Unhappy with daycare but unsure what to do...

djm31012

DS has been in day care for the last 4 months (since he was 8 months old.)  His room goes from 4 months, until children are steady on their feet and then they move up to the Waddler room. Right now he is the oldest in his room at 1 year old.  DH does drops offs and most days my parents pick him up for me so i can go right home, saves me about 30 minutes. Therefore, I am not there to see anything.  My parents dont love the idea of daycare so I will start by saying that. But they keep telling me that alot of times when they get him he will be in his high chair alone, or sitting on the floor alone not doing anything and its breaking my heart. I also havent heard of him or gotten sent home with an art project yet this year.  he also has a new teacher (a floater turned teacher) that is very nice I am just not crazy about her.  Every time I get the sheet of paper back at the end of the day it says he was in a great mood and they have fun playing, singing songs, etc...but I cant help but think that hes on his own most of the day and I hate that feeling. I looked at other day cares before choosing this one, so another center is not really an option (there is one that takes kids from 1 year old so i could check that out if there is any availability).  I dont want to go the nanny route either as its twice the price here and when I interviewed 4 nannies the first time around I did not love any of them.  I am thinking of calling the director of the center and asking to have him moved up to the waddler room despite the fact that hes not yet walking and see if that makes it any better, being around more active kids, in a new room, etc. These are the times I want to quit my job and be home with him.  What would you do?

cecilyandgautam

Would it be possible for you to do the pick up a couple times in the next week or so? I find it helpful to see things for myself. You may find your parents' version of things is not how you see it or you may agree and want to take action, but I think seeing it for yourself first and comparing notes with your husband would probably help you decide how to go. If he really is in a chair all day, that would keep him from practicing his walking, so I'd want to verify the situation on that. 

djm31012

DH is off next week so I told him to do random drop ins mid day unannounced (they have open door policy) and just look in the window to see what hes doing. After a few of those, we will make a decision. Is it worth giving the next room up a try, or should I be looking for other centers/childcare options?

jf198400

I definitely think it's worth trying out the toddler room before making a change. There is such a big difference from infants to toddlers in my experience. There will be new teachers a new routine and new activities.

jlaOK

I think it is a really good idea to do some midday drop ins.  I know that with our daycare the activities and teacher involvement is a lot better during the day versus the last hour of the day when I pick up.  Seeing what's going on with your own eyes will help you make a decision.  I'd also look into the waddler room that way you can get an idea of what the next room's activities will be.  Observe and trust your gut.  If something feels "off" you will know it.

WBMom

Definately do the drop in visits but at our daycare the last hour of the day is kinda of low key and not much happens.  There is too much disruption with parents picking up that last hour that doing some type of organized play would not work.  My kids are typically playing independently on the floor or may be in a high chair because the teacher is emptying garbages etc (end of day clean up).  Just ask questions and see first hand before making any decisions.

djm31012

@clarypax you make a good point.  I would not be totally concerned except for the fact that my dad picked him up at noon today and DS had just woken up 10 minutes before and was sitting on the floor alone while the teacher fed another child in the high chair. I asked if he was playing with other kids, or any toys alone and he said no, just sitting there with his pacifier in his mouth. This is the middle of the day so I was really bothered by that. At least give him something to play with. One other child was sleeping an d the other is super little so was laying in a boppy. I get it--she was busy feeding another child...but at least make sure my DS was doing something..I just have the saddest image in my head of him just sitting there alone.

Also...i feel like every day all they do is play in this tunnel...its written on his sheet all the time. It will say "we practiced animal sounds and sang xyz song" but still. Where are my art projects?! I always used to get them!

sillygirlio

Are they picking your child up at the very end of the day?  I have a 1yr old who goes home at about 5:30 every day and she's always super crabby after the rest of the kids go home.  She is always the last one there, so I put her in her highchair and give her toys or cheerios because that is the only thing she is happy doing at that time.  She is in her highchair every single day when she is picked because it's what she likes.  I'm just trying to say that it might not be a case of neglect, your child might actually be happy.  Does your child appear to like going to daycare?

