Help me stay strong!

annibes

In the spririt of Valentine's Day, I think I am going to give up the OPKs this month and just take a break. I had a really hard time when I realized this was not our month (I will be 31 in October and had always said I would stop having kids at 30, so I completely missed my self-imposed "deadline"). I had some serious denial and even peed on a stick AFTER AF because I was still feeling phantom symptoms. That took it to a new level of crazy for me and I feel like I have to step back and re-gain my life.

I feel like DH deserves better, and DS does, too. I need to get back to where I was before I got so consumed with 2IF and this is the first month I have really wanted to chill out about it even if that means we miss our chances this month.

I'll still be around, reading and posting because you girls keep me relatively sane. I got rid of the rest of my wondfo HPTs and am going to try to avoid the OPKs. No charting. I am going to try to ignore the 2ww phantom symptoms (I'll need some help there!).

I posted this here because I know you girls will keep me accountable through check-ins and 2ww Tuesdays. E-slap me if I appear to be losing my shit again. Now I'm off to the store with DS to buy DH a valentine from both of us (and plan a special one from just me).

pettycrocker

Oh girl! I can totally relate to everything you are saying, I remember having that same 30 goal, and I will be 31 on Sat. LOL Now I say well definitely by 35. 

Sometimes we need a mental health break. This 2IF shit is hard! 

Big hugs! 

Jen071407

Big hugs! I have definitely found myself in that exact spot before, and a mental health break is a must. Take time to enjoy life easier said that done, I know, but ya gotta try, right?!

freakyfast

(((HUGS))) to you love... 

annibes

I love you all so so much. I know that's creepy and Internet weird and all, and I hate that you're all going through this, too- but I'm so glad we all have people to talk to.

annibes

Mrs Castillo said:

Oh girl! I can totally relate to everything you are saying, I remember having that same 30 goal, and I will be 31 on Sat. LOL Now I say well definitely by 35. 

Sometimes we need a mental health break. This 2IF shit is hard! 

Big hugs! 

Omg yes. Team 35. That's exactly what I said when I realized I wouldn't have 3 kids by 30 years old.

pettycrocker

annibes said:

Oh girl! I can totally relate to everything you are saying, I remember having that same 30 goal, and I will be 31 on Sat. LOL Now I say well definitely by 35. 

Sometimes we need a mental health break. This 2IF shit is hard! 

Big hugs! 

Omg yes. Team 35. That's exactly what I said when I realized I wouldn't have 3 kids by 30 years old.

Oh! We always said 3 too. Ok team 35! 

Jeffreysmom24

Sending you big hugs! Hang in there with everything! If it makes you feel any better, I am 40 (eek! When did that happen?!) Seriously, I hope that the break helps and you can enjoy the time with your DH and DS!

annibes

I have to say, just posting this gave me some sort of release and the freedom to quit obsessing about finding ways to up our chances this cycle.

DS and I went to the grocery store, made dinner, and enjoyed a yummy Valentine's cake with DH tonight. I even cleaned the kitchen (I think DH was shocked when he got home from work).

KC1212

Oh @annibes I'm sorry. I'm on a forced break but, I've been just sort of letting it all go. No vitamins, acupuncture, charting, etc. and it is sort of liberating to just chill out and lose the obsession aspect of it all. I really hope you enjoy your break. I often force myself to slow down and focus on other crap- ya know?

We are here for you! and we love you too!

GraceyandTroy

Oh man, I don't know how you're going to do it, but best of luck and stay strong!  I just turned 31 last weekend and completely feel overwhelmed by my self imposed deadlines.  Just today I mentioned to a good friend that I really want a 2014 baby and she asked why, is it because it's the year of the dragon (or whatever it was).  And I felt really silly because I didn't have a rational answer as to why I want a 2014 baby.  It's the mental hurdles that throw me!  

Good job with getting rid of the hpts and staying away from opks.  I remember for a while when ttc #1, I stopped recording BD because I felt like it was ruling our sex life.  I could never fully give up charting, though.  

cerad5

I completely understand where you are coming from, this all gets a little overwhelming. I also had "planned" to be done having babies before my 30th birthday. 3 kids by 30 didn't seem like it would be a tall order. That's what I get for planning

Momarazzi007

I was 3 kids by 33... unless i get ku'd w twins it aint happening (at this point- it would still be 34 if i got ku'd right this second). Breaks are good! sanity is great!!! But yes, dont go too far!!! Have a great Valentines Day!!!! ((hugs)))

tuscanbride2007

(((HUGS))) I agree that 2IF is hard! I hope the break is good to you!

barackollama

Good luck! I hope the break is everything you need.

tache

I completely understand this. We did the same thing. I will say I only lasted a month before I was ready to dive in again. But that month was all I needed and I feel like I'm much more sane this time around. Take a break but don't think the break has to be a long time to get something out of it.

annibes

Thanks everyone! On today's agenda was hide and seek with DS and DH and ice cream even though it was 10 degrees. We made DH stand in line at the year-round ice cream stand.

sailorgal

I'm sorry....I can relate also. My self imposed deadline was 32. Both before we knew there was issues (because of the age gap it would create between kids) and then even more so after. I said if it's not by 32, I will mentally move onto Plan B of a family of 3 (which includes house renovations, travel, you know, all the extra things you can do when you aren't spending loads of $$$ on a tiny person). Well in less than 3 months, I will be 32. We're benched the next months due to dental surgery I'm having so that leaves one chance. And I'm not mentally ready now to move onto Plan B though DH is.