FFFC

Sisimama10

BiggerinRealLife said:

MegJ17 said:

@biggerinreallife that's why it's a fffc. Most people look forward to theirs. Not me. Not wanting to be a drama maker

@MegJ17 I'm sorry for posting, especially if it upset you. I have no cares to give over shower etiquette, shower rules, what "should" and "shouldn't" be done, etc. I was just saying it because we have people on here and on The Bump in general that are very passionate about shower rules, and I was surprised that no one bit on your post. Because, as we've seen, FFFC are rarely, if ever, actually flame-free. Looking back now I wish I hadn't drawn attention to it because I honestly think you should feel however you feel about your shower, and I'm sorry your shower isn't going to be a good experience for you. And I especially wish I hadn't posted now, knowing there's backstory were not getting. I didn't mean any harm, but now think my post was very stir-the-pot-ish on a topic I'm VERY HAPPY to see we're all getting over, and I really didn't intend to stir the pot on.

So apologies, and I hope your shower is more fun than you think it will be.

You're pretty much the best apologizer in the world. I have no talent at this.

Sisimama10

maelic said:

Speaking of showers:

Mine's the first weekend in March. I didn't want one, we're not registering for anything, we'd rather just buy what we need when we need it. I'm European, it's just not how we do things and my husband is completely on board with that.

MIL and SIL are throwing me one anyway and I appreciate that they love me and want to celebrate but it makes me uncomfortable. So I asked for no gifts, just a yay baby! kinda thing, or that if guests really wanted to bring something they could get a book for LO because those are cheap and awesome. SIL is awesome and gets it, MIL... doesn't.

Apparently we have big pieces of furniture? Stuff? Swings? Boxes and boxes of new clothes and toys and SHIT WE DON'T NEED OR WANT that will be given to me "before the shower" by MIL and her sisters and nieces. MIL sounded so fucking pleased with herself that she found a way around the "please no gifts" thing. She told me. To my face. Why, I'm not getting a baby shower! I'm just getting a ton of expensive crap from her family in the half hour before the official start of the party. 

So, not to be ungrateful, but when I say no gifts please I actually mean NO FUCKING GIFTS. I always thought throwing people parties was about making them happy, not about making them uncomfortable.

Feel free to send all unwanted baby gifts to me!

MrsMeatball41

I agree with sisimomma, be somewhat appreciative you have someone that's excited about bambino and wants to give then something. Not all of us have that or having a shower, sprinkle or give a damn. So even if you get something you don't want that person got you something bc they care for you and the baby.

maelic

MrsMeatball41 said:

I agree with sisimomma, be somewhat appreciative you have someone that's excited about bambino and wants to give then something. Not all of us have that or having a shower, sprinkle or give a damn. So even if you get something you don't want that person got you something bc they care for you and the baby.

See, that is just not how I was raised. It's the equivalent of me asking (hypothetical) you not to bake anything please, and you showing up with a three tier cake you expect me to eat right then and enjoy and be very excited about. In public. In front of people who respected my request and now might feel bad because they actually didn't bring anything while you showed up with a shit ton of dessert.

Gift giving is not about the giver, it's about making the other person happy, otherwise it's just posturing. 

MrsMeatball41

maelic said:

MrsMeatball41 said:

I agree with sisimomma, be somewhat appreciative you have someone that's excited about bambino and wants to give then something. Not all of us have that or having a shower, sprinkle or give a damn. So even if you get something you don't want that person got you something bc they care for you and the baby.

See, that is just not how I was raised. It's the equivalent of me asking (hypothetical) you not to bake anything please, and you showing up with a three tier cake you expect me to eat right then and enjoy and be very excited about. In public. In front of people who respected my request and now might feel bad because they actually didn't bring anything while you showed up with a shit ton of dessert.

Gift giving is not about the giver, it's about making the other person happy, otherwise it's just posturing. 

Yes it was snarky and she shouldn't have said I found away around it, that was crappy. But she is being grandma and will purchase crap forever. I'm just saying be somewhat grateful you have that. You never know you may get some gift cards or diapers and those go along way. Have fun and enjoy it

hlm184

ColleenSwerb said:

I'm normally of the mindset of be grateful and just return shit you don't like/need/want. She (and her DH) specifically asked for no gifts. Now, a few onesies, books, stuffed animals, small stuff, I'll give a pass. But furniture and big baby gear items like car seat/stroller/swings/etc? That's crossing a line.