I think you should make a point to go a few times and see what it actually happening, but you could also try to get her moved.

Finally, I promise I'm not trying to be snarky... what kid of art project do you want your 12 month old to come home with?  I'm honestly curious.  In my 10 year career I have yet to see the 12 month old who doesn't just eat crayons and paper.  Maybe there is something I'm missing?  What kind of art projects do you do with your baby at home?  I only ask because I've heard this complaint before... and never know what the heck parents expect!

jf198400

djm31012 said:

@clarypax you make a good point.  I would not be totally concerned except for the fact that my dad picked him up at noon today and DS had just woken up 10 minutes before and was sitting on the floor alone while the teacher fed another child in the high chair. I asked if he was playing with other kids, or any toys alone and he said no, just sitting there with his pacifier in his mouth. This is the middle of the day so I was really bothered by that. At least give him something to play with. One other child was sleeping an d the other is super little so was laying in a boppy. I get it--she was busy feeding another child...but at least make sure my DS was doing something..I just have the saddest image in my head of him just sitting there alone.

Also...i feel like every day all they do is play in this tunnel...its written on his sheet all the time. It will say "we practiced animal sounds and sang xyz song" but still. Where are my art projects?! I always used to get them!

If your child had just gotten up from nap, maybe he was still kinda sleepy. I know my kids need a little space when they first wake up, and don't need to be immediately engaged in activity.

Also just wanted to say both of my kids love the little play tunnel, that and parachutes. They would love to do it every day. I did get some art projects sent home from the baby room, but I'll admit I don't think there's much point to it. I wasn't doing any art with them at home until more like 1.5yrs old.

djm31012

sillygirlio said:

 

Finally, I promise I'm not trying to be snarky... what kid of art project do you want your 12 month old to come home with?  I'm honestly curious.  In my 10 year career I have yet to see the 12 month old who doesn't just eat crayons and paper.  Maybe there is something I'm missing?  What kind of art projects do you do with your baby at home?  I only ask because I've heard this complaint before... and never know what the heck parents expect!

his first 2 months they were doing a ton of finger painting...they made pumpkins for halloween, a turkey for thanksgiving, etc.   its not so much the fact that he makes art projects , its more the idea that they were doing something I could see...instead of just taking their word for it. Like you say you practiced animal sounds, maybe you moo-ed once, what did you do the other 9 hours of the day?! just things like that.

FemShep

I think your parents are biased, and are letting their feelings influence their judgement. I agree with PPs, when LO wakes up, she needs time to reacclimate, and at the end of the day, she's tired and wants to go home. Having you and your DH do random drop-ins during the middle of the day will be the best way to see if there's really something to be concerned about.

jesuisfatiguee

djm31012 said:

sillygirlio said:

 

Finally, I promise I'm not trying to be snarky... what kid of art project do you want your 12 month old to come home with?  I'm honestly curious.  In my 10 year career I have yet to see the 12 month old who doesn't just eat crayons and paper.  Maybe there is something I'm missing?  What kind of art projects do you do with your baby at home?  I only ask because I've heard this complaint before... and never know what the heck parents expect!

his first 2 months they were doing a ton of finger painting...they made pumpkins for halloween, a turkey for thanksgiving, etc.   its not so much the fact that he makes art projects , its more the idea that they were doing something I could see...instead of just taking their word for it. Like you say you practiced animal sounds, maybe you moo-ed once, what did you do the other 9 hours of the day?! just things like that.

My DC hasn't sent home any of DS' "art projects" either, and I keep forgetting to ask for them... I have seen them hung on the door or around the room, though. I figure once he starts investing some of his own efforts into things, it'll matter more to both of us that I have them at home.

Cooper81

cecilyandgautam said:

Would it be possible for you to do the pick up a couple times in the next week or so? I find it helpful to see things for myself. You may find your parents' version of things is not how you see it or you may agree and want to take action, but I think seeing it for yourself first and comparing notes with your husband would probably help you decide how to go. If he really is in a chair all day, that would keep him from practicing his walking, so I'd want to verify the situation on that. 

