Is anyone else freaking out about having twins??

Jamie718

We had to do IVF to get pregnant, so it wasn't completely unexpected, but we really tried hard to have just one baby at a time.  My 3 year old ds was from our first round of IVF and everything went perfectly, so we thought we could do it the same way again, but it didn't work out that way.  Obviously I'd rather have twins than not be able to have any more children (which if this cycle hadn't worked, we wouldn't have been able to have more), but I'm 26 weeks and still feel like it hasn't completely sunk in yet   Some days I'm excited, but most of the time I feel so overwhelmed.  Ds was a terrible sleeper, was really needy and always had to be held, etc.  I feel like if both of these babies are that way I'm going to lose my mind. 

I'm glad everyone here is honest about how difficult it can be, but I have to say it's not helping my anxiety about the situation, lol.  None of our parents live close by and I feel like once dh goes back to work I'm going to be stuck home all the time and depressed, surrounded by crying babies all day. 

I have family and friends that have struggled with infertility as we did and weren't able to have children, so I feel so ungrateful venting about it but I just had to get it off my chest somewhere. 

LegallyBlonde217

I still freak out about having twins and mine are 18 months.  :P

But seriously, people say to me all the time "I don't know how you do it."  And my answer is always the same.  "I just do because I don't have a choice."  Yes, the first 6 or so months are really, really hard.  I cried a lot in the first few months.  But it does get better.  Then I'm sure it eventually gets harder again.  You really just can't have any expectations because everything goes out the window once you have those twins.  It took a while, but I'm finally at a place where I'm more relaxed in my parenting.  And I can finally laugh when they're both freaking out for no reason at the same time because I know it's out of my control.   

Also, if you think your anxiety gets to a point where is more than the normal baby blues, call your Dr!!!  Never be afraid of that.  PPD/PPA is more likely to happen in moms with multiples because, well, it is hard.  Don't be ashamed to admit that to yourself if it happens to you and get treatment for it.  It was one of the best things I ever did.  I'm a much better mom now for it.

Good luck!  You always have a place here to vent and ask questions to help make your life with twins easier. 

Ylvelill

Yep super excited and terrified!

dmurrie

Yes, and apparently my way of overcompensating and also nesting is by cooking huge batches of food and freezing ALL the left-overs "for when the babies come and I won't really have a chance to cook". I guess I must think we'll starve otherwise? My poor husband just shakes his head every time I return from the grocery store.

Seriously, though, it's still hard to believe this isn't all some strange dream.

kari.sandall

LegallyBlonde217 said:

I still freak out about having twins and mine are 18 months.  :P

But seriously, people say to me all the time "I don't know how you do it."  And my answer is always the same.  "I just do because I don't have a choice."  Yes, the first 6 or so months are really, really hard.  I cried a lot in the first few months.  But it does get better.  Then I'm sure it eventually gets harder again.  You really just can't have any expectations because everything goes out the window once you have those twins.  It took a while, but I'm finally at a place where I'm more relaxed in my parenting.  And I can finally laugh when they're both freaking out for no reason at the same time because I know it's out of my control.   

Also, if you think your anxiety gets to a point where is more than the normal baby blues, call your Dr!!!  Never be afraid of that.  PPD/PPA is more likely to happen in moms with multiples because, well, it is hard.  Don't be ashamed to admit that to yourself if it happens to you and get treatment for it.  It was one of the best things I ever did.  I'm a much better mom now for it.

Good luck!  You always have a place here to vent and ask questions to help make your life with twins easier. 

This. All of this. You'll figure out what works for you.

Jamie718

Thanks for the encouragement.  I'm glad a found a multiples group.  I'm part of a regular due date club from when I had my son, and they are fabulous but they don't quite understand since none of them have multiples. 

I think part of what's hard too is that they could be here in a couple weeks or a couple months.  So hard to plan and prepare emotionally when everything is so up in the air.  My baby shower is tomorrow and my dr appointments are now 3x a month so everything is picking up and it's really hitting home that we don't have that long left.

loupgarou

I'll chime in to admit I'm both incredibly excited and scared, but I feel like that's fairly normal. Like you said, it feels like everything is up in the air. My due date is only a circle on a calendar and not a real indication of when they might arrive. Since I'm a huge planner, it's hard to deal with. Add to that the fact that DH intended to leave work two weeks prior to due date (he's going to be a STAHD) to do all the last minute prep and now we have no idea when he should give his notice.

We're just trying to get everything done as early as we can and hope that we make it by the time I deliver.

As for after, we'll be learning for the first time and know it will be tough. But we also have faith that we'll figure it out.

ceechie

I really struggled with the thought of having twins when I got pregnant. I cried a lot. I just didn't think I could do it. And I have two older kids.
But it's amazing how you just "do it." And they are so cool. Such seperate little people that just happen to be born at the same time. Some days were so super hard but then I'd hold one or some will smile- and realize just how much I can do and how much I love them. And they're little for such a short time. A newborn and a 1 yo are night and day. Shoot- even the difference between a newborn and a 3 mos old. It'll be way better than you can ever prepare for. Just trust in yourself.
And a second pp- you can have PPA before you give birth. Talk to your dr. You don't want to go unchecked if it is that. They can help so much!

