tantrums....any comforting thoughts/advice would be appreciated pls

AvianaNmommy

Hi there,

My daughter has started with the tantrums, full force, aka terrible twos.  She gets SO aggravated at ANYTHING that can't go her way. Starfish on the ground, stomping her hands and feet, with extreme yelling off the top of her lungs. I live in a condo, and I can't even imagine what my neighbors are thinking as they walk by our door.  I never thought a 2.5 yr old could get so violent!! I feel like everything is setting her off these days and I don't know what to do or how to handle it as she is my first child. I feel like she hates me or something. It's so out of her normal behavior/character. 

For example, if I give her the purple fork instead of the pink, BOOM, freak out. If I decide to give her water instead of juice, you guessed it....freak out.If the goldfish falls off her tray for some reason it bothers her and will get upset if i don't at least pick it up. 

I would just like to know firstly, is this normal? Will this last for a long time, or will she go in and out of this phase over the next couple years? also, how to deal with this as it's happening so often during the day.( Just started about 2 weeks ago ).  I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with her and it's getting me pretty upset! 

Any advice would be so appreciated, thank you in advance

Cherryblossoms07

It is normal. DS just turned two and he is doing the same thing. He will throw a fit if things are not 100% his way, like l give him the wrong cup. It is frustrating! I try not to feed the fire though. I walk away and ignore the tantrum as much as possible. Once he realizes he has no audience he gives up. I hate to tell you this, but three is worse for most people. Their memory gets better. I am hoping four is better, but people keep telling me no and so far they are right, at least with my daughter.

ecotime47

Thanks for sharing. It's very normal for her age. Hang in there. It will get better. Just do your best to be consistent and don't give in to her demands. You might find it helpful to read through this series of articles from the Focus on the Family website on toddlerhood - https://bit.ly/NjKwEI. Also Kevin Leman has some great books on parenting. Check him out. You'll love it.

AvianaNmommy

thank you for your replies, I've also looked back at some other topics on this matter, and i guess there isn't a whole lot you can do! i appreciate it!

sunnyday016

Yes, it's definitely normal. We're there with DS (just turned 2). He has a very hot/cold personality. One minute he is happy, silly, and affectionate. The next he's in meltdown mode.

I will say that we've gone through periods of having intense tantrums with DD as well, and she will be 5 in a few weeks. She can flip out at the drop of a hat as well. At least with her being older, we simply send her to her room and say she is welcome to come back when she has calmed down. Can't do that with DS, as he just gets more and more worked up

kmm2150

I can't say any of these things work 100% of the time but here are a few things we do: we narrate constantly everything we are doing or are going to do and especially things that I know might set her off so that she isn't taken by surprise. I try to give her the opportunity to do things for herself and to make her own choices as much as possible so she has some sense of control. I praise praise praise basically any time she is calm, asks nicely for something, basically any positive behavior. We try to model asking for help to show her that it's ok if she needs help sometimes (dh and I will nicely ask and thank each other for helping with something, like bringing me a drink). I also try to talk to her about how to behave when she IS being good and calm like while reading a book or something and can then refer back to that when she gets upset.

I do agree though that a huge thing is for parents to stay calm, not make it something that gets a big reaction and just wait it out. Their little minds are taking so much in, it's understandable that they have a little overload once in a while.

JonandJennifer

She's definitely filling you out for a reaction and how you react will define how she does in the future. My daughter started her tantrums early.  She is a very independent. So i let her help as much as she wants.  It is very very hard not to lose your cool, but you can't.  You stated that if you give her items that she doesn't want she melts down. Have you thought about a couple choices. Encourage her to ask you for what she wants.  She wants what she wants not because she is spoiled but because that's all she has ever received. Its a part of the development that she has to learn and unfortunately that may come with some tears.  What I try to do is explain why she doesn't get the item she wants. It may not help the first time but she may understand by like the 5th, 10th, etc...  I also pick my battles wisely.  If I know she is sensitive about something, I try to watch my steps, but I try not to draw too much attention to it either. I.E. Daughter doesn't like to spill drinks. Not on her, not on me, not on anything.  One drop and the water works start. I have found that if I can prevent a spill then I can avoid those tears. However if the inevitable happens I try not to focus on it too much. I simply say Rylee, things happen, help mama clean it up and let's fix you another drink. That's all that is said  and I move on. I try not to coddle her when she cries over what we see that are "silly" things.  There is a good time and place for that. What we have to keep in mind is these are real world problems to our babies.  Put our minds back to the innocence of childhood. They know nothing about what really happens in the world and it should stay that way for as long as it can. The pink and purple spoons are huge to them. Just hang tight mama and know many are/have been in your shoes.