I would love some suggestions!

KAGPowell

My mother is throwing me a baby shower but doesn't really want to plan it so i decided to take over but everything I want she just keeps sneering at me, being nasty and saying "well, people are going to bring what they want so forget about it because people will expect pink things for a girl" which is strange since she never dressed me in pink (I'm pretty sure she actually blames this for why I'm not "girly" enough).

My plan, even though we know we are already having a a girl, is to have a gender neutral party since we don't know what her gender expression will be until way after she's born. That being said, how can we put this on the invites for the guests who say sex and gender are the same thing? Also, what are some good websites to check out for favours, decorations, etc? Pretty much everything on my computers and tablets are for weddings so some baby links would be appreciated!

We also wanted a sort of a forest theme (or enchanted forest, if you will) or non-creepy circus with a lot of themed treats, prizes, etc. Our back up theme, if we couldn't decide on something was a general summer theme since the party will be in June.

This is what we have so far:
- mani/pedi kits with theme related nail polish for the ladies. -> still need a guy equivalent.
- a book of our favourite recipes
- gift cards
- macaron trees/cones
- stuffed mini-burgers(beef, chicken, and veggie) with condiments including my homemade relish and spicy pickles
- cheese/pâté sampler with summer fruits
- assorted salads (potato, coleslaw, nicoise, pasta (pesto and macaroni)
- summer fruit cake/cupcakes and homemade ice cream

What are some suggestions for other favours? We have an idea of what to give the ladies but what about the guys that come? Should it be coed?

dufferoo

Whoa there, horsie!! Hand back the reins!

KAGPowell

She told me to plan everything since the only reason she is doing it is so that my SIL doesn't
the reason my fiancé suggested a guy equivalent is since his friends are NOT the mani pedi or showering type. They are "manly men" his words, not mine, that used to all be in wrestling so even having a guy mani pedi kit is a threat to their masculinity. The girls invited are super girlie.
It's not a free party since she was going to use my money anyways
Many women I know have thrown their own showers and no one commented on it. I wasn't even going to have one but SIL said she wanted to throw one but mom said she didn't want a "cheap, tasteless party" do this is what happened.
My other just wants to say that she hosted the party even though it will be at my Uncle's condo's party room and I will be footing the bill.
Also, I was never going to "dictate" what to bring. Our registry is all neutral and we wanted to keep the invites neutral so that even those that don't know the sex wouldn't make gender specific colour choices, particularly since pink is traditionally a boy colour with green and yellow being associated with girls prior to the 1950s and we are against western gender roles. I never said I was going to tell people what to buy but usually gifts come off a registry so we kept it simple. We also want items that we will be able to pass along and reuse for any future children and grandchildren, etc. Everything we have chosen so far has been in shades of green, blue, cream/beige, blue, brown, with only the barest accents of pink/red or yellow/orange. We simply wanted to make it clear on our invites that we have no specific gender expectations for our daughter and wanted to keep this more about celebrating our child and our success at having a lasting pregnancy than "look at all the cute, frilly nonsense." This is also because we do not want any clothes and everyone is very aware of this as she has my clothes, and the clothes from nearly a dozen cousins already stocking her wardrobe. As far as we are concerned the only thing we are actually a sking people for are diapers for he diaper raffle since that's the oly thing besides cloth diapers and some new sheets on the registry.

KAGPowell

KAGPowell said:

She told me to plan everything since the only reason she is doing it is so that my SIL doesn't
the reason my fiancé suggested a guy equivalent is since his friends are NOT the mani pedi or showering type. They are "manly men" his words, not mine, that used to all be in wrestling so even having a guy mani pedi kit is a threat to their masculinity. The girls invited are super girlie.
It's not a free party since she was going to use my money anyways
Many women I know have thrown their own showers and no one commented on it. I wasn't even going to have one but SIL said she wanted to throw one but mom said she didn't want a "cheap, tasteless party" do this is what happened.
My other just wants to say that she hosted the party even though it will be at my Uncle's condo's party room and I will be footing the bill.

Just don't. If it's your money, you are the host. Save the money and buy your own stuff. If you don't want your SIL to host a party, you can decline. But the existence of one shower does not negate the ability of someone else to throw a party, too. 

So to answer all your questions, the answer is no. Just don't. Skip the shower. 

