Do you ever wonder... — The Bump
Infertility Veterans

Do you ever wonder...

What's after infertility treatment if it fails you? I obviously can't stop thinking about it. DH wants to take a break from all things children, which sucks bc I feel like I always need a plan. I understand though, we've been through a lot and we are broke from it. I just am not sure how to live life without treatment. I emailed my nurse and basically asked if they were done with me, even if they said they'd give us another ivf (they won't) I don't know how we'd afford meds. I'm sorry for the rant I'm just going crazy lol

 


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*******siggy/ticker warning***** 

 Me(31). DH (31)

DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

FET 10/4/13 Chemical

IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

All Welcome

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Do you ever wonder...

  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its Photogenic
    member
    edited February 2014
    I quit treatment last February after DE2 and a m/c. We were out of insurance and I was laid off. We made a new plan which included selling our 4bdrm house that we no longer needed. We moved 45 mins back to DH's home city. I really tried to be CFNBC for 7 months. Then I had a breakdown over it(long story involving babies in the family). DH said we could try again with a guarantee program since our situation had changed (no big mortgage anymore). Still, here I am 5 months later with another m/c. I no longer believe this will end with a baby. But I'm trapped in a guarantee program and have to cycle 2 more times b4 I can request a partial refund. I can't totally move on accordingly. My best advice to you(which has been given back to me by others) is to take your time. You are grieving right now and won't make the best decisions. Secondly, you don't know 100% that you don't have a miracle in you right now. Third, you haven't even considered alternative options to using donor "something" in the future.. also, there are always clinics who will treat you. If all 4 IVFs have been at the same clinic, its time to try elsewhere anyway. Deep breaths and big hugs.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Lacyj67zazu13
  • Thanks, you're right it is new. We have thrown around ideas of adopting embryos, babies, etc but it feels like we need to leave it all alone for a while. I guess I'm just for the first time (seriously) considering what if there just isn't a next step. The farther you go in infertility the scarier it seems to keep going or stop, both feel terrifying (I'm sure you understand) On another note I went to a puppy rescue event this wknd and almost adopted like 10 dogs lol

     


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    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • Ps: I found stopping treatment to be harder than doing treatment, even when treatment failed. It is hard to stop treatment and stay there. But I have met wonderful women who have made it thru the "worst of times" and can see some blue sky on the other side. You just have to be really ready to shut that door or have it shut for you due to illness etc.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    sorrellam30mm29
  • Ps: I found stopping treatment to be harder than doing treatment, even when treatment failed. It is hard to stop treatment and stay there. But I have met wonderful women who have made it thru the "worst of times" and can see some blue sky on the other side. You just have to be really ready to shut that door or have it shut for you due to illness etc.

    I guess I feel like I need to confront it as a possibility, I HOPE that in time we'll find some options (and $!) but I also want to be prepared to find a way to be happy if things keep going like they go

     


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    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • It's just so hard to feel like you are at the end of your rope. I think about your question all the time. What am I going to do? How far am I willing to go? And I have a plan right now, but you just never know til you know that it's over. But I'm totally with McIrish... You can only take it one day at a time. I'm still praying for the embies transferred. (((Hugs)))


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Waited a long time, tried a lot of stuff, science made me a mom.
      

     
    sorrellam30
  • Thanks for sharing chucktgirl, I hope this is it for you

     


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    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

    chucktgirl
  • I am so sorry you are feeling like this. After the event so of the weekend I am letting those same nagging feelings get to me also. I really hope those embies that you get good news next week. ((Hugs))
    ******************** BFP Warning *******************
     
    I'm 29 and DH is 32 we have a MFI (low count) 
    IVF #1 starting in August. ER 9/5/13 23 eggs we are fertilizing 15. 9 frozen
    ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
    7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
    Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
    Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
    FET #2 - 3/3/14 - 5AB Blast -- Beta #1 3/12 - 152 -- Beta #2 3/14 - 358
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    FET #3 06/09/16 - 5AB Blast - Beta #1 6/18- 245 -- Beta #2 06/20 - 600
     PAIF/SAIF/PAL/SAL welcome!

