SEPTEMBER 2014 BMB check in!

Maxsmommy123112

Ok, let's start a thread to keep in touch and stay updated on everyone's progress.

Tell us your story. Whatever you want to share about your ordeal and aftermath. Also when/if you will TTC again and if testing will be done to determine the cause of your miscarriage.

I am hoping this thread will not only keep us connected but also keep us informed on different avenues to move forward, different doctors opinions/treatment plans, different disorders to test, ETC.

Please don't forget to post updates after your appointments!

Hopefully we will have updates on this thread of rainbow pregnancies in the future. I wish only the best for all of you. We all deserve our silver lining after this cloud!

HERES MY STORY:
My due date was August 28-Sept 1. My baby was measuring behind on scans so they never gave me an exact due date. We found out at my 10 week appointment after I started spotting that I had lost the baby at 8 weeks. This is our 2nd miscarriage. First was in September 2013. That night I went home contemplating D&C or natural. I started miscarrying at home that night at 6:00pm. By 3:00am I started hemorrhaging so DH took me to the ER. They tried to remove the baby manually (AWFUL), did another ultrasound and more blood work and determined I needed an emergency D&C or I would risk needing a blood transfusion. Went in for the D&C and came out feeling so empty and cold. I cried in recovery and people just bustled by...no one noticed or cared.

We have 1 son, healthy and easy pregnancy. Doctors think I have a clotting disorder that developed after he was born. I also still breastfeed so they will be looking into possible effects of that like maybe a vitamin deficiency. We will be going in for testing in one month after my cycle. We were told not to TTC again for another 3-6 months.

Kalidawn523

I was due sep 9, miscarried at 7 weeks with a possible blighted ovum on jan 26. Feeling really weird and exhibiting a lot of classic depression signs so going in to see a therapist Tuesday. Benched from TTC for two cycles and hate my OB for a variety of reasons so considering a CNM for nexti time and possibly envelope for follow up from this one. Go in Friday to have my hcg checked...it was 44 last Monday. Really ready to move on. Thanks @maxsmommy123112 for keeping us close!!

jduganrn

I was in the sept 2014 board but never posted anything just mostly read through the same questions I had. Was due sept 4, went in on feb 11 for my first us and baby was there but Sac was hazy and yolk was not seen As well an no heartbeat. Was supposed to be 9 weeks only measuring at 7weeks 6 days. Doctor said don't blame myself there's nothing you did, didn't do, drank or ate, or basically anything that could have prevented this. This was my first pregnancy and I hated to label it as a m/c.
My sister is pregnant and we were looking forward to being pregnant together but sometimes these things happen and Dh and I are trying to stay positive with bad days in between. I go for a d&c this Monday and I am nervous .
@Maxsmommy123112 I'm glad you made this I think it will really help especially as we approach our milestones we would have had along the way which I hear is hard for people to go through which I haven't experienced yet . I'm glad that you made it okay at the ER but am terribly sorry as that sounds like a traumatic experience. Hoping for better things to come

jduganrn

@Kalidawn523 good luck with the therapist I hope you find relief. And good luck to you with the hcg levels I know I can't wait until I get to the point where we can try again if we are ready mentally

Smash1215

I was due sept 2. First pregnancy. Went to my first ob appt on jan 29. We were so excited to see our baby! I was 9w1d. We saw the baby but there was no heartbeat. It was measuring in the 8 week range. I was devastated. Had a d&c 2 days later. Almost 2 weeks post-surgery now and I'm really happy I went the d&c route.
One of the hardest things for me was grieving the death of my baby silently. So I started talking. Told most of my friends. It made such a difference to have that support. My H has been great but I think he's just focused on the future. I'm usually doing all right but weird things make me sad. Oh, and I saw teen mom 2 last night and it made me irrationally angry.

I asked for chromosomal testing of the fetus and hope to have the results back soon. We are planning on ntnp as soon as I get my period, which is how long my on advised us to wait. I'm actually really excited to get busy tomorrow. Its been way too long but I'm cleared for lovin tomorrow

Thanks for letting me write a novel. Hugs to all!

jesswein9

@birch113 so sorry to see you over here too. We unfortunately mirrored each other over the last few days.

