41 and just found out I'm pregnant - scared...

nboland

I am married, have 3 kids under age 8 and have a successful full-time (yet demanding) job.  I am freaking out! I love our life now...  It is complicated, busy, fun and chaotic - I just so torn.   Starting over, at my age?  Anyone else out there in my situation?  Apparently, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas...

roundabout2

Yes! I am totally in your situation. We have 5 other kids, the last is a toddler and others are older, so I'm not exactly starting out again (since we have a toddler) but After our last baby, we thought we were done.  We were using b/c but bam, pregnant anyway. I have a successful job that has tons of training that is coming up this year and I haven't told my boss yet. Actually, I'm scared to tell my boss. I'm also freaked about birth defects, etc. I'm 6 weeks along. how about you?

nboland

Thank you for your response.  Wow - 5?!?  That IS a houseful!  It sounds as though your toddler will have a buddy - which will be nice.  There will be 5 years between my youngest and this one.  My others are each 16 months apart.  I am worried about that too, this one being lonely... My others are all best friends.  I am also scared to tell me boss, my family, my friends...  The over 40 potential issues have me concerned as well.  Have you had a doctors appt yet?  I've had my hcg levels checked twice, and will have an ultrasound on Monday.  I am 5.5 weeks now.  I was older (mid-late 30's) when I had the other 3 - But, I'll be 2 months from 42 when this one is born...  That seems so old.  I don't mean for this to sound bad, but was your toddler planned?  I am also very apprehensive about our lives changing - the kids, my husband and myself.  You know, we were just entering a new phase and now...  Well, back to square one.  I don't mean for it to sound bad, I am just utterly confused.  I just wasn't expecting this at 42, menapause maybe - but not this... 

QOTR

This is my first, so I can't offer any advice about your life changes, but wanted to wish you a welcome!  

roundabout2

Yes, my toddler was planned. My first husband passed away, then I found this wonderful hubby of mine and he adopted my kids.. We kicked around the idea of having another and as soon as I went off b/c I was pregnant lol. But, we were set. I'm happy having the littlest to spoil and even though your littlest will be alone in age, he/she will have the BEST big brothers/sisters. Our other kids love her to pieces, and she loves them just the same.

No Dr appt yet. Mine's set for the 27th.

Beachgal72

This will be my first at 41 but I also feel some anxiety over how different life will be from now on after it being just me and DH for many years. You will find there are a lot of us on this board that are 40+ and are only treated differently in that there are more options available to us with testing. Congratulations and welcome to the group!

Melissa72777

Hi there and welcome. I am 36 and about to have my first. I was never sure if I wanted to have kids and neither was DH. Once we decided to get married 3 years ago that was when the baby discussion started. While we both agreed that this is what we wanted and we are both looking forward to sharing our lives with LO I would be lying if I said I'm not worried about how my life will change. I know that the experiences I will have as a parent and seeing my child grow are probably nothing close to anything I've experienced before. But I still feel a little sad when I think about how the days of coming home after a tough day of work and just flopping on the couch with a glass of wine or planning a fun weekend trip with friends spur of the moment are over. When I get sad about it I start thinking about the way I feel about my mom and memories from my childhood and how she was and still is everything to me. Then I think about having that type of relationship with my child and it all seems to be just right. I know this all feels so overwhelming and stressful right now but there are lots of us women here for you to talk to so just know you are not alone in this or how you are feeling.

dragonfly711

Welcome!!! I just turned 40 last Saturday. I am due in June with our first. I am super excited.

So far all is good. dr is not worried and keeps forgetting I am AMA. Guess in away that is a good thing I don't look 40. Lol.

This was stressful for me at first since I had a MC last February. First tri was so nerve racking.

Congrats!!!

nikkiuk

I can relate to the 'starting over again panics' although maybe in a slightly different way. My two kids are 20 and 16, now I have this little one on the way at the ripe old age of 43. Absolutely unexpected, not planned and certainly not part of the 'life plan'. I thought my child-bearing days were over and I was fine with that. I'm not scared exactly, more angry at myself. However, over the last few weeks I have started to slowly get my head around it all. The few people that I have told are excited - I haven't reached that stage yet but when he starts to move around more I think that will help. I'm 18 weeks so that will be soon. I've had the genetics tests which were all clear so that relieves one concern. The Anatomy Scan, assuming it's all good will relieve the other concerns. Then, I think, I'll be good to allow myself to be happy... maybe. 

I guess the bottom line is, we are resilient and however I feel at the moment, we WILL cope and actually make a really good job of it. Been there, bought the t-shirt. This is not an ideal situation (in my eyes anyway) but hey, we'll be just fine. And I BET you will be too.   

nboland

 

nboland

Nikkiuk - THANK YOU. I too am I basket full emotions, including scared at the situation. We had so many different plans moving forward... I love my babies, they are all small still - but I worry about the changes to their life as well. I guess I should just relax. I know things will work out (for both you & I). AND, I do appreciate all the other ladies replies as well! 1, 2, 3, breathe...

fromvatobk

Thank you for posting this.  I just found out this morning that I am pregnant just after I had come to the conclusion that our life was in pretty good balance with one child (age 5), working, etc.  A wonderful surprise, but I am excited and scared all at the same time.  Nice to know that I am not alone.  Congratulations!

akflutterby

It's sounds like several of us can relate to the anxiety. Between my husband and I our oldest is going to be 21 when this LO is born and the youngest will be almost 10. Our precious Cooper was a shocking surprise that took me some time to wrap my head around (DO was hooked as soon as he heard her little heartbeat). I also have a pretty demanding job, but the farther along I get the more I work with my team at the office to assure that things will run smoothly in my absence and that we can maintain our momentum when I get back, and that this little surprise is such a blessing that I never knew I so desperately wanted.

Best of luck!

surpriseaddition

Good luck with your pregnancies!

cfox9256

I am 45 my husband is 46, I have a 23 yr old son. this will be my husbands 1st child and its a boy.we were told I had no eggs left and said donar eggs would be the best choice. so we decided to take our time and think about it. So we bought a boat and made reservations to go on an Alaskan Cruise in July ... our son is due July 21st 2014. guess we wont be going to Alaska, Had the NIPT test and all is well. I am so okay with not going to Alaska guess at some point in time we will go on a Disney cruise instead. I am scarred and exited and all of the above. All the best to you and yours. 

cfox9256

I guess I should have also said ...we decided to let life take its course... we ended up not going back to fertility dr. and decided if it was meant to be it would be... so this pregnancy was a surprise but  a very welcome one. We had lost 4 prior to this. We are seeing a Hi-Risk OB and he says we are doing great. He said when we are due he will put me in hospital a day or 2 before delv. to monitor me and the baby... 

megaddie

I was born to a 39 year old mom...my next youngest sibling is 10 years older than me and it was totally fine! I wasn't lonely and I sort of had the best of both worlds in that I had siblings, but I also had a sort of only child situation. I'm super close with the one who is 10 years older than me--we even work together! Just thought I'd share from the perspective of the kid;)