How many is too many ??

jewels1199

In the delivery room that is.

I feel very lucky I have lots of people who want to share in the moment we welcome DS to this world HOWEVER I also do not want a freaking zoo in there. Both my mother and MIL want to be there, of course DH, and then my BFF of 20 years wants to be there to help as well. So far I have told MIL sorry NO (just like I told her last time ) so Im down to 3 people. My main concern is that both my Mother and my BFF have ...strong....personalities LOL I dont know if I can handle both of them in the same room for long periods of time !!

My last PG went to hell in a hand basket at the end and NO ONE besides DH got to be there like planned. 3 too many ppl? Will it be chaos ?

bebemac

I say, "If you weren't there at conception you won't be there at delivery." That should keep the list to a minimum. Hopefully.

jewels1199

Yikes I cant imagine telling my mom she couldnt be there....we are so close. She'd be devastated I think

jewels1199

katburdette said:

I think it's whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm having my husband, mom and twin. I don't like a lot of attention but I want the support of my mom and twin in there with me.

Thats kind of the way I feel as well. I think perhaps my BF will be too many people but I want the support of my mom for sure.

b48kate

My poor husband has an aversion to blood/body fluids that is pretty strong. There is a real possibility that he might get faint (sad, but true). Hence my Mom, pillar of strength that she is, will be in there...but to watch out for him!

cMichelle0423

With DS1 i only had my mother with me since DH want able to make it on time. However, with ds2, it will definitely just be new and my husband. Considering there's so much going on and I was practically naked, (only in a thin gown) I want comfortable with other family members or friends in there. I would suggest to just play it by ear. You might not feel the same way when the time comes as you do today.

flerlgirl

Whatever you want; also check with your hospital because there might be a limit on how many people can be there. For us it will just be me and DH in the room; everyone else will be there but in the waiting room. And this time I am going to get to see my kid before everyone else does! <--sorry, apparently I'm still pretty bitter. 

elsa1688

BrightEyes112 said:

jewels1199 said:

Yikes I cant imagine telling my mom she couldnt be there....we are so close. She'd be devastated I think

Well my mom is no longer here, but if she were I guess I would have called her to be in the waiting room.

Same boat as brighteyes. It will just be Boyfriend, midwife, nurses. Mil and my sister MIGHT get a call after he is here to come visit in the hospital. I just want time to bond with my partner and baby.

lola4411

BrightEyes112 said:

No experience but no way in hell there will be anyone other than my h anywhere near. I may not even tell my family members until after he is born.

yup this exactly

colllydon

I'm only having DH. The hospital is only 20 min from both sides of our families so I'll tell my family when I'm in labor and his when it's done.

LilyGracesMommy

With DD my Mother MADE me have her in there, ( long story short, I am adopted and she never got to experience childbirth, so when she asked I couldn't say no) DS was just DH and I , as I plan it to be with this LO.

My mother still makes comments to this day that " it was the most beautiful and disgusting thing she has ever seen" Gee thanks mom! 

Mztwilson

With this being our last I want to enjoy the time with my dh and the new baby so the only person who's going to know we are on our way to the hospital will be my BFF who's watching our other kids. We may not even call anyone to let them know until after he's here and we've spent time alone with him. I always felt rushed with people waiting in the waiting room like I needed to hurry up.

Valie18

I think it is hard to know in advance how many is too many. If my Grandmas, parents, and sister come to the hospital before LO is born, I don't have a problem with them visiting my room. My plan is to put out there in advance that it will be only DH and I at the delivery and I'll be cutting off visits as I get more uncomfortable.

First-timer optimism? Probably.

ncbelle

Another vote for just DH - I don't even want anyone at the hospital!

jewels1199

I dont think I want anyone waiting either. Like PP said I dont mind if people visit in the early stages but Ill cut that off as soon as I get uncomfortable. Ill tell family to come visit later the next day I think.

momof5sept18

@jewels1199 If you're worried about your mom and best friends personalities clashing, but want them both there, have them do shifts. So you only have 2 in there at a time.

Also, check with the hospital because some only allow two people, some three, some don't care because its your bits on display, not theirs.

I would vote compromise between them who is in there when and how often. You don't wann sa worry about them quarreling when you are in labor.

