Frustrated - another eating/drinking post

honeydew01

I'm so frustrated with DD's eating and drinking issues I think I am going to lose it. I plan to discuss it with ped at her one year visit (2 weeks) but I thought I post to see if anyone else has had similar issues that could help me.

She has never been a good eater from the beginning. Even nursing has always been inconsistent, one day she nurses great another day she doesn't want anything to do with nursing. This inconsistency affects my supply all the time. Even at almost a year old, I still pump when she goes to bed, at 2 am and in the morning after she nurses, so I could keep my supply up for her. I thought she was a terrible eater (solids) but now she has taken it to a whole new level. I rather pull my hair out then feed her and dread each meal now. I know if I am stressed it'll affect her, I do try really hard not to show it. 

I feel like I've tried everything: 1. eat with her at every meal 2. let her eat her own food and play with it if she wants 3. sing, play, put music on in the background, no music 4. offer to help her eat 5. put the food in front of her and do stuff in the kitchen and ignore her eating or not eating 6. distract her with stuff, 7. exaggerate eating ....It seems like nothing works for her.

We started her on straw cups early (4.5 months) she refused all bottles and sippy cups. She knows how to drink from straw cups, I know she does, but now for the past 3 weeks she doesn't close her mouth when drinking and all the liquid drips out of her mouth. Then she drops the cup on the floor over and over (I know this is common kid stuff) but I am trying to get the whole picture in. She is not interested in any sort of liquid (water, breast milk, water with a bit of prune juice). I can't even imagine a world where I'd give her a cup of milk and she'd drink it willingly. 

Solids: she takes a bite and holds it in her mouth, doesn't swallow it, nor would drink a sip of water or milk to help her eat it. She refuses to open her mouth once there is that one bite of food in her mouth. Even if she wants to laugh at something she refuses to open her mouth to laugh. She used to eat blueberries by handful, now she eats one, and the skin stays in her mouth until 1. she either spits it out an hour later or 2. by chance sneezes and everything comes out or  3. she is going down for a nap and I have to pretend I am brushing her teeth and take the stuff out...

We let her play with her food and feed herself so I don't think it's a control issues. When desperate to get something in her I do try to spoon feed her some mashed avocado, she doesn't mind, but again, she doesn't swallow, just keeps it in her mouth and the mouth stays shut. I just don't know what to do. I am worried she is not getting what she needs. She is definitely not nursing good that I could say she is getting enough nutrients and not worry about solids. She doesn't take a bottle so I could give her formula or breast milk in a bottle and know she is getting something in.

She is not teething at the moment, I don't think. She got 5 teeth at once a month ago and while teething she actually ate alright. She is in a good mood, and sleeps fine. No sickness or cold. We've seen a LC nurse, she watched her nurse, there is nothing wrong technically, she just chooses to not nurse. We have also seen a food therapist in December and they observed her eat then and she ate every texture food they put in front of her so they said her oral skills are just fine...

I don't know what to do so she'd eat like a normal baby. It's so exhausting and frustrating and I am constantly worried about her. 

Sorry this turned long..

nanabanana06

Honestly, sounds pretty normal. You need to relax. With toddlers you need to look at the overall week rather than each day. Is she eating enough to properly grow and enough of each food group each week? If yes then your fine. Some days my kids will only eat graham crackers and bunnies. Other days they eat everything put in front of them. Also, kids typically eat better for other people. So, I would just relax and serve her varied well rounded meals and just leave her be. Kids will not starve themselves.

honeydew01

My recent freak out (and thus venting on this post this morning) is because her diapers are not nearly as wet as they used to be. I can tell she has peed, but the diapers are so very light. This has happened in the past (before 6 months) and every time I freaked out and took her in they said she's not dehydrated so I don't think she is dehydrated right now either, I just think she is taking just enough liquid to get by.

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pb_bride

Gosh, it sounds tough!  I would be pulling my hair out too if I were you.  Does your DD do that to every kind of solid foods (you gave example of the blueberry)?  Are there any foods that your DD LOVES?  DS goes through phases of picky eating and I know it can be frustrating (and worrisome for moms too).  I know I can fall back on some of his favorites - such as cantaloupe, melons, pineapples, and any kind of bread.  Will she eat other kinds of fruits (not just holding it in the mouth)?  

Anyway, I know you said your DD has never been a good eater, but it sounds like it is worse lately? (you said she used to eat blueberries by the handful).  So there's a good chance that this is just a phase and it will pass.  I'd be worried if she never swallows any solid foods; if that's the case, she may need some medical attention to see if she has some oral sensory issues.  