This.  I would have to see it for myself, and honestly when I pick up my 15 month old and 4 year old they aren't actually don't any structured activities, it's a free-for-all because it's the general pick up time so the center is pretty chaotic, so all the kids are more or less entertaining themselves while the teachers over see pick-ups, watching the kids, but interacting with parents who want to check-in on the day real quick.

rubber_chicken

We never once got an art project home from the infant room, and to be honest, it never occurred to me to do "art" with my daughter until a few months ago.  And even now, at 20 months, she mostly just tries to eat the crayons or paint.

If you were home with your son all day, would you be spending 100% of that time directly playing and interacting with him?  No.  You'd be folding laundry or making dinner while he sat in a high chair or sat in the pack n play or sat on the floor.  So what's the big deal if he's sitting some at daycare?  Kids need independent time. 

djm31012

theresat858 said:

I'm not sure what "art" you are expecting from a 1 year old... even at 21 months the "art" projects that DD does at school are more to keep them entertained than really crafty.

A few instances or what happens during pick up time doesn't necessarily indicate what his day is really like there.  Does your child interact with other children when not at daycare?  At 1 year, my LO would rarely sit still, regardless of a toy being sat down in front of her...does his behavior at daycare match his behavior at home?  Ie if you sat him on the floor, would he stay there, or would he start crawling around and exploring?
Adult interaction shouldn't be necessary 100% of the time for a 1 year old. Independent play is something that is good and can be encouraged. If your LO is not playing independently at home, perhaps LO has not had time to figure out how to play independently at daycare? 

Moving up to the toddler room might help, but only if your LO is actually ready to drop the morning nap.

DS plays all the time by himself at home and is great about it..or while I am sitting there and he is just crawling around exploring---up and down the steps, playing with toys (i always say im so surprised how into toys he is for a 1 year old, but he really is).  I dont think the teacher needs to be in his face all the time, but the fact that alot of the other babies in the room are really little and not mobile, is starting to concern me...like he is not getting any sort of stimulation.  He is at a weird in btwn phase where hes not an infant...but hes not a super toddler where he is ready for 1 nap a day on a floor mat, and eating lunch at a table and chairs.

 He is always happy at home..he has started to cry at daycare drop off the last month or so....but I am going to attribute that more to the age and the start of separation anxiety more than anything else. I call to check in 1-2x a day and they always tell me he was fine with in a minute or 2.  Because I am not "there" every morning/afternoon, I am always asking "what are you guys up to today, what has DS done so far this morning..." etc. The teacher is fine. Shes perfectly nice....shes very young , I would say 22/23 and she is not as outspoken or bubbly as his old teachers. She has been a floater in there since we started so I have known her for awhile...I just think she is better with the infants than she is with mobile toddlers. there have been a few instances where I feel she has been a bit of an airhead with things...but not something I would ever call attention to or complain about.

Again, the art comment is more about seeing that hes doing a concrete activity...instead of reading every day that hes crawling through a tunnel and making animal sounds....how do you do that for 10 hours straight.

emberlee3

Go see for yourself. Any concerns that remain after firsthand observation should be addressed to the teacher and/or director.

traveltheworld

I second everyone else.  Try to go and see for yourself mid-day if possible.  Pick-up times generally not a good indicator.  And if you are still unhappy with it, talk to the director.  I had a similar issue with DS's DC a few weeks ago (felt the teachers weren't paying him enough attention), and the ladies here suggested that I talk to the director.  I did, and it has gotten a lot better. 

