Hello, everyone!
This is my first pregnancy and I am 5 weeks along. My pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, but my husband and I were planning on TTC later this year, so that's not so bad. I didn't realize until after I found out I was pregnant how scared I would be, though, that something is going to go wrong. I am absolutely petrified. I had a mini breakdown yesterday because I am just so overwhelmed and I've never been more afraid in my life. My husband and I are the first of all of our friends and family to have a baby and don't have any peers to gage off of.
1. The night before I found out I was pregnant I had had some cocktails at home, and I had gone and had some drinks at a party two weeks before that. So, that's got me freaked out that I"