This Is Just Unreal (warnings galore for this post) **updated**

PrivateOne

So, I have been prepping for my 2nd round of IVF these past few weeks by being on birth control pills.  I completed them last Friday and my baseline b/w and u/s appt were yesterday.  At the appt, I was told everything looked good and I got the go ahead to proceed.  I came home and gave myself my first am shot of microdose lupron. Everything was going swell.

At about 4pm my nurse called me and said I'm calling about your b/w from this morning.  Your hcg levels came back at 272, you have a positive pregnancy test. I nearly dropped to the floor in shock.  She said, however, your progesterone is under 1 which is not good and they are quite concerned.  We are of course cancelling this round of IVF, so stop the protocol.

Today she called back and said they re-ran my blood from yesterday and got the same hcg result.  She also informed me that they believe it's either an ectopic or an impending loss.    I was told I need to go in tomorrow for another beta.

The past 24 hours have been just awful.  I have been TTC for almost 5 years both on our own and with an RE's assistance.  I have NEVER gotten a BFP in my life (other than the one from my first IVF).  So how the hell did I manage to get pregnant this month while being on the pill???  Now we not only have to postpone a round of IVF (tick tock), but also deal with what's to come.  I get the sense they feel there is zero chance this is going to stick. 
I'm so at a loss for what to think and never in a million years would have thought this scenario was even possible.  For one split second though, my DH and I were like we finally got pregnant all on our own and even managed to get through the bcps.  Yay Us! And then reality is right there to punch us in the face.

To be continued..... (sorry for such a long post)      

latershrader

*jaw on floor* Shock and awe. Just praying that this could be your miracle!!!

2ndGeneration

Wow! I'm shocked too. I'm not sure exactly sure what to say. Of course I'm praying for this to be your miracle, like PP is! I hope they get you right in tomorrow and get the betas quick (they're fast, we're at the same place I think).

 You sound very stressed and I feel for you...what a mixed feeling it must be. F & X for all the best possible result! And for peace with however it unfolds.

Sunni01

WT How did that happen. Oh I hope this is a miracle rainbow baby. Prayers. FX'd.

on42

Oh my goodness. I wanted to get excited for you and cry all at once. I am SO praying for you. I hope this babe sticks. Please keep us posted. OMG!!!! xo xo 

Lady2010

I can't even imagine what you are going through.  Sending you thoughts, hugs and prayers - hoping this will be your miracle baby!!!

ksgsmu

WOW that is crazy and I am sure you can't even process this all right now.   Do they have any clue how many dpo you are? 

It sucks so freakin bad the whole roller coaster of it all.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone! I know from my own suprise natural bfp ( ended in loss) that there is a such a mixed bag of emotions.  So freakin happy you finally get that bfp and that perhaps your body can actually do it... then utter shock and fear and in my case eventual loss and crash of grief.  It is horrible.

Praying you get that miracle with that second beta. 

jchickiem

Woah. That's just wild. I hope by some miracle this all works out for you!

ProcessofBecoming

Wow!!! This must be so much to process! Did they start you on progesterone? Praying for a miracle for you!!!

PrivateOne

Thank everyone! I'm really hoping for a great miracle and my rainbow. But I really think I'm heading for some bad news. I hate that my progesterone is under 1, so not good for a viable pregnancy. Trying hard to keep the faith

@ksgsmu - they are just using the standard rule of thumb based on my LMP. So according to them, I'd be 11 dpo. But I'm usually a few day later than that with Oing, so I guess somewhere between 9 and 11 dpo. Who knows though since this was a forced cycle on the pill. Naturally I'm around 30 days not 28. ugh, really confusing.

@2ndGeneration - I can go in early to get the blood draw, but they don't call with results until the afternoon becasue the nurses are busy with patients until then. That's just their standard protocol. Plus with the snowstorm we're getting she said it would be ok to wait until Thurs to go if it is really bad outside.

Davie813

Oh my goodness!  You must be feeling all the emotions right now!

Joining the crowd of ladies with fingers crossed for you!

[Deleted User]

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shannonm97

What a roller coaster this whole journey is.  Hoping this turns out well for you this is your miracle baby!