I had my d&c yesterday, two days after hearing the heartbeat. I was supposed to be 8weeks the day of my loss. I'm so heartbroken as this is our second loss in the last 6 months. I don't have any children yet, so that makes me feel even less confident that I can have a successful pregnancy in the future. Today has already been a little better than yesterday, so far I have only had about 3 crying meltdowns. The emotional pain is so stabbing and even the littlest things effect me.

jesswein9

@jduganrn - my sister in law is pregnant right now too, I was 2 months behind her. We already had started talking about our future kids and how it was going to be so neat to have the cousins so close in age...all the things we had dreamt about came crashing down. This grieving process will take time. While I am so so happy for my SIL there will be a bit of a sting when I see what she is going through that I am no longer going to experience with her.

Maxsmommy123112

I'm so sorry that some of you happened to be pregnant at the same time as someone close to you. That happened to me my last miscarriage. Pregnant with a cousin. She is due in a month and I think the thought of that baby almost being due coupled with this loss has made it even more unbearable.

Also the day I started miscarrying this baby at home my other cousin posted a pregnancy announcement and she is due a week after I was due. I saw her baby bump this past weekend and it took everything in me to not have a meltdown.

I think I'm right there with @kalidawn523 and probably need therapy. The two losses back to back have really taken a toll and I hate that I'm not alone in that boat either. One is definitely unbearable enough, let alone 2 or more. I am so sorry @jesswein9.

I totally empathize with each and every one of you.

@jduganrn hope you have a quick and painless surgery and recovery. I had my first D&C a few weeks ago and it wasn't too bad physically speaking. Just rest up afterward.

@birch113, good luck with what's to come. Hopefully the process will be over soon so you can move forward.

jesswein9

@maxsmommy123112 sorry to hear about your hard times with your pregnant family member too. Each loss seems to be exponentially harder. My first loss was in September (due this April) so now that has been on my mind lately even though I haven't really thought that much about that loss before this. I hate all the 'if' thoughts. As in--if the first loss never happened I would be like 32 weeks at this point. Each loss brings up so many awful what if thoughts.

Maxsmommy123112

@jesswein9 I was due in April too with my 1st loss....looks like we are on the same shitty roller coaster. I recently went out and bought birthstone bracelets, I already had one for DS, thought it was only fitting to have them for my other 2 babies also. It made me feel a little better. I've been trying to do things like that.

Since we were going to tell everyone else on valentines day we decided instead to send up a few 'valentines balloons' to the babies in heaven.

Maybe if you did something in remembrance it would help? We also planted a tree in our yard after the 1st miscarriage. It's a jasmine tree and when it blooms it brings tears to my eyes. That's sometimes the only thing that brings me peace because I feel as though I'm showing our love for them.

kate6214

I belong here. @jesswein9 You and I have very similar experiences. Both of my losses happened around 7 weeks. This time I had an early ultrasound where everything was perfect and then 3 weeks later no heartbeat. l'm still bleeding on and off from my D&C a week ago. I've had to stay off of Facebook because of announcements/cute baby pictures. It's just too painful right now

kate6214

I'm so sorry that anyone has to be here. It just plain sucks.

jesswein9

@maxsmommy123112 I love the birthstone idea. Such a nice, touching way to always keep them with you. I have one of those pandora bracelets---I love the idea of getting a charm to remember our babies that we never got to meet.

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jesswein9

Thinking of both of you @carabiner252 and @birch113 while you guys wait for the actual m/c process to happen/end.

@kate6214 I totally get staying off of FB...just ventured on there and that was a mistake seeing lots of valentines pictures of babies and pregnancy announcements.

I feel like I have a teeny tiny bit of healing occurring today emotionally---I just made a RE appointment for a month from now, so I at least feel like I may potentially get some answers about why this keeps happening.

doknow

I was due Sept. 27, and was mostly a lurker on the Sept 14 board. Went in for an ultrasound at 7.5 weeks and found out though the ultrasound that fetus stopped developing at 6.5 weeks and didn't have a heartbeat. Had a D&C yesterday. My SIL is pregnant, due at the beginning of August with #4, and this was my first pregnancy. Also, my SIL is a couple years younger than I am. Right now that might be the most difficult part of all this. (Before yesterday the most difficult part was the anxiety I had about the D&C. I had never been a patient in a hospital before or had general anesthesia.) Also, my mom had 4 kids, each conceived within a month, and no miscarriages. I'm trying to keep all this ugly jealously at bay, but as you can tell, I've not been very successful.

