My poor BIL

TikiTurtle

Just found out that my BIL's FI called off the relationship and had an abortion. WTF. He's in the army and she was supposed to fly out to his new base today, and instead this. We don't know yet what happened, she's cut all lines of communication. And this is after his first wife had an affair then served him with divorce papers right after their DD was born and moved across the country from his base. The whole family is in shock. This came out of nowhere. We didn't even know she was pregnant.

dogperson11

How awful for him. I can't imagine how heartbroken he must be. Did he know she was pregnant? Wow...

MrsRustyGriswold

That's terrible.  I feel so bad for him.

TikiTurtle

dogperson11 said:

How awful for him. I can't imagine how heartbroken he must be. Did he know she was pregnant? Wow...

Yes he knew. As of last week she couldn't wait to move out to be with him and was telling me about wedding plans. This all happened so fast we don't really know why she changed her mind so suddenly.

dogperson11

TikiTurtle said:

dogperson11 said:

How awful for him. I can't imagine how heartbroken he must be. Did he know she was pregnant? Wow...

Yes he knew. As of last week she couldn't wait to move out to be with him and was telling me about wedding plans. This all happened so fast we don't really know why she changed her mind so suddenly.

Oh how awful for him

Jags8

That is awful. I'm so sorry

lifeonthehill

Ugh. That is terrible. I am so sorry for him.

raelynn71109

I'm lurking from TTGP, and not trying to make a bad situation worse, but is he certain she is telling the truth about the abortion? May seem extreme, but I have heard one too many stories about women lying about that and then by the time the dad finds out the truth he is a stranger to the kid and has lost all rights.

DH's ex girlfriend got pregnant and then a few weeks later broke off the relationship and tried to tell him that the baby was someone else's and that she was already pregnant when they started dating. Despite the fact he attended her dating ultrasound where she was measuring at 6 weeks. She broke off all communication with him too. But he knew things weren't adding up, hired a lawyer, and eventually got a paternity test done. Sure enough, the baby was his. He didn't get to meet his daughter until she was 5 months old. Now he has sole custody, because of other BSC things the mom has done over the years.

Again, sorry if I am completely out of line here. But I just wanted to throw this out there. If he has any doubts, encourage him to try to get some kind of proof from her. Either way, I am really sorry for the situation he's in.

TikiTurtle

@raelynn71109 it's ok, you're not out of line. But dispite whatever happened to make her have such a change of heart, she's been a very level headed person. And it sounds like she showed the documentation to BIL before she cut off communication.

easilyunamused

Well it is all a huge betray, and abortion aside, I guess it is better she showed her true colors now than after they were married/had more children. Some people are just bad. 

raelynn71109

TikiTurtle said:

@raelynn71109 it's ok, you're not out of line. But dispite whatever happened to make her have such a change of heart, she's been a very level headed person. And it sounds like she showed the documentation to BIL before she cut off communication.

Oh, I see. That's really awful. I can't imagine how hard this must be for him right now. So sorry!

nopegoat

Oh gosh. That's horrible. Poor bil. 

TikiTurtle

fredalina said:

I guess I'm a bad person for thinking more is happening that you're not being told. Like cheating or abuse.

There's definitely more going on, but I can't get any specifics. I was able to get her to talk to me briefly and it sounds like BIL said or did some things to make her feel like he wasn't being completely honest with her. It must have been something pretty big to cause this, but neither party seems to want to share that much.

SmileyJay

That is so awful! 

Like others have mentioned, most of the time in situations like this there is a lot more going on than anyone knows. You don't know the inter-workings of their relationship and your brother can omit details to look like the prince in the situation. Not saying that is happening, but who knows. On the bright side, this doesn't sound like the kind of woman he should be marrying or having kids with. If she didn't randomly walk out now, it may have been suddenly 10 years from now.

Did he ever see a positive pregnancy test? I have known of a few girls to say they are pregnant and then conveniently miscarry or have an abortion when the guy wants proof. Just happened to DHs friend a few months ago with some crazy he was dating. He broke up with her, then she said she was pregnant. He was pretty freaked out but he asked her to come over and take a test with him there and then they can talk about it and she wouldn't. Next day she texted him that she miscarried.... *rolls eyes* Crazy girls. 

TikiTurtle

They had known about the pregnancy for over a month and had an u/s, they just hadn't told the family yet. And I know BIL is no prince, but it's how fast everything happened that has us all in shock.

mrssl3813

That is awful! The poor guy!!!!

foreverapartofme

Oh how horrible!  

LimaD

Regardless of what he did to make her call of the wedding, there isn't an excuse for  killing their innocent child. How horrible and heartless. So sorry this happened!

GoaliesWife123

Lurking from ttgp and lgbt boards:

I'm so sorry for your family to be going through this. I'm a family law attorney and I do agree that he should at least try and keep an eye on things. If she did not show him proper paperwork proving the abortion and is possibly still pregnant, he will want to assert his parental rights. 

Again, I'm so sorry he is going through this.