The problem with not having the party is that it has already been decided on. I was not consulted, therefore I'm making the best out of it. Plans were made, people invited and there is no way that anyone is calling up the 50 or so invites to tell them to disregard my mother's invite. I wasn't asking your opinion on whether I should or shouldn't have a shower. All I was asking for were for some suggestions about things to add or what some good resources are. There is nothing wrong with throwing your own shower or cohosting a shower. Besides, tradition says no one in the mother-to- be's family should throw a shower so if no one pays attention to that "rule" then why should we mind the mother to be hosting?

https://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/baby-showers/qa/who-hosts-baby-shower.aspx
https://www.circleofmoms.com/young-moms-aged-20-30/is-it-tacky-to-throw-my-own-baby-shower-235084

KAGPowell

I didn't want it, my fiancé wants it to celebrate our success after losing our previous pregnancy. We aren't asking for gifts since we already have everything from other family members and we do not expect anyone to bring gifts. We set up our registry for us in the even that there is something we still need so that we can keep track of things. What we didn't borrow from aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, we bought ourselves.

Cranang

Oh good grief. Just ditto every single woe MandJS said.

KAGPowell

MandJS said:

KAGPowell said:

I didn't want it, my fiancé wants it to celebrate our success after losing our previous pregnancy. We aren't asking for gifts since we already have everything from other family members and we do not expect anyone to bring gifts. We set up our registry for us in the even that there is something we still need so that we can keep track of things. What we didn't borrow from aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, we bought ourselves.

Then have a meet the baby party after the child is born. A shower, by definition, is a gift giving event.

We had considered this but my family will be leaving to go back to the west coast before the baby is born and won't be back until October for the red egg and ginger party/naming ceremony if they come back this year at all.
Edit: no formal invites sent but a "save the date" type call went out.

KAGPowell

I just find it strange that everyone is so against the mother to be throwing a party since everyone I know had to do it themselves since baby showers aren't customary in our culture and no one bitched them out for it. This is coming from someone who has shelves on shelves of etiquette books from the past 250+years and freaked out on her mother for suggesting preprinted envelope stickers for wedding invitations.

KAGPowell

I really didn't think people were going to be such assholes about someone asking for some suggestions.

KAGPowell

Bit we aren't asking for gifts. It's a party to celebrate a viable pregnancy.

KatFCo

Okay, ignoring the fact that you're throwing yourself a shower and that whole debacle...there is no good way to tell your guests not to be gender specific. Invites can be yellow, green, brown, whatever, but in no uncertain terms do you even hint that you don't want frilly pink dresses for your child. You can't make that clear on your invitations because that would be dictating to your guests what not to bring. Speaking of dictating, a diaper raffle IS dictating what to bring. Please don't. Just register for diapers and don't register for clothes.

KAGPowell

As far as bringing things, we never expected anyone to bring things to use for the baby. In our family, everyone usually brings some sort of food item or whatever, my aunt always makes booties or scarves for everyone, for example. We Did the registry for us, not for our guests but figured we could clue our guests in on stuff to bring (food, mostly, but also photos, items for a baby book,etc). If they want to buy something off the registry, it will show that everything has already been purchased.

KAGPowell

MandJS said:

KAGPowell said:

I just find it strange that everyone is so against the mother to be throwing a party since everyone I know had to do it themselves since baby showers aren't customary in our culture and no one bitched them out for it. This is coming from someone who has shelves on shelves of etiquette books from the past 250+years and freaked out on her mother for suggesting preprinted envelope stickers for wedding invitations.

A baby shower is a gift to you from the hostess. It is not some rite of passage to motherhood that everyone HAS to have. 

FFS. OF COURSE no one bitched anyone out. THAT would be rude, too. The beauty of this board is that we can tell you what others are thinking BEFORE you commit some faux pas that gets you talked about behind your friend's backs. 

But do whatever you want to do. I honestly don't care, and it makes no difference to me if you want to be tacky and gift grabby.

MandJS said:

KAGPowell said:

Bit we aren't asking for gifts. It's a party to celebrate a viable pregnancy.

So ... to be clear. You're having a party because your egg and your husband's sperm successfully met and implanted in your uterus? 

yeah, considering we lost at least one baby before this one and we had been trying for years with little to no success and there were concerns about uterine cysts having caused damage in the past.

