1st Trimester

First Pregnancy and SCARED

Hello, everyone!

This is my first pregnancy and I am 5 weeks along. My pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, but my husband and I were planning on TTC later this year, so that's not so bad. I didn't realize until after I found out I was pregnant how scared I would be, though, that something is going to go wrong. I am absolutely petrified. I had a mini breakdown yesterday because I am just so overwhelmed and I've never been more afraid in my life. My husband and I are the first of all of our friends and family to have a baby and don't have any peers to gage off of.

1. The night before I found out I was pregnant I had had some cocktails at home, and I had gone and had some drinks at a party two weeks before that. So, that's got me freaked out that I"ve already killed or hurt my baby.

2. I've heard so many horror stories and I know so many women had had miscarriages.Part of me hasn't even fully accepted that I"m pregnant because I don't want my heart to shatter. I also know of people who go to find out the gender of their baby only to find out that their baby is likely to be stillborn or only life a few minutes. I don't know I can handle that and knowing that there is that chance is crippling.

3. I don't want to give birth in a hospital, but my insurance doesn't cover free standing birth centers. And there is just no way my husband and I can pay for those services out of pocket. Hospitals are a place to go when something is wrong. I don't feel comfortable in hospitals and I don't feel safe. I know some hopsitals and medical centers have "birthing centers" but they are just glorified hospital rooms. I can't do this. I just feel like if I'm in a hospital, I am no longer in control of the birthing experience I want to have (providing both myself and the baby are healthy). I have this overwhelming fear that the nurses or doctors are going to take advantage of me and give me drugs that I really don't want. Also, my sister-in-law's cousin gave birth in Aug. While she was in labor they hooked her up to all sorts of electric monitors and then a nurse tried to put her in a tub of water, while hooked up to all of those monitors. Her husband saved her life by stepping in. I don't want that to happen to me.

I know this is a lot. I'm probably being a total nutcase but I just have no experience to gage with.

IAmPregnant Ticker

Re: First Pregnancy and SCARED

  • Just take a deep breath. It's going to be ok!

    Yes, there are risks that come with pregnancy but generally speaking why worry about something that is out of your hands? Most m/c this early on are due to developmental or genetic defects and there is truly nothing you can do.. it doesn't generally make accepting something as heartbreaking as that any easier but it is at least something..

    All you need to focus on, is eating the best you can, taking your vitamins, drinking plenty of water, resting and staying away from any potentially harmful exposure for you and your baby(radiation, alcohol, etc). Don't sit and think of every potential problem, this is a time you should be happy, so just smile and relax. What's meant to be will work out. Do your research, stay informed but don't overanalyze. I'm sure you'll be fine!
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  • Then why did you respond to it?
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • Nope. Refuse to believe this is a real post.

    Then why did you repond to it?
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • It is normal to feel worried, and pregnancy can intensify every emotion. Most of these concerns are out of your control, so try to focus on the things you CAN control. If you can't afford a birthing center, perhaps you could look into hiring a doula to work with you. You can probably find someone affordable and they will work as an advocate for you in the hospital to help make sure your wishes are followed as long as it's safe.

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  • Nope. Refuse to believe this is a real post.
    Then why did you repond to it?

    Trying to save other people the time it'll take them to reply. You had me up until the part where you believed your cousin was set to be electrocuted and that her husband had "stepped in and saved her life." After that though? Nope.
    I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below! :)

  •  

    Nope. Refuse to believe this is a real post.

    Then why did you repond to it?
    Trying to save other people the time it'll take them to reply. You had me up until the part where you believed your cousin was set to be electrocuted and that her husband had "stepped in and saved her life." After that though? Nope.

    First off, he is not my cousin. She is my sister-in-law's cousin. This came from my sister-in-law who is an RN. I am not a medical professional, and as I have already stated, I don't have a lot of expereince, exposure or information to go off of. And it's things like this that has me a total mess because I didn't know any better. This is supposed to be a place to support other mothers and answer questions. It seems to me you are wasting your own time with posts like these.

