How to do it all

bexbarker

So that sounded like a statement, but really I'm asking. I work part time, teaching, and I have an awesome schedule this semester. I thought I would get SO MUCH done. Except I don't. I'm drowning in laundry. My hardwood floors are dirty. I never make my bed anymore. The kitchen gets cleaned constantly but is a hot mess by the end of the day. Add to that planning, grading, baby care, and showing my husband that I still like him (most of the time), and I just feel like I'm failing. 

I should probably stop caring about having a clean and tidy home, but I can't seem to do that. Any advice on this? I know my awesome part time schedule is nothing compared to many of you full time mothers, and I fully acknowledge that I shouldn't struggle this much. But I am struggling. 

ASmallWonder

A daily to do list can help because it makes sure you focus on specific things and not ignore stuff that's easy to blow off until it's super bad.

bexbarker

elmoali said:

A daily to do list can help because it makes sure you focus on specific things and not ignore stuff that's easy to blow off until it's super bad.

Yes, that makes sense! I started using a list app, so maybe that will help!

jennOK

What I've learned is that I can't do it all.

I'm lucky to have a mom and MIL who keep LO at my house during the week. They help me a lot on keeping the house up by doing random chores during the week or even cooking dinner for us, so I don't have to when I get home.

I, of course, don't expect or ask them to do any of this. They do it because they know how hard it is to work and be a mom and wife.

They drive me crazy sometimes, but really I couldn't ask for a better support system.

That being said. I think it's important to ask for help when you need it. Could your husband help by taking on some of the household duties? Or, is it possible to have a house cleaner come in every now and then to do some of the cleaning?

bexbarker

I do think that part of the problem is getting my husband to help. I don't want to go all into complaining about my husband (since I'm fresh out of lurkerdom and all), but he just doesn't have a neat bone in his body!

WasNotWas

We have daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual chores and when we do them we write them on a calendar that we both can see. Keeps us both from feeling like the other isn't pulling their weight

bexbarker

jennOK said:

What I've learned is that I can't do it all. I'm lucky to have a mom and MIL who keep LO at my house during the week. They help me a lot on keeping the house up by doing random chores during the week or even cooking dinner for us, so I don't have to when I get home. I, of course, don't expect or ask them to do any of this. They do it because they know how hard it is to work and be a mom and wife. They drive me crazy sometimes, but really I couldn't ask for a better support system. That being said. I think it's important to ask for help when you need it. Could your husband help by taking on some of the household duties? Or, is it possible to have a house cleaner come in every now and then to do some of the cleaning?

I LOVE the idea of a cleaning person coming in once or twice a month, but our budget can't swing it, the downside to working only part time. I don't know how to get my husband to help without being meh about it. He is a PhD student and is about to start his dissertation, so I know he has a lot going on that is really important, but a tidy home is important to me, and I don't know how to show him how much it matters. We've been married 4 years and we do talk about things, but for some reason this issue just doesn't seem to ever get resolved!

WasNotWas

And once your kid gets better at entertaining them self it gets a lot easier to get stuff done

bexbarker

I'm reading a book called It's Not You It's the Dishes so my husband and I can figure out the best/most efficient way to run the household. I've always felt like it should be 50/50, but I'm the one doing the most, if not almost all, the work--I'd say it has felt like 90/10 but was probably 80/20. The book basically uses principles of economics to help a household run--instead of assuming 50/50, chores are divided based on efficiency. I haven't actually finished it yet, but I'm hoping it helps!

FunkyPhoenix

I'm not sure about you, but when I make an effort to stay off my phone and computer (meaning social sites and what-have-you) I actually do manage to get a lot more done around the house as well as with the baby. It seems so small but has a big impact. Or maybe I'm just on my phone way too much

bexbarker

FunkyPhoenix said:

I'm not sure about you, but when I make an effort to stay off my phone and computer (meaning social sites and what-have-you) I actually do manage to get a lot more done around the house as well as with the baby. It seems so small but has a big impact. Or maybe I'm just on my phone way too much

Yeah, I do procrastinate, for sure. Facebook is a time suck! 

ASmallWonder

FunkyPhoenix said:

I'm not sure about you, but when I make an effort to stay off my phone and computer (meaning social sites and what-have-you) I actually do manage to get a lot more done around the house as well as with the baby. It seems so small but has a big impact. Or maybe I'm just on my phone way too much

This is really a good point.  15 dedicated minutes can really accomplish a lot.  Sure, you won't get the baseboard scrubbed but I can definitely put in laundry, put a load in the dryer, clean the kitchen counters, sweep and swiffer in 15 minutes and likely more if the kitchen hasn't gone straight to hell

WasNotWas

@micabush I can post it tomorrow if you'd like

ASmallWonder

I'll just say, too, that my house will always look like one where two little kids live, both parents work outside the home and some days we choose hanging out together over cleaning.  I do the best I can and my best wouldn't fly for some people but it's far from causing people to shudder or worry about eating food I made, you know?

bexbarker

@micabush I can post it tomorrow if you'd like

yes please!

AimeeSue02

bexbarker said:

@micabush I can post it tomorrow if you'd like

yes please!

I want to see too!

abbity

Just wanted to say- you all provided great solutions!
(Helpful for me too!)

LBeez13

subliminalrabbit said:

Another for dividing up the chores. DH honestly does more of 'em than I do because his schedule is more flexible. I do more of the baby care because we're breastfeeding. If DH didn't do the dishes and vacuum I'd lose it.

This is totally our household too. I do take K more because I breastfeed still. It is a nice excuse now to have that time with him while my husband scrubs bottles for daycare. I think it is about balance and helping each other out. We also do the 15 minutes of power cleaning as other posts mentioned. That seems to be easier after we put him to bed at 7:30. The thing I want to get better at is managing to fit workouts back into my life.