How did you and BD meet?

Gamera3000

And how would your old self react if you could tell her where you are now?

For me: My ex that I live with and I were 17 or 18 (were 37 now) and we stopped by the post office to get our mail. BD was hanging around in the post office parking lot. He and my ex are childhood friends. My impressions were that he seemed a little loopy and that he had an "awesome" self inflicted tattoo on his arm which made me jealous.

If I learned then that he would be my BD nearly 20 years later I would have never believed it. I would have been horrified. But not surprised at his deadbeat behavior at all.

MinnesotaMomma91

Weeeelll, bd and xh were best friends in highschool. Xh and i were supposed to go out of town to get stuff for our new apartment. Well xh being the douche canoe that he was invited two of his guy friends bd and another guy and the girl he was cheating on me with plus one of my girl friends.

Instead of doing the shopping that we needed to do him and his friends decided we should go swimming. While we were at the lake swimming, which i cant do. I cant even float. Xh pulled me out into the water where i couldnt reach the bottom then left me there. Bd came to my rescue. I was super attractes to bd because he was large and muscular unlike my xh who was skinny and scrawny.

Looking back, id be shocked to know id be a single mother to his kid id be more okay with it then id like to admit since i hated xh.

20thirteen

I don't think the past me would believe a word I said. I was in a very dark place when I met BD, although I was putting on a face to hide what was really going on with me. And BD acted like my hero and so I melted into it. He was the first to say "I love you" and I took that to heart, believing he did. Because why would someone say "I love you" if they didn't mean it, right? ~_~ anyway... I think I would go back and tell her that I wouldn't be back to my normal self for a while, to endure everything, and to know that the real love of my life is searching for me. I wouldn't say who but the past me would know immediately. I wouldn't tell her about DD either. Just simply endure. It's worth it, for the time being. And the best is yet to come.

tig594

Wow.  Awesome question.  I actually like thinking about my relationship with BD way back then.  

We met at a HS dance.  I went to school with his cousin and she brought him (he went to another school).  At the time I was about ready to get back together with another guy I'd been dating (seeing that guy now...omg I'm glad that didn't happen!).  Then I met BD and that was that.  I was 16 at the time and he's 6 months older than me.  This was in 1985.  We were together 3 years, got engaged, then he started bugging about wanting kids.  At 19?  Noway.  So, I broke up with him.  A few years later I moved to SoCal.  He was on my mind a lot over the years and I still spoke with his mom from time to time.

FF 20 years or so.  I'm back in Michigan and really want to see him again.  Part of the reason was that I couldn't remember if he was good in bed or not.  Don't laugh.  20 years is a long time and he was my first and I wasn't really that into the whole sex thing back then.  Another reason is because I have always cared about him very very much.  We reconnected, and next thing you know we're back together.  I really should have waited to see more of what is life was like at the time but being with him just really felt like I was home, if that makes sense.  

If I could talk to the younger me I really don't know what I'd say.  On one hand I am really glad I got out of here at a young age.  Small town minds really suck.  I experienced a lot of new things and it forced me to grow up and stop depending on my parents all the time.  I've met a ton of really cool people and had the opportunity to travel and see more of the world than I would have if I had stayed here.  But regarding BD, I never found that love again that we shared when we were young.  Sometimes I think it was that innocent naive first love that just seemed perfect.  Other times I just wonder if I'm too jaded now to open up that much to anyone or trust someone with my heart again.  I'm pretty guarded these days.  But I think a lot of BD's alcohol problem stems from us breaking up way back then.  I know he loved me more than anything and he was devastated.  Right after I dumped him his parents told him they were getting a divorce.  If someone would have told me we'd get back together and have a child together I don't think I'd be very surprised by that.  When we reconnected we both got tattoos that say soul mates in Japanese.  I think I might still believe that. 

Gamera3000

I can strangely relate to so many things you guys said. Weird!

tig594

Examples please!

jellybean529

My story is so much lamer than you guys. Haha. I met XH online in 2001, got engaged in 2002, married in 2005, DD born in 2008, separated in 2013 and hopefully divorced this year. 

tig594

Where online???  I met my XH online when I was big into gaming.   :P

jellybean529

AOL. Haha. It was like my generation's version of Facebook back then!