    sorrellam30
  • I agree that it is a very hard choice to make. Some feel like they may be able live without children but me and my husband decided once we began this journey we would not stop till we became parents. Many years later and IVF and donor eggs and miscarrying.... This is far deeper than I thought we would ever have to keep going... Headed into this second FET I had a lot of emotions and doubts. Like what if I am never ment to carry my child.. Will I know when to give up and move on to other options??? Will we even be able to afford a GC? So many questions still go unanswered and we decided to put adoption into the mix at last because we truly wanted to do both eventually so that was my way of coping and keeping us busy. We are still in the foster adoption process and now 5weeks along with the FET and hopeful but very scared of all that usually goes wrong for us. I know I'm tipping my toes in two ponds at once and even though it can be stressful at times its what I hope will get to us that end goal. I never will give up and do what it takes I guess that's just my personality and hope it dosnt end up smacking me from behind later!!! I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the way your ment to go!!
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






    sorrellam30
  • After mc 5 I had agreed to stop treatment and do the adoption process even though I was never going to go through with it. I decided after we recovered financially I was going to buy a horse and go back to what used to make me happy. If that meant getting a divorce that was also fine because I couldn't go through anymore and adoption as PA knows can be just as harmful.

    DH figured out that I was never going to do adoption and he said he could live with it but he was devastated.

    Then I was told about another forum for people just like me with many immune problems life changed.

    I figured in my mind though that just like I got used to having certain medical problems I could get used to being without kids we just would never be friends with others with kids and we would tell everyone we couldn't have them so no one would ask again.

    It's a dark hard decision to stop but if one doesn't want to stop it typically doesn't work out you want to have no regrets. I have no regrets, I would have gone to kk as well before I stopped because that is how stubborn I am.

    My advice do whatever you have to to close this part of your life with no regrets!
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


    PrettyAccountant
  • Chucktgirl- Your story is truly inspiring, and it brought tears to my eyes. You are one strong woman. Praying for nothing but the best for you.

    Sorrellam.... As I read your post, I kept thinking "That's my life in a nutshell right now." It's so hard to not see light at the end of this dark tunnel. Know that you aren't alone.
    We just started FET #4 with no real answers as to why our past cycles have failed, and a RE who doesn't know what to do with us anymore. I feel like I belong in the land of misfit toys or something. I have no tubes, so for us it has always been cut & dry that IVF is our only shot at having a bio child. The pressure and thoughts of treatment not working have weighed heavily on my heart since day 1, but as Jaz said, I try my best to take a step back and take things day by day. I try to follow my heart and trust that my DH and I will always love each other and live a happy and meaningful life, no matter where this road takes us.
    Wishing you lots of comfort and strength <3

    It's twin girls!! Born on 11-2-14!
    image
    chucktgirlsorrellam30Grateful&Thankful
  • Ps: I found stopping treatment to be harder than doing treatment, even when treatment failed. It is hard to stop treatment and stay there. But I have met wonderful women who have made it thru the "worst of times" and can see some blue sky on the other side. You just have to be really ready to shut that door or have it shut for you due to illness etc.
    This.

    Not even counting life before IVF, most days I think I'm crazy. After failing for so long at conceiving a child and then failing at carrying one to term, I don't even know where my desire to start another FET is coming from but its there. Its strong the last few days too... I almost feel like my purpose on the earth is to be a mom and I'm hell bent on getting what I want no matter what pain and heartache it brings.

    FX and big ((hugs))
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

            Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                      

                                                                              Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


                  Anniversary





    luvbostonzazu13
  • I gave up the dream of a bio child several years ago and now have failed 3 times at donor eggs. When some of you say you will never give up, it hurts me. I have no where to go. We're too old to adopt at 40 and 46--no birth mother is going to pick us at this point. Sometimes you have to give up. But most of you are early 30s. It is a different story in another decade for most of 40+...