BeckyP005

Holy cow girl!!! Omg fx that this is your baby!! I'm sure this is all scary but sending you lots of positive vibes!! On bcp's no less!

Samuelismomma

Praying it's your rainbow! I don't know what to say about the roller coaster except its hell:(...didn't they start you on vaginal suppository progesterone? I hope everything turns out fine. Wonder if the bcp actually regulated something? Good luck....

HeathernSteven

Wow! Best of luck through this roller coaster

fabumama

Have they put you on progesterone? They told me they thought I was going to miscarry because my progesterone went from 9 to 7.5 and I was spotting but we have a healthy 7 month old now. I remember how desperate and hopeless I felt until we had our ultrasound. I feel for you and I hope it works out. Thoughts and prayers for you.

hooligans4

All I can say is HOLY CRAP!!!!!

First of all I am so sorry you are going through this. But I truly hope this works out for the best. Make them call in a script for progesterone and take it until you know for sure what is going on. It won't hurt any.

My prayers are with you and your family.

PrivateOne

Thanks again everyone!  Your kind words are much appreciated.  This am I went for my 2nd beta, will have the results in the afternoon.

Regarding the progesterone supplementation.....They want to wait and see what my 2nd beta is before deciding on what form of progesterone would be best.  I already have PIO at home as it is part of the protocol for each of my IVFs and believe me I was sooo tempted to just inject it regardless of their instruction.  They really don't want me to start it yet because of their concern how I even got the bfp and want to see the 2nd beta and progesterone results.  If the reults are good today, I am going to demmand to start taking progesterone supplementation if they are not telling me to do so. I guess I have concerns though that the progesterone could keep something that truly isn't viable from doing what it naturally should do or worsen the scenario if it is ectopic.  We had this issue with my first loss last fall about when I should stop my progesterone supplementation. I wanted to keep doing it and they wanted me to stop to help the mc process begin. Eventually you just have to listen to the doctors as hard as that is. 

Pintobean39

I'm keeping my FX for you. Hopefully this will be your rainbow baby.

KirstenAlecia

Wow…..I just wanted to say you will be in my prayers. 

URMySunshine77

@PrivateOne: I am thinking of you.

PrivateOne

******Wednesday Update******

Had my 2nd beta and it came in a little lower at 235.  Have to go back on Friday for another check.  They are still concerned this could be an ectopic.  Not sure I know what that pain is like so tough to distinguish just some cramping with something that would be serious.  I also carry my worry in my abdomen so whenever things get tough the gut always reacts so that might be the cause of pain and grumbling down there as well. Oh my!

As I see it, things aren't moving in a positive direction and now I'm back to square one waiting until I can do IVF again.  

C_Girlie

((((Hugs)))))) & prayers throwing sticky baby dust to you

Davie813

So sorry the betas aren't moving in the direction you'd like. You're in my thoughts.

Pintobean39

I'm so sorry, I was really hoping this was your miracle.

Samuelismomma

So sorry to hear this:( t&p's are with you.

jchow009

I am very sorry that you need to go through this.  Please take care of yourself. 

kindershlitz

Ticker warning...







My thoughts are with you what an emotional difficult experience

fabumama

on42

xo xo

PrivateOne

Thanks again ladies. You all have helped so much and made me feel so supported, when IRL that doesn't happen often for me regarding this topic.

Please know I am of course sad, mad, and frustrated, but I will not quit. I've got more fight in me and I will do everything I can to be a mom one day.

on42

Yeah, lady! You are an inspiration. Maybe I need more of your positive influence and fight in my own soul. xo xo 

PrivateOne

on42 said:

Yeah, lady! You are an inspiration. Maybe I need more of your positive influence and fight in my own soul. xo xo 

We control our own thoughts, I choose to be positive, and you can too!

Ihope

Sending prayers your way

2ndGeneration

How are you doing? Thinking of you.

PrivateOne

I've had better times, but I'm doing ok, thanks for asking. We have a consult with our RE at the end of the week and hopefully we can get some guidance as to the next steps for us. Thanks to all the suggestions I've received on these boards, I definitely feel more empowered with what to ask and how to become more of an advocate for myself and MH.

Bigboneded

Hugs. What a lot to deal with. T&P for you and yours right now.