I understand your point about art and what they do for hours a day.  But to give you a bit of a perspective - we have webcam access to DS's DC and he brings home art projects all the time, but I can see from the cameras that those take no more than 5 - 10 minutes.  Usually the teachers do them all and then DS just "finishes" it - it only occupies him for a very short period of time.  When DS was an infant, he spent a lot of time eating and napping, and spent a lot of time just sitting there watching the other children.  He also just crawled around a lot.  But he was always happy when I picked him up and more importantly, he'd reach for his teachers when I dropped him off - that was a good indicator that he was doing well.

djm31012

K3am said:

Not to be rude, but I think calling 1-2x a day is overkill. There's other children who need attention during the day - that could be a big part of the reason she's not spending time being bubbly and outspoken. 

im gone from my son 65 hours a week....i think its perfectly fine to call and check in 100 times if need be. Every person I work with has a nanny or uses day care..and they all speak to their childcare provider multiple times a day.

sillygirlio

Crawling and making animal sounds is what 12 month olds do!  Babies aren't like adults, they don't get bored like we do.  I think it helps to take a step back and really think about what a baby does in a day... everything is new to them!  Textures... noises... colors... body parts... the stuff that is super boring to you is exciting to them... so yes, they can fill a ten hour day with those things.

I have two 12 month old babies in my care and we honestly don't do anything that I would consider a concrete activity.  Babies don't need structured activities... along with feeding and diaper changes they need attention, hugs, kisses, to be spoken/sang to and played with, but not constantly.  They also need to learn to play alone.  Structured activities, at that age, are done for the benefit of the parents who feel like they need to see what they're paying for.  In my experience, most kids don't care that they've done an art project until sometime around 2 or 2.5.  Then they care, but they forget about them quickly.  Somewhere around the age of three they become REALLY proud of them and want to take everything home.  It varies from child to child.

If I were to write a list of what the babies in my care have done today it would be this:  Eat breakfast, crawl around with play food in hand, chew on play food.  Crawl around with book in hand.  Chew on book.  Pull self up on wall/couch/chair/baby gate.  Crawl on sillygirlio while she sings with big kids.  Play peekaboo for about 30 seconds.  Stare at self in mirror.  Feel tongue.  Remove socks.  Have socks put back on.  Remove socks.  Nap.  Lunch.  Smash peas.  Put peas in hair.  Stare at peas.  Get angry because they don't like sippy cup.  Crawl around while big kids listen to story time.  Sit in corner staring at paper found on the floor until sillygirlio takes the paper.  Cry because, "Hey, that was my paper!"  Discover sillygirlio's eyes.  Stare at them and try to touch them.  It goes on and on.

This is the kind of stuff that happens every day and it's what would happen at your house if you didn't go to work.  They're not bored or unhappy, they're learning.  We already know how to do all these things, so it seems boring to us!

 

ebp913

djm31012 said:

K3am said:

Not to be rude, but I think calling 1-2x a day is overkill. There's other children who need attention during the day - that could be a big part of the reason she's not spending time being bubbly and outspoken. 

im gone from my son 65 hours a week....i think its perfectly fine to call and check in 100 times if need be. Every person I work with has a nanny or uses day care..and they all speak to their childcare provider multiple times a day.

Sorry to be rude but this is crazy.  I don't check in all the time and don't know anyone who would check in that often. I trust my childcare provider and don't feel that I need to or should micromanage their day.  You are right, that you are entitled to call whenever but this post is making me think you are making this whole situation into WAY more than it is.  

djm31012

PrivacyWanted said:

K3am said:

Not to be rude, but I think calling 1-2x a day is overkill. There's other children who need attention during the day - that could be a big part of the reason she's not spending time being bubbly and outspoken. 

im gone from my son 65 hours a week....i think its perfectly fine to call and check in 100 times if need be. Every person I work with has a nanny or uses day care..and they all speak to their childcare provider multiple times a day.

Somehow I missed where you're calling 1-2x a day! I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous. If I learned another DC parent was doing that beyond the first week at DC, I'd actually be pretty upset. On one hand you want to see art projects and the teacher interacting with your son - on the other you are expecting to call in and take her attention away, and her ability to do those things.  Imagine if every parent in the room did that.  Even if there are only 4 kids in the room, even if just mom called once a day and spent 5 minutes, that's 20 minutes a day the teacher has to say "yes little Johnny is doing well"

I don't know a single person who calls in to their child care provider that often, with the exception of people who have older kids who can talk on the phone with Nannies.   I've only called if I was 1) worried because DS or DD seemed a little "off" in the morning, or 2) to tell them to hold off on a bottle because I was coming to nurse.