Maxsmommy123112

@jesswein9, that's great! Any tiny bit of healing is awesome. I feel like I've taken ten steps backward this week because we were planning to announce today. Just want this weekend to be over.

@doknow we are all there with you! SIL is tough though. Mine is a cousin. Keep your distance, I know it's easier said than done but I figure it's better to be absent and polite then around and rude. I took that road with my first miscarriage. Missed a lot of gatherings, baby showers, gender announcements, etc. If I had gone I wouldn't have been outwardly happy (of course I am happy inside, just missing my baby at the same time.) I probably would've cried or at best had a horrible "woe is me" look on my face. I've chosen to be supportive in other ways but I don't in any way want to make a joyous occasion for someone else about me. There will be hard days to come but hang in there and do what's best for you, your sanity and overall wellbeing.

jesswein9

@maxsmommy123112 sorry this week has been so rough. I feel like we all do 1 step forward, 10 steps back. We will have good days/weeks and rough ones. The thing that I'm learning is that we can lean on the support of each other here during the rough patches. Family and friends are great (sometimes) but they don't truly know what we are going through.

Deenie1230

Yesterday, Valentine's Day, I slipped in my driveway on ice. I broke my tailbone and they told me to come in and I asked for an ultrasound for peace of mind. I wasn't worried because I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat. However, I was not prepared for the news I received last night. We lost our baby probably 2 weeks ago and I'm 10 weeks now. I go Monday for a repeat us and to schedule a D&C. I'm still numb.

Maxsmommy123112

@deenie1230 I'm so sorry. Just like me. Lost the baby at 8 weeks but found out at 10. And to have a routine us not thinking anything was wrong and then get the worst news, my heart is breaking for you.

Wishing you a quick and painless surgery and recovery. You will be in my thoughts this week. We are all here if you need to talk. Hang in there. You've had an awful week!

Starbear06

My edd was sept 12th. I was 8 weeks along when I went in for my first u/s. I wasn't nervous because my bloodwork came back normal and I had many many pregnancy symptoms. The u/s technician measured the baby at 8 weeks but didn't find a heartbeat. I had a D&C the following week.
We have a 18m DS at home so after the initial shock of learning of the pregnancy, we were pretty excited on the thought of having the kids close in age. Now I'm terrified of getting pregnant again. I was pretty much the worst mom to DS since my m/s sickness started at week 6. Then going through the emotional pain when learning of the miscarriage. I know that we will eventually try again in the near future but will wait until DS turns 2.

Wintersea

My due date was9/16. My first pregnancy is officially over and I am just devastated. The problems began at 7wks, I had gush of blood and called the doctor. Went in for an ultrasound and we saw a healthy embryo with a heartbeat. They also saw a second sac that was not developing (vanishing twin). I was put on bed rest for 72hours. The bleeding stopped but continued to have light brown tinged discharge. Then at 8wks2d I had another gush of blood went back in baby had grown and had a heartbeat strong. So I was given bloodwork and told things should be fine. Part of the bloodwork ordered was my a1c level as I am diabetic. It came back 11.4 and the doctor called me to send me directly to the hospital as the I was coma level. I was put on the labor and maternity floor and started insulin and was given the grime news that most likely the baby if it makes it would have heart defects. I was there from the 13 to the 16. On the 16th they brought me in for an ultrasound and the baby had not grown and no heartbeat. Missed miscarriage. I asked to be discharged immediately because I could not stand to be there with all the   healthy pregnant girls and babies. They let me go to follow up on Tuesday with my regular ob. Worst of all my husband is blaming me. Just so sad.. aim so sorry for all your losses and thoughts and prayers go out to all of you

young40

I was due 9/24. First pregnancy.
I went in for my first ob appt. on 02/06. My doc saw one baby measuring about 7 weeks but no heartbeat. He wanted to check and see if maybe there was another, and he thought he found a second one with a heartbeat. I saw it too.
I went back this past Friday, and the first one was still there, but he couldn't find the second one he thought we saw.
I decided to m/c naturally, and started bleeding yesterday. I definitely still have not passed anything yet. I'm wondering if I should have opted for the D&C, just to get it over with.

