve anything.  Maybe a hand full of people will actually use the advice, the other AW's who come to post HDBD or other AWish things will skip right over this and continue their normal behavior, and will continue to catch snark because let's face it, we enjoy being snarky when you come into our territory.  You can either catch on or get an attitude.  There are many noobs who've been welcomed with open arms, like kittens (sorry forgot the whole sn), she gave the snark right back.  

I'm just really over the kumbaya spiels and the "we should all be frienz and support one another".   

kat8805

CamrynnsMommy said:

gertiebarden said:

Rocknroll64 said:

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

Nope; I just enjoy problem solving.  One of the reasons I like these boards so much.  If I didn't enjoy it or it became a burden, I'd just stop posting.  

I appreciate the sentiment and I do like you as a poster, but I really don't think this is going to solve anything.  Maybe a hand full of people will actually use the advice, the other AW's who come to post HDBD or other AWish things will skip right over this and continue their normal behavior, and will continue to catch snark because let's face it, we enjoy being snarky when you come into our territory.  You can either catch on or get an attitude.  There are many noobs who've been welcomed with open arms, like kittens (sorry forgot the whole sn), she gave the snark right back.  

I'm just really over the kumbaya spiels and the "we should all be frienz and support one another".   

But but but!

Xath

CamrynnsMommy said:

gertiebarden said:

Rocknroll64 said:

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

Nope; I just enjoy problem solving.  One of the reasons I like these boards so much.  If I didn't enjoy it or it became a burden, I'd just stop posting.  

I appreciate the sentiment and I do like you as a poster, but I really don't think this is going to solve anything.  Maybe a hand full of people will actually use the advice, the other AW's who come to post HDBD or other AWish things will skip right over this and continue their normal behavior, and will continue to catch snark because let's face it, we enjoy being snarky when you come into our territory.  You can either catch on or get an attitude.  There are many noobs who've been welcomed with open arms, like kittens (sorry forgot the whole sn), she gave the snark right back.  

I'm just really over the kumbaya spiels and the "we should all be frienz and support one another".   

I figured if there was a consensus on the advice for the forum, I'd just compile it into a response on the New Here sticky already in place on top of the forum.  I'm not trying to white knight or kumbaya; I totally believe that people who are too lazy to read a sticky specifically started for them should bear the consequences of their douche-nozzelry. I've just noticed that there seem to be some accepted "norms"  among the regulars that aren't really noted on the original September posts.  So I figure if we can post an update with what the community has become over the past 7 months, it makes the climate a little less intimidating.  And then those who ignore what's clearly spelled out can face the consequences.  

RedInLove

gertiebarden said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

gertiebarden said:

Rocknroll64 said:

You've really lost sleep over this haven't you?

Nope; I just enjoy problem solving.  One of the reasons I like these boards so much.  If I didn't enjoy it or it became a burden, I'd just stop posting.  

I appreciate the sentiment and I do like you as a poster, but I really don't think this is going to solve anything.  Maybe a hand full of people will actually use the advice, the other AW's who come to post HDBD or other AWish things will skip right over this and continue their normal behavior, and will continue to catch snark because let's face it, we enjoy being snarky when you come into our territory.  You can either catch on or get an attitude.  There are many noobs who've been welcomed with open arms, like kittens (sorry forgot the whole sn), she gave the snark right back.  

I'm just really over the kumbaya spiels and the "we should all be frienz and support one another".   

I figured if there was a consensus on the advice for the forum, I'd just compile it into a response on the New Here sticky already in place on top of the forum.  I'm not trying to white knight or kumbaya; I totally believe that people who are too lazy to read a sticky specifically started for them should bear the consequences of their douche-nozzelry. I've just noticed that there seem to be some accepted "norms"  among the regulars that aren't really noted on the original September posts.  So I figure if we can post an update with what the community has become over the past 7 months, it makes the climate a little less intimidating.  And then those who ignore what's clearly spelled out can face the consequences.  

None of these "norms" could possibly need explanation beyond exercising common sense though. That's our point. This might be a public chat board, but those of us already here make the board what it is. You don't show up at the community baseball ball game with a sack of soccer balls, do you? No. If baseball is the game we're playing, you either play baseball with us or go find the group that's playing soccer and play with them. Common sense. Not complicated.