KAGPowell

Fine, it's a Pre-delivery baby party

KAGPowell

Yes but can celebrate that we made it to a certain point. My father said it was a good thing when I lost my previous pregnancy and my mother couldn't figure out why I was upset that. I was left hme alone during my miscarriage while everyone was at a wedding or football parties and I was left screaming and crying on the floor on my parents' house after JUST finding out I was pregnant minutes before the bleeding started and seeing my baby in the toilet. So to me, being able to have made it this far is a huge accomplishment especially in a family where my mother hates this baby and is simply oing things for appearance's sake.

nah82

KAGPowell said:

Yes but can celebrate that we made it to a certain point. My father said it was a good thing when I lost my previous pregnancy and my mother couldn't figure out why I was upset that. I was left hme alone during my miscarriage while everyone was at a wedding or football parties and I was left screaming and crying on the floor on my parents' house after JUST finding out I was pregnant minutes before the bleeding started and seeing my baby in the toilet. So to me, being able to have made it this far is a huge accomplishment especially in a family where my mother hates this baby and is simply oing things for appearance's sake.

It sounds like a very traumatic experience for you and I can understand that you are excited to welcome this LO, but if your mother and father were THAT cold and unsupportive and your mother "hates this baby", why in the world would you want to throw an uncomfortable party under the guise that she is hosting it to celebrate with these people who are against your pregnancy anyhow?  Go on a weekend getaway "babymoon" as a couple to celebrate.  Spend money on something you'd actually enjoy rather than his and her manicure sets.

KAGPowell

The thing is, how do you say th on an invite? Not everyone knows bout our loss, and mom wants no part of things unless it's to make it about her, so we call it a baby shower but no one is treating it as such. We don't want to tell people it's a baby party then have people asking us about our loss( we think there were probably a few mmc but we aren't sure) especially since death around an expecting mother is probably about as taboo as you get in chinese culture. My mother is saying she's hosting so that no one knows how she really feels about this baby. She doesn't even know when I'm due, my neighbour's mother had to tell her, nor does she care about the baby or any other babies that I might have.The thing is, how do you say th on an invite? Not everyone knows bout our loss, and mom wants no part of things unless it's to make it about her, so we call it a baby shower but no one is treating it as such. We don't want to tell people it's a baby party then have people asking us about our loss( we think there were probably a few mmc but we aren't sure) especially since death around an expecting mother is probably about as taboo as you get in chinese culture. My mother is saying she's hosting so that no one knows how she really feels about this baby. She doesn't even know when I'm due, my neighbour's mother had to tell her, nor does she care about the baby or any other babies that I might have. This is all just to give the illusion of her caring. Call it what you will but for the sake of my sanity when dealing with mother, I'll continue to call it a baby shower without the gifts just to keep her happy even if I would just like it to be a barbecue with a baby theme.

KAGPowell

Remember, baby showers are an American thing. For us, we celebrate the baby surviving a period of time after the birth and gve the child special names. We also have no brain-mouth filter in my family and if anyone had a problem with something, it would be on billboards, shouted from the rooftops, you get the picture, especially when it comes to something being tacky so the fact tht th people of my family see no problem in the immediate family throwing a shower, then th is all that matters to us because the only people, beides a few friends invited, are family. For us, we do not care about gifts. We want to celebrate getting this far because every day we don't lose the baby is a miracle. Maybe it's just a baby shower themed party but whatever it s it's important to us because we have never gotten this far before.

KAGPowell

It's my mother's party and she just wants me to do it because otherwise it would be 50 people sitting around with no food and no idea why they are really there because all this is is about keeping up appearances because she doesn't want people thinking she doesn't like the baby or knowing that we failed before along with hating the idea that my SIL asked in no one else had offered, she would like to.