    IAmPregnant Ticker
  •  





    Nope. Refuse to believe this is a real post.
    Then why did you repond to it?
    Trying to save other people the time it'll take them to reply. You had me up until the part where you believed your cousin was set to be electrocuted and that her husband had "stepped in and saved her life." After that though? Nope.

    First off, he is not my cousin. She is my sister-in-law's cousin. This came from my sister-in-law who is an RN. I am not a medical professional, and as I have already stated, I don't have a lot of expereince, exposure or information to go off of. And it's things like this that has me a total mess because I didn't know any better. This is supposed to be a place to support other mothers and answer questions. It seems to me you are wasting your own time with posts like these.

    I'm not a medical professional, am also a first time mom, and still understand that monitoring systems for water births would likely be waterproof.

    Sorry if you were serious and therefore offended. Just try to exercise a little common sense and all will go fine with your pregnancy. Years ago, before the advent of apps and the internet, women had nothing but common sense to go off of and did just fine. You will be as well, so long as you calm down :).

    Best of luck through the rest of your pregnancy.
    I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below! :)

  • Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom and experiences. I have had several women I work with tell me that while in labor they were made to feel like they were bad mothers or doing something wrong when they didn't want to accept an epidural and whatnot.

    Thank you abb08, you were a great help. I do understand that I have an irrational fear of a hospital birth and it is because of the stories I have of women around me and I have no other expereinces to go off of. But that is until now. Again, thank you ladies. I now have a bit more direction, thanks to you, for my reasearch and now I know some of the questions to ask my doctors and insurance providers. Blessings to you all!

    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • RELAX! You will be fine.
  • I had an all natural birth in a naval hospital. The birthing center floor didn't have a hospital vibe it was lovely and relaxing. I had monitors on and hung out in a bubble bath for a few hours completely submerging them in water and I lived to tell about it ;) they never pused me to do something I didn't want to do and I had an OB not a midwife. My first baby was a csec so they had to monitor me closer but my natural Vbac went smoothly and I'm excited to deliver there again. The other pps were right about drinking and stuff before finding out. Just breath and talk to the dr about your fear.
    Soon to be mommy of 3!
    DS Grayson (3yrs) (Emergency Csec)
    imageDS Camden (1yr) (All natural Vbac)
    DD Isabella due 8/2/2014


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  • kaimee27kaimee27 member
    edited January 2014
    1. You're fine. 

    2. They are. And especially with 1st tri losses, it's out of your control. The majority are due to genetic defects not compatible with life, and those are not an indicator that something is wrong, it's just shitty luck of the draw. 

    3. You have a lot of time to figure out your options here. I suggest you look into the birthing center more. Appeal to your insurance company and show them how much money it will save them by covering that over a hospital delivery. Sometimes you can get a waiver, and possibly even a policy change for next year. Depending on your coverage, even paying 100% at the birthing center may still be less than what you owe the hospital after admissions copays, deductibles, and coinsurance. 

    I do agree you have an unhealthy fear of hospitals and you do need to work on that. They are not the devil. Look into different ones. The one I was at is extremely med-free friendly. They cannot give you drugs without your knowledge- that is illegal. You have to sign off on a shit ton of things to get them actually. 

    There are sensors for those monitors that are perfectly safe in water. Me thinks your cousin likes drama.

    This.  I am an RN, and I work in a hospital.  We cannot give you drugs that you refuse-even if they are ordered by a doctor-if the patient is of sound mind and they refuse, they don't get the drug.  You will be hard pressed to find many doctors or nurses who would be willing to risk their hard earned degrees by forcing a patient to take meds/treatments that they don't want, ESPECIALLY ones that aren't medically necessary.  Breathe, yes I understand that hospitals can be scary, but just try to remember-the doctors and nurses who work in OB are highly trained, cautious, and want you to have a good experience.  I understand that you may hear horror stories about some people's hospital stays, but you are always going to hear about those stories more than the usual "I went there, I was taken care of, I got better/went home" because the scary stories are more interesting to hear-but they are the exception, not the rule.  Finally, good luck to you on your pregnancy, talk over your concerns with your doctor, and breathe!  Yes, it's okay to be nervous, that's normal, but don't let it consume you.  You are pregnant, that's wonderful!  Enjoy it!!

