And yet another...MIL vent >:Z

Jbruce7612

So. Im 32 wks pregnant and my precious niece is 5 wks old. Me and SIL are like best friends. Our MIL tho has not paid my pregnancy any attention! All she has bought DD was a cheap $5 stuffed animal for my baby shower. Yeah. But for SIL's DD she goes allll out. And the son i married is "supposedly" her "favorite" son. Now my parents on the other hand have bought our crib and high chair swing and alot of clothes for DD. so my MIL should not be surprised if she doesnt get to see my DD that much once she's here. It would be one thing if she just didnt know what to buy or whatever but she went allll out for my SIL's DD before she was even born. She bought her cute outfits the day after my SIL and her hubby found out what they were having. And for my DD? Nothing. Ughhh im sorry i just needed to vent.

rainydayluck

You are yucky. You wouldn't let your MIL see her granddaughter because she didn't buy you the shit you wanted?? With how awesome you come across, I cannot imagine why she doesn't want to be involved with you or buy you stuff.

rainydayluck

Jbruce7612 said:

So. Im 32 wks pregnant and my precious niece is 5 wks old. Me and SIL are like best friends. Our MIL tho has not paid my pregnancy any attention! All she has bought DD was a cheap $5 stuffed animal for my baby shower. Yeah. But for SIL's DD she goes allll out. And the son i married is "supposedly" her "favorite" son. Now my parents on the other hand have bought our crib and high chair swing and alot of clothes for DD. so my MIL should not be surprised if she doesnt get to see my DD that much once she's here. It would be one thing if she just didnt know what to buy or whatever but she went allll out for my SIL's DD before she was even born. She bought her cute outfits the day after my SIL and her hubby found out what they were having. And for my DD? Nothing. Ughhh im sorry i just needed to vent.

Also, QFP.

Jbruce7612

It's not just about her not buying my baby stuff!! Its how she doesnt ask about my pregnancy when she dotes over the other one! Why should i let her see her when she shows no attention to me or my baby girl at all!? And the fact that she didnt once speak to me at my own baby shower. But will talk about my SIL to me because i listen to everything she has to say out of respect. You dont have to be nasty. Don't be so quick to judge and make rude comments when you don't know the whole situation, i just gave brief examples. . All i needed was some encouragement but thats ok, don't need it from your butt anyways ma'am.

Jbruce7612

DH knows what's freaking going on. It just hurts that she gives them more attention than she does my DD. she gave her a baby shower but not me? It just doesnt make sence to me. My thing is, what you do for one, you should do for the other. You can't honestly say if you were in the same position that you could just overlook it all. There are a ton of things you dont know. This is the first time i vent about it at all ( except to DH who agrees with me) and all i get is crap from y'all. Thanks.

rainydayluck

Jbruce7612 said:

DH knows what's freaking going on. It just hurts that she gives them more attention than she does my DD. she gave her a baby shower but not me? It just doesnt make sence to me. My thing is, what you do for one, you should do for the other. You can't honestly say if you were in the same position that you could just overlook it all. There are a ton of things you dont know. This is the first time i vent about it at all ( except to DH who agrees with me) and all i get is crap from y'all. Thanks.

Um, that is not how life works. 

Also, why the hell would your MIL want to give you anything with you acting like such a peach? 

ETA: If the same thing was happening with me, sure I could be a little disappointed, but I would never keep a grandmother away from her grandchild because I was being a materialistic, selfish, bitch.

Jbruce7612

Ok whatever y'all say. I hope when you're feeling down about something "petty" i hope everyone rains on your party.

RondackHiker

Jbruce7612 said:

Ok whatever y'all say. I hope when you're feeling down about something "petty" i hope everyone rains on your party.

If I threaten to keep my child from a family member over something as petty as unequal gifts, I HOPE someone tells me I'm ridiculous and "rains on my parade".

Unless this favoritism continues after birth and to the point where your LO is old enough to notice (and after you and your h have spoken to his mom about being blatantly unequal to the children), you have no reason to even think of cutting her off.