It is hard not to worry.  But assuming that she is gaining weight and height okay (at her next pedi visit), then she is probably doing okay.  It is frustrating that she won't drink anything out of a cup however.  Have you tried a different brand of straw cup?  A lot of times I hold the cup for DS so he can't play with it or drop it on the floor.  You may be surprised when you introduce WCM however. Your DD may like it.

Finally, this may or may not help.  When I was going through a very frustrated phase with DS's eating (some nights I had to leave the dining room after dinner just to keep my emotions in check.... it's hard not to take it personally when I do my best to cook a healthy balanced meal for our family), I got the "Fearless Feeding" book.  It has lots of good points and gave me a better perspective and attitude towards feeding DS.  It helped me a lot and we are all much happier these days during mealtimes.  good luck!

honeydew01

pb_bride said:

Gosh, it sounds tough!  I would be pulling my hair out too if I were you.  Does your DD do that to every kind of solid foods (you gave example of the blueberry)?  Are there any foods that your DD LOVES?  DS goes through phases of picky eating and I know it can be frustrating (and worrisome for moms too).  I know I can fall back on some of his favorites - such as cantaloupe, melons, pineapples, and any kind of bread.  Will she eat other kinds of fruits (not just holding it in the mouth)?  

Anyway, I know you said your DD has never been a good eater, but it sounds like it is worse lately? (you said she used to eat blueberries by the handful).  So there's a good chance that this is just a phase and it will pass.  I'd be worried if she never swallows any solid foods; if that's the case, she may need some medical attention to see if she has some oral sensory issues.  

It is hard not to worry.  But assuming that she is gaining weight and height okay (at her next pedi visit), then she is probably doing okay.  It is frustrating that she won't drink anything out of a cup however.  Have you tried a different brand of straw cup?  A lot of times I hold the cup for DS so he can't play with it or drop it on the floor.  You may be surprised when you introduce WCM however. Your DD may like it.

Finally, this may or may not help.  When I was going through a very frustrated phase with DS's eating (some nights I had to leave the dining room after dinner just to keep my emotions in check.... it's hard not to take it personally when I do my best to cook a healthy balanced meal for our family), I got the "Fearless Feeding" book.  It has lots of good points and gave me a better perspective and attitude towards feeding DS.  It helped me a lot and we are all much happier these days during mealtimes.  good luck!

Thank you everyone for your feedback! I know I need to chill and let it go. It's just so hard when I know she hasn't had a bite of anything in days and is going to bed hungry. I do think the only reason she has not lost weight is because I try to sneak in avocado and full fat yogurt (things I know she likes or liked) whenever I can, mostly at dinner time in a puree format. It's like we have regressed back to 6 months ago.

Should I just give her finger food only? For those of you whose toddlers refuses food at some meals, do they then wake up in the middle of the night? If so, do you let them go til morning? 

pb_bride, to answer your questions, yes I think we have every kind of straw cup there is out there. Bottles too for that matter  

I have reverted back to food she really liked and even with those she holds it in her mouth. I do my best to not show reactions. There has been a time or two where I had to leave the room and put my emotions in check and come back. I do have the "fearless feeding" book. I read it when she was younger and just recently browsed it to see if they have anything about babies who do what she does. The book doesn't mention anything about kids who don't eat solids but also don't nurse well nor take bottles though. I understand it's my job to prep and present the food and it's her job to decide how much of it to eat. I keep repeating this to myself but I can't help but feel exhausted and worried by the whole thing.

honeydew01

Nicb13 said:

When DS refuses dinner, he never wakes in the night hungry. I have not experienced that. I've been told (and seen for myself) that dinner is by far the toughest meal of the day for DS. He's usually too wound up to eat or not hungry.

I was like you and let DS's eating habits rule my days. I dreaded meals too and on occasion, still do! If there is nothing medically wrong with your LO then all you can do is offer healthy foods, finger foods or things she eats with utensils and hope for the best. For real. Stressing will do nothing and trust me, she will pick up on that stress.

When I'm too stressed over something, I let DH take over. I find that if I just put the food down in front of DS, don't bribe him, talk to him, bug him, etc....he starts eating. When I try too hard, he shuts down.

Thanks so much Nicb. DD is worst at lunch so far, but it changes, it used to be breakfast that was the worse. It's lunch right now. It's good to know your DS doesn't wake up when he refuses dinner. I guess I'll find out how DD does when I remove the tray of food at dinner time after she refused it.

