MIL - Vent

TX08Aggie

DH parents came for a visit yesterday.  MIL started off as soon as she walked through the door calling attention to how huge I am - how much more I stick out than last time.  Well, gee lady, I have 4 1/2 weeks until my due date, ya think I'm going to be showing a little more?  She then spent the rest of the visit telling me that DD has gained so much weight (she's 19 months).  So much weight that she looks like Winnie the Pooh.  Uh, really?  DD is finally back up on the growth curve she's supposed to be on and her dr couldn't be more thrilled.  We had a hard time with her gaining weight when she started crawling and then again when she started walking/running - she just never holds still long enough to keep on weight!  Wish I had that problem :-)  Anyway, the question here is - Is calling someone else's child Winnie the Pooh an insult?  Sure irritated me.  But, most things she says do, and that goes way back.  Oh, and she never told DH that, just kept telling me that over and over...

babylimas

Do you think she meant it in a bad way? Often people talk about the plumpness of a baby/toddler in an affectionate way. My little girl was very very chubby at 19 months, and people always had clever things to say about it. I finally realized that people usually meant it as a compliment. 

Either way, I would go nuts if my MIL said that. I don't like her, which means I don't like the things she says.

TX08Aggie

I think she meant it to be irritating - I tend to get suspicious when she tells me things over and over and never mentions them to my hubby - in this instance, she told me at least 5 times that DD had gained a lot of weight in the last month and that she looked like a Pooh Bear.  If I call her out on it, she always says "Oh, I was just teasing."  or ignores that I'm saying anything.  Besides, I usually think of the right thing to say after she leaves.  I'm too tired to put up with her usual antics at the moment.

Oh, and DD was playing with a balloon we got her (she loves to wiggle the string for the kitty to play with - and they were playing so nicely together) and MIL decided that DD shouldn't be playing with the cat - it could be dangerous.  Without consulting either myself or DH, she went over and was trying to take the balloon away from DD.  They got into a tug of war - DD would not let go.  DH was like WTF mom (he said it nicer than I would have though)?  Leave them alone...

jessc2010

It sounds like maybe she has been negative in the past with comments, so I know personally I would take it negatively regardless of what her intentions were. My BF made the mistake of telling me that his mother likes to give subtle digs to the girls he had previously dated so for the past 2+ years I always analyze everything she says to me to see if shes trying to be insulting. 

I agree, you probably need to look at her tone and context to figure out what her true intentions are. I wouldn't like the term Winnie the Pooh to describe my LO, but she may have just thought it was a cutesy thing to say? 

babylimas

Ugh @TX08Aggie - my MIL does stuff like that. She gets these weird rules that she tries to enforce randomly. My daughter will be doing something nicely for a while and then all of a sudden my MIL will decide that it is breaking some rule and has to be stopped right then. But she just passive-aggressively comments on it, and what 3 year old is going to pick up on that? I just ignore her and she repeats it over and over and over again. Needless to say, it's not a lot of fun playing with her. 

ceh789

OhioRiderEsq said:

I don't really care if it's playful or serious, I take issue with people discussing infant/toddler (esp. girls') weight.  It is so easy to develop body issues these days, and, for me, I don't want my child to even have the concept of weight/appearance introduced at a young age.  Children can't necessarily discern joking tones, and I would prefer to avoid that topic if at all possible.  

I may be a little extra sensitive at the moment as I just had a conversation with a friend who is distraught because her not-quite 5 y.o. daughter refused to wear something because she thought it made her look fat.  They are trying to figure out where she got such an idea and how to respond to such a negative self-perception.

Love it isn't enough - I'm quoting for emphasis as well.  I can't even imagine how upset I'd be to hear my 4 yo niece (or daughter!) say something made her look fat.  I know that already - since knowing my baby is a girl - I've been making a conscious effort to cut out the negative self-talk because I don't want her to ever hear me saying things like that.  Ugh... 4 and thinks she looks fat.  I'm disgusted at the world for planting that seed.

SurpriseAt39

@TX08Aggie
I know what you mean.
MIL used to say DS was getting fat. (Don't remember the phrase she used). I repeated that he was NOT getting fat, she kept saying he was tubby....
I finally told her not to say things like that to him because I didn't want him to worry about it.
She replied with 'he doesn't understand'. (He was 8-10 months at the time)
If she hadn't stopped saying it then, it could continue until he DOES understand, then there will be issues.

Btw, he was 95% for height and 5% for weight at the time...chunky?!?!...I think not.

bingbongsmama

Do we have the same MIL? Mine is obsessed with weight and makes dumb comments like that about my DD who I've also struggled to get up to a healthy weight.

She's also started in on my fetus, saying that she shouldn't gain any more weight. Ummm...dummy, she's 3lbs right now. Of course she needs to gain more weight in the last few weeks of gestation. DH is so good at rolling his eyes and putting it down to MIL being ignorant, but I can't help but let these comments get to me.

kimberpoo

bingbongsmama  - that is terrifying! who would ever comment on the weight of a fetus? thank god you have the sense to ignore her.

fish8412

I think it is rude of her to comment on your weight and your daughter's weight.  That's not her place.  How would she like it if you commented on her weight?  If I were you I would have your husband say something.

TX08Aggie

He's going to - he wasn't aware of it when they were here, I told him afterwards.  I told DH that I should have said "hey look, her ass is sticking out further than before, everybody look at that!"  One of these days, the smart ass reply will occur to me while she's here...  wonder how that will work out.

ewallace00

Sorry you are going through this. My mom actually commented a couple months ago about how she doesn't like chubby babies and how it's the ones that are breast fed that seem chubbier. Huh? Wtf? Really? Who says or thinks that? I would counter with what my Pediatrician thinks and stand firm with that being the right way to look at it!