It sucks she doesn't seem as excited for your baby, but there is no rule that EVERYTHING MUST BE EQUAL.

Jbruce7612

It's actually not her daughter its her other DIL. I would understand if it was her daughter :].
And maybe you ladies are right, i have been jealous, but everything my MIL does for SiL and her DD she does right in front of me like she's rubbing it in! My SIL even mentioned it to me! And she hates our MIL she told me her self! It just hurts and is getting pretty old.

MaybeKatie10

If you keep your mil away from your dd over something so petty, the person who will hurt the most is your dd. Growing up, my mother also used me as a pawn to 'punish' people who slighted her by denying them access to me. Broke my heart every single time. 

nlane0723

MaybeKatie10 said:

If you keep your mil away from your dd over something so petty, the person who will hurt the most is your dd. Growing up, my mother also used me as a pawn to 'punish' people who slighted her by denying them access to me. Broke my heart every single time. 

This. Please don't use your child as a pawn and grow the fuck up.

Ashleypixie

Maybe I'm making assumptions here, but from your tone I can only guess that you are just really nasty to her. I wouldn't buy you anything either, you sound petty and immature. You are married and probably capable of buying yourself things for the baby plus your mom sounds like she supplies you with plenty. So suck it up and act like an adult, and don't use your child as a pawn.

mcgeeva

Did your family give you a shower? If so maybe that is why she didn't give you one. My husband is an only child and I had our first grand baby and no shower. But who cares I can't stand my mil anyways. It's gifts. Gifts mean shit. What matters more is support and caring. I'm not sure what your treatment is towards her either?

Jbruce7612

Thats just it. My MIL and i have always been close and never had any kind of trouble or problems. But its like since i got pregnant it just seems like she doesnt care! My FIL is very supportive tho. Like i said, its not just bout the gifts. I just want her to at least act like she cares about her grand baby! And maybe and hopefully it will after DD is born.

Jbruce7612

Oh trust me im not rushing to judgement.

InLovewSB

jennish11 said:

:snip:

My recommendation:  Sit down with her - ask her to lunch, or brunch - and have a nice, adult conversation with her about it.  Let her know that you value her as a MIL and grandmother to your child and you don't understand why it appears your DD isn't as big of a deal.  That's how you deal with things in the adult world.

And, YES, I would just let it go.  My child's needs are much more important than my butthurt feelings.  AND - if the other child is her first grandchild, that could also explain the extra attention - that happens sometimes.  The first grandchild gets a ton of attention because it's so new and exciting.

All of the above. Your Mother In Law is not a high school bully. If you have a problem with her behavior as you perceive it, put on your big girl panties and speak up. And it'd probably be best to approach her respectfully and not as you ranted above.

MadBloom

She's probably just over excited about her own daughter having a baby. I can imagine it's different when your own daughter is giving birth. I know it's her sons child but she may feel like she's intruding on your privacy and your special time with your own mother. 
My parents have gone above and beyond what Grandparents should be doing in terms of purchasing things. We've received nothing from the in-laws except promises of 25 year old hand downs from when my husband was an infant..... no thank you, I don't want my baby to be in a playpen that has been used a dozen times over the past 20 some years and is all worn out! I will buy a new one.
Anyways, let her get over the excitement of her new grandbaby and then the focus will probably turn to you when your LO arrives. 

Jbruce7612

Its not her daughter its her other DIL lol but yes im sure all the excitement will wear off and everything will be fine.

RebeccaY1

While I don't think it's right to deny someone the chance to see their grandchild because of gifts, I also understand to a certain extent.  I haven't had the best relationship with my in-laws.  They forget my birthday every year, don't ask about the pregnancy, or do anything to make me feel like they care about the only grandchild that will carry on the family name.  Their two daughters were given tons of gifts, lots of attention, and get birthday cakes and parties every year.  I have hurt feelings and jealousy because of the lack of attention I'm given.  I can empathize with your reluctance to include them in your lives.  My own grandparents were similar to this as well, and I now choose to ignore them and don't include them in my life.  They made me feel like I wasn't as important as my cousins.  I always felt neglected by them.  I would allow them to be included and wait to see what happens.  They could turn out to be great or big disappointments, but at least hope for them to be great.

