Friends

ambmama

So, our babies are all (almost) a year old! I posted before that I was having trouble making friends in our new home when DS was young. Well, fast forward a year later and not much has changed. My DH and I are amicable, but not what we were like before DS. On top of that, I honestly have no friends! Not one person, other than family, that I can turn to. So I either talk to DH for as long as he'll be nice, or I have to go into solitary deal-with-it mode. I work full time and we just this week transitioned DS to daycare from having a nanny, so I'm just not seeing opportunity for making friends. He does swimming classes at the y but no mamas are jumping out and wanting to be best friends

emja0214

So sorry that this is still a struggle. Does your communuty offer mommy and me classes on the weekends? That type of environment may be more conducive to chatting with other mamas than the pool. It may allow your LO to interact with the other kiddos and that can spark conversation too.

JJsMum

I had (and to some extent still have) the same problem.  A lot of people that I considered friends pretty much just stopped talking to me when I found out I was pregnant.  I don't know if it was because of the pregnancy or something else, because they literally stopped responding to calls and emails from me.  I was lucky enough to find a mom's group through meetup.com and I've met a lot of wonderful ladies through that.  I would suggest looking into a rec group, mommy and me classes, or a local mom's group and just start being active in something.  Sometimes it takes you being the one to jump out and want to be friends.  One of my best friends now was too shy to really put herself out at a class, so I went and said hi!

I know that with DH, it often happens that by the time he gets home from work he's just tired.  It's not that he doesn't want to talk to me, but that he doesn't really want to talk to anyone!  I would suggest sitting down with your DH when everything is calm and everyone is relatively happy and talking about things and what you guys are feeling.  After DS#1, DH and I started feeling more like roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed.  Once we both realized that and sat down and talked about it, things started to get better as we put more focus and energy back on our relationship.

jobiann

I'm so sorry you are having difficulties. It does take time to make friends. I'm spoiled as I live in the town I grew up in so I know everyone, but I have also have some great friendships with "newbies" to our community. I have met them through church, our young professionals club and through my existing family and friends. They have all said how difficult it is to meet people. Reach out and check out mommy and me groups, book clubs, young professional groups, coffee shop groups, dinner clubs...etc. Hang in there!

ReeceFamily

It is really hard to make friends as an adult.  I moved to central CA when I was 30 and single, and I knew NO ONE, with the exception of my best friend who lived in San Francisco (1.5 hours away, and I had no car yet).  I was pretty lonely (painfully so) for quite awhile.  I am horrible at casually picking up friends at the park or whatever, it's too awkward for me.  So I have found I have to put myself in structured situations where I see the same people over and over - eventually I "click" with someone.  Here's where I have made friends over the past 14 years here:

1. University classes - Can you take any classes in topics that interest you? I found like-minded people to study with and from that made 3 or 4 very solid, lasting friendships plus a few casual acquaintances.
2. Work - Can you work a day or two per week?  I have made another 5 or 6 friends from random jobs I took while in school and now at my current more professional position.  Plus, I find that having adult interaction reduces my need for actual social activities.
3. Music/art/athletics - I started taking classical guitar lessons when I lived in NYC (another place where I was lonely for awhile).  I found a group of nerdy (in a good way) musical people I could hang out with on occasion, and I made one good friend who I kept up with for years.  He was a lawyer in his 50s, I used to hang out with him and his wife.  He was an unexpected friend!
4. Mommy/parenting groups - okay, I haven't joined any of these yet, but I know many people who have become really good friends with people from kid-related groups.

Good luck and don't give up on yourself.  You are setting an example for your LO! In the meanwhile, you should count us as your friends. Don't we count?

jjdillie

I have the same problem. I moved to a small town for my job about 5 years ago. I made a few friends but I when I found out I was pregnant they stopped talking to me. I haven't heard from any of them since DS was born. After someone mentioned meetup.com I looked to find a mom's group or something close by...everything was for SAHM. I mostly work with men so that's out. Maybe as DS gets older and can participate in more activities, I will have more opportunity to meet people.