Xath

RedInLove said: None of these "norms" could possibly need explanation beyond exercising common sense though. That's our point. This might be a public chat board, but those of us already here make the board what it is. You don't show up at the community baseball ball game with a sack of soccer balls, do you? No. If baseball is the game we're playing, you either play baseball with us or go find the group that's playing soccer and play with them. Common sense. Not complicated.
_____

But to take the analogy in another direction, you don't take your kids to the public playground and demand that every kid that shows up has to play baseball because that's what your kid wants to play.   You're making the assumption that everyone who shows up here will either play baseball or find another park, because clearly that's what this place is for.  The reason I'm suggesting adding some "park policies" is because that's not stated anywhere.  

Unfortunately, common sense isn't as universal as people would like to think, and the disputes that have popped up already show that there are drastically different assumptions of what this place is supposed to be.  

Edit for summary:  In the end, I don't see how having additional clarification hurts anyone; and several people have already mentioned that it could help.  The arguments against I'm seeing are mostly "but it should be obvious."  If it is obvious, why would it be offensive to clarify?

typeset

Soupy84

gertiebarden said:

RedInLove said:

None of these "norms" could possibly need explanation beyond exercising common sense though. That's our point. This might be a public chat board, but those of us already here make the board what it is. You don't show up at the community baseball ball game with a sack of soccer balls, do you? No. If baseball is the game we're playing, you either play baseball with us or go find the group that's playing soccer and play with them. Common sense. Not complicated.

_____

But to take the analogy in another direction, you don't take your kids to the public playground and demand that every kid that shows up has to play baseball because that's what your kid wants to play.   You're making the assumption that everyone who shows up here will either play baseball or find another park, because clearly that's what this place is for.  The reason I'm suggesting adding some "park policies" is because that's not stated anywhere.  

Unfortunately, common sense isn't as universal as people would like to think, and the disputes that have popped up already show that there are drastically different assumptions of what this place is supposed to be.  

Edit for summary:  In the end, I don't see how having additional clarification hurts anyone; and several people have already mentioned that it could help.  The arguments against I'm seeing are mostly "but it should be obvious."  If it is obvious, why would it be offensive to clarify?

I dont think anyone has taken offense. I just think we are all so tired of the redundancy. This has been said and done in the past and it really hasnt made a difference. I appreciate where you are trying to go with this, but I honestly think you are wasting your time. Newbs will be newbs. The ones who refuse to read the stickies will get flamed and leave (or at least provide some drama to break up our day!).

Edited- b/c for some reason the quote didnt break before my post started

spacepotatoes

No one is arguing that the board "norms" are super obvious, rather that the concept of lurking and trying to get a feel for how a community works before just jumping in or trying to change it should be obvious.

Like I said before, updating that sticky thread wouldn't be a bad idea. I have no issues with that at all. But the newbs who do the things that we complain about are not the type that would ever benefit from it because they'd never bother to look for it in the first place.

RedInLove

gertiebarden said:

RedInLove said:

None of these "norms" could possibly need explanation beyond exercising common sense though. That's our point. This might be a public chat board, but those of us already here make the board what it is. You don't show up at the community baseball ball game with a sack of soccer balls, do you? No. If baseball is the game we're playing, you either play baseball with us or go find the group that's playing soccer and play with them. Common sense. Not complicated.

_____

But to take the analogy in another direction, you don't take your kids to the public playground and demand that every kid that shows up has to play baseball because that's what your kid wants to play.   You're making the assumption that everyone who shows up here will either play baseball or find another park, because clearly that's what this place is for.  The reason I'm suggesting adding some "park policies" is because that's not stated anywhere.  

Unfortunately, common sense isn't as universal as people would like to think, and the disputes that have popped up already show that there are drastically different assumptions of what this place is supposed to be.  

Edit for summary:  In the end, I don't see how having additional clarification hurts anyone; and several people have already mentioned that it could help.  The arguments against I'm seeing are mostly "but it should be obvious."  If it is obvious, why would it be offensive to clarify?

**My reply, quote boxes are messed up**

The baseball game has already started and we're at the top of the 7th inning (see what I did there?), that's what "We Were Here First" means. We're not going to stop our baseball game to start playing soccer just because it's what you want to play. If you wanted to play soccer, you should have been here when we decided what to play. You can join in our baseball game, you an sit and watch (lurk), or you can go do something else somewhere else. But we're not stopping our game, and we're not stopping every play to explain that we're playing baseball every time someone stops by and wants to play something else. WE'RE NOT CHANGING.