KAGPowell

MandJS said:

KAGPowell said:

The thing is, how do you say th on an invite? Not everyone knows bout our loss, and mom wants no part of things unless it's to make it about her, so we call it a baby shower but no one is treating it as such. We don't want to tell people it's a baby party then have people asking us about our loss( we think there were probably a few mmc but we aren't sure) especially since death around an expecting mother is probably about as taboo as you get in chinese culture. My mother is saying she's hosting so that no one knows how she really feels about this baby. She doesn't even know when I'm due, my neighbour's mother had to tell her, nor does she care about the baby or any other babies that I might have.The thing is, how do you say th on an invite? Not everyone knows bout our loss, and mom wants no part of things unless it's to make it about her, so we call it a baby shower but no one is treating it as such. We don't want to tell people it's a baby party then have people asking us about our loss( we think there were probably a few mmc but we aren't sure) especially since death around an expecting mother is probably about as taboo as you get in chinese culture. My mother is saying she's hosting so that no one knows how she really feels about this baby. She doesn't even know when I'm due, my neighbour's mother had to tell her, nor does she care about the baby or any other babies that I might have. This is all just to give the illusion of her caring. Call it what you will but for the sake of my sanity when dealing with mother, I'll continue to call it a baby shower without the gifts just to keep her happy even if I would just like it to be a barbecue with a baby theme.

I get it. You had a loss and it sucked and it's horrible. I'm not trying to discount that at all. But, you DON"T say it on an invite. You either have a meet the baby party OR you have a party that has nothing to do with the fact that you are pregnant OR someone OFFERS to throw you a shower. If you want to celebrate the fact that you have a viable pregnancy, then celebrate that with your husband. Go on a babymoon, treat yourselves to a couples massage (yours pregnancy safe, obviously), etc. You aren't finding wording for an "I have a viable pregnancy!" party because it's a weird awkward premise for a party.

And I agree with the PP who asked why you're letting your mom throw a party if she "hates" the baby. It's ... weird.

I'm not saying I would actually put tht on the invite just that my mother keeps calling it a baby shower and we didn't know what to call it. She's doing it because se couldn't stand that my SIL offered to throw one because she doesn't like her. We're going through with it because everyone keeps asking when we are having a baby shower and when I originally told everyone we weren't, our friends and family were shocked which was when my SIL offered and mom just couldn't take it and said she was doing it. We are letting her because she doesn't want other people to know how she really feels about things and we are sick of the questions and comments from everyone about her o we are just going along with it. It's what we o in my family.

nah82

KAGPowell said:

Remember, baby showers are an American thing. For us, we celebrate the baby surviving a period of time after the birth and gve the child special names. We also have no brain-mouth filter in my family and if anyone had a problem with something, it would be on billboards, shouted from the rooftops, you get the picture, especially when it comes to something being tacky so the fact tht th people of my family see no problem in the immediate family throwing a shower, then th is all that matters to us because the only people, beides a few friends invited, are family. For us, we do not care about gifts. We want to celebrate getting this far because every day we don't lose the baby is a miracle. Maybe it's just a baby shower themed party but whatever it s it's important to us because we have never gotten this far before.

So, baby showers are not your cultural norm, the only person who offered to throw you a shower is your mom who "hates the baby" and is only "throwing" the shower in name only while you would be footing the bill and doing all the work, paying to feed and hang out with and save face for people who are not even supportive of your pregnancy, AND you don't want gifts.  All signs point to DO NOT THROW A SHOWER.  You are not obligated to have a baby shower to "keep up appearances".  Why would you want to spend money on making yourself miserable pretending that your mom is the doting grandmother?  It sucks that your family is acting this way about it, but that is how it is, so why spend money on pretending it's not?  Do something special to celebrate with your SO who truly cares about your pregnancy.

FloridaLady

This whole thing makes my head hurt. As somebody with an awful MIL who would totally throw a party to keep up appearances, I would absolutely decline and accept the gift from somebody (your SIL in this case) who was actually excited for me. This pregnancy is NOT about your mother and you not only accepting this party but *planning it FOR her* is you allowing her to manipulate you for her own selfish reasons and that's deplorable. On both your parts.
Like everyone else has said, spend your money on something else, not a "save your mother's face and call it a baby shower" party. When people see Baby Shower on the invitation, they will bring a gift because it's a *gift giving event* and it's rude to show up empty handed. If they see everything on your registry has been purchased they will undoubtedly buy you clothes because that's the go-to shower gift. And if they know your baby's sex they will likely give you girly clothes because that's what people do. I didn't register for clothes at all but it was 75% of what I got at my showers for DS. And do you know what I did? I smiled and said thank you. Even if it was something I knew I would never in a million years dress him in.
All that being said, I'm firmly in the No Shower In This Case camp. But clearly you don't care what the rest of us think so I will offer this instead: do not under any circumstances mention gifts on the invitations. Do not mention gender neutrality. Do not mention your loss (it's awful that you had to experience it and I'm truly sorry for you but that would be terribly awkward for all parties involved to call attention to it).
Also, for the record, an "I have a viable pregnancy!" party is weird as all get out, especially if you share that as the reason for the shindig. Certainly celebrate with your SO every day you make it past your loss mark but you needn't throw a party for the rest of the world to acknowledge it with you.