I also found out yesterday that my SIL is pregnant,which made it even more heartbreaking. She is due Oct, and she's a year older at 41. They've been trying for awhile with no luck, so I'm super happy for them and sad at the same time. Going forward I think will be tough, as she progresses through her pregnancy, knowing that I should have been going through my own.

{{{Hugs}}} to all.

Maxsmommy123112

@starbear06 I have a DS, he was 12 months when we found out. We were planning on starting when he turned 1 so we were so excited. It was too good to be true. GL with TTC with baby #2. I won't be trying for at least 3-6 months so i will prob be right with your time line!

@wintersea, wow...what an ordeal. And did I read that right, your husband is blaming you!?! That is just awful and wrong! I am so so sorry, no one especially your husband should ever put that blame on you. God knows we all carry enough guilt as it is!!!!

@young40 so sorry for your loss. So many of us on here have vented about dealing with similar issues, someone close to us being pregnant at the same time. This is my 2nd miscarriage. First time I was pregnant with a cousin and she is due in March and it has been so rough in general and now to have gone through a 2nd MC, sometimes I can't take it. It's so hard to be around her. It's not her fault and I am happy for her I just have so much pain in my heart for us and it does get the best of me no matter how much I try to repress it. Hang in there!

@annarussell05 sometimes I wish I could have had that moment with my baby. I had an Emergency D&C with this last one. But then I wonder if I could've handled it and I don't think I could have. It is so beautiful that you are able to say goodbye and have a place to visit your baby. I hurt so so much because I never got to see my babies, never said goodbye and don't have a place to visit them.

As far as the ER doctor, don't take his word for it. They all say '3 or more' but my dr is testing after 2 and I know other doctors who do. You just have to find an OB that is willing and cares. I also have 1 child and have kind of resorted to the fact that I may end up with just 1 and that is ok with me...but I'm not ready to give up just yet. I will decide that after testing results.


~~Im so sad there are so many of us joining this thread but so happy that we are all here to support each other.

flgrl521

Hi ladies.. my heart breaks reading all your stories, as I know your pain all too well. With my last pregnancy the EDD was August 5th. At 6 weeks 6 days the baby measured perfectly and had a strong heartbeat of 140. I went in for a checkup at 9 weeks and the baby measured 6 weeks 3 days and no heartbeat. I had a D&C 4 days later. We had chromosomal testing done and the baby had trisomy 16. This was my third loss in the past year (no children yet). My first loss was very early at 5 weeks and the second loss was identical to my most recent loss, except the baby had trisomy 13 (not 16). Like some of you, during these losses I've had to deal with pregnancy announcements, avoided baby showers, faked my way through baby conversations and more recently had to deal with the pain of watching my older sister sail through her third pregnancy. My father-in-law (who's married to a younger women) is expecting a healthy baby girl in May too. He's almost 60?! Nobody understands what I'm going through, especially my family, so I've just started avoiding the hurtful and insensitive comments they make by staying away. I probably need to see a therapist too. ..my RE doesn't know why I keep having chromosomal miscarriages and the only treatment option I've been given is IVF with PGS to test the embryos first. Since I don't have the money, and IVF terrifies me, I think we might just try again next month. I have some minor autoimmune issues too but my doctor is treating those with baby aspirin and levonox (if I get pregnant again). The psychological toll of RPL is definitely weighing on me. This board has helped me so much though.. thank you all for sharing your stories and I'm sorry we are all in this place together.

flgrl521

@ Maxsmommy123112 I love the bracelets!!

flgrl521

..ahh should have read the title of this. I'm August 2014 BMB. I need my glass of wine now haha. Sorry for intruding! #-o

Maxsmommy123112

@flgrl521, first off, I am so so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine going through it as many times as you have. My family is also very insensitive so my heart completely breaks for you. That's why I have found myself here, because it's the only place I feel like people are truly supporting me and understand what I am going through.

You are completely welcome on our board, especially since there is no August board. The more the marrier right? It's a good solid place to share all our stories and our good and bad days to come. There are so many intros on here...it's nice to keep track of everyone this way.