I do let DH take over meal times on weekends and she does eat better for him. She still keeps the food in her mouth but it's not as bad. I have tried just giving her the food and keeping myself busy in the kitchen, she just sat there and watched me. At dinner time DH and I eat our meals and talk and try to ignore her, she grunts and moans and fusses. So we are like "oh did you want water?" and hand her the cup, she either pushes it away or takes it and tosses it on the ground. If she does this twice we take it away. I swear she is the most stubborn little girl.

honeydew01

Nicb13 said:

I know it seems like this will last forever but IME, DS changes so often and after I've wasted a bunch of my time stressing over his behavior...he changes and I forget what I was so worked up over.

I really think this is a phase that will pass so try to just get through it. Man, before I had a kid, I never, ever thought that meal times would be as hard as they have been or THAT is what I would stress over. I definitely get what you are going through.

Hang in there

THIS exactly. I had no idea! I feel like I've aged years in the last year between stressing over her sleep and eating issues. And you're right, every time I try to figure something out she changes it on me. Please tell me they become more stable and predictable...As stressful as it has been, she is turning ONE in less than 2 weeks and I am having a hard time with it. I mean I am very glad she is thriving and growing but I just can not believe she is going to be one. I am afraid I may cry at her party and I am not an overtly emotional person. 

pb_bride

honeydew01 said:

pb_bride said:

Gosh, it sounds tough!  I would be pulling my hair out too if I were you.  Does your DD do that to every kind of solid foods (you gave example of the blueberry)?  Are there any foods that your DD LOVES?  DS goes through phases of picky eating and I know it can be frustrating (and worrisome for moms too).  I know I can fall back on some of his favorites - such as cantaloupe, melons, pineapples, and any kind of bread.  Will she eat other kinds of fruits (not just holding it in the mouth)?  

Anyway, I know you said your DD has never been a good eater, but it sounds like it is worse lately? (you said she used to eat blueberries by the handful).  So there's a good chance that this is just a phase and it will pass.  I'd be worried if she never swallows any solid foods; if that's the case, she may need some medical attention to see if she has some oral sensory issues.  

It is hard not to worry.  But assuming that she is gaining weight and height okay (at her next pedi visit), then she is probably doing okay.  It is frustrating that she won't drink anything out of a cup however.  Have you tried a different brand of straw cup?  A lot of times I hold the cup for DS so he can't play with it or drop it on the floor.  You may be surprised when you introduce WCM however. Your DD may like it.

Finally, this may or may not help.  When I was going through a very frustrated phase with DS's eating (some nights I had to leave the dining room after dinner just to keep my emotions in check.... it's hard not to take it personally when I do my best to cook a healthy balanced meal for our family), I got the "Fearless Feeding" book.  It has lots of good points and gave me a better perspective and attitude towards feeding DS.  It helped me a lot and we are all much happier these days during mealtimes.  good luck!

Thank you everyone for your feedback! I know I need to chill and let it go. It's just so hard when I know she hasn't had a bite of anything in days and is going to bed hungry. I do think the only reason she has not lost weight is because I try to sneak in avocado and full fat yogurt (things I know she likes or liked) whenever I can, mostly at dinner time in a puree format. It's like we have regressed back to 6 months ago.

Should I just give her finger food only? For those of you whose toddlers refuses food at some meals, do they then wake up in the middle of the night? If so, do you let them go til morning? 

pb_bride, to answer your questions, yes I think we have every kind of straw cup there is out there. Bottles too for that matter  

I have reverted back to food she really liked and even with those she holds it in her mouth. I do my best to not show reactions. There has been a time or two where I had to leave the room and put my emotions in check and come back. I do have the "fearless feeding" book. I read it when she was younger and just recently browsed it to see if they have anything about babies who do what she does. The book doesn't mention anything about kids who don't eat solids but also don't nurse well nor take bottles though. I understand it's my job to prep and present the food and it's her job to decide how much of it to eat. I keep repeating this to myself but I can't help but feel exhausted and worried by the whole thing.

It seems like you've done everything "right," I guess you just have a stubborn one in your hands!  I still think it is just a phase.  Perhaps her molars are coming in and that's why her eating is so poor lately.  When DS's first few teeth came in, they weren't bad, but they progressively got worse.  Some nights he barely ate anything.

As others said, DS never woke up hungry MOTN, so you don't have to worry about that.  If she's accepting pureed food, it *could* be because her gums are hurting so she doesn't want to chew/mash on solid foods.  I offer DS finger/table foods at M/L/D but for snacks, he gets a smoothie which he loves.  Since he doesn't eat yougurt (he used to eat yogurt daily from 6m-12m, then has been refusing for the past 3 months), I mix in full fat yogurt in his smoothie.  