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • Honestly, I'm not ready to think about this outcome. My husband has asked me many times to discuss what our life would be like without children and my response is always 'I'm sorry, I can't go there. It hurts too much to even think about it.' I'm terrified that we might not be successful, but I still can't think about it. I agreed to stop treatment if we had reason to believe it wouldn't work, but, I'm just not ready to face that possibility. I wish none of us even had to worry about this at all. Big hugs to those who are struggling with this, it's so heartbreaking and awful.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

    sorrellam30
  • @Mrs.McIrish I'm sorry I didnt mean to be hurtful by my comment. I truly admire your strength and determination in all that you've gone through, thats the last thing I want to do. 
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

            Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                      

                                                                              Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


                  Anniversary





  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its Photogenic
    member
    edited February 2014
    Kflynn- it wasn't your comment specifically. It's a general consensus that's always present here --that it's not OK to stop. I am ready to stop now (but can't due to guarantee program). I feel like people view stopping as "so sad, I'd rather be dead than do that" which makes me feel like they think my life is not worth living. I don't ever want someone who chooses to stop,for whatever reason to feel that way. There is life after infertility. There has to be.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    mm29sorrellam30
  • luvbostonluvboston
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited February 2014

    Kflynn- it wasn't your comment specifically. It's a general consensus that's always present here --that it's not OK to stop. I am ready to stop now (but can't due to guarantee program). I feel like people view stopping as "so sad, I'd rather be dead than do that" which makes me feel like they think my life is not worth living. I don't ever want someone who chooses to stop,for whatever reason to feel that way. There is life after infertility. There has to be.

    Hugs I am sorry you are put in this position by us as you are correct. However this is the way I believe everyone has to deal to be able to do what they do. Although I am sitting on the other side of this now a year ago there was only one more thing to try and then if it hadnt worked I would have been in your position and yes had a life.

    You are basically an ifvv you are a big enough and strong enough person to realize that this is it and are ready to move on. These other ladies even if they have no hope are not.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



    image
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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • Kflynn- it wasn't your comment specifically. It's a general consensus that's always present here --that it's not OK to stop. I am ready to stop now (but can't due to guarantee program). I feel like people view stopping as "so sad, I'd rather be dead than do that" which makes me feel like they think my life is not worth living. I don't ever want someone who chooses to stop,for whatever reason to feel that way. There is life after infertility. There has to be.
    I def do not feel I need a bio child, I also think if we had to DH and I would def find a way to be happy CF. We talk about it a lot, even though I absolutely want to be a mom I don't want trying (and constantly failing) to break us. For us being oop finances play a large role. I guess for me I'm just not sure what we would do next. We have horrible friends who recently said to us "that's why we chose to adopt, because ivf isn't a sure thing". They are clearly just comforting themselves with that hurtful comment not me! I really appreciate EVERYONES comments and honesty, there is no right or wrong way to feel-it's all hard. I'm glad we can talk about it though, it's such a scary thing to confront and no one in my life could understand

     


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    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • It is such a personal decision..... so hard.

    For my DH and I we feel very strongly about becoming parents no matter the cost.  For me I am open to every way of becoming a parent. (donor egg, donor embryo, adoption, foster parent etc..) To me I just wanted to be a mother no matter how it happened.  Now don't get me wrong my first choice was a genetic child of my own. Grieving the fact I will never have that is the worse pain I have known to this point.  When I found out that wasn't probably going happen opened a wound that will never fully heal.  But my drive to be a mother no matter how did not waiver despite my grief.  We moved on to donor egg.  For us a way better chance but it still may not work. If it doesn't we will pursue donor embryos and then move on to adoption or foster to adopt.  So yes we have a "plan"  but one thing I have learned is that when I plan God laughs.  So I can plan all I want but I won't really know what the future holds. I might change my mind.  I might get to a point where I say I can't go any further.  Only time will tell...

    Good luck in your journey and I pray you find peace with whatever decision you come to.
    ***siggy/ticker warning***

    Me:36 DH:38 TTC#1 since 4/2012
    Me DX: Hashimotos,Hypothyroid, DOR, MTHFR,  DH: normal

     IUI #1-#4 BFNs and a few cancelled cycles in the mix.
    - poor responder
    ***Suprise BFP on 6/13/13. Natural MC @6wks 3days
    IVF#1 and 2- Cancelled due to no response on max stimms
    FET 5/20- BFP
    1st Beta- 641
    2nd beta- 2166
    Sono- TWINS!!!!
    Two Boys! Born January 2015 @36 weeks.  Healthy and no NICU!  So blessed!