If you're the type who wants to call in that often, maybe you should look into a more individualized childcare provider (very small in home or a nanny)

everyone is different.  All of the people I know (friends and co - workers) speak with their childcare provider every day. Nannies usually more often..I call once after lunch and its usually a 1-2 minute conversation. I would never consider not checking in when I am away from him as often as I am.  If i were popping in mid day to nurse...or had a web cam, I would not feel a need to do so. But given that I dont do drop offs and rarely do pick ups, this is my way of staying connected and in the know.  Its equivalent to all of the parents that stay and chat for a few minutes with the teacher when they pick up their LO (which my husband doesnt do, I know that).  The only time I ever called twice, was his first day back after the stomach flu when they told me in the morning he still wasnt himself.

plus12012

I would do a mid-day stop in. It's often difficult to guage how things are going during the day at pick-up because there are so many adults in and out picking up kiddos that it may look like teachers aren't engaged in your child when really he's getting lots of attention during the day but, that particular time teachers are focused on keeping kids safe and occupied so they can speak to parents/caregivers as they come in to pick up.

As a former DC Assistant Director I wouldn't recommend contacting the Director at this point. They often don't actually know what goes on in a classroom throughout the entire day.

ebp913

djm31012 said:

PrivacyWanted said:

K3am said:

Not to be rude, but I think calling 1-2x a day is overkill. There's other children who need attention during the day - that could be a big part of the reason she's not spending time being bubbly and outspoken. 

im gone from my son 65 hours a week....i think its perfectly fine to call and check in 100 times if need be. Every person I work with has a nanny or uses day care..and they all speak to their childcare provider multiple times a day.

Somehow I missed where you're calling 1-2x a day! I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous. If I learned another DC parent was doing that beyond the first week at DC, I'd actually be pretty upset. On one hand you want to see art projects and the teacher interacting with your son - on the other you are expecting to call in and take her attention away, and her ability to do those things.  Imagine if every parent in the room did that.  Even if there are only 4 kids in the room, even if just mom called once a day and spent 5 minutes, that's 20 minutes a day the teacher has to say "yes little Johnny is doing well"

I don't know a single person who calls in to their child care provider that often, with the exception of people who have older kids who can talk on the phone with Nannies.   I've only called if I was 1) worried because DS or DD seemed a little "off" in the morning, or 2) to tell them to hold off on a bottle because I was coming to nurse.

If you're the type who wants to call in that often, maybe you should look into a more individualized childcare provider (very small in home or a nanny)

everyone is different.  All of the people I know (friends and co - workers) speak with their childcare provider every day. Nannies usually more often..I call once after lunch and its usually a 1-2 minute conversation. I would never consider not checking in when I am away from him as often as I am.  If i were popping in mid day to nurse...or had a web cam, I would not feel a need to do so. But given that I dont do drop offs and rarely do pick ups, this is my way of staying connected and in the know.  Its equivalent to all of the parents that stay and chat for a few minutes with the teacher when they pick up their LO (which my husband doesnt do, I know that).  The only time I ever called twice, was his first day back after the stomach flu when they told me in the morning he still wasnt himself.

It sounds like you may be checking in because you don't hear from the teachers how his day was and you are being told by your parents. I would just drop in or pick him up and get a feel for yourself.  If I was a daycare manager, I would be pretty annoyed at a parent who was constantly calling about their child and never dropped off or picked them up.  If you want to see how he is doing, go SEE how he is doing. 

I think your friends and co workers are the minority.  I've been on this board awhile and never seen anyone check in that often. 

emberlee3

@sillygirlio, I don't always agree with your responses, but the one above is dead-on.

sillygirlio

I wanted to comment on the calls too.  I know you don't get to come in to the center as often as you'd like, so you want to do something but that is a LOT of phone calls.  I have seven kids at my house and I almost never get a call from a parent during the day... that would really bother me and it might be why the new girl seems a little cold.