TL;DR: don't do it. Just don't.

kimberpoo

All of the PP's had great points. I truly agree with these 2 things:

1) Throw a party at your own place and invite over only people you want there. Just a regular BBQ or whatever. Not something to do with baby. Truly......at the party people will want to talk about baby and congratulate you and celebrate. No 'shower' designation necessary.

2) use the $$ you would have spent on the not-fun-stressful-sounding-shower on something for you and DH to privately celebrate your LO. babymoon, road trip, hotel stay in a new place, whatever. make it special and take lots of pics.

SingleMom31

Skipping everything discussed above, why would you create stress for yourself by hosting and funding your mother's gift to you baby shower?  I can think of so many other more enjoyable things to do while pregnant.

Cranang

Oh FFS. This is ridiculous. Your mom isn't throwing the party and why would you want to cater to her delusions? The only answer I can logically come to is that you want presents and/or you want attention. I mean. Who gives a shit what your mother thinks at this point? If your SIL wanted to throw you a proper shower, then you should've accepted. I can't think of any reason you would throw yourself a shower in your mother's name except for selfish reasons previously enumerated.

KAGPowell

There really hasn't been any stress involved except her initial freak out over who was going to throw the party. She just emails me or texts me things like "what kind of food do you want?", "Is a cake/cupcakes from here a good choice?", "Do you like _____or______?" Or she'll ask me to send her a web page or something. The only time it gets even a touch stressful is when she realizes it isn't a birthday party, which I think is her template, and for a baby she knows nothing about or when certain ppl are brought up. Even then, she pretty much just hangs up on me and ignores everything for a while. She's a very cold, extremely non maternal woman(refused to really acknowledge I was even pregnant until 2-3 weeks ago, morning sickness was "the flu") so this whole thing is very difficult for her.

KAGPowell

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Mimaloo

KAGPowell said:

My mother is throwing me a baby shower but doesn't really want to plan it so i decided to take over but everything I want she just keeps sneering at me, being nasty and saying "well, people are going to bring what they want so forget about it because people will expect pink things for a girl" which is strange since she never dressed me in pink (I'm pretty sure she actually blames this for why I'm not "girly" enough).

My plan, even though we know we are already having a a girl, is to have a gender neutral party since we don't know what her gender expression will be until way after she's born. That being said, how can we put this on the invites for the guests who say sex and gender are the same thing? 

Why refer to the baby as "her" then?  Why not just say "it"? 

nah82

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Someone who truly does not want a shower would not start a thread detailing exactly what themes, favors, and menu items they are considering.  They would either A) turn down the unwanted shower or Attend and accept whatever the host puts together.  Doctoral candidate aside, because, let's face it, that is not pertinent to the discussion at all.

Mimaloo

namcgee said:

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Someone who truly does not want a shower would not start a thread detailing exactly what themes, favors, and menu items they are considering.  They would either A) turn down the unwanted shower or Attend and accept whatever the host puts together.  Doctoral candidate aside, because, let's face it, that is not pertinent to the discussion at all.

She has made herself look so ridiculous with this post that she needs everyone to now think she's not actually a complete idiot.  

sschwege

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Then it seems as if your problem is solved.  Let your mom know that you already have everything you need, nor do you have time to plan/attend a shower, it is causing you too much stress, thanks for the 'offer' (if we can call it that) and move on.  

Totally separate from this mess, but it sounds like you have serious issues standing up to your mother which you have mentioned in a separate post.  I think you really need to talk to someone on how to say 'no' to her and create boundaries especially before the baby comes! 

KAGPowell

I say no to her everyday. Like I said in my other post, she does what she wants regardless of what other people, myself included, want. She has planned parties for her brother where no one showed up because they had other plans and she pitched a fit. She invites herself places like my college dorm room in another country where she had no keys or access code and I found her standing at the foot of my bed while I slept. She "invited" herself into my grandmother's dr appointments. She calls my psychiatrist and tells her to disregard patient confidentiality, she "has" to know certain things because that's what mothers do. It doesn't matter how much you say no, she just doesn't hear it.