I have C-sections so it made it easy, only one person could go in. But while being induced prior to csection my phone was blowing up with my sister, te different cousins, my MIL, and my mom wanting to be in there. I don't have that problem this time because of the Csection and if I was to have a natural birth (If I go into labor and no time to stop it, they'll let me deliver vaginally without cesarean intervention unless I need it), only DH would be in the room. My family is all out of state and because of a brain injury my mother doesn't know who I am most days so it'd only be DH on the L&D room.

wtfisup

This is totally up to you, but with consideration of your hospital's policy. 

For me, I don't want people around. Birth is beautiful and all, but also painful and exhausting. I just imagine the worst I've ever felt physically and how I wanted to be left alone, not have people around staring at or annoying me. 

jshrop

It's just going to be Hubs and I. My MIL is pretty upset BC she is planning to be there, but hubs knows there is NO WAY I want anyone but him and medical personnel. She can be there during labor and after but not during delivery.

hubbs173

I only want DH in there besides medical staff and I know he feels the same. If family wants to be in the waiting room that's fine with me. I know my parents will be in there waiting.

MNOpea

With DS the plan was to only have dh in the room while I delivered. My BFF and her dh came to hang out with us while I labored and when it came time to deliver I decided I wanted her to stay in the room (so it was dh and my BFF, bff's dh went to the waiting room). This time I am hoping that dh will be able to be there or I will be alone

Eta: so what I'm trying to say is that it's really whatever you feel comfortable with

ricecakes1216

My H will be the only one in the delivery room, unless my delivery is awful. Then I may want my mom there too.
My sister lives here so she will be in the waiting room along with my dad. I trying to figure out what to do about my inlaws. They stress me out and I really dont want them there. We have told my grandparents they can't be there and will do the same for any other family that thinks they get to be there.

crhein26

jewels1199 - My plan is to allow only parents in the room during labor but only DH and I during delivery.  I truly do not care who is at the hospital, because they won't be allowed in the room or to see DD until after DH and I have had our bonding time with her.  If they feel like sitting in uncomfortable chairs in a waiting room for X number of hours, that is up to them.

As for your decision, I can't tell you what to do but I would consider the reprocussions of how your MIL will feel and what she will say if you allow your mom and BFF in the delivery room during delivery and not her.  To keep it fair, you might want to consider just telling all of them that they can be there for labor but only DH can be in there during delivery.  GL with whatever you decide.

kibean

FTM so I have no idea how this will actually go down, but I cannot see myself wanting anyone but DH in the room for delivery. 

My family may decide to wait in the waiting room (just knowing how they like to make things a social event) but they probably won't care if I decide not to see them until after the delivery. My mom especially has said "I won't come in if you don't want me to. I just want to be there in case you need me" which I appreciate. 

DH's family is a 6-7 hour drive away, so they will probably come a couple weeks later. 

Mizoo

For now it will just be SO and I.  I wouldn't mind if my mom was in the room since she is a charge RN and I would feel more comfortable having her there to call out any BS she sees going on, but my parents are 1.5 hours away and my mom works 12 hour shifts Fri/Sat/Sun so if I go into labor on a weekend there is no chance she will be there.  I'm sure SO will phone his parents when we head to the hospital - they are 2.5 hours away and both work random shifts so who knows whether they will even be able to make the drive to us (I know they will want to!)  If they do, they can wait in the waiting room!

dragonfly711

No help here FTM but only hubby for me. I just do not want anyone else!!!  They can be in the waiting room til after she is born!!

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Silvermystique13

I'm thinking that since this is everybody's first (first child for me and DH, first grandchild for both my and his parents), only my hubby will be in the delivery room, but our parents will be in the waiting room. Though if it it takes a while for labor, I wouldn't mind more company....

MrsNunes

With DD1, I only had dh with me, and it was the best decision. I was induced on at 5:00 pm and didn't have her until almost 9:00 the next day. It would've been awful for family to be in a waiting room the whole time! Also, during delivery there was the doctor and 2-3 other nurses in there - not a whole lot of extra room. My opinion is to keep it special between the two of you and you can have all kinds of visitors when you're ready. It's exciting, but an exhausting experience! Remember too, that to promote bonding, you may want to breast feed right away. Also awkward with others around.