JosephsSweetie

This will be my into here too. I'm happy to have found this post! I've read all your stories, and I'm sorry to hear about your losses. Here's my story:

At 7w1d, I went in to the clinic for three days of brown spotting. They sent me for an ultrasound where the embryo measured 5w6d with a maybe heartbeat, irregular yolk sac, and 2 subchorionic pockets of blood (which by themselves aren't necessarily scary). I was positive that my ovulation date was correct and I got a positive HPT at 9dpo, so I knew there was no way I could have turned a positive test on ovulation day. I spotted brown for a week, then it turned to red.

I had another ultrasound a week later at 8w1d, and embryo did not grow, no heartbeat, but the yolk sac got bigger. At that point, they took blood for HCG levels. I was 12,000 that day, and 10,000 3 days later.

Today, after bleeding for 15 days, I had cramps for two hours and then passed something larger that I could definitely feel. Three hours later, I've had no cramps since. I'm thinking that's the majority of it. My midwife said I can expect to bleed for about 10 days more, and they'll check my HCG levels again then to make sure they're way down.

I really feel fine. I haven't cried about this yet...maybe that's weird. I have an almost 2.5 year old healthy son, and this was my second pregnancy. With both pregnancies I got a positive test the first month of trying (after charting). I guess I feel like it happened so early on, and I just want to try again. Is it wrong not to feel sad? Anyone else feel that way? Maybe it will still hit me at some point. I don't know.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and share my story. I think I want to try again as soon as I can.

jllmb79

3rd pregnancy and 1st MC.

Went in for our first ultrasound yesterday should have measured 9 +weeks but was only 6 weeks and no heart beat. Took Cytotec last night. Hopefully it is over.  

Hopefully this is just one small bump and we can try again soon.

Maxsmommy123112

@josephsSweetie that's the thing about miscarriage or loss in general. Everyone grieves in their own way and I don't think there is a right or wrong way. I am so sorry for your loss. Since this was your 1st MC I hope it's nothing and that you can TTC soon. We are here if you do have a bad day and need to vent!

@jllmb79 so sorry for your loss. I am glad the process was quick for you. Just like @josephsSweetie hopefully you can start TTC again soon and that it was just a bump in the road.

GL to you both going forward and keep us updated!!

liznj2775

First time trying. EDD was 9/22/14. U/S showed "unhealthy pregnancy". Went back a week later for a second look. Had a D&C last night at 9w4d. So the doctor recommended a D&C because a natural MC would be too much blood. Well, then I just assumed a D&C would mean little to no blood. Boy was I wrong. Also I had the procedure in their office with a local so I wouldn't be knocked out in the hospital. Well, the local knocked me out so bad that I could barely move. The nurse even commented about how strangely I was affected. I went to the bathroom on the way out because I thought I was going to throw up. I guess everyone takes it differently but whatever they gave me was more than my body could handle. Anyone have a bad MC experience, and it takes such an emotional and physical toll that you fear trying again? Fear for another MC? I have never battled depression in my life, but I felt the full weight of it this last month. I confessed to my DH, and said, I just want my life back. @maxsmommy123112 your post made me cry! How beautiful about the tree and birthstones!

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Maxsmommy123112

@liznj2775 I am so sorry for your loss. My first MC was not that traumatic. Not by any means easy but physically wasn't that bad. My 2nd one however was awful. Especially when the ER doctor tried to pull the baby out manually. I feel like I'm a little traumatized by the whole thing and I think DH is also because he saw so much when I started to naturally MC at home. It completely freaked him out. It has crossed my mind not to try again for fear of what could happen...then I have my moments where I can't even think about never having another baby. I think it depends on the day. And each day that goes by it gets a little easier to cope. It's funny that you just mentioned the tree. This morning I walked by it and noticed it bloomed for the first time. Ironically my EDD for the first MC (and the baby we planted the tree for) is only a month away. Right now I would be 8 months pregnant. Id like to think the blooming tree is my babies way of saying he/she is with me and sees how much I love and miss him/her.

@carabiner252...yes I hate that we are all in this club no one wants to belong to. But I guess if we have to be here at least we can go through it together. I am so glad the process has not been painful ft you. I hope that it's quick and stays painless so you can move forward.

jllmb79

Carabiner252 said:

Sorry to everyone new that has had to join this board.

