How many is too many ??

MorganW24

We are planning a homebirth but still keeping family away until after baby has arrived and we have had our bonding time. It will be my boyfriend, his 11 year old daughter (she actually wants to see and I don't mind), and bf's sister to be an extra set of hands to grab drinks, take photos, and keep the 11 yr old company during labor. Then of course our midwife and her assistant. We also plan on having a list of things you can do to help out while your visiting after the delivery so grandma's can be most helpful instead of stealing baby away all the time; make a snack for mama, change the laundry, take the dog for a walk, those sort of things.

cristykaye

The less people the better. The doc and nurses will prolly not say anything for 3 people BUT remember, they all have a job to do and some delivery rooms just aren't very big. Same thing with having a ton of people in your room at one time. They don't mind visitors but try to keep them in the waiting room and only a few in your room at a time.
Personally, I will have DF. My mother will be close by and will get to come in as soon as its over but she will not be in the room.

tbmadeamistake

With C it was me, DH and the doula.  The doula didn't end up doing much so she's not returning.  I asked my sister at one point if she'd be my doula, but I honestly don't think I need it and I think she'll understand my not inviting her in, if she ever brings it up.  DH and I, the awesome nurses, and then a doc to catch Charlie on his way out.  Pretty much all I need .

allrightmeow

We are away from our family so it will be just DH and DD there.  Do what feels right for you. 

LindsayDesigner

With DD's birth it was me and DH as well as the nurses and doctor. My parents drove up to the hospital in the middle of the night. I'm glad they stayed out of the room until after I was stitched up and covered up.

I wouldn't be comfortable with other people in the room.

MollySm

I had my H, my sister, a close friend, and a close family friend (my little one's adopted Gramma).  The friend's husband was also there for part of the day, but left for pushing and any checks.  I didn't feel at all like it was a zoo.  No one expected me to take care of them, and it was nice to have people there chatting as it was a long day and we would have been pretty bored otherwise.  It helped take my mind off the pain, and was helpful that they could all chat with each other while I was going through contractions, rather than just one or two people sitting there waiting for the contraction to pass,  I felt less focus on me and could just do what I needed to do.

I also loved how happy they were to be there to experience her birth.  It meant a lot to them, and is something they still talk about.  Plus I liked that we had several photographers and got some good photos :-)  I wouldn't have wanted H or I to have to stop focusing completely on each other and Lucia to take photos, but I love my pictures from right after she was born. A ll in all it was a really special moment and I never regretted my decision.  

temursgirl

Personally, I'm a bit stressed around hospitals, and crowds don't relax me, so it will be just DH in the room with me. I may have a friend "on call" in case DH needs relief, but my family doesn't run to long labor, so I doubt she'll actually need to come. I have taken the precaution of informing our more persistent relatives that the hospital doesn't allow "extras" in the room. We'll let my dad know when we go to the hospital, and again when there's an actual baby to see. He's very laid back and if he wants to sit in the waiting room, I'm fine with it, but he would probably be more comfortable at home (he lives about 30 minutes from the hospital).

JESNYC

I am only having DH with me. My MIL hasn't asked yet but she is a labor and delivery nurse who has been inthe delivery room for her 3 other grandchildren so I'm sure she will ask eventually.

curlylocks3

bebemac said:

I say, "If you weren't there at conception you won't be there at delivery." That should keep the list to a minimum. Hopefully.

That used to be my policy until I realized that eliminated both H and I from being there, which won't really work....

It will be just H with me, beyond all the medical staff.

PressLove

MorganW24 said:

We are planning a homebirth but still keeping family away until after baby has arrived and we have had our bonding time. It will be my boyfriend, his 11 year old daughter (she actually wants to see and I don't mind), and bf's sister to be an extra set of hands to grab drinks, take photos, and keep the 11 yr old company during labor. Then of course our midwife and her assistant. We also plan on having a list of things you can do to help out while your visiting after the delivery so grandma's can be most helpful instead of stealing baby away all the time; make a snack for mama, change the laundry, take the dog for a walk, those sort of things.

I think this is a great idea.  While my mom has said she is coming to help me, I don't believe my MIL understands what we'll need in those first few weeks.  I'd love to see what else is on your list.

Pepper6

I'm open to having the grandparents in the room while I'm just in labor, but it will be only DH during delivery/recovery.  

But basically, I'm going to tell them beforehand that when I say 'everyone out', that means everyone is OUT, whether that's right before I'm ready to push, or if I'm still only 4cm and just don't like having people there.  So it's up to them how long they want to hang out with the knowledge that a large portion of that time may be just in a waiting room.

jewels1199

Wow , I went offline since yesterday and this post exploded. I love seeing everyones responses, everyone is so individual ! Thanks for all the input

MrsAy

I can't picture anybody else than me and DH at the delivery but my mom will be at the waiting room just in case.

lest12

It will be just us in the delivery room. Definitely. I am beyond close to my mom and sis but they know me well enough to not even ask, lol. I know my immediate family will be in the waiting room, and we will call my MIL as well, but she's two hours away so I'm not sure when she'll get there. I don't particularly want anyone besides DH to see me in labor, either, except maybe my mom and sister, but I'm ok with others visiting after DH and I have a few minutes with the baby. Really I don't know how I could tell my family they couldn't.

becomingmommyagain

My family is full of weirdos.  Both of my sisters did "family births" where literally the entire family was invited to the delivery room.  For 3 of my 5 nieces & nephews I actually assisted in the labor by helping to hold their legs.  