    image


  • I know you said that you have heard many horror stories about hospital births. Sure, there are always horror stories for EVERYTHING. You honestly just have to hope for the best. Nothing tends to go exactly how you plan it, so I wouldn't expect that, but maybe it would help if you have a Birth Plan... You can write what you want and what you don't. To be honest, I would rather be at a hosiptal in case something does go wrong.

    FWIW, my hospital experience was great. They didn't give me any drugs until I asked for them and they certainly did not try to push them on me. I actually didn't want to leave. I was scared to go home because I would no longer have someone to help me, besides my husband.

    I don't know if that helped you at all, but I just want you to know that hospitals are not horrible places to give birth if that is what you are going to do.

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  • Nicb13 said:

    OP perhaps you need to speak with someone about your anxiety level. It's not good for you or your baby. This post made ME anxious....

    As for #3:

    3. I don't want to give birth in a hospital, but my insurance doesn't cover free standing birth centers. And there is just no way my husband and I can pay for those services out of pocket.

    Why were you even going to try to get pregnant knowing you can't afford the birth you want? I realize you got pregnant earlier than expected but having finances in order and planning for these things ahead of time can ease some of the anxiety. How would this have worked out 6 months down the road?

     


    I wasn't trying to get pregnant. This was all an unplanned surprise. My DH and I were planning on waiting until we had more savings built up and he was out of of school. Apparently that was not God's plan.
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • Well, again, it was a surprise.

    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • DebateThisDebateThis member
    edited February 2014
    Agree with PP's. I think someone has told you a fish story about trying to electrocute a patient in a tub, and you really seem to have an unhealthy level of panic about all of this. Please please speak to your OB or midwife at your first appointment about your fears and ask them to point you in the direction of a counselor to help you through. Pregnancy, even the easy ones, can be overwhelming and scary - you don't need unfounded anxiety over "what ifs" eating at you from the start. It's not good for you or your LO.

    For now, take some deep breaths and pick up a copy of Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. I found that the more informed I was, the less fearful I was of pregnancy and childbirth.

    Congrats and good luck.

    ETA: Like you, I was pretty adamant that the hospital was NOT where I wanted to deliver - I had wanted a home birth. Unfortunately my pregnancy and baby had other plans that risked me out of a HB and also risked me out of the "natural birth friendly" hospital nearby. I wound up at a hospital that's known for being a bit of a c-section factory, BUT I picked care providers who I could trust to do what was right for me and my baby. I would up with an amazing set of midwives who fought against their own attending OB for me (at 35w the attending wanted to induce me when my labor stalled - the MWs said no and let me go home to bake LO another 3 weeks, which was awesome) and they supported me through a crazy med free delivery as well. I loved my delivery and even the hospital and I will absolutely go back to them and to that hospital if we are fortunate enough to have more children. There's a good deal of your fears that can be alleviated by picking your care providers wisely and asking good questions throughout your pregnancy. I see you posted on the NB board as well - those ladies are awesome and well educated about med free childbirth so stick around and I think they, too, will help you learn to breathe.
    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
    image
  • PP I think another one of those cocktails like the one you had the night before you got found out you were pregnant might do you some good. 
     image image
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  • Nicb13 said:

    OP perhaps you need to speak with someone about your anxiety level. It's not good for you or your baby. This post made ME anxious....

    As for #3:

    3. I don't want to give birth in a hospital, but my insurance doesn't cover free standing birth centers. And there is just no way my husband and I can pay for those services out of pocket.

    Why were you even going to try to get pregnant knowing you can't afford the birth you want? I realize you got pregnant earlier than expected but having finances in order and planning for these things ahead of time can ease some of the anxiety. How would this have worked out 6 months down the road?