Odebdo

Totally excited and freaked out...I do not have a little one at home, these will be #1 and #2 but it is overwhelming to go from 0-2 just like that...I feel blessed as well as these are our miracle IVF babies, but it is still overwhelming and hard to imagine.  I figure I am just going to have to learn to go with the flow!

TheDairyQueenx3

I would like to say it's not always hard my first was a challenge but my twins are a breeze. They are always so calm and quiet. Both BF like champs and sleep really well and have since they came home but the cluster feeds are exhausting! I tandem nurse saves me time and sleep!. I also have no help from family as they are 14 hours away and DH works 48 hours a week. Sometimes I feel bad because I can't give my oldest the same amount of attention but we play uno moo or read stories while I nurse. I baby wear to keep my house clean. It truly has been way easier than my singleton. They sooth one another so that helps a lot and so far have yet to have the double melt downs. I mean yes I'm tired sometimes and tied down nursing somedays for 90% of my day and never get out of my pajamas but seriously my singleton didn't sleep all night until he was almost 2 so the twins are like a walk in the park, lol. My best advice don't worry until they are here. Yes it is challenging sometimes and I totally get how hard it can be hearing some of the stories but if you have easy goin babies and a routine that works well for you it can be a lot easier than you anticipate. Mine are 11 weeks old and so far everyday has been so enjoyable! I agree with everything AshB said we too eat take out and the laundry isn't always folded but that just comes with the territory of having more than 1 kid

LSN8308

i think the 2 week period i had between weeks 7-9 when we thought we were having triplets has psyched me out to feel like oh ok its "only" 2.. i can do it ....lol we'll see how long that feeling holds up.

right now im in the IF brain mode, where im just happy and excited and nervous, but the worries haven't set in yet. im pretty sure they will as time passes but like pp said... i guess you just do it.

MissMarnee

I was completely terrified--I'd never spent time with infants before & knowing I was going to be caring for two at once blew my mind!!! Having twins was a total game changer--from the months on bed rest to deciding I'd have to leave my job to be a SAHM, it just turned our idea of what our lives as parents would be like! That said, once our firms arrived, it's just been the best thing ever and we wouldn't have it any other way. We have our challenges (I think I cried a bit today while suffering from Mom Guilt), but the truth is, you just do it. And the moments when they start becoming aware of each other & interacting with each other is truly truly extraordinary...

MissMarnee

*once our girls arrived...*

sasky

Yup. When people ask how we feel I say, "We're excited and nervous, but mostly excited." Because I feel like that's what people want to hear, and because I feel terrible for feeling mostly scared sh!tless. Even worse because we tried so hard for so long (also IVF). I have days when I'm like, oh god what did we DO?!!

I also have anxiety about not being able to give my 4-year-old the attention he deserves after he's been an only for so long. Will he resent us and the babies? Will he be sad and hurt? It kills me to think about that.

I try to think about the long run. I am giving my son siblings. I am creating a family that is going to grow up together, share endless memories, support each other. That's what I've always wanted. And while the first few years will be tough, we will get through it. We will be better people for it. And we have so much love for these babies already, that's what will get us all through.

And wine. Lots of wine.

VeryBlessedMom

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VeryBlessedMom

I think it's all perspective. My 15 mo old DD is from IVF and now I'm 23 wks with triplets. While family said they would have been relieved with only twins, but if all works out, God has dealt us a great hand:)

LittleLady77

IF brain is a weird thing. I feel super guilty if I worry and you will very rarely catch my actually complaining. I know I'm setting myself up for some difficult times but I just feel too guilty to worry. I know it will be hard but I also know I will survive as will my family. These babies will be very well cared for.

lwatkins12

My twins are 3 1/2 months old and I still freak out. My husband asked me if I was ever happy about having twins. Honestly, no. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I never wanted to be a SAHM and thought I would die if I had twins. Now I have both. My oldest is 19 and was so much easier and happier than these two. I had complications from my c section and my wound didn't close completely until about 8-9 weeks later. It's been rough. But you just do it.

CaliCarly77

I ugly cried for days after we found out it was twins. So far, my 4 week old beauties have been so good to me - they never cry for no reason and only need to be held a little bit to calm down. I still have panic freak out moments though, since I am ebf, I feel like I am just feeding a baby constantly. Its getting better though now that they are latching and eating more efficiently. 

We have no family nearby and frankly things have been harder now that my mom is "here to help" for two weeks - its just one more person for me to clean up after. Things are also much easier now that the girls went from 10 feedings in 24 hours to 8/24, that happened at about the 2 week mark. What a difference! 

katiebenes

I'm still freaking out at 5 months pp. 

every baby is different so you might end up with screamers or they might be angels. good luck!

