Depression/Anxiety Check-In *2/7/14*

notthecheat

How are my mamas doing?? (Or MILFs, amirite @cashingn2 @nursetrina ??) Speaking of which, exercise and eating healthier can do sooo much good for your body and your mood. It is so easy to slip into those emotional eating habits (guilty), and we all know how that downward spiral turns out. I really encourage everyone to keep up with the weight loss check-in just to help keep yourself healthy for you, your mood, your baby(ies), and your loved ones. I will be there!

Also keep in mind PPD/PPA can start any time within the first year after birth and many women do not realize they are suffering until later when they look back on it. Take a moment to breathe and take stock of things.

Lastly, please remember that having depression and/or anxiety does NOT make you a failure!! On the contrary it means you are a stronger person for having to deal with it. You are not alone!!

*hugs* to all

notthecheat

I am keepin' on. My first week back at work went well, DH is managing OK at night. We miss each other and I miss LO, but it is good to get out of the house at least. I love the cold usually, but I can't wait now until I can take her out for walks (runs??). It is good to be earning an income again. Again I thank my psychiatrist and my antidepressants for helping me maintain my balance. I am on half of my original doses of each so I am getting somewhere I think!

aundrea1225

Doing better this week. Still a lot of tension between DH and I but I finally found the courage to tell him I needed to talk to someone about how Ive been feeling. Trying to stay positive and focus on LO and what's best for her.

notthecheat

aundrea1225 said:

Doing better this week. Still a lot of tension between DH and I but I finally found the courage to tell him I needed to talk to someone about how Ive been feeling. Trying to stay positive and focus on LO and what's best for her.

So glad to hear!

swirl25

Hugs to everyone having a bad week. @mrssturm45, sorry you are dealing with all that - hope things look up soon! I am doing better this week. Last week was pretty bad with DD1 and her behavior, so much so that I had a breakdown and called my therapist sobbing because I felt so out of control. She talked me through it and off the ledge, and DH and I had a long talk when he got home. We came up with some strategies to effectively get through to DD and while things aren't 100% fine, they are getting a bit better. I know it will take time. I am getting some more help and that is making it easier to cope. I realize now that needing and accepting help doesn't make me a bad mom....it takes a village, right?

notthecheat

mrssturm45 said:

Not a great week for me. I have pieces of tissue or placenta left in me. My doc is having me come into her office Wednesday to scrape it out. that feels like a long time to wait. I've already had panic attacks thinking about it, so I'll be extremely anxious. And I won't be numb at all and pain is not something I handle well. I honestly would rather have a d&c so I wasn't awake through it because I don't think I'll be able to stay calm & relax enough for her to do it.
DH finally apologized to my mom last night for being a total dick, but only because I forced him. So disappointed. I've spent over a week crying because of it. And to make matters worse his dad said I'm mean and grumpy and he hopes Logan doesn't get any of my traits. DH laughed and said he was joking. Not a joke in my opinion. He's constantly starting shit and my H has no balls to say anything to him. It's like he has a constant need to please his dad, not worried about his wife or son though. I'm sure I need some new medication because I feel overwhelmed with life.

Sorry this turned into a giant paragraph rant! I'm exhausted and nursing.

Your H really needs to get his act together. Best of luck to you next week- hopefully getting those placenta pieces out will help your body feel better, although I don't blame you for being anxious- doesn't sound like much fun. Can someone come with you, like your mom? Would that help? You can do it!

notthecheat

swirl25 said:

I realize now that needing and accepting help doesn't make me a bad mom....it takes a village, right?

So true! But I can understand the feeling- I have trouble asking for/ accepting help in general as well. It actually makes you a better mom for finding a solution (even if it means asking for help) and saving your sanity. GL with DD!

yty0205

The past few days I've been struggling with anxiety - everything from whether my supply is good to whether the clogged duct I had was going to clear to whether LO was sleeping enough etc. DH has been working a ton (even though he's supposed to be on leave) so I have been really frustrated with him, which adds to the anxiety. The cold weather hasn't helped, as we're cooped up inside and it's all gloomy.

We hadn't been sleeping well with LO in our room so last night we transitioned to the crib. Everyone slept much better (LO did two four hour stretches of actual sleep!!) so we all feel more sane. I'm hoping that by getting some sleep and by consciously focusing on not letting myself go down that spiral of anxiety and frustration, I can pull myself out of this.