     


    I wasn't trying to get pregnant. This was all an unplanned surprise. My DH and I were planning on waiting until we had more savings built up and he was out of of school. Apparently that was not God's plan.

    There has been lots of good solid advice given here, listen to it and try to put things into perspective. Yes it's scary that so many things could go wrong but what is the point of sitting around worry about things you can't control? You say here that "that wasn't God's plan", if you believe in Him and that He has your best interests at heart then you need to do some praying and trust in Him. It will help immensely. As for being concerned about a hospital birth, don't be. It doesn't have to be scary and out of your control. Be picky about your OB or, if you aren't high risk, look into a midwife, and make sure to educate yourself, as DebateThis said, the more you understand about pregnancy and L&D the less there is to be afraid of (though don't focus on all the stuff that can go wrong, you don't need that kind of negativity). And don't be afraid to question your OB (within reason). Ask questions about why they want to do something and make sure to speak up about your preferences and desires. I'd just like to say GL and remember lots of people have done this and came out at the end healthy and with a beautiful, healthy baby. :)
      image  
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  • Find an OB you love, that you know will respect your wishes, and come up with a birth plan that makes you feel safe and comfortable. Interview a few, if you have to. Take as much control as you can. You'll be fine.
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  • I agree with PP that you need to take a breath and calm down.  If you're this worked up right now, then you are going to drive yourself crazy down the road. 

    Drinking before you got a BFP is just fine. You did zero damage to the baby.  I had 3 drinks the night before we got our BFP and I sure as heck am not freaking out about it. 

    As for the birthing options -- I guess if you really wanted to have your birth at a free standing center than you should have been more careful.  You can sit there and say "this was a surprise" and "guess God had a different plan" all you want but none of here are idiots.  Having unprotected sex means that there is a chance to get pregnant. It's pretty basic. If you weren't planning on ttc until later this year and didn't have the money you wanted for the birth you wanted, I guess you should have been using protection. 
    Me: 30 Him: 33
    Married: August 2012
    BFP #1 9/2013 -- MC 10/2013
    DD: 9/22/2014
           
  • kaimee27 said:
    1. You're fine. 

    2. They are. And especially with 1st tri losses, it's out of your control. The majority are due to genetic defects not compatible with life, and those are not an indicator that something is wrong, it's just shitty luck of the draw. 

    3. You have a lot of time to figure out your options here. I suggest you look into the birthing center more. Appeal to your insurance company and show them how much money it will save them by covering that over a hospital delivery. Sometimes you can get a waiver, and possibly even a policy change for next year. Depending on your coverage, even paying 100% at the birthing center may still be less than what you owe the hospital after admissions copays, deductibles, and coinsurance. 

    I do agree you have an unhealthy fear of hospitals and you do need to work on that. They are not the devil. Look into different ones. The one I was at is extremely med-free friendly. They cannot give you drugs without your knowledge- that is illegal. You have to sign off on a shit ton of things to get them actually. 

    There are sensors for those monitors that are perfectly safe in water. Me thinks your cousin likes drama.

    This.  I am an RN, and I work in a hospital.  We cannot give you drugs that you refuse-even if they are ordered by a doctor-if the patient is of sound mind and they refuse, they don't get the drug.  You will be hard pressed to find many doctors or nurses who would be willing to risk their hard earned degrees by forcing a patient to take meds/treatments that they don't want, ESPECIALLY ones that aren't medically necessary.  Breathe, yes I understand that hospitals can be scary, but just try to remember-the doctors and nurses who work in OB are highly trained, cautious, and want you to have a good experience.  I understand that you may hear horror stories about some people's hospital stays, but you are always going to hear about those stories more than the usual "I went there, I was taken care of, I got better/went home" because the scary stories are more interesting to hear-but they are the exception, not the rule.  Finally, good luck to you on your pregnancy, talk over your concerns with your doctor, and breathe!  Yes, it's okay to be nervous, that's normal, but don't let it consume you.  You are pregnant, that's wonderful!  Enjoy it!!

    Ditto to all of this.
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