rainydayluck

RebeccaY1 said:

While I don't think it's right to deny someone the chance to see their grandchild because of gifts, I also understand to a certain extent.  I haven't had the best relationship with my in-laws.  They forget my birthday every year, don't ask about the pregnancy, or do anything to make me feel like they care about the only grandchild that will carry on the family name.  Their two daughters were given tons of gifts, lots of attention, and get birthday cakes and parties every year.  I have hurt feelings and jealousy because of the lack of attention I'm given.  I can empathize with your reluctance to include them in your lives.  My own grandparents were similar to this as well, and I now choose to ignore them and don't include them in my life.  They made me feel like I wasn't as important as my cousins.  I always felt neglected by them.  I would allow them to be included and wait to see what happens.  They could turn out to be great or big disappointments, but at least hope for them to be great.

But your mom allowed you to make your own choice, she didn't keep you from your family. Also, no one will EVER care about your pregnancy as much as you do. Not asking about a pregnancy is not a big deal!

avidkeo

Man this is a whole lot of mess!!!!

My paternal grandmother showered me with gifts as a child - on the very few occasions I saw her. 

My maternal grandmother would only give us a small gift on my birthday and Christmas (oh and an Easter egg every easter!) and I talk to her on a weekly basis, she is super excited about baby coming and is ready with lots of advice. She is planning on driving 10 hrs to come and visit us when baby is born. I know if I ever needed to I can call her any time and she would be the first to show up. I'm not saying our relationship is perfect, she drives me mental sometimes and can be a bit negative, which I have learned to ignore. She has give us absolutely nothing for baby, and I don't care, and don't expect her to.

Its not the presents but the presence they have in your life that counts.

Jodash24

With me it's the opposite, I'm STM and you would think my mother would be excited?! She never even asks how I am or how hospital apps go, she's not bought a single thing, not that I'm expecting it as my partner and I have bought everything ready for baby but isn't it what an excited grandmother does?!? On the other side my mil rings at least once/twice a week, after every appointment, she has been doing lots of knitting and picking up little bits for us ( wet wipes, baby toiletries bibs) which again we don't need as we are all organised, I just don't understand my mother .......

Tassie06

I can understand where you're coming from. My MIL favours all the granddaughters over the grandsons. Even my SIL said something to her about it. And she's the one with a daughter. Still nothing has changed. Fortunately she lives 4 hours away so we hardly ever see her. But you really can't deny her from seeing your baby. Sure, I've thought that too but I know better then that, as I'm sure you were really only saying that through emotions.

Jbruce7612

Yeah i def said that out of pure emotions. It's just so frustrating lol

Abcollins57

I would try not to think about it too much. Honestly it's probably just hormones. I don't like my mom or MIL right now even though we usually get along great so I know it's a hormonal trip. I don't want to push them away because I'm feeling psycho so I just kinda keep to myself. Distance yourself until you're feeling more sane and you'll be surprised how much better you feel when you do see them.

maizypie

My MIL didn't ask me how my pregnancy was going really, or try to be involved. I went to her, asked advise and told her what's going on. You had better believe after the baby was born she couldn't get enough! I think because I am not her daughter she didn't want to be "that" MIL. Who cares what is or isn't bought, it's how they are when the baby is born that really matters. (I am also very close with my MIL).

cchild101010

Maybe we don't have ALL the information and understand your relationship. However, based on what I've read I would say/suggest the following:
1) maybe if your parents have bought so much your MIL feels like she can't compete or you don't need as many things
2) maybe your attitude towards her has been stand off ish - step back and try to evaluate neutrally. Maybe even try to be overly nice and see how she reacts
3) if you guys normally have a good relationship and the only reason you wouldn't let your MIL see LO is because of presents and her attitude toward you that seems like you will cheat your LO out of a relationship more than anything
Good luck... Sometimes hormones can make us more sensitive and cloud or judgment.