New to the Bump, but miscarried yesterday.

Tess0307

Found out I was pregnant last weekend while, unfortunately, my husband was down in Florida visiting his dying grandmother. Although it was hard to contain my excitement, I waited until my husband got home Tuesday to tell him. We were both ecstatic with tears in our eyes. It was totally unexpected, as we weren't exactly "trying"... It would happen when it was supposed, we would say. Fast track ahead, his grandmother passed away on Wednesday night, but we still decided to tell my mom our happy news Thursday night. It would have been her first grandchild and being we were just married in September, we figured she'd be as surprised as we were! It was such a great rush of happiness to get our mind's off my husband's recent loss of his grandmother who was like his second Mom. Friday morning, I was almost 6 weeks pregnant. I would be lying if I said something didn't feel different. I went to the bathroom and noticed a brownish discharge when I wiped. I got ready for work and as I drove there, I started feeling cramping. I called my mom who ensured me all was normal, "brown is old blood which is fine- red is new blood and that's where concern can arise" she said. An hour later, it began to turn red and was heavier than when I woke up. The cramping got worse, I got nervous and went white as a ghost. I thought I was going to throw up or faint. I knew something wasn't right. I went home and called the doctor. They ensured me that it was normal but if the bleeding got heavier with clots or the cramping became unbearable, to call them back. It seemed to remain the same for the next few hours while I laid on the couch. I fell asleep and then woke up at 11:15pm. I went to the bathroom and (WARNING:TMI) the bleeding was extremely heavy. I felt it pouring out of me. I passed a few clots and every time I wiped, more blood just came rushing out. I went into panic mode and knew this was it- it was time for the ER. I woke up hubs and off we were. 7 hours later, two internal exams, an internal vaginal sonogram, IVs, lots of blood work and tests confirmed I was miscarrying. I was devastated and completely broke down. I felt such an emptiness. The good part was that when I first arrived, my cervix was still open which is why I was losing so much blood and becoming unstable. But, it then closed and I was moving in a better direction. The internal sonogram showed that my body removed the baby and all remaining tissue itself, so I didn't need any additional treatment or surgeries. I'm slowly recovering physically but emotionally this all seems like to much to handle. I still can't grasp why? I had an appointment today with my OBGYN (he's the best) and he ensured me that it's all fine. It happens more than most women admit. It's common for the body to reject what could have been a complicated pregnancy. I'm 28 and know I'll have plenty of shots but in the 1 week I actually knew I was pregnant, I was so beyond excited. Planning everything in my head, talking names with my hubs as he laid his head on my belly, my moms expression when we told her she was going to be a "GLAMMA!" - it's all replaying and my head and then I breakdown. How do I deal with this grieving? My hubs has been so great, even with him dealing with his grandmother's death. He keeps telling me it wasn't meant to be and we will keep trying and have so many more chances. He keeps reassuring me that with all that happened, at least we got pregnant and that's step 1. I guess I'm looking to talk to others who've gone through thus and then had successful pregnancies afterwards. I can't stop thinking about how nervous I'm going to be when I'm pregnancy again. Going through this again will be devastating. Thanks for listening everyone. -Theresa

sonjaleake

Hi Theresa. I don't know your exact situation, but I know this board is a good support system. I also got married in September (congrats to us both btw!), and we got pregnant super quick too. We found out we were pregnant just before Christmas, had our first u/s at 7 weeks, and at what should have been 11 weeks we found out baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. I haven't miscarried yet, but have a d&c planned for Monday if I don't this weekend. I'm so sorry you're going through this. What an emotional roller coaster you've gone through. The only things I can say are that we're lucky we're young, both got pregnant quickly, so that should make you feel better that it can happen again, and just remember to take care of yourself through this difficult time.

intheplanningstage

So sorry that you are here. It gets a little easier each day. Hang in there

Maxsmommy123112

I'm so sorry for your loss. The good news is it doesn't sound like it was hard to conceive and like your husband said, that is the 1st step. A lot of women have problem in that department. Also, 1 MC is very common and chances are you won't MC again. It was great that you didn't have to go through the stress of surgery. I know it's hard...I've had 2. Just keep telling yourself positive things over and over and do things to cheer yourself up. That's all you can do. It doesn't get better but it does get a little easier with time.

You're in the right place. After my first MC I had a rough time. I am doing so much better because of this board. Hang in there!

QCSouthernBelle

Wow - your story sounds SO MUCH like mine.... and yesterday was just one week for us, since miscarrying.   We also were not "trying" - but rather relying on God to tell us when it was time for us to start our family.  