KAGPowell

Mimaloo said:

namcgee said:

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Someone who truly does not want a shower would not start a thread detailing exactly what themes, favors, and menu items they are considering.  They would either A) turn down the unwanted shower or Attend and accept whatever the host puts together.  Doctoral candidate aside, because, let's face it, that is not pertinent to the discussion at all.

She has made herself look so ridiculous with this post that she needs everyone to now think she's not actually a complete idiot.  

I'm actually a grad student at columbia, you can look it up if you want.

KatFCo

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Wait, you're planning your wedding and anniversary together? Just tell your mom you don't want to plan this; ask your SIL if the offer is still valid to "help" you with the party your mom is foisting on you, if you're unwilling to just cancel the whole thing outright.

KAGPowell

Kimbus22 said:

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Ummm...so cancel the shower you are apparently forcing upon yourself?

Problem solved.

she's still going to have it. I figure I just won't show up. She says she doesn't care if I do. Guess I know what she really thinks now.

KAGPowell

Joy2611 said:

You WANT the attention.  Jesus, Mary and Joseph - will you just admit it?

If you didn't, you wouldn't be asking how to throw a shower for yourself.  It's seriously so simple.

Also - all that stuff you just listed about being a doctoral candidate?  I don't believe it.  I got my Ph.D. in 2010.  I never filled out paperwork until after my defense.  Doing research, worrying about presentations, etc... all of that is what a doctoral candidate worries about.  Not filling out paperwork.

And - one last thing - how does one plan their wedding and anniversary at the same time?  One must be married before having a wedding anniversary.  Or, are you celebrating the oh so important "first kiss!!" anniversary?  I know those are stressful...

I have to submit my thesis proposal, with it goes a form about my completed credits and advisor. And it's our civil service anniversary combined with our religious ceremony.

KAGPowell

MandJS said:

KAGPowell said:

Mimaloo said:

namcgee said:

KAGPowell said:

I don't want a shower because I already have my wedding/anniversary to plan , my friend's wedding to attend and a christening and red egg and ginger party to plan so I would prefer not to have another event to go to in the next 8-9 months or have anything else to distract me from the grant/ research proposals I need to complete and send in along with the forms for my doctoral candidacy in the fall or the professional exams I need to boom and prepare for.

Someone who truly does not want a shower would not start a thread detailing exactly what themes, favors, and menu items they are considering.  They would either A) turn down the unwanted shower or Attend and accept whatever the host puts together.  Doctoral candidate aside, because, let's face it, that is not pertinent to the discussion at all.

She has made herself look so ridiculous with this post that she needs everyone to now think she's not actually a complete idiot.  

I'm actually a grad student at columbia, you can look it up if you want.

I have vague recollections of another ... odd ... poster at Columbia for a graduate degree. But that was on BOTB... 

AChristineMcDonald - is that you? https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12243355/am-i-crazy-or-ready-for-a-baby/p1

no. I'm new on here. I meant the CU fu foundation website.

nah82

KAGPowell said:

Joy2611 said:

You WANT the attention.  Jesus, Mary and Joseph - will you just admit it?

If you didn't, you wouldn't be asking how to throw a shower for yourself.  It's seriously so simple.

Also - all that stuff you just listed about being a doctoral candidate?  I don't believe it.  I got my Ph.D. in 2010.  I never filled out paperwork until after my defense.  Doing research, worrying about presentations, etc... all of that is what a doctoral candidate worries about.  Not filling out paperwork.

And - one last thing - how does one plan their wedding and anniversary at the same time?  One must be married before having a wedding anniversary.  Or, are you celebrating the oh so important "first kiss!!" anniversary?  I know those are stressful...

I have to submit my thesis proposal, with it goes a form about my completed credits and advisor. And it's our civil service anniversary combined with our religious ceremony.

yada yada yada... whether you are a doctor or a stay at home wife really doesn't matter...adding these details does not make the bump take you more seriously, it makes you more sketchy and questionable to feel the need to announce that you are so smart and important.

Empireceo

MUD? This went from "I hate pink dresses" to "my mom is forcing me to pay for my shower even though my culture doesn't do showers" to "I need lots of parties but also school time." If this is real, I don't buy for a second that your mom is the supervillian you're trying to make her out to be.