I didn't say it's offensive to clarify. I said it's unnecessary. It's also futile because those that don't bother also don't care, so I reciprocate that attitude back towards them.

CamrynnsMommy

@redinlove

I love the shit out of you!

mileswithmyles

RedInLove said:

gertiebarden said:

RedInLove said:

None of these "norms" could possibly need explanation beyond exercising common sense though. That's our point. This might be a public chat board, but those of us already here make the board what it is. You don't show up at the community baseball ball game with a sack of soccer balls, do you? No. If baseball is the game we're playing, you either play baseball with us or go find the group that's playing soccer and play with them. Common sense. Not complicated.

_____

But to take the analogy in another direction, you don't take your kids to the public playground and demand that every kid that shows up has to play baseball because that's what your kid wants to play.   You're making the assumption that everyone who shows up here will either play baseball or find another park, because clearly that's what this place is for.  The reason I'm suggesting adding some "park policies" is because that's not stated anywhere.  

Unfortunately, common sense isn't as universal as people would like to think, and the disputes that have popped up already show that there are drastically different assumptions of what this place is supposed to be.  

Edit for summary:  In the end, I don't see how having additional clarification hurts anyone; and several people have already mentioned that it could help.  The arguments against I'm seeing are mostly "but it should be obvious."  If it is obvious, why would it be offensive to clarify?

**My reply, quote boxes are messed up**

The baseball game has already started and we're at the top of the 7th inning (see what I did there?), that's what "We Were Here First" means. We're not going to stop our baseball game to start playing soccer just because it's what you want to play. If you wanted to play soccer, you should have been here when we decided what to play. You can join in our baseball game, you an sit and watch (lurk), or you can go do something else somewhere else. But we're not stopping our game, and we're not stopping every play to explain that we're playing baseball every time someone stops by and wants to play something else. WE'RE NOT CHANGING.

I didn't say it's offensive to clarify. I said it's unnecessary. It's also futile because those that don't bother also don't care, so I reciprocate that attitude back towards them.

Since we are going with the baseball analogy, we might want to remember this:

There's no crying in basebal!!

Mamazon2014

I'm over hand holding and trying to be nice to people who put forth no effort into the community but expect us to AW over their damn bumps and send hugs and give a damn because "everyone is out to get them."

If you want to join, great! There's been some pretty nifty newbs who have figured out the flow and I'm enjoying getting to know them, but don't come here this late in the game and bitch about the mood of the board because it's not what you prefer or how you think it should be run. As petty as it sounds and to reiterate the point, we were here first. We have spent 7 months, give or take, creating friendships and a community that is awesome when people aren't acting like Special snowflakes and crying foul because they don't understand how we roll.

And that's all I'm going to say on the subject because it has been talked about way too many times with no one seeming to get the damn message.

RedInLove

Mamazon2014 said:

I'm over hand holding and trying to be nice to people who put forth no effort into the community but expect us to AW over their damn bumps and send hugs and give a damn because "everyone is out to get them." 

If you want to join, great! There's been some pretty nifty newbs who have figured out the flow and I'm enjoying getting to know them, but don't come here this late in the game and bitch about the mood of the board because it's not what you prefer or how you think it should be run. As petty as it sounds and to reiterate the point, we were here first. We have spent 7 months, give or take, creating friendships and a community that is awesome when people aren't acting like Special snowflakes and crying foul because they don't understand how we roll.

And that's all I'm going to say on the subject because it has been talked about way too many times with no one seeming to get the damn message.

I see what you did there.

Mamazon2014

RedInLove said:

Mamazon2014 said:

I'm over hand holding and trying to be nice to people who put forth no effort into the community but expect us to AW over their damn bumps and send hugs and give a damn because "everyone is out to get them." 

If you want to join, great! There's been some pretty nifty newbs who have figured out the flow and I'm enjoying getting to know them, but don't come here this late in the game and bitch about the mood of the board because it's not what you prefer or how you think it should be run. As petty as it sounds and to reiterate the point, we were here first. We have spent 7 months, give or take, creating friendships and a community that is awesome when people aren't acting like Special snowflakes and crying foul because they don't understand how we roll.

And that's all I'm going to say on the subject because it has been talked about way too many times with no one seeming to get the damn message.

I see what you did there.

Haha I didn't even think about the correlation when I posted, but now I'm happy I chose that wording