Same exact thing happened.... about two days before miscarrying I had a very teeny tiny amount of spotting - and of course as "first time mom", I freaked out. Doc said no worries, feet up, and should be good. Blood was not bright red and I had absolutely no pain - so I tried to relax.  Then, couple days later, I left work (this was just last Friday 1/31) and stopped at the store.  

We had only known I was pregnant for about 10 days, so we had not even had a chance to tell everyone in the family yet (only my folks), so I was trying to find some cute baby books to give his family and my siblings as a "clue" to our big news.  

Halfway home, in the car, my back just starts cramping up - and at first (I think this was my body in self denial).  I called my mom - and she again reiterated if you're not gushing bright red, it's probably just something you ate.  Which, made sense.  She's a mom - had 4 kids - and I did have barbecue for lunch that day.  After getting home - that's when the bleeding just wouldn't stop.  And I knew.  I just knew.

I was in the floor of the bathroom in horrible pain, on the phone with my OB's office - just praying my husband would get home from work at that exact moment.  He walked in as I was hanging up the phone - and we immediately headed to the ER - it felt like he was driving at "warp speed".

 Just like you, we had blood work, urine sample, vaginal exam, belly ultrasound and internal sonogram. When the ultrasound confirmed that the baby was not there - my heart sank.  My husband and I cried and cried.  And this whole past week has just been a haze.  I have good moments, and sad moments - and as much as I know it's going to be "OK" in the long run, I've allowed myself to cry and be sad, and journal some (online and on paper).

The couple days following the actual m/c were the most painful physically.  The cramping and back pain stuck around for about 2 days ... and then on the third and fourth days (Monday and Tuesday for me) I felt better, but my abdomen was sore as if I had done a thousand crunches.  The late part of this week has been a different world, I finally had no more bleeding/spotting by Thursday and the pain is pretty much gone.  

And now that the physical pain has gone away - the emotional side of things is resurfacing.  I know part of that is my hormones are still all out of whack - some puppy food commercial just had me in tears -- and of course I've found myself sucked into watching "The Backup Plan" because I'm convinced there's nothing else on.

I think that is the most disappointing part of this whole scenario.  Is that instead of making all the fun phone calls and sharing ultrasound pictures - we are now sharing the pain and disappointment.   I have to say, my husband has been such a huge support.  He came back from the pharmacy on Saturday - with my pain meds (yay) and a dozen roses (awwww).   Saturdays is also normally our day to cook a big breakfast together - eggs, bacon, pancakes, and sometimes grits.   Since I was obviously in no mood/condition to cook - he treated me to breakfast at Cracker Barrel ... followed by a pedicure.  

At any rate - I say all that to say, that your next few days are going to be rough.  But, you have your husband, and your mom - and hopefully some friends and other close family who can support you on this journey.   

Do something for yourself ... whether it's a mani/pedi, a backrub, etc.  And remember - when you do become pregnant again you already have an Angel Baby looking out for you.  Praying for you, and I have faith that God will provide us both with the family of your dreams.

~ Chrissy

Tess0307

Thank you so much @sonjaleake. You are right... Always look positively at what you're dealt with. I'm sorry about your situation as well. I know it's our bodies telling us something's not right. It is just such an emotional situation. It seems very helpful to have so much support on here and to hear that I'm not the only one going through these things! @QCSouthernBelle I'm so sorry for your loss as well. It's crazy how many people have such similar stories. Glad to hear you physically healed up. Few days after because that's what I'm waiting for now. Cramping has subsided to only striking a little here and there but the bleeding still hasn't stopped. I think that's what's keeping my mind glued to the hole miscarriage and traumatic ER room situation and news. I'm thinking once my body heals, hopefully my mind will follow. Funny what you say about THE BREAKUP PLAN, because I watched WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN EXPECTING on Netflix... Terrible idea and not having seen it before, I didn't realize there was a miscarriage sene in there and I broke down. I think the key is a great supportive husband, so we should both be thankful for that! Keep in Touch!

QCSouthernBelle

Hey @tdarmenio ~ Just checking in to see how you are doing?!

I took a home pregnancy test yesterday ... and it was weird ... but I was sort of excited that it finally shows not pregnant, which means everything internally is OK (per my doctor).  So, now I'm just patiently awaiting the next arrival of "Aunt Flow". 

"Emotional situation" is exactly right!! Now that the dust has settled, I feel conflicted.  I don't want to seem like we're "trying" again since we were really just on God's-time to begin with, and yet, at the same time - having this loss has left me more focused on getting pregnant again and starting our family.  

Thanks for the heads up on What to Expect .... I ALMOST watched that one too.  Hope you're doing well!  