MissyC979

I'm not doing very well the last few days. I've been so angry lately. Angry at DS1 for being loud in the morning and waking up the baby, angry at the baby for crying all the time, angry at DH for his schedule and not being around as much as I want, and even angry at re dog for making me get out of bed to feed him. DH thinks I have PPD. I'm not sure what's going on with me lately, but I'm getting concerned. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine and other times I feel ready to explode.

aundrea1225

MissyC979 said:

I'm not doing very well the last few days. I've been so angry lately. Angry at DS1 for being loud in the morning and waking up the baby, angry at the baby for crying all the time, angry at DH for his schedule and not being around as much as I want, and even angry at re dog for making me get out of bed to feed him. DH thinks I have PPD. I'm not sure what's going on with me lately, but I'm getting concerned. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine and other times I feel ready to explode.

@MissyC979 I feel angry all the time too, mostly at DH for never helping when he gets home from work. I feel like I am endlessly cooking cleaning feeding pumping and changing diapers while I watch him play on the computer or get a hot bath. I could punch a wall!! Ugh!

azmama20

This week has been tougher than last week. I had been pumping to give LO at least 1 bottle of BM per day and my supply just tanked to where it takes like 4 sessions to get 4 ozs. I'm finally throwing in the towel with that, since it's not productive and is upsetting me more and more each day, so that's not helping with my PPD. In addition to that, I've been feeling horrible about my body image too. So like all this week I've felt numb or sad about absolutely everything. Been trying to get out of the house more, even if it's just to head over to my parents', so that I'm not alone. It's been helping a bit, but not much. I still feel extremely overwhelmed at times. I'm just trying to figure out what to do to feel better.

aundrea1225

rfred20 said:

This week has been tougher than last week. I had been pumping to give LO at least 1 bottle of BM per day and my supply just tanked to where it takes like 4 sessions to get 4 ozs. I'm finally throwing in the towel with that, since it's not productive and is upsetting me more and more each day, so that's not helping with my PPD. In addition to that, I've been feeling horrible about my body image too. So like all this week I've felt numb or sad about absolutely everything. Been trying to get out of the house more, even if it's just to head over to my parents', so that I'm not alone. It's been helping a bit, but not much. I still feel extremely overwhelmed at times. I'm just trying to figure out what to do to feel better.

@rfred20 this is all me too, besides the pumping part. I just sit around feeling numb and emotionless and either DH doesn't notice or pretends not to. The hard thing for me is that we only have one car that DH takes to work, so I'm stuck in the house all day with no escape. We live in a new state to us, so I only know like 2 other people. I feel very trapped and very alone. It's gotta get better soon. I keep thinking to just hang in there and that later this year it will be easier on me.

aundrea1225

Cashingn2 said:

Oh, and I called my OB's office and spoke to the nurse and am waiting for a call back. She said, "3 months is far out for PPD to show up so I don't know if we can help you." Well, fuck you.

WTF? Who says that to someone? I hope your OB meets with you to talk about PPD and you can work something out. My OB didn't even ask me anything about it, which was surprising. So I'm planning on talking to someone from our church.

katebusse

I've always been nervous to post, so this is my first. I am a very anxious person, and have a whole lot of change coming up. I am excitedly anxious for my husband, but am dreading leaving my parents. He'll be switching commands and - breaks my heart - will be gearing up to deploy AGAIN this summer. I have my walls up right now to deal with my stress and while I need them to protect myself and my babies I am nervous that I'll have a hard time taking them down for the less than 5 months he's home with us. I feel bad venting, so I normally just don't and needed to get it out. Thanks for listening, guys.

azmama20

@heaven802002 I'm on Zoloft. It's been about a week and a half since I got put on it.

@aundrea1225 yes, I'm hoping it does get better. As far as you being stuck, do you have anywhere you could hang out for like at least 1 day while your H is at work? I know even if I'm cooped up at my parents instead of my own house, it helps cause I'm not all by my lonesome.

yty0205

katebusse said:

I've always been nervous to post, so this is my first. I am a very anxious person, and have a whole lot of change coming up. I am excitedly anxious for my husband, but am dreading leaving my parents. He'll be switching commands and - breaks my heart - will be gearing up to deploy AGAIN this summer. I have my walls up right now to deal with my stress and while I need them to protect myself and my babies I am nervous that I'll have a hard time taking them down for the less than 5 months he's home with us. I feel bad venting, so I normally just don't and needed to get it out. Thanks for listening, guys.

