Advice Needed!

coldenka

I need some advice. DS is 21 months and #2 is due next month. I'll barely have 2u2, but I was hoping some of you smart ladies will have some experience or advice to share with me.

I feel like we did A LOT to try to make the transition to two slightly easier including weaning DS at 18 months, getting him to sleep full time in his crib and STTN, having my DH put him to sleep every night and making sure they have special things to do together so they bond more and DS is less mama obsessed. In the last 4+ weeks we have done a complete 180. DS has decided he wants me 24/7 and DH won't do for anything. He won't let DH put him to bed or even take him downstairs in the morning without me. He won't let him put him in the tub or do anything unless I'm right there. He stopped STTN or even letting us put him to sleep without screaming bloody murder. We transitioned to a twin mattress on the floor (so he doesn't fall off) and he will only fall asleep with me laying next to him. He will only stay asleep for 2 hours. It's like a freaking internal alarm and he comes to find me as soon as he wakes up. If I lay him back down he will fall asleep, but wake up exactly two hours later and look for me. We've reverted back to letting him sleep in our bed, which I really don't mind, but it scares me for when #2 comes. When DS was a newborn he was a horrible sleeper and I had to wake him up every two hours to nurse him (due to his jaundice and he was slow to gain the first month or so). We ended up bed sharing early on out of sheer exhaustion. Obviously, that is not safe with a toddler in our bed. I'm scared I will never sleep again. Baby#2 will cry and wake up DS who will want to party in the middle of the night and by the time I get him to sleep baby#2 will wake up again and lather, rinse, repeat. I seriously have a minor freak out about this at least once a week. I'm worried about how DS will transition seeing as I won't be able to do everything for him like I can now. It gives me so much anxiety even thinking about having to stay at the hospital overnight.
DS is such a sweet, smart, loving, happy boy, but I feel like my DH doesn't get to see that as much because DS just screams around him when DH tries to do anything. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know might just be a phase, but I really need to attempt to help the situation in the next few weeks so it's not a total mess when #2 comes along.

LC122

So, a couple thoughts.
Don't assume the kids will wake each other up all the time. It's amazing what kids and babies can sleep through. We traveled over the holidays and our two didn't always sleep at the same time and I was shocked when they didn't wake each other being 2 feet away.
As for the parental preference... We've run into some of that. I call one strategy refusing to negotiate with a terror-ist, although our toddler isn't really a terror. She's just generally so happy that any fussiness seems terrible. Anyway, we acknowledge her requests but then make the decision as the parents. So, sometimes, if it makes sense and she has asked for me and I'm not occupied with #2 and/or DH can take over with #2, then I will calmly repeat the request back to her with my answer. "You want Mommy to help you get your pajamas on? Ok, I can do that." Other times, we do the same but with a different answer. "I hear that you want Mommy to help you get your pajamas on but Daddy is going to help you tonight." And then DH proceeds to help. It isn't up for discussion or negotiation. There may be resistance at first, but when she realizes that what we said is how it is going to be, she accepts it and moves on. You just have to be firm in your convictions. I think it gives them more sense of security to have boundaries and direction and they respond to it. Maybe not the first time and maybe not every time but more often than not.

Also, you're right that phases happen all the time. So, this could be one in which there is more of a preference for you and it can just as easily swing back the other way.

Also encourage your husband to master the art of distraction. When your DS cries for you, he should try to find something more interesting or fun to distract DS with. Silly voices, silly dances, and flipping upside down are popular with our LO.