MSUMands

Do whatever makes you happy. My mom is flying in for the birth but staying home with DS while I'm at the hospital. I don't want to feel like I have to answer to anyone, entertain anyone, etc. It will just be DH and I at the birth. Who do you turn to in intense, scary situation? I'm not one to immedietly call my mom or best friend, but always lean on my husband. This may answer your question.

kks4471

Only DH and medical staff will be in the room with me.  I just can't imagine anyone else wanting or needing to be in there, but I'm a very private person.  Both of our parents live hours away, so I'm not even sure when they'll arrive.

TonyaCody06

Our policy in L&D was 2 people

Kinipela7

Planning on DH and my mom.  My sister wants to be in the room (and she let me in with her kids) but I'm kinda "ehhhh" about it.  I'm just going to play it by ear since I don't have a strong feeling about it.

I don't even think I need to worry about MIL - she would never ask so I won't mention it.  They will come after baby is born

sumochik

If you have a c section it can only be one person.
Ugh, my family doesn't get along with my DH's family and they all sit and glare at one another in the waiting room while I'm having surgery. Then the first day after my c section my family camps out in the hospital room and the next day my ILs camp out in the hospital room, but all my ILs want to do is hold the baby the entire day and it's so frustrating. A few months after I had DD2 I was taking pics with my SILs camera and I found a picture of myself naked and breastfeeding DD while in the hospital and I flipped out on them. Like WTF I need to talk to hubby about this beforehand.
And with one of my DDs I can't remember which one, the other mother in the room with me had a million people on the room the entire time we were both in the hospital. The nurses never kicked them out even though there were more than 2 visitors at all times and I put the curtain up and they had the nerve to come around the curtain and ask to borrow some chairs. That chick def deserved a throat punch.

wtfisup

crhein26 said:

jewels1199 - My plan is to allow only parents in the room during labor but only DH and I during delivery.  I truly do not care who is at the hospital, because they won't be allowed in the room or to see DD until after DH and I have had our bonding time with her.  If they feel like sitting in uncomfortable chairs in a waiting room for X number of hours, that is up to them.

As for your decision, I can't tell you what to do but I would consider the reprocussions of how your MIL will feel and what she will say if you allow your mom and BFF in the delivery room during delivery and not her.  To keep it fair, you might want to consider just telling all of them that they can be there for labor but only DH can be in there during delivery.  GL with whatever you decide.

--- and in my view, fairness doesn't matter. It's not candy at recess. You do what you need. People should handle that choice without making this about themselves.

Gigi8212

I had my mom and H in the room for labor and delivery of dd. I would have never thought I would want anyone other than H there but I am glad my mom was there too.

This time, it will just be H as I am having a csection.

Runningmomfam

Omg... I only want my husband there.

Ashes92813

My hospital allows 3 people. I originally wanted my mom, older sister and DH. Now I'm thinking just DH because my mom and sister keep making comments about how they "think" I'm going to handle labor. They made predictions about me being pregnant and they were all wrong and quite rude. Now I have to figure out how to tell them this...

puttyeast

bebemac said:

I say, "If you weren't there at conception you won't be there at delivery." That should keep the list to a minimum. Hopefully.

I remember someone posting this quote in a thread months ago -- it must've been you! I tell this to people when they ask, and now I'll give proper credit.
:P

bebemac

puttyeast said:

bebemac said:

I say, "If you weren't there at conception you won't be there at delivery." That should keep the list to a minimum. Hopefully.

I remember someone posting this quote in a thread months ago -- it must've been you! I tell this to people when they ask, and now I'll give proper credit.
:P

No, it wasn't me! I remembered reading it somewhere, too. I'd like to know who it was!

pcourtade

I was actually just reading about this. A husband was complaining that his mom couldn't be there when his wife's mom could. His wife said something like "If you spread your legs and have your genitals hang out for my mom to see, then I'll let your mom in". He apparently didn't bring it up again lol.

coffee89

I have no issue with people visiting me before the birth if it is a long labour, as long as I am feeling up to it and able to get rest. I do however plan to stay at home as long as I can so this probably won't be happening. My parents are two hours away so I'll be calling them as soon as I'm sure it's really time to be having the baby, and I'll have my husband call his mom when he thinks it is right.

It will be just DH with me in the delivery room. If people want to be sitting in the waiting room, that is fine with me. They however will not be rushing in to see me or baby right away and they will all know that a head of time. I want my time alone with my husband and our new baby to eat, rest, get cleaned up, bond etc