Absolutely.  And what happens when this line keeps getting crossed?  Can you imagine Christmas?  My neighbors are dealing with this - they literally had to rent a U-Haul to get home from grandma's after Christmas because of all the gifts.

sking72

hlm184 said:

ColleenSwerb said:

I'm normally of the mindset of be grateful and just return shit you don't like/need/want.
She (and her DH) specifically asked for no gifts. Now, a few onesies, books, stuffed animals, small stuff, I'll give a pass. But furniture and big baby gear items like car seat/stroller/swings/etc? That's crossing a line.

Absolutely.  And what happens when this line keeps getting crossed?  Can you imagine Christmas?  My neighbors are dealing with this - they literally had to rent a U-Haul to get home from grandma's after Christmas because of all the gifts.

Holy shit! I hope that doesn't happen to us... This ones gonna be the first baby in the family, and she's gonna be so spoiled! My dad is already asking me what breed of horse she will want and how old she's going to want it at. Which I'm all for, I love horses too so he can buy her as many as he wants haha

strawberrytree

I think that when giving a gift, you need to consider the recipient's wishes. If a person specifically asks for no gifts but you go and buy a bunch of crap anyway, that is not generous. The giver isn't thinking about bringing joy to another person. They are thinking about how much they enjoy buying baby stuff, and/or how much they will enjoy everyone exclaiming over how generous and awesome they are for buying all that stuff (especially if it's at a baby shower or a big family holiday where lots of people will be around to witness the gift giving). It is, IMO, more selfish than generous when the giver puts their desire to shop ahead of the intended recipient's desire to not receive gifts. That includes going overboard with Christmas gifts- they are thinking more about how much fun it is to buy all this stuff rather than respecting the parents' wishes (whether it's because of space, not wanting kids to be spoiled, etc) and that isn't coming from a spirit of generosity and kindness.

My mom likes to give gifts to show her love. I curb it by telling her if there is anything he needs, and let her know that if she goes overboard, things get returned. So far she has been very respecful. Setting boundaries with parents and inlaws can be hard but ultimately good fences make good neighbours and boundaries make good relationships.

AcaAwkward

strawberrytree said:

I think that when giving a gift, you need to consider the recipient's wishes. If a person specifically asks for no gifts but you go and buy a bunch of crap anyway, that is not generous. The giver isn't thinking about bringing joy to another person. They are thinking about how much they enjoy buying baby stuff, and/or how much they will enjoy everyone exclaiming over how generous and awesome they are for buying all that stuff (especially if it's at a baby shower or a big family holiday where lots of people will be around to witness the gift giving). It is, IMO, more selfish than generous when the giver puts their desire to shop ahead of the intended recipient's desire to not receive gifts. That includes going overboard with Christmas gifts- they are thinking more about how much fun it is to buy all this stuff rather than respecting the parents' wishes (whether it's because of space, not wanting kids to be spoiled, etc) and that isn't coming from a spirit of generosity and kindness.

My mom likes to give gifts to show her love. I curb it by telling her if there is anything he needs, and let her know that if she goes overboard, things get returned. So far she has been very respecful. Setting boundaries with parents and inlaws can be hard but ultimately good fences make good neighbours and boundaries make good relationships.

God, ALL OF THIS. My MIL is seriously the worst -- she doesn't respect our wishes when it comes to gifts and always goes completely overboard. At my baby shower, she gave us 10 outfits...that she individually wrapped. She flat out told DH she did it because she wanted to give us the most gifts. It was mortifying. She now goes equally, if not more so, overboard on Christmas and birthday. DD was completely overwhelmed at Christmas and it wasn't any fun for her. We've decided next year we are telling her she may give no more than 4 gifts, and if we arrive and there are more, we won't unwrap more than 4. I just cannot have my child thinking Christmas = 100 gifts.

Um. Apologies for my personal vent session.

GlynnCoco

can someone tell me what the titel means please?? i tried to read to figure it out but i didnt realy get it and 7 pages is alot sorry!!!!  

GlynnCoco

ColleenSwerb said:

The TITLE means "flame free Friday confessions". But they are usually not flame free.

thank you!!!! it makes more since to me now but what is flame free?? you are so nice thank you!!!!

fourthnlast

GlynnCoco said:

can someone tell me what the titel means please?? i tried to read to figure it out but i didnt realy get it and 7 pages is alot sorry!!!!  

I can see how it would be hard to figure out if you can't read...

GlynnCoco

fourthnlast said:

GlynnCoco said:

can someone tell me what the titel means please?? i tried to read to figure it out but i didnt realy get it and 7 pages is alot sorry!!!!  

I can see how it would be hard to figure out if you can't read...

That is not a very nice thing to say obvs I can read duh!!! I'm typing on here! You are not so nice, but thanks anyway.

fourthnlast

jellysparkles said:

Dang @fourthnlast you got told

LOL