Calling my fellow Wednesday trigger bumpies :)

RunCC37

It's hard for me to think about POAS right now!! In less than 20 hours from now, I will know if 1) we will have a fresh transfer, 2) we will have a freeze-all, or 3) we will be canceled due to our embryos arresting.... I've been doing a great job of distracting myself all day, but now that I'm home from work, I have all this time to think. MUST.STAY.POSITIVE.

So, here are my two cents on POAS vs. Beta or Bust: for IVF #1, I POAS starting at 7dp3dt to "test out my trigger." I had a squinter, so my trigger was still in my system. The next day, a ghost line. The next day gone. From that point, I slid down the slippery slope and tested every day until my beta getting BFN after BFN. It was horrible. Every day, I would go through the very intense emotional cycle of being crushed from the BFN, to convincing myself that maybe it was too early, to hanging onto enough hope, to completely crashing down all over again at the next BFN.

For IVF #2, I resolved to go Beta or Bust.... and then we got the devastating call from my doctor on Day 3 to let us know that our five embryos had all stopped growing and that there was nothing to transfer

So, this time around, I'm praying with everything that I've got that we just make it to transfer. If we do, then I ain't peeing on no sticks! Beta or Bust, and I mean BETA OR BUST. I would plan to let the doctor leave me a message so DH & I could listen to the results together.

The thought of finding out "the old fashioned way" ...getting a positive HPT and revealing the news in some cute way to DH... I used to dream of that. Hell, I even made the stinking display and have it hidden in the future nursery so it could be ready (I made a shadow box that has a picture of our current family - DH, our dogs & me - and then another picture that says, "A little birdie told me we're having a baby"). As wonderful as it would be to let that dream play out... the thought of seeing another BFN hurts too much. I just can't do it.

BUT with all of that said, I absolutely support anyone who wants to POAS I hope that a second line shows up early and it's the real deal!! @HopefulSoul2 & @missmarypoppins, what day will you test so I can start stalking you accordingly?

missmarypoppins

Thinking about you today @RunCC37! Everything crossed and sending many many thoughts and prayers!

RunCC37

Thank you, @missmarypoppins... 30 minutes until we reach the window (they're calling between 9-12) and I feel like I'm going to be sick, I'm so nervous. DH & I both stayed home to take the call... he is still sleeping  :-w

I hardly slept a wink last night, I'm so nervous, how the hell is he still sleeping?!?!? Sigh, I'm going to wake him up so he can shower before 9:00.

HopefulSoul2

@runcc37 - Sending lots of positive thoughts your way! 

RunCC37

Thank you!!! 

gldnbearz

Fx for @runcc37 today.

CallaLily30

Wishing you very good news today @RunCC37!

RunCC37

Thanks girls We got the news, and will continue to be in limbo for another day. 

Of our five embryos, three arrested and two are still growing slowly. We will wait and see if those two make it to blastocysts tomorrow, and freeze them if they do. One is doing better than the other, and the other is "small with disorganized cells." That likely means that it is getting ready to arrest. My doctor said that he is hoping we will get one to freeze tomorrow. 

He said he is surprised by the way this all went. He expected more eggs, and more of them to be mature. I am not surprised in the least. This just seems to be the way it goes for us. With that being said, I'm trying to remain positive for our two embryos who are still going. 

This is the farthest we've ever gotten (presumably, because we did a 3dt for IVF #1 and no transfer for #2). I have said from the beginning that if we get one blast from this cycle, it will be a miracle and I'd be so happy. I truly mean that. I must admit that the darkness is creeping in, but I plan to distract myself for the rest of the day with work. I will try to focus on the two embryos that are still growing - we still have a shot at this!!

My doctor will call me tomorrow between 10-1 and let me know. I didn't sleep any last night... tonight's gonna be hard. I'm debating on what to do with work tomorrow... If we have one blast make it to freeze, I'll be fine. But if we have nothing... I will need time to process this on my own terms.

Thank you for the support!!! I'm rooting for you all & hope you're remaining sane through all this!!

HopefulSoul2

@runcc37 - Glad they are still growing!  I'm praying hard for you and those little guys to keep rocking along.  I know this is all so exhausting but know you are in my thoughts and I'm pulling for you!

I've been refreshing my screen every few minutes waiting to hear from you.  I'll get back to work now

CallaLily30

@RunCC37 - Wishing you the best of news tomorrow!  I'm really praying for you.  Hopefully, we are both doing FETs next month!  I won't get any news until Friday since we were planning a freeze all.

Like @HopefulSoul2 - I kept refreshing my screen waiting for your update too.

jlr96

@runcc37 - you are in my T&P!  Everything crossed for these 2 little embies!!

missmarypoppins

@RunCC37 I'm glad you have 2 little embies still growing. They'll be in my thoughts constantly.