Tess0307

@Qcsouthenbelle hanging in there! Thanks for checking in... How about yourself? Today is the first day my body's feeling like it's going back to normal.... Still slightly spotting but things feel better. Emotionally, I wish I could say the same. I was able to concentrate at work finally, but there are still things that get to me. Went to Target for some last minute V-day goodies and literally felt a stab in my heart passing through maternity. Just last week I was there looking at all the cute clothes I thought I'd be wearing soon and purchased a Bella band. After getting through there, I hit the baby section. I purchased bibs from there, "I love Daddy" for my husband when I told him we were expecting and "I'm the one Grandma always talks about" which I wore to my mom's house when we told her. Ugh...that didn't go well. It was such a crazy feeling honestly. It doesn't help that I still have them because I opened the drawer they're in before and almost broke down. How quickly circumstances can change- it's crazy and still an idea that's hard to grasp. Funny you say that about trying again because I feel the same. It's almost like I think until I'm pregnant again, I'm going to have this void. But, at the same time, I'm so frightened to go through this again. I can't imagine how much harder it could be the second time. I know it will always be in the back of my mind.

QCSouthernBelle

Yup - I can completely relate to walking through the maternity AND baby sections.  I found myself looking through the clearance baby stuff and had to completely stop myself before having a breakdown in the middle of the store!  That was last weekend ... this week has been surprisingly easier.

Still waiting on AF to show up ... ovulation predictors (2) this week show no spike in whatever it is they test ... I was taking them more for peace of mind to see if I could "predict" when to expect her arrival.  I made another appt. with my OB/GYN - mostly for my annual pap exam.... but I'm sure we'll end up talking baby/m-c stuff too.

I think at this point I'm as normal as I will be - like you said - until I get pregnant again. 

Thanks for keeping in touch ~ hope to check in with you again soon. 

Tess0307

@QCSOUTHERNBELLE - Good to hear from you again! I too and STILL WAITING on AF. I never thought I would want it to come so bad! Haha!

I MC'ed on 2/7 into 2/8 so I am only 17 days post-MC.

DH and I are trying to plan a vacation in April, somewhere tropical where all there is to do is lay on the beach all day. I want to plan it around AF, as I'm usually in pretty bad shape the first couple days, but now I have no idea what my cycle is going to be like!

I have an OBGYN appointment Saturday for a colposcopy (after an abnormal pap) and I will be asking tons of Q's.

How do the predictors work?  I am always hearing women on here talking about charting and temping and everything, but I am clueless!!

Good luck at the doctors!  Glad to hear this week has been a little better for you.  It's been ok for me too.  The weekends always seen to help! 

((HUGS))

JCM285

I'm so sorry for your loss. Last year was my first loss and I was also 28 at that time. Looking back, I think that loss was the worst. We made a lot of plans because we thought we had made it to 12 weeks even though I had a missed m/c at 10. It is so emotionally draining but remember that your body and emotions need to recover and everything you are feeling is normal. ::hugs:: you have found the right place for support. The ladies on this forum are amazing.

Tess0307

@JCM285 Thank you so much for your support!  And ((HUGS)) to you as well.  I am so sorry for your loss.

JCM285

Thank you :-)

QCSouthernBelle

Hey! @tdarmenio ~  OK .... AF showed up!! Yesterday was rough on the emotions and I blame her for it! (Ha Ha!)  

My husband goes to Crossfit - and yesterday was their 1 year anniversary, so they had a cookout to celebrate and everyone brought their family members. Which meant I was surrounded by tons of relatively new mom's and little one's toddling around. It was so fun and so heartbreaking at the same time.  I mean, it's only been about 4 weeks.  I did good - I wanted to run away to the car and cry, but I didn't.  I did good - and thankful my husband is so understanding.  I know it was hard for him too; it's just with my hormones due to AF on her first day back in months, my heart was wrenched.   To make matters "worse" - we went and watched The Lone Survivor .... talk about a tear jerker.  But, it was good in the sense of I was able to cry and get it out (which I haven't done in a while it seems) and got to blame it on the movie.  

I'm not really 100% sure about the ovulation predictors - but there's a ton of different brands out there.  I haven't used any more since my last post, but I feel like I want to pursue it more now that AF has shown. From some of the sites I have read, basal body temp is not as accurate these days since technology in the test strips has advanced so much.  But there are some sites that suggest temp is the best method. So who knows~~ 

Will keep you posted.  How did people ever survive without the internet!??!  (Just kidding!)  But, ~*~Hugs~*~, certainly!!  

QCSouthernBelle

Oh, meant to share these also:

* https://americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/ovulationkits.html

* https://www.amazon.com/Combo-Ovulation-Pregnancy-Test-Strips/dp/B001E1Y1X6/ref=zg_bs_3762501_3 ( I didn't buy this [yet] however the ratings seem to be really good and the cost is unbeatable).