As I said, this is only a phase and hopefully things improve soon for you!  (if you are desperate, you can also try offering an open cup of water and see if your DD will drink from that.)

Starfish+77

Not sure I have much to add, but hopefully it's just a phase. My DD eats pretty well but a few weeks ago pushed away almost everything fed to her. It was so frustrating and lasted a couple weeks. She also drinks from straw cups and for several months would fill her mouth with liquid and forget to swallow. I used to put multiple bibs on her and would get frustrated by the amount of laundry since she was in her spare clothes every day at daycare. I also tried multiple straw cups and found she liked the Zoli the best. (Of course since it's so darn expensive!) Anyway likely just a phase for your LO and it sounds like you're doing everything right! Try not to stress although easier said than done. This too shall pass... :-)

honeydew01

I thought I send an update. So since Saturday I've put her meal in her plate that suctions to the tray and let her decide if she wants to eat or not. No spoon feeding, no asking her to eat....The new thing is that she starts to cry after 5-10 minutes. The crying continues no matter how I respond. I try to talk to her nicely, tried to ignore it, tried to take the tray away and call it done.....I don't know what to do anymore. The screeching crying is so annoying. I don't know what she wants, if I take the plate away and call it done she cries, if I give it back she cries, if I just sit there she cries, if I ignore her she cries. 

 Here is what happened today:

-Up at 7, nibbled on the boob no sucking. Her over night diaper was very light, an ounce and half of pee maybe. 

-Breakfast @ 8, french toast, hard boiled egg, fruit (raspberry cut in haves and banana quartered) - she smooched the raspberries, put a piece of french toast (size of a penny) in her mouth, then sat there and watched me eat, then the crying begin..

-Nap at 9:15, offered to nurse, she nursed for 2 minutes then unlatched and wanted to be put down.

 

-Up at 11, offered the boob, not interested.

-I poured some breast milk in her new cup and had it around so while she played she'd take a sip. From 11 to 12:30 when we had lunch she had taken two sips.

-Lunch at 12:30, left over from last night's dinner. Risotto that had asparagus and mushroom in it, with a side of peas and carrots, also watermelon cubes.  She had 3 peas, a tiny piece of asparagus then started squeezing the melon pieces and dropping them on the floor. Same with the cup of water. After 4 drops I took the cup and put it on the table and the crying begin and I have it blocked but it went on for a while.

- 2:15 nap 2. Offered the boob, nibbled no real sucking

- Up at 4, got her, offered to nurse, she nibbled and wanted to fall back sleep not nurse.

- Snack at 4:30, blueberries, ate one, kept the skin in her mouth and would not open her mouth again. 

- Dinner at 5:45, chicken cooked in some Parmesan sauce with a side of broccoli and pieces of avocado.  Ate a tiny piece of the broccoli, a piece of chicken size of a penny, then the crying begin. DH tried to talk with her and calm her down, the crying continued...stopped for 2 minutes then out of the blue started again. 

- bedtime at 7, she nursed for 2-3 minutes.

I don't know what to do about this new crying business. On Saturday, the first time this started, I thought "oh she is done eating", I tried to clean up, she cried harder, so I was like "oh you were not done?" and gave it back to her still crying.. What gives?  I don't know what to do anymore.

honeydew01

Nicb, I'm sorry you're dealing with it too. It's no fun  

She'll be one on Monday. 

I'm keeping a straw cup filled with water or breast milk around all day in hopes that she'd take a sip here or there. Call me crazy, I started weighing her diapers since Monday because they are so light. She is not acting lethargic (yet?) and I know if I take her in, they'll say she looks fine but I am keeping a close eye on her. I have a friend who works for EI and she said she can't think of anything that we haven't tried so just keep doing what we are doing, hopefully it'll click and she'll start eating and drinking. The stress is killing me though. They say babies don't starve themselves, I am afraid she'll prove everyone wrong.

ashiscute

Does your LO constantly hold food in her mouth?  She could have some oral sensory issues.  My DD craves oral input to where she will hold grapes in her mouth for 20 or 30 mins sometimes.  She eats all textures but prefers crunchy foods and spicier foods.  

Honestly, it sounds like you are feeding her all day.  She may not really be hungry.  If you are nursing her 6- 7 times per day (even if she only nurses for a few mins) and doing 3 meals plus snacks she is probably eating more than you realize.  I'm not quite sure how old she is but when both of mine turned 1 they were at 3 meals and 2 snacks.  And I nursed them about 3 times per day total.  

Is your pedi concerned at all with how she's eating and her growth?  If not, then I'd just be as consistent as possible.  Hopefully things get better for you soon.