MinnesotaMomma91

@Tig594 i actually found out xh existed becauase he friended me on facebook. I met him in person at the tattoo shop i worked at when he came in cause a mutual friend was getting her first tattoo.

I thought he was a huge tool bag. I had to go to work at my other job where i worked later over nights after my friends tattoo and he kept trying to convince me to blow off work to go to a party with him.

When he left the shop and the artist i worked for told me if i ever dated that tool it would be a major down grade from my last relationship

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Gamera3000

@tig594 well like having a strong attraction to BD and being vulnerable to someone saying how much they love you. And the soul mate thing. I don't think BD is my soul mate but I've always felt strangely close to him. And when we were conceiving LO he kept saying "you're my MATE!" Lol

I read once that women are more likely to conceive with men who are a good genetic match for them, no matter how the relationship is. And that theres a lot of physical stuff like really liking how they smell. I'm BIG into hygiene and BD definitely is not but both of us seem to really like they way the other smells.

My ex on the other hand, smells like a jelly doughnut and somehow that's always bothered me. He says I smell like birdseed. Sigh.

tig594

lol.  Well, that's some strange perfume you have.  I believe chemistry is very very important in any relationship.  And I know what you mean about smells and pheromones.  That can be a problem for me as in the gets me in trouble with the wrong guy kinda problem.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Gamera3000 i think thats fasinating and a lot of truth to that. Xh smelled like an old manand wore the same cologne as my grandpa despite my best efforts

Bd and bf on the other hand smell fantastic to me. But i am kinda sad that bf no longer smells like cigareyte smoke hes always smelled like cigarette smoke. Dont get me wrong im glad he quite smoking and im so proudof him cause he was a smoker for a decade but i still miss the smell.

jdias428

I met BD on a boat. But we were on separate boats. me and my ex at the time were on a sailboat, BD was on a motor boat being driven by one of our friends that we happened to run into in the middle of the lake. we tied the boats up in the  middle of the lake and had some drinks. BD was like a magnet to me, and we hit it off in a really intense way. when it was time to detach boats, he asked my ex if he could join us. ballsy. so the awkward threesome headed back in, exchanged numbers. the rest is (ancient) history. we used to talk about how each of us almost didn't go on those boats that day, but that it was "meant to be" or some crap. Turns out it was the crap. 

jesuisfatiguee

We met at a bookstore we both frequented. I was dating someone at the time. The first time or two I spoke with bio dad, I thought he was really annoying. Obviously that changed before too long… I broke up with the guy I was dating and ended up making out with BD a couple days later. He's definitely one of the more attractive guys I've dated.

While I'm not surprised that we're not together anymore, I am a bit surprised he's an absentee father. I really didn't expect him to turn out to be that kind of person (though the story is way more nuanced than that). Regardless of my feelings for him, I'd really like to peacefully coparent with the guy. And I think if he was actually around, he'd be an awesome dad. Oh, well, I guess. 

Gamera3000

@jdias428 that sounds like what happened with Ben stillers finance and the scuba guy from that whachamadoo movie about Polly!

inthelost

we met online. god i know. what was I thining?

JlWhite14

We met while I was taking an emt class...after the class was over another classmate had a get together for us. I had a major crush on him the entire class... So we hooked up the night of the get together and was together for a year and 7 months before I found out I was pregnant. I told him I was pregnant and haven't heard from him since. Which was about 5 months ago! I'm still in love with him even though he's not around and it's killing me! It hurts so bad. And baby is due on his bday.

MinnesotaMomma91

JlWhite14 said:

We met while I was taking an emt class...after the class was over another classmate had a get together for us. I had a major crush on him the entire class... So we hooked up the night of the get together and was together for a year and 7 months before I found out I was pregnant. I told him I was pregnant and haven't heard from him since. Which was about 5 months ago! I'm still in love with him even though he's not around and it's killing me! It hurts so bad. And baby is due on his bday.

Im sorry you feel this way. Its hard to go through a breakup. But remember he made his choice and as hard as it is eventually you wont miss him and you wont be in love with him anymore.

Bd was my best friend, while i no longer like him and am no longer friends with him i will always care for him on some level because hes bentleys dad.