Welcome! This is normal even without postpartum. When DH deployed, I did the same thing beforehand. It sucks and I imagine it's amplified for you bc of hormones. As another military wife, I'm here for you if you need to chat...

jenohouston

I've been doing better since I got on meds, Celexa. The nights make me so anxious because for weeks H was throwing crying fits for 4-5 hours. I'm really hoping she grows out of this colic behavior over the next few weeks as we approach 3 months. I've had a lot help too after my partial nervous breakdown about 2 weeks ago. Just really trying to manage my anxiety/depression, and the meds are helping.

yty0205

ETA Double post. Dumb phone.

MissyC979

aundrea1225 said:

MissyC979 said:

I'm not doing very well the last few days. I've been so angry lately. Angry at DS1 for being loud in the morning and waking up the baby, angry at the baby for crying all the time, angry at DH for his schedule and not being around as much as I want, and even angry at re dog for making me get out of bed to feed him. DH thinks I have PPD. I'm not sure what's going on with me lately, but I'm getting concerned. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine and other times I feel ready to explode.

@MissyC979 I feel angry all the time too, mostly at DH for never helping when he gets home from work. I feel like I am endlessly cooking cleaning feeding pumping and changing diapers while I watch him play on the computer or get a hot bath. I could punch a wall!! Ugh!

Do you consider the anger part of PPD? Sometimes I wonder whether I'm depressed or just surrounded by assholes.

I say that, but DH is usually great. It's just been a tough week. Also, my period came back last week and now I've started the pill. I'm wondering how much that has to do with my feelings spiraling downward.

aundrea1225

MissyC979 said:

aundrea1225 said:

MissyC979 said:

I'm not doing very well the last few days. I've been so angry lately. Angry at DS1 for being loud in the morning and waking up the baby, angry at the baby for crying all the time, angry at DH for his schedule and not being around as much as I want, and even angry at re dog for making me get out of bed to feed him. DH thinks I have PPD. I'm not sure what's going on with me lately, but I'm getting concerned. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine and other times I feel ready to explode.

@MissyC979 I feel angry all the time too, mostly at DH for never helping when he gets home from work. I feel like I am endlessly cooking cleaning feeding pumping and changing diapers while I watch him play on the computer or get a hot bath. I could punch a wall!! Ugh!

Do you consider the anger part of PPD? Sometimes I wonder whether I'm depressed or just surrounded by assholes.

I say that, but DH is usually great. It's just been a tough week. Also, my period came back last week and now I've started the pill. I'm wondering how much that has to do with my feelings spiraling downward.

I started my period too. My hormones are nuts. But I've dealt with depression before so I'm able to weed out certain factors. I think with my PPD I try to find ways to cope and sometimes I just get angry, sad, frustrated, confused, its like a roller coaster.

ugoglencoco

Just had my first MAJOR postpartum anxiety attack. Wasn't over anything in particular and I was alone with both kiddos. Boy, it was a rough couple hours. The worst part of having anxiety for me is that DH is very religious and he says I should just "put my faith in god" or "pray about it". He doesn't get that it's a chemical imbalance in my brain that does this and praying or god has nothing to do with it. It actually makes me want to punch him in the teeth when he says it. I feel like I can't talk to him because he doesn't understand and it's like he refuses to understand what I go through. Fortunately, I have some really supportive family that I can talk to about it, and they are a good outlet. I've had some lingering anxiety the past few weeks and feel like maybe it's time to go back on my meds. I always feel like a failure for taking meds, but I know it doesn't make me weak or less of a person. I'm also considering going to a therapist as I developed hypochondria and some OCD with the second pregnancy that hasn't dissipated postpartum. I feel like I'm all of a sudden just falling apart. I keep trying to remind myself that I go through cycles of anxiety of bad days/months/years and good days/months/years. That this is just a time in my life where my anxiety is ruling and it's ok to take Zoloft or Ativan or whatever I need to take to get me through it, to be there for my kids and my family. I know I'm probably sounding like a rambling mess just feel kinda all over the place right now. Not in a happy place and need to get there.

thebobloblaw

I've not posted here before, but this week my anxiety has been increasing and my hormones are starting to go a little crazy again I feel like. I've always had a history of anxiety and panic attacks and slight depression. I've never seen a doctor for it as I feel like I don't do all of the things I could to take care of myself. Pregnancy and our little girl have brought me so much joy, I've honestly never been so happy in my entire life, but this week it's all turned downward.