This is why it would bother me, granted these kids are in my home so it might be different from a center, but one of the babies sleeps in the living room and every time the phone rings during the day it wakes her up and I'm silently going "AAAAAAGH!  This had better be important!"  Also, I know when I'm on the phone the kids seem to know they can get away with things... it's ridiculous.  I say hello and pretty soon I have a kid jumping on the couch.  Phone calls are crazy distracting.  Even if there isn't a phone that's waking sleeping babies, life in a daycare setting is so routine... nearly every day is the same.  If something different or odd happens that you need to know about they will call you.  I promise. 

Now, if you want to call and check in because your child was acting strange that AM or you're picking up early, that would be fine.  I would want to know that.

Daycare is hard on the parents... I know. 

 

shannm

djm31012 said:

K3am said:

Not to be rude, but I think calling 1-2x a day is overkill. There's other children who need attention during the day - that could be a big part of the reason she's not spending time being bubbly and outspoken. 

im gone from my son 65 hours a week....i think its perfectly fine to call and check in 100 times if need be. Every person I work with has a nanny or uses day care..and they all speak to their childcare provider multiple times a day.

I have had children in daycare for almost six years.  I can't remember ever calling to check in.  If they need me, they call.  I am almost 100% positive that you are driving them nuts by calling all of the time and yes, you are "that parent."

This post and your previous make it really obvious that you don't want your child in this type of childcare setting.  It is time to own it and make a change that works for you.

djm31012

Thanks for all the feedback . DH and I are going to pop in a few times next week and I'll get a better sense of what's going on and decide from there if I think he's ready to be moved up. As for the calling , that's not going to stop... No one is bothered by it, I have great relationships with the directors and his teachers , ( the director actually called me tonight to thank me for a referral and compliment DSs haircut haha) even though the new one is not my favorite. I polled some friends again today and they agreed they all check in daily at this age so I'm sticking with it !

laurakaz13

We've had DD in daycare from 4 months to now at age 2 years, 9 months.  We've been thrilled with it from infant age and on.  DD went to daycare in the hospital where I worked as a baby and I did go and feed her everyday at lunch until she was around 11 months old. 

However, at that point on I would have NEVER called as often as you are.  I think that it ludicrous and as a parent of another kid, I would be peeved if I knew this.  It's not normal.  Period.  You're being excessive.  Your friends are wrong. 

On that note, I think you're letting your parent's view of daycare sway you since you never do pick up or drop off.  That's understandable.  However, I do think daycare is an area where you have to give up a bit of control.  That is liberating to me, as I feel that I learn so much from our DCP's as they have more experience with kids than I do.  If you plan to be a control freak about childcare, then you likely need to get a nanny.  This is not working for you. 

glaw

Honestly I have a nanny that ONLY takes care of my DD and who wouldn't mind if I called her a million times. Guess what? I rarely call. Only if she's been sick or if I forgot to tell her something or something else unusual. Honestly, I don't have time and don't see the reason. Yes, when I first went back to work I did call probably once a day but at 12 months?!? No way. I trust her. If after all this time you still feel the need to check-in, then I agree with the other PPs--it doesn't sound like the right place for your son.

djm31012

I wouldnt really call checking in on my infant son who has been in day care for 4 mos obsessive compulsive. I call it an involved parent, who works too many hours and cant be there in person.  For what its worth I commute 1.5 hours each way, arrive at work at 630 am and have a tough time running out of here before 5pm....so drop offs and pick ups are tough because of the hours. Regardless, that was not the point of the post.  Agree with the PPs who suggested drop ins and me leaving work early for a few days to do pick ups myself. that is what we plan to do next week. And for the PMs that told me they also check in...thanks dont be bashful! Not everyone has to agree or do things the same way!