I decided to take cytotec and it started working around midnight. It has been surprisingly unpainful. At least there's that.

Hugs for everyone.

Carabiner252 did the cytotec get more painful as the night went on?  I took it at 830pm and around 3am it was painful enough to need some meds to get back to sleep.  I woke up at 7 am and needed to feed my DD#2 (still BF).  I was so dizzy I couldn't get her myself. I BF her and slept for 3 more hours and woke up completely fine.  I did it over night hoping to have the least amount in my body when I BF DD#2.  Just wondering how your experience went. I go back for a sono 28th to see if everything is gone.

DUSTYROBESON

Sorry that we are all brought here by loss. Feb 16 I went to the ER because I had been bleeding. They did an ultra sound and told me that I had an ectopic pregnancy. They did emergency surgery. They removed our light that we had waited 2 1/2 years for along with my left tube. I was 8 weeks. DH and I are crushed under the weight of the pain. I can't believe it ended like this.

Maxsmommy123112

@DUSTYROBESON I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you the emotional pain will go away soon or that there was some magical cure. All I can tell you is that we all feel your pain. We all completely empathize with you and we are here for support for the rough days ahead. Know you are not alone. Somehow I hope this board and all these women will help you through. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

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akleng

I'm so glad I found this board! It’s awful that any of us have to be here, but so glad to have this for support because I’ve been feeling so alone. I was due Sept. 12 with my first pregnancy. We had our first ultrasound around 6 weeks and everything looked good. We went in for our second appointment this past Thursday and the doctor was having trouble finding a heartbeat. He said he wasn't too worried because I was right on the cusp of being able to hear it (11 weeks), but ordered an u/s just to give us piece of mind. The u/s showed the baby measuring at only 8-9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The tech delivered this information in such a cold and matter of a fact way, which I think made the news even more devastating. We then saw the doctor again who spent about 5 minutes with us and talk us through what to expect. He advised that I let it happen naturally and call back to schedule a D&C if it hadn't happened in a week. We had a trip planned to Florida with some friends for the next day and since the Dr. said to expect it to be like a severe period and didn’t see a reason why we couldn’t still travel, we decided to go (we're in Chicago and were desperately needing some warm weather).

On the first day of the trip, I started having some cramping and light bleeding and by the early evening was feeling contractions with heavy bleeding, so we decided to go to the ER. That was probably the best decision we could have made. The baby came out during the pelvic exam, which I'm so thankful for because I didn't feel anything--well exception for the terrible cramping I'd been having all night. The staff was so caring and supportive for both me and DH. The nurse gave me a big hug when it was all over, which was so comforting. It was such a start contrast to how we felt we were treated at our doctor's office. Now that we're back from the trip, I think the sadness is really starting to hit me. One minute I will feel OK and then all of a sudden start crying, I'm terrified by even the though of TTC again, so I'm planning on seeking counseling to help me deal with this loss. Just being able to write it out on this board is helping and I hope we can all find some healing. So sorry for all of your losses.

Maxsmommy123112

@akleng first of all I am sorry you are here. I'm so glad the hospital staff was so comforting to you and so sorry your doctor wasn't. One thing that helped me after my first loss was changing OBs. My new OB is very different in almost every way. She actually was not pleased I was pregnant so quickly after my first loss but we had been given the green light by my previous OB...who by the way was very cold after the 1st loss.

Since this is our 2nd loss the new OB wants us to do some testing to see what's going on. The old OB refused any testing before 4 miscarriages.

This miscarriage was painful emotionally and physically but it definitely has been a different experience because of our new doctor. You should really find someone you are more comfortable with. I think it will help when you TTC again. It makes a huge difference!

I am glad you have found this board. We all understand what you're going through and are here for you. Hang in there!

Smash1215

Found out yesterday that my H's best friend and his wife are expecting. They're 4 weeks behind where we were. I'm super happy for them, but very sad for us. This really sucks bec it's a constant reminder of what we lost. The friend even said, "we were so paranoid before the u/a bec of what happened to you guys. So glad everything was okay with our baby." I know I'm hyper sensitive and he wasn't trying to be a jerk, but ugh.

Hugs, ladies!