This week I returned to my part time job mainly due to my regular one screwing me over my entire pregnancy and now I'm so deep in debt that it is going to be difficult to keep up even when returning to work. I was not planning on continuing both jobs but now I think I will have to because SO is staying home to watch LO on top of everything else. This is making me so angry and sad that I will miss out on more time with LO, I want to be a sahm more than anything. It makes me very bitter at SO that he doesn't have to work because I make more money and have more opportunities.

Sorry for the long saga, but I am dreading going back to work full time in a couple weeks and feel my anxiety slowly taking over again. I'm also worried about getting birth control again as it has always made my depression worse and why I stopped taking it in the first place. I'm contemplating talking to the doctor about taking something to prevent it, but am terrified as I've never used medication for it before.

ugoglencoco

@emilysalley- you're right about there being no reason for a negative connotation about taking meds for mental illness. And I always seem to be the only one to judge myself about it. I don't think my family or friends see me any differently or judge me for it, and I would never judge anyone else for it. Only myself.

And thoughts like that are very scary and I had a lot of them with ds1. It was terrifying. I'm glad you're getting help for it, as I struggled for a while to before it was just too much to handle. It's good to talk about it with people who understand (on here or IRL), even if it isn't your H. I know I can't make mine understand but I'm trying to accept that and move on from it.

lrvalv13

I'm new around here and I dealt with depression/bipolar/anxiety in high school. Well I can't say I "dealt" with it that would be a lie. I self medicated with pot and alcohol. I straightened out after college and other than anxiety (which I now contribute to smoking bc it went away as soon as I quit) I have been problem free for the past 10 years.

Now I'm almost 7 weeks post partum and I've started slipping into my old depressive self. I find myself yelling and crying all the time but I have hid this (or so I think) from my DH. I know that if I am developing ppd that it will affect my daughters and husbands life, so I need to do something.

I have NEVER asked for help for anything. So making the call to my doctor seemed very overwhelming and scary. I also am scared to sit and talk with someone about all the thoughts and emotions I feel because they will judge me. I called and talked with my doctor today and I already feel like it has put me in a better state of mind because I am moving in the right direction.
I highly encourage if any of you are debating on if you should call or not just call! It can't hurt and will only make things better!

utlawgirl

Eff. We had a hard day today. Nora is just really starting to get used to the reality of the new baby, I think, and the fact that it means not-total attention from me at all times, and it is JUST. HARD. Add to that that Amelia wouldn't nap longer than 30 minutes all day long and wanted to stay attached to the boob constantly (which made putting Nora down for a nap MUCH harder, let me tell you), and... yuck. Just, yuck. I swear, I am questioning not only my decision to have a second kid, but my decision to have kids in the first place after a day like today!

I'm doing okay, though. They're both in bed (Amelia in her crib in her own room for the first time) and I am drinking a champagne cocktail. That helps.

Just keepin' it real.

I kinda want to get a job just to escape from home sometimes.

utlawgirl

yty0205 said:

The past few days I've been struggling with anxiety - everything from whether my supply is good to whether the clogged duct I had was going to clear to whether LO was sleeping enough etc. DH has been working a ton (even though he's supposed to be on leave) so I have been really frustrated with him, which adds to the anxiety. The cold weather hasn't helped, as we're cooped up inside and it's all gloomy. We hadn't been sleeping well with LO in our room so last night we transitioned to the crib. Everyone slept much better (LO did two four hour stretches of actual sleep!!) so we all feel more sane. I'm hoping that by getting some sleep and by consciously focusing on not letting myself go down that spiral of anxiety and frustration, I can pull myself out of this.

Yay!! This was a big step for us with DD1, and better sleep really does make a difference. DD2 is spending her first night in the crib in her own room tonight, so fingers crossed....

utlawgirl

Cashingn2 said:

Oh, and I called my OB's office and spoke to the nurse and am waiting for a call back. She said, "3 months is far out for PPD to show up so I don't know if we can help you." Well, fuck you.

No, it's not. That's crazy talk. I only recognized that I had PPD/anxiety at more than 3 months PP with DD1, and it was most certainly PPD. Hope you get the help you need!

aundrea1225

For those of you who have talked to your doctor. How do you start a conversation like that. Do I just call the office and say "I have PPD I'd like to see my doctor?" I feel stupid trying to think of what to say and it keeps me from calling

azmama20

aundrea1225 said:

For those of you who have talked to your doctor. How do you start a conversation like that. Do I just call the office and say "I have PPD I'd like to see my doctor?" I feel stupid trying to think of what to say and it keeps me from calling

I just called and said I think I'm displaying symptoms of PPD. They had a nurse call me back and asked some questions, then set up an appt to come in.

ugoglencoco

utlawgirl said:

Cashingn2 said:

Oh, and I called my OB's office and spoke to the nurse and am waiting for a call back. She said, "3 months is far out for PPD to show up so I don't know if we can help you." Well, fuck you.