ETA...he is also only in 3x a week..my SIL takes him the other 2 days..and i call her to check in also

Xtine22

Not quoting to cut the trees but if you call 1-2 times a day and every other parent in the room called 1-2 times a day with 7 children, when is the teacher suppose to interact with the children? As a former preschool teacher, they are not going to tell you it is annoying, they will tell you to call if you want but it does get annoying. Beyond the first week there or if something is off. 

shannm

Xtine22 said:

Not quoting to cut the trees but if you call 1-2 times a day and every other parent in the room called 1-2 times a day with 7 children, when is the teacher suppose to interact with the children? As a former preschool teacher, they are not going to tell you it is annoying, they will tell you to call if you want but it does get annoying. Beyond the first week there or if something is off. 

Exactly. An infant class with eight kids and two teachers is supposed to field 16 calls a day. That likely last three+ minutes each. What a friggin distraction! Please let me know where you and all your friends and PM buddies go so I don't use that center and my kids and their classmates will get the teacher's full attention. Luckily, our current center has rules regarding when parents can call the teachers in non emergent situations. Most will get fielded through the directors.

ss265

OP, at the very least you should probably look into a day care with webcams. Based on your responses, it sounds that you call daily because it is your way of "connecting" with the day care because you are unable to do drop offs and pick ups. If you get a day care with a webcam, at least you can check on your LO as often as you like and it might help you relinquish more control to the day care.

And I agree with PP that calling every day is excessive and I am sure your DC doesn't like it but they won't say anything to you. However, in your situation (not going there yourself, not having webcams etc.), I can understand it.

jbatch

djm31012 said:

I wouldnt really call checking in on my infant son who has been in day care for 4 mos obsessive compulsive. I call it an involved parent, who works too many hours and cant be there in person.  For what its worth I commute 1.5 hours each way, arrive at work at 630 am and have a tough time running out of here before 5pm....so drop offs and pick ups are tough because of the hours. Regardless, that was not the point of the post.  Agree with the PPs who suggested drop ins and me leaving work early for a few days to do pick ups myself. that is what we plan to do next week. And for the PMs that told me they also check in...thanks dont be bashful! Not everyone has to agree or do things the same way!

ETA...he is also only in 3x a week..my SIL takes him the other 2 days..and i call her to check in also

I feel like @sillygirlio is right on! I run a daycare with 100 kids. I have no parents that call everyday.. Not a single one.. That is obsessive. I would never get any work done if even just the infant parents called once a day. Also I'm not sure if your talking to the teachers when you call but I do not allow that unless its the older classes during nap time and a parent needs to talk to the teacher about a discipline problem..

On the part I quoted here I would like to say if people are sending you PMs to tell you they call why don't they just say it on here?? whats the point of doing it in private??

ss265

jbatch said:

djm31012 said:

I wouldnt really call checking in on my infant son who has been in day care for 4 mos obsessive compulsive. I call it an involved parent, who works too many hours and cant be there in person.  For what its worth I commute 1.5 hours each way, arrive at work at 630 am and have a tough time running out of here before 5pm....so drop offs and pick ups are tough because of the hours. Regardless, that was not the point of the post.  Agree with the PPs who suggested drop ins and me leaving work early for a few days to do pick ups myself. that is what we plan to do next week. And for the PMs that told me they also check in...thanks dont be bashful! Not everyone has to agree or do things the same way!

ETA...he is also only in 3x a week..my SIL takes him the other 2 days..and i call her to check in also

I feel like @sillygirlio is right on! I run a daycare with 100 kids. I have no parents that call everyday.. Not a single one.. That is obsessive. I would never get any work done if even just the infant parents called once a day. Also I'm not sure if your talking to the teachers when you call but I do not allow that unless its the older classes during nap time and a parent needs to talk to the teacher about a discipline problem..

On the part I quoted here I would like to say if people are sending you PMs to tell you they call why don't they just say it on here?? whats the point of doing it in private??

Because they realize that they are "that" Mom and don't want to openly admit it to everyone else.

djm31012

 

ss265 said:

OP, at the very least you should probably look into a day care with webcams. Based on your responses, it sounds that you call daily because it is your way of "connecting" with the day care because you are unable to do drop offs and pick ups. If you get a day care with a webcam, at least you can check on your LO as often as you like and it might help you relinquish more control to the day care.

