Need to Vent! (Sorry It's long)

Mrodriguez898

Hi ladies. As I vent I know I am probably being irrational but I can't help it.
Before Christmas my hubby's cousin proposed to his now fiancée. Which was great! I course there was no date at the time for their wedding. Everyone in the family (including them) knew that my EDD was June 7th. Well their Save the Date arrived and their wedding date is June 7th!
You must be kidding me?? Really???! You decide to have your wedding on my EDD after I lost my baby!? I am beyond annoyed.
Am I being irrational??
It's not like they didn't know when my EDD was and to expect us to go still after what happened (and I would have to travel to their state, a 5 hour drive) to even go to this wedding!
Why should I consider their feelings when they didn't really consider mine??

jess123456

So sorry. That's really hard and I would feel the same way. I have realized that unless you have walked this road people don't really get it. It's not that they don't care, it's honestly usually that they don't get it. As for what you decide to do is completely your decision. My mom always tells me that while we cannot control what others do, we do have control over how we react to it. You have every right not to go. Many hugs to you.

kz's_girlygirl

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I'm sure their choice isn't a personal one against you, or because they are purposefully ignoring your feelings. People just don't realize the importance that some dates can have after a loss.

In reality, while the due date may be important to you, it probably doesn't hold much significance for people outside of your immediate circle. At least that is my experience. I don't know anyone who could even name my estimated due date. It isn't a slight or a personal attack, but the date just doesn't hold significance for them.

If you don't feel comfortable attending, I'm sure they would understand. You could send a card or gift if you want and send your well wishes that way.

Take care of yourself first, and I hope everything works out. Thinking of you.

CRUN2012

You are not at all irrational. ..in fact...I'd say a little tantrum and snark thrown their way is absolutely justified. I agree that they probably just "dont get it" however as understanding as you probably have to be with so many others I want you to remember that its okay to be open about your feelings. Its not like you're trying to make them change their plans or anything but they should recognize the significance of that day for your sake. Sometimes when I come across people who 'dont get it' I make it a point to get them to understand. Haha and usually after its over I feel much better. Its just that we so often try to be aware of other people that we forget to be aware of ourselves and sometimes its nice to be able to step up and say "this bothers me and here's why". For me anyway I find that it helps me put those feelings to rest easier than if I were to hide my feelings or push them aside. however you handle it I hope you find peace and comfort...you could always upstage the bride on her day by having a meltdown requiring a lot of attention?! just kidding

sunflwra

kz's_girlygirl said:

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I'm sure their choice isn't a personal one against you, or because they are purposefully ignoring your feelings. People just don't realize the importance that some dates can have after a loss. In reality, while the due date may be important to you, it probably doesn't hold much significance for people outside of your immediate circle. At least that is my experience. I don't know anyone who could even name my estimated due date. It isn't a slight or a personal attack, but the date just doesn't hold significance for them. If you don't feel comfortable attending, I'm sure they would understand. You could send a card or gift if you want and send your well wishes that way. Take care of yourself first, and I hope everything works out. Thinking of you.

I agree with all of this.  Also- I wouldn't let another family members birthday, anniversary, etc have much influence on setting my wedding date, so I can see how maybe they just didn't even think about it from that perspective. Not trying to be cold but I just wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure they would totally understand if you felt you couldn't "celebrate" on that day so just do what you need to do to get through it.  Good luck.

stefuge

First off - you are always welcome to vent here - we get it! What may not seem like a big deal to someone else can be so hurtful to us, and that is why we are here! I agree with PP that it was most likely not personal and they didn't even realize what they were doing. I know that doesn't make it much easier because it hurts that others forget and move on, but they probably didn't realize what they were doing. That being said, I wouldn't feel like you have to go - it will be a difficult day for you and it is understandable if you don't want to spend it there. Hopefully they would understand.

princezjk

****Sig Warning****

I agree with PPs, unfortunately people who haven't experienced loss, often just don't get it.  Though they know of your EDD, I wouldn't be surprised if they truly didn't realize why this would be so difficult for you.  I also agree with mrsgerman, and don't think you should feel obligated to go.  Sending you lots of ((((hugs))))