Need your advice

Stef1210

Hi ladies. I'll start by saying that this is a self-serving post. I haven't been around very much lately, yet here I am posting for help... So, thank you in advance for any perspective you might be able to lend.

My best friend has been in my life since I was four. We grew up together. Dogs have always been central to her life, and up until today, she had two loving dogs that she considered her children. Her house caught fire today while she was away, and she lost them both. She's devastated, but doesn't want to talk. She's always been a very private person when it comes to her emotions. To make matters worse, her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months ago. So, she was already dealing with so much grief.

My question is, should I fly home? I live across the country. I just don't know what to do. I want to help, but I have no idea how. I'm not even sure what would happen if I did go home. There's the possibility they might have a funeral, but I certainly don't want to ask her right now.

If anyone has some advice, or maybe some thoughts and prayers, they would all be appreciated. I know a lot of you ladies are dog lovers yourselves, and I hope I haven't depressed you.

WasNotWas

A funeral for her dogs? Or did I read something wrong.

I would go home if you can swing it. Your friend will appreciate the effort and even if you are just there for an in-person hug, I'm sure it will help. House fires are scary and devastating without the loss of pets, but to lose your dogs as well breaks my heart.

SummerSnow11

I think if it is within your means flying home would be much appreciated. If she is very private with her emotions, I'm guessing she would never ever ask that you come. I think your presence would be good.

chelsmcl

If you can make time to get out there I would. If not maybe send her some sort of care package?

Stef1210

@ wasnotwas  I don't think they would have a full-fledged funeral, but they may have a ceremony with friends and family. There are pet cemeteries where I'm from, so it definitely happens. I'm not a pet person myself, so I can't really say I know what the protocol is...

Stef1210

@chelsry1 I like the care package idea--thank you.

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lioness13

If you can go, go. This is a really hard time for her and she needs someone. Why are you asking about it? What's your hesitation?

Stef1210

@lioness13 My hesitation stems from two things. Firstly, it's going to cost me $1200 to fly round-trip. Secondly, because she's such a private person, I'm not sure my presence will make a difference. I know her, and she isn't going to want to sit around and cry on my shoulder. I don't know if she'd even want to see me at all, to be honest.

I'm so torn. Thank you to everyone who has contributed. I think I'll do what @libberluru suggested and go home when things have settled a bit in a couple weeks' time.

No longer the best

Hmmm that is so tricky.  That would be a devastating loss.  I couldn't even imagine.  

I think I also vote care package and come out to visit perhaps in a few weeks? Eeek I'm sorry for her loss  

KellenHi21

If you are able to go, definitely go... I'm sure just being there would mean the world.

ASmallWonder

For ME I couldn't go but that's because $1200, missing work, the kids...it all would be a nightmare to figure out how to get it done.  At a minimum though I think you should talk to her about your thoughts (if you can) before making the plans if you're willing to go.  It would be an all around awful situation for you to go to that trouble and then she truly wishes you hadn't (not from a mean place but maybe she would feel burdened to spend time with you when she really wants to process this on her own).