For my older son my parents were there, for DD my Ex-H and my mom were there, for DS#2 my Ex-H and his mom were there.  This time around...it will be me and H for the delivery.  My 16 year old daughter wants to be there, but I'm not sure I'll her stay for labor & delivery.  My sister & my mom have both vehemently stated they will be there...but I've told H that's a NO WAY.  

JohannaD22

Depending on hospital policy, I will definitely have DH in the room with me. If for any reason he can't make it because he may still be out on the road for work. I will have my mom in the room with me. This is her 1st grandchild and she never experienced child birth. (I was adopted) So, I will let her live vicariously through my pain. Lol.

flerlgirl

Rachel5130 said:

@flerlgirl - May I ask what happened? "For us it will just be me and DH in the room; everyone else will be there but in the waiting room. And this time I am going to get to see my kid before everyone else does! <--sorry, apparently I'm still pretty bitter" Edit for quote

@rachel5130, many NICUs don't allow the mother to see the baby for 24 hours (or longer, depending on the situation). They have to make sure you don't have a fever/infection because those babies are really susceptible to illness, So I didn't see DS until he was over a day old (except for a few seconds in the OR before they took him to the NICU). In the mean time, my parents and ILs did get to see him (and of course DH). Which was fine; it was such a crazy situation and honestly given the chance I would probably make the same choice to let them see him again. It just made me a little sad, you know? So this time I am hoping to get to spend a few more minutes with LO, even if she does have to go to the NICU for some reason, because waiting so long was really hard. 

ashquack

@flerlgirl I hope you get your wish and get one on one time with your LO:)

It's just gonna be me and hubbs in the room... May call my family on te way and they can hang out in the waiting room or may wait til LO is here... Gonna make a game time call on that one. DH family is in Jersey (we are in Ohio so won't have to worry about them til later...) want to have a special experience with Hubby since this may be our only kiddo:)

flerlgirl

jewels1199 said:

Yikes I cant imagine telling my mom she couldnt be there....we are so close. She'd be devastated I think

My mom has tried to convince us she should be in there... not gonna happen. I love the woman, but no. 

flerlgirl

@rachel5130, thanks! I am hoping for the dullest delivery of all time. But you are right; that happens and you don't always see it coming. I hope they let me hold DD right after she arrives but if not I also know I can handle it! 

WoodsSeltzer09

I will have a SC - so it's only DH and I I the delivery room as well as for the first few hours. I don't want anyone meeting the baby until DS does. So no visitors till after his nap time

LEO2010

It will be DH and my mom. Our hospital only allows 2 visitors in L & D so no one else can be there. My parents are a huge support to DH and me so I couldn't imagine not having my mom in there. Also BFF, Dad, and sister will probably be in the waiting room. Idk about in-laws- they are so weird and unpredictable. I do know if they show up my family will be ready to pull their hair out by the time baby is here! I've always thought having lots of people in the waiting room to share our joy and excitement would be special- hopefully that stays true or else next time we won't tell anyone we're in labor except my parents!

wtfisup

Our family is all out of state and I'm so glad that no one will be waiting in the lobby. I don't want to think that there are family out there waiting to rush in when I just want to rest and savor time with the baby and my husband. Since my parents have the longest drive (6 hrs), we may let them know while I'm in labor, just before pushing time. H's parents are 3 hours away, so they'll find out when she's born.

pcourtade

WoodsSeltzer09 said:

I will have a SC - so it's only DH and I I the delivery room as well as for the first few hours. I don't want anyone meeting the baby until DS does. So no visitors till after his nap time

This is exactly how I feel. I want it just to be DH and I and then I want DS to meet her first. It's really important to me for us to have time together as a family before everyone else comes.

zg49

Our Dr. said I could have as many as I want unless things go bad. As of right now we're having DH, my mom and MIL. All three of them give me strength in different ways so I couldn't imagine not having them there.

I know my SIL wants to be in there too but she is high strung and so far everything I have brought up about our baby (name, nursery, birth plan, etc) she questions in somewhat of a judging tone. I don't really want that vibe happening while I'm laboring.

Just gotta find the way to tell her no.

As for waiting room, I don't really care who waits and for how long. We have a plan to be alone with DD for at least an hour after shes born so if they get bored or cranky in the waiting room, thats not my problem! 

MrsCase1

I would only want my DH and MAYBE my mom. I love my girlfriends but dont need them in there. they'd be more help after delivery than during, IMO.