KatieGummow

Mine are spontaneous with no family history.  I think I cried for a week after my OB showed me the ultrasound.  I don't know how to be a mom let alone a super mom!  After that I was really excited and now that my due date is 57 days away I am seriously freaking out.  I thought I was ready but now I know I am not.

legaleagles

I'm 26 weeks - I still cry and freak out - not much different from the day I found out. I'm in therapy and I still talk about how scared I am, how much I'm in denial. Our nursery is no where near complete, we're getting the main living areas of our house painted next week (b/c DD and DH will be OOT it makes sense), but we haven't made much progress on the nursery (and at the latest, these boys will be here in 12 weeks). I had PPD/PPA with DD which was such a surprise to me, but now I'm really worried about having them. I'm so worried about my little girl and how this will impact her - she's 2.5 and there is no real way to prepare her. I worry that she wont understand when I don't even have 1 hand to get somethign for her or cuddle her b/c I"m nursing all the time. The car logistics scare me, the laundry. Everything, but the gals here have been so supportive and I know they will continue to be so.

lynnyrd80

I'm totally new here, but totally freaking out.  I think more so than if my first pregnancy was twins because I know what to expect now.  Well, sort of.  I don't think it has sunk in yet that we are having twins.  If I think too much about it, I start really stressing out..

SandraPB1220

Pretty much every day. I was completely speechless for days after we saw the second heartbeat, but after seeing them so many times on ultrasound, I've started getting to the excited stage. But it's still very surreal. I have periods where I lay in bed and can't sleep because I don't think I'll be able to deal with this. Where will we fit all the....just stuff...that goes along with one baby let alone two? How will we afford everything x 2? Will I be able to breast feed or handle pumping while at work? Not to mention pre-term labor, bed rest, C-section vs. vaginal x 2...AHHHHH!! But then I get on here, see all the amazing strong women who've BTDT, and see how supportive everyone on here is. And I think my DH is going to be a wonderful support, he's already been amazing. Bottom line, I keep telling myself I can do this. If for no other reason than I don't have any other choice!

Incrediblelife

I totally freaked out for weeks when I found out we were having twins. My girls are 16 mths apart, and that was bloody hard enough! So I "sort of" had an idea of what I was getting myself into which made it worse. Not to mention that having a third child was something hubby and I both waivered on to begin with. I now live overseas away from family, and we are in an apartment, had already gotten rid of all our baby stuff...and on and on. But, as time goes on, and my chances of bed rest or preterm labour lessen (I'm now 33w2d), I find myself calming down and getting excited for my di/di boys arrival. Just like I did with my girls, I'll figure it out and make it through...exhausted, but I will survive, and actually love most parts of it. I think we all work ourselves up more than we need to. We will all figure it out, just like every other MoM does. We will be tired, but it probably won't be half as bad as we anticipate it to be. Good luck to all of you!!!

1LadyV

We have days when we're totally excited and days when we're like OMG how are we going to do this??!!! Usually the OMG days are when our two year old is having one of his days and we're wondering how will we do it x2. Of course you wonder about daycare x3 or if you'll even go back to work and how you'll need double everything. But based on all the books and everything I've started to research it's totally normally to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster it's a lot to take in but I feel as though God has blessed me with twins because he knows we can handle it and not everyone can.

frank3jr

Our twins are 9.5 months old and we have had our rough days but having twins have been such a blessing. There is nothing like holding and cuddling with them at the same time or watching them become best friends. They make each other giggle and travel around together and those times make everything worth it. You also get to really appreciate the unique personalities so much because you really can see how different and special each baby is.

I think what really helped was DH and I communicating, showing appreciation and trusting each other. With twins you can't go to zone defense or taking turns but you are always playing man-to-man defense. I find when I get out of that mindset, things get stressful and no one is happy. One of the things I have enjoyed about having twins is the team it has made us become. I think that with having twins I have really been able to appreciate my husband more because I am so thankful to have him and don't know how I could do it alone. Once you feel comfortable, try to go on dates when you can so you can have time together.

shelly2314

I'm in the same boat, we did an IUI and knew the chances were high...not to mention that my family has over 5 sets of twins spread out among us. STILL...I am slightly in denial and WAY stressed out. We wanted a baby so I feel incredibly guilty, but two??? and it is our first (I hate to say it, but more than likely our last).

macchiatto

I definitely freaked out. And yes, it was challenging. I think while you'll have challenges for sure having another LO in the picture as well, there are also advantages to not being a first-time mom. That x2 can be pretty overwhelming. It is challenging but doable, and you might luck out with two relatively easy babies.

mer313131

I just found out two days ago, so I don't think reality has fully set in yet. We had a MMC in September so I feel guilty being overwhelmed but I agree that is just natural. Most of my freaking out is due to logistics like child care scenarios and thinking that we need a different car 9 months after buying our last one. For now...