And I agree with PP that calling every day is excessive and I am sure your DC doesn't like it but they won't say anything to you. However, in your situation (not going there yourself, not having webcams etc.), I can understand it.

Thank you! We looked at 3 centers..none of them have webcams, although I never thought to ask about that until I saw people here with centers that have them. Its a great idea.  If we did, I would not feel a need or desire to call and check in.  I am sure there will come a point in time soon where I dont feel a need to check in....yes he is a year old, but hes only been there 4 mos, and has had a new teacher for the last almost month. We will see after next week. I dont want to change centers or get a nanny...I actually really like it there. I think its more the discomfort of the new teacher. After I do a few pick ups next week and after DH does a mid day pop in or 2, im sure ill have a better feeling as to whether my parents are just over reacting, or if its time for him to move up with the bigger kids.

djm31012

@k3am not at all. Just a few people that reached out to me to say for what it's worth I check in too. The truth of the matter is everyone parents differently. There are plenty of things other people do that annoy the crap out of me... But everyone does what's in the best interest of their children and what works for them . Doesn't make them better or worse , just different. I would hope no one makes decisions just bc other people do it that way. @theresat858 you have the post about a room with a 1:6 ratio that often goes out of ratio and ur child gets sent home in someone else's diapers. Maybe it would be beneficial for you to be a little more on top of them. Maybe not . Again , different strokes for different folks.. Not a big deal .

djm31012

theresat858 said:

djm31012 said:

@k3am not at all. Just a few people that reached out to me to say for what it's worth I check in too. The truth of the matter is everyone parents differently. There are plenty of things other people do that annoy the crap out of me... But everyone does what's in the best interest of their children and what works for them . Doesn't make them better or worse , just different. I would hope no one makes decisions just bc other people do it that way.

@theresat858 you have the post about a room with a 1:6 ratio that often goes out of ratio and ur child gets sent home in someone else's diapers. Maybe it would be beneficial for you to be a little more on top of them. Maybe not . Again , different strokes for different folks.. Not a big deal .

Yeah. And we just started there, so it's an adjustment phase for everyone. But I don't really think calling 5 times a day would change that.



Agree . 5x is excessive and people work so who has the time ?! Agree to disagree here . And for the record .. To ur post ... I actually think 10 min out of ratio is probably ok during drop off as long as ur sure that's all it is. I can't tell how old ur LO is to comment if 1:6 is high. The diaper thing is more annoying than harmful but I'd probably say something anyway.

djm31012

@redheadbaker great thought but no. I am a trader . I get to work at 630 am and I work until the stock market closes at 4. I close everything out and leave at 5 and suffer the same rush hr 90 min commute as u. At least once a week I'm out with clients til 9 or later. So those that get to work out on their lunch break or stroll in at 9? Very lucky.. I have no break btwn 630 and 4 and 0 option for any flexibility .

Eta: u misread everything I wrote in that response. Pp had another post about daycare being out of ratio and her daughter coming home in someone else's diaper. I am the one saying it's annoying maybe but not a big deal . I agree with u there .

fitmom82

I hardly ever call because what are they going to say other than everything is fine?  If they have something else to say, they'll call me.  If I'm concerned about something and thinking about making a Dr appointment, I'll call.  I'd also be annoyed if other parents are calling that often.  The teachers should be focused on the kids, not on the phone.  I'm a teacher and recently got phones installed in the classroom.  It's very disruptive talking to the secretary for a minute or two a few times a day, I could never handle talking to multiple parents, multiple times a day, I wouldn't be paying attention to the kids at all.

emberlee3

OP, I would probably feel a need to check in if I never dropped off or picked up.  I usually do pick-up, but when DH does it, he never finds out anything from the teachers and almost always forgets DD's daily sheet.

My kids' school doesn't have a webcam, but one of the parents started a private facebook group.  The teachers post pictures and videos to it.  Mostly the preschool, so I see more of DS than of DD.  It's a really fun way to feel connected.  DD's previous teacher (and her nanny before that) used to send me picture messages.  Those might be possibilities to consider.  A picture is worth a thousand words...