Hollykathleenr

With DD1 I met her BD while in the military. We were stationed together and at first just started hooking up after we would all leave the bars and then he started asking me to let him take me on a real date. I kept refusing at first but I finally agreed to it and then we started to officially date. FF a few months he started to be controlling and abusive and dumb me stayed with him. Then one day I got off work, we had different jobs and he got off earlier then me, and I went to get in the cab to go home and one of my best friends on a different ship hops in the cab with me tells the driver to drop him off before we get to my apartment. Then when he gets out of the cab he tells me that I the girl he was friends with wouldn't let some douche push me around and I had two choices I could stay with BD and be some shell of a person I was or I could be the fiesty girl he was friends with and leave. If I chose to stay though he could be around me and watch it but if I ever decided to leave he had my back and would do everything in his power to help. My friend walked away I thought about what he said the rest of the ride when I got to the apartment I had the driver turn back around went and found my friend and told him he was right but I figured I deserved it and didn't know what to do. My friend helped me get out of the situation and then when I find out I was pregnant a couple weeks later he stood by my side the entire time.

DD2 I met BD at work (I'm seeing a trend lol) ran into him at the bar one night we ended up hooking up because my on/off bf just moved away and I was upset. Ended up starting to date BD to get over that guy.

I don't know what I would tell myself....probably with DD1 BD to leave the first time he hit me and with DD2 BD rebounds are not a good thing! But I probably wouldn't listen to myself I'm sure I would had gone nothing bad is going to happen.

MinnesotaMomma91

Im sorry to hear you went through that with your first bd. Im glad to hear you had a good friend who helped you get out

eg214

High school. Theres actually a pic I have of us together in like 10th or 11th grade or something in class. Like 85% of ppl I went to hs with marry/date each other...and I graduated ten(almost 11) years ago. We lived in a bubble.

I'd tell her to run the frick away and don't even bother. I'm grateful to have my daughter but would rather a sperm donor probably than him bc of his mental/emotional instability.

blueyedsweety28

I met him where I was working .. he was the IT consultant for the business I worked at .. 

Gamera3000

@blueyedsweety28 oh snap! Please go on!

GinzyBee

I've known bd since I was a young child... before the formation of long lasting memories. He was my first crush, when I was 8 and he was 16. The son of our neighbor, who was a good friend of my Mother's. I was totally enamored with him when I was a kid... wrote on a "scroll" that I "loved" him and was going to "marry" him and had it built into my bedroom wall when I was 10-ish. Mom died when I was 11 and we moved away and I didn't see their family.... When I was 19 I went to his bakery and bakery and basically confessed a forever crush... We hooked up... Year later I worked for him... Over the course of my 20's we became friends and I realized what a total arrogant jerk he really could be... but, we were friendly. Recently, (I'm 30 now) we were neighbors (for the summer and fall) and went through break ups around the same time (both breaking up with partners we'd been living with for a few years.) I guess we took brief solace in each other... & then we got into a heated fight over a horse...and the fact that I thought he was rude and disrespectful towards me... then **pregnancy happened** or well, I found out I was pregnant, mid dramatic battle... and we have not talked since... he was cruel regarding the pregnancy, which he wants nothing to do with, of course. If I could go back... I'd tell myself to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt... to not trust his charismatic ways... just because of some

MinnesotaMomma91

Sorry to hear about that

Gamera3000

Wow @ginzybee that sounds like a movie! I'm sure that's a really hard relationship to move on from.

eg214

@ginzybee I get it. I had a friendship/relationship like that. It was tough as hell to get through and took 12 years of roller coaster bs. Hugs.

YTLCNURSE

BD and I dated in high school. He was in 11th grade I was in 10th grade. He was my first and only true love. When he graduated high school he broke up with me and went away to college. We've always kept in contact and remained friends. I got married (to another guy) and stayed married for 7 years and divorced and me and BD decided to reconnect and start a relationship. I relocated to be closer to him and within 2 months I got pregnant. We were both excited. Fast forward...little did I know that I was in this relationship ALONE! Jan 1, 2014 found out he was cheating on me and was lieing and being deceitful. So here I am now almost 27 weeks pregnant, alone, in a city with no close friends and the only family I have here is my brother. Sometimes I like him and sometimes I hate him.