    image 

    sorrellam30
  • i really appreciate the candor and vulnerability in this thread. it is ridiculously hard and unfair.
    i think one thing i am getting from all your posts is that it is not really possible to talk yourself into being done if your heart isn't there. i am quickly running out of options as well and mh and i have started to have these hard conversations.
    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










    sorrellam30Grateful&Thankful
  • I agree @lincoln79 This topic is rarely talked about and it is a very difficult subject. DH and I have been having this conversation at therapy for the last 3 or 4 months. Since our struggles DH has been trying to change careers form business man to paramedic. He loves this new position and finds purpose from it. I have nothing- I've always wanted to be a mother and figured that would define my life. I'm not exactly sure what to do at this point. I tell DH that if we stop we need to completely redefine our lives- walk away from the house, move- change locations drastically and I would need to become a different person...
    I truly hope we all have fulfilling lives- with or without children. ((hugs))
    ***WARNING***

    TTC Since 12/2008;  DH: 32, Azoospermia     me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due 
    to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder 
    High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder 
    IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011     IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011    IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012   *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4  5/2013
    IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
    IUI #1 12/23- BFN  IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF)  Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12,  Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week-  Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x,  Femera & Menopur   
    IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766   EDD: 3/23/2015

       **ALL WELCOME**                                    My Blog 
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    sorrellam30zazu13
  • zazu13zazu13
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    member
    edited February 2014
    ** PAIF  response ***

    I hope it's OK if I weigh in. This was the hardest thing for me when I was undergoing treatment. Especially because DH was ready to stop and I was not. Before we agreed to our last two attempts (new clinic, Attain 2-cycle plan) we agreed on what our next steps were going to be. We were committed to finding a way to expand our family. We explored adoption, even attended an orientation at a local agency, had a phone consult with a national one and took the initial orientation for foster-to-adopt. Eventually we agreed that traditional adoption did not feel right for us and our next steps would be donor embryos. I was most at peace before beginning our last attempt because I knew that if/when it failed we still had a plan for moving forward and it would not be the end of the road. This decision was made over the course of several months with many, many late into the night conversations, much prayer, endless tears, some arguments and still a fair amount of uncertainty. We are forever grateful for how things went for us and I realize many of you have been through much more than we have - my heart aches for you. I hope you and your SO's can find peace in moving whatever direction feels right for you. There is no "right" time to stop treatment or even a "right" reason. There is only what is right for you as a couple.  If continuing is right. there is always another opinion to be sought, financing options to be explored or treatment to try (such as surrogate, donor, etc) as well as non ART means to building a family. I pray that everyone finds what is right for them and has their dreams realized in the end. ((Biggest hugs))

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

    sorrellam30poohnikiksgsmumm29
  • I really feel like I know you all so much more from reading these posts. We are strong women even though we don't want to be.

     


    imageimageimageimage

     
     

    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • I gave up the dream of a bio child several years ago and now have failed 3 times at donor eggs. When some of you say you will never give up, it hurts me. I have no where to go. We're too old to adopt at 40 and 46--no birth mother is going to pick us at this point. Sometimes you have to give up. But most of you are early 30s. It is a different story in another decade for most of 40+...

    This makes me so sad. There are couples at my adoption agency who are in their forties and have been selected. If parenting is still a dream you hold dear, don't shut that door based on an assumption.

    We have up on treatment quickly because it made me an obsessive miserable person. I hated who I became. Adoption was the right route for us, and I had a hysterectomy while we waited to be matched due to severe endo, but letting go of the idea of experiencing the pregnancy and labor is hard...but you do let go over time.
  • erinmc1 said:

    I gave up the dream of a bio child several years ago and now have failed 3 times at donor eggs. When some of you say you will never give up, it hurts me. I have no where to go. We're too old to adopt at 40 and 46--no birth mother is going to pick us at this point. Sometimes you have to give up. But most of you are early 30s. It is a different story in another decade for most of 40+...

    This makes me so sad. There are couples at my adoption agency who are in their forties and have been selected. If parenting is still a dream you hold dear, don't shut that door based on an assumption.

    We have up on treatment quickly because it made me an obsessive miserable person. I hated who I became. Adoption was the right route for us, and I had a hysterectomy while we waited to be matched due to severe endo, but letting go of the idea of experiencing the pregnancy and labor is hard...but you do let go over time.
    Erin, I responded to one of your messages that I think you thought was private. Just wanted to let you know, in case you weren't already aware.

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins
    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1
    : 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:
    NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN

    IVF #4: (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***
    Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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