Petty thought...

PhillyGal34

So when DS was born no one sent out an email to my firm saying "congratulations... Phillygal had her baby!" I guess because they didn't know what was going to happen but then they never even sent one when everyone was in the clear.  I just got an email from our firm administrator saying Congrats... so and so had her baby. This girl just started at the firm a few months ago. 

I want to cry.  I feel like this is so stupid but like it is one more thing I missed out on by having a preemie.  stupid and petty. I know.  but I figured you guys might understand. 

mylittleladies1229

People who haven't had preemies, just don't get it.  They don't want to say the wrong thing.  My mom never wanted to show our girls pics to other people when they were in the NICU because the girls look so sick.  As a parent you get desensitized to seeing all the tubes and wires, but I think to other people it can be a shock. 

 I'm not saying that they shouldn't send out an announcement or show pics, I would be very hurt at that too. I just think people don't want to say or do the wrong thing.

Brummy14

I'm sorry. I just don't think people know how to handle it. My manager actually did send out photos we had posted to FB the day after they were born - wires and CPAP and all. Honestly, I was kind of surprised -- for the same reason that PPs management/co-workers didn't -- because it's terrifying when these guys are born that early and so unstable. But, I appreciated that he wanted to celebrate their arrival -- just like any other baby. 

KTZ17

I know how you feel. I get jealous about stuff all the time, and I feel bad about it. Like at work my coworker had her baby the month before DD was born and they threw her a big shower. I like to think they would've done the same for me but I never went back to work after she was born and she was so early they didn't get a chance to do it. I also get jealous when I see people's happy announcements on FB with the pictures of the mom holding the baby in the hospital bed. I hope I can be one of those people someday! And you too, @phillygal34!

jbranden12

I hear you. I have had two emails go out announcing my girls' births, neither of which were joyful.

PhillyGal34

I am generally ok with stuff, I think this just hurt because I realized he was never celebrated. I wasn't at work at the time so it didn't bother me then but for some reason today it did... that added on to the fact that I am just having a horrible few days at work so I am feeling sorry for myself.

Thanks for letting me whine on your virtual shoulders. I needed it!

flerlgirl

Big hugs to you. I don't think it's petty. I know sometimes I just wanted to hear "congrats!" instead of "I'll pray for you" or "will he make it?" I so appreciated the prayers, but I wanted to hear some "normal" stuff, too. 

LucyRicardo3

not petty at all.
 I know in the first few days, I didn't really want to hear Congrats or Great Job or "Wow, You don't look like you just had a baby" because I wasn't feeling like what happened was a reason to celebrate.
However, DH's office shared the email announcement he'd sent them with a picture of me changing the his diaper for the first time in the NICU and it was sweet. I would have had my feelings hurt if they had pretended like we had not been through a lot and that little guy wasn't even here. That would have really stung.
I'm so sorry.

PhillyGal34

Truth is that in those first days maybe I wouldn't have wanted it either. But looking back i'm jealous. I think gearing up to try again in a few months is freaking me out a bit!!

conradtn

I totally understand.

Even at the hospital nobody really visited me or decorated my hospital door.  I wanted to scream in the hall that I had a baby too! I guess since they couldn't visit the baby in the hospital they didn't want to come around.

PhillyGal34

@conradtn I actually had an aunt who said she was going to come see me at the hospital and when I told her she couldn't see the baby she said she would wait.  Joke was on her because she didn't get to hold him until after he was a year old and didn't want to be held because she was sick whenever we had family functions!

BLPL101

Oh sweetie, I can't even begin to tell you all the little "petty" things that bother me. Before I had a preemie, I was a different person. Never really experienced jealousy. When I see people on facebook complain about being full term and wanting this baby out, I just have to roll my eyes. They have no freaking idea how blessed they are. I am jealous that people get to go into a new pregnancy without the fear of the what ifs? that preemie moms experience. I could go on and on. Those aren't petty, but you know what I mean. 

Bluebird2318

I'm sorry! I completely understand. I was still mourning what a normal pregnancy and birth (and all the things that go along with it) could have been even months after DD came home from NICU. Even DH didn't "get it"!