I want to hear your thoughts on this.....

JBDamonM

So - I would like to hear opinions from fellow moms on this!

Saturday afternoon I told DH that I wanted to host my next book club at our house. We live in a raised ranch so unfortunately LO's bedroom is in close proximety to my living room so I told him we could ask his mom to take her for the night and he too could go out and enjoy a kid free night with his friends.

As I posted in the weekend plans thread, I also had book club this past weekend. So I was going out Sat night while he stayed home with LO. Well - then one of his friends sent a group text inviting everyone over for dinner.....at 8 PM. Sidenote; this friend lives in NY and recently got dumped by his fiance. So DH really wanted to go. We asked his mom if she would come over and she said no (which still shocks me but whatever)...... and I even reached out to our babysitter - WAY last minute. No dice there either. While this was happening DH's BIL showed up.  He said he would take LO for the night to his house.....

I put my foot down. First of all, your wife would need to make this offer as well. Second of all -we had had LO's baptism Saturday so she did not have a real nap..... so she was totally overtired. Second of all, we JUST sleep trained her, the last thing I want is her going elsewhere and getting all thrown off.

DH was really mad at me, but I strongly feel that overnight babysitting is reserved for emergencies, special occasions or trips out of town, AND unless it is an emergency should be planned out well in advance as I think it's a big deal. Also, while I didn't admit this to my DH - i don't like leaving Molly overnight. She's my baby and I want her sleeping in the next room over and miss her on the nights we've been apart.

This is not the first time DH and I have argued about this so I want to know - am I overreacting? He really sees overnights as no big deal, so maybe it's just me?

I want to know what you think.

mcgeeva

Hm..from the outside I had to re-read just to see if I got it all. Is it the fact that you are really only okay with MIL watching lo for overnights? His plans were definitely last minute I totally get that. I personally only feel okay with two people watching DS overnight and it's only happened twice since he was born almost two years ago, so if that's the case I also understand that. He is probably just upset you got a child free night for your plans but he got last minute plans and couldn't get an overnight sitter for what he wanted because you all didn't agree. Is it your BIL you don't trust watching you lo or just too many over nights within two weeks that could mess with your lo's schedule?

JBDamonM

No I actually trust my SIL and BIL more than I trust my MIL.

I don't think LO is a good enough sleeper where she can handle a sleepover and STTN, that's my biggest drawback. If she were like a 5 year old and could just go to bed and then wake up then it would be totally different and I would probably encourage it because it would be a great bonding experience with her cousins.

I actually came home from book club and found her crying, and had trouble settling her down..... I blamed it on being overtired, but in all seriousness can't imagine if she was somewhere else for that. It's not fair to make that someone else's responsibility.

mcgeeva

Oh so she is almost a year. That makes sense. DS went on his first over night at my parents when he was 11 months. When I new he would go down at 7:30 - get up at eat a 5 then pass back out. But never tried with anyone else till he was 1.5 years. That is a tough call. Well your DH will get over it. I guess just let him pick the next time you guys get to do an overnight - but in advance. That way he feels like he gets the opportunity to choose as well.

kaf7

Would your book club have just been a few hours and then you were home? I may not have liked it but if I trusted the people who offered I probably would've let LO go. Or asked them to just stay at your house and sit for a few hours instead. Or let LO go and then picked her up and taken her home when I was done. I can see your point of view and my natural inclination probably would've been to react the same way but DH would've had a fit and I would've given in and realized it was fine. I agree that the wife would've had to have been ok with it too. To me it would've also made a difference whether LO was already in bed asleep or not. If asleep and you can't get a sitter to come over then one of us would've had to stay home.

itsmevkb

I'm fairly easy going about stuff like this (being away from my kids) sooooo I might not be the person to ask, however, at the same time I'm kinda picky about sleeping.  My husband doesn't get to do much with his friends so if that was the case here, in addition to the poor guy just getting dumped by his fiance, I probably would have sucked it up and let the baby go sleepover (and then passive aggressively pointed out how crabby she was the next day or how she was sleep regressing because of it!)

ccam

DS has not slept somewhere else yet, so I totally understand.  I'd need to be fully prepared.  It's not like your LO is a ten year old asking to sleep over his friend's house.  Plus not sleeping through the night on top of all that, I get it.

JBDamonM

itsmevkb said:

I'm fairly easy going about stuff like this (being away from my kids) sooooo I might not be the person to ask, however, at the same time I'm kinda picky about sleeping.  My husband doesn't get to do much with his friends so if that was the case here, in addition to the poor guy just getting dumped by his fiance, I probably would have sucked it up and let the baby go sleepover (and then passive aggressively pointed out how crabby she was the next day or how she was sleep regressing because of it!)

I actually get annoyed with how available my husbands friends are. They are in there late 30s and several of them are still single. Most of them never have the commitments of a family etc. DH actaully gets out a lot more than I do, so more the reason I felt like he should suck it up Saturday night. And he was out with said friend for Happy Hour on Friday!

itsmevkb

JBDamonM said:

itsmevkb said:

I'm fairly easy going about stuff like this (being away from my kids) sooooo I might not be the person to ask, however, at the same time I'm kinda picky about sleeping.  My husband doesn't get to do much with his friends so if that was the case here, in addition to the poor guy just getting dumped by his fiance, I probably would have sucked it up and let the baby go sleepover (and then passive aggressively pointed out how crabby she was the next day or how she was sleep regressing because of it!)

I actually get annoyed with how available my husbands friends are. They are in there late 30s and several of them are still single. Most of them never have the commitments of a family etc. DH actaully gets out a lot more than I do, so more the reason I felt like he should suck it up Saturday night. And he was out with said friend for Happy Hour on Friday!

Oh, well in that case then yea, you've had your time and you're staying home. 

luvboston

I can see it both ways but I would have just let LO go and if it went poorly then DH should have been the one to go get LO. My LO goes to my parents all the time. And my sisters beg for her to stay over with them and we do that alot but in our family if you make her nuts you then deal with the aftermath.

We are very easy going and dont have LO on any strict regimen because it would never work for our life.

Dragonfly1226

Well, DS is three and we still haven't had him stay overnight anywhere else so I don't think you are overreacting.

Mrs.AmyDylan

Im with you on not letting her go. Sleep is so delicate at a young age. J would freak if she woke in a strange place and DH or I were not there. I also wouldn't be on board with a last minute sleep over.

Mnerani

When we were sleep training, and before DS's STTN was well-established, I was SUPER picky about where/how he slept. I even decided against a trip to the States for Christmas, as he had only been STTN for 2 weeks at that point. Especially since I handled my own sleep deprivation very poorly, I put DS's sleep training above almost anything else for a couple of months- including social plans. 

JBDamonM

Mnerani said:

When we were sleep training, and before DS's STTN was well-established, I was SUPER picky about where/how he slept. I even decided against a trip to the States for Christmas, as he had only been STTN for 2 weeks at that point. Especially since I handled my own sleep deprivation very poorly, I put DS's sleep training above almost anything else for a couple of months- including social plans. 

This is EXACTLY how I felt. With one week of good sleep training down it seemed lik an absolute disaster to send her away for the night. Especially on a day when she couldn't nap. STTN is sooooo important to me and I wish my DH would just accept that and let me have this without an argument since I'm the one who does MOTN wake ups when they do occur!

JBDamonM

Thanks for the feedback ladies!