No, it's not. That's crazy talk. I only recognized that I had PPD/anxiety at more than 3 months PP with DD1, and it was most certainly PPD. Hope you get the help you need!

This! With ds1 I didn't start to show any symptoms until close to 3 months pp! That nurse is a twat! Hope you will get the help you need from them!

azmama20

Cashingn2 said:

Mmc0323 said:

Cashingn2 said:

Oh, and I called my OB's office and spoke to the nurse and am waiting for a call back. She said, "3 months is far out for PPD to show up so I don't know if we can help you." Well, fuck you.

No, it's not. That's crazy talk. I only recognized that I had PPD/anxiety at more than 3 months PP with DD1, and it was most certainly PPD. Hope you get the help you need!

This! With ds1 I didn't start to show any symptoms until close to 3 months pp! That nurse is a twat! Hope you will get the help you need from them!

Yeah, I know it's not. I called a number that my OB's office referred me to, they gave me a number to a local place, I left a message and haven't heard back. I'm annoyed that I've reached out and no one seems to give a fuck. I feel okay today, but it's like I have really good days then really bad days.

I have the same thing going on as far as the really good days and the really bad days. It feels like a roller coaster of emotions going up and down over and over again. I hope you get the help you need, cash.

teacupkat

This is my first post as well, but I need to vent so much... I'm sick of going to my mom about DH, I'm afraid it will create resentment from her toward him.
We keep going back and forth with good days and bad, DH and I. Last night he came home after 3am from hanging with friends. I wasn't mad about that, I was mad he felt the need to wake me to apologize. He knows LO has had a hard time sleeping recently and last night she showed all the signs of giving a good stretch... I said to DH please don't wake her... God only knows if he did she'd never go back to sleep.
Long story short he fell asleep talking to me, keeping me awake, he started snoring so bad I shook him awake screaming almost that he'd wake LO and how fucking unfair it is for him to come home at 3 am and wake me up. He grabbed his stuff and said from now on he would sleep on the couch. I sat in bed crying until LO woke up.
Today he took off from work. I was so excited. He's barely been home. He has said maybe 4 sentences to me all day. I've taken to hiding upstairs crying. I just don't feel like he loves me anymore or finds me attractive. I've tried talking to him and it seems to work but then we are right back here.
All I keep thinking today is how much I can't stand myself anymore... I've lost my confidence because of how my body looks, I'm losing touch with my H, I'm crying while holding my baby.... I just feel like such a waste. I keep thinking it won't surprise me to find put DH is having an affair I'm so wretched...
I just feel really lonely.

notthecheat

teacupkat said:

This is my first post as well, but I need to vent so much... I'm sick of going to my mom about DH, I'm afraid it will create resentment from her toward him.
We keep going back and forth with good days and bad, DH and I. Last night he came home after 3am from hanging with friends. I wasn't mad about that, I was mad he felt the need to wake me to apologize. He knows LO has had a hard time sleeping recently and last night she showed all the signs of giving a good stretch... I said to DH please don't wake her... God only knows if he did she'd never go back to sleep.
Long story short he fell asleep talking to me, keeping me awake, he started snoring so bad I shook him awake screaming almost that he'd wake LO and how fucking unfair it is for him to come home at 3 am and wake me up. He grabbed his stuff and said from now on he would sleep on the couch. I sat in bed crying until LO woke up.
Today he took off from work. I was so excited. He's barely been home. He has said maybe 4 sentences to me all day. I've taken to hiding upstairs crying. I just don't feel like he loves me anymore or finds me attractive. I've tried talking to him and it seems to work but then we are right back here.
All I keep thinking today is how much I can't stand myself anymore... I've lost my confidence because of how my body looks, I'm losing touch with my H, I'm crying while holding my baby.... I just feel like such a waste. I keep thinking it won't surprise me to find put DH is having an affair I'm so wretched...
I just feel really lonely.

I'm so sorry! Having those thoughts are the worst! They sound a lot like the thoughts I have when I am stuck in a depression rut. I hope you are able to go to your doctor about it. No one deserves to feel like that. There is hope and you will feel better. You are a great person and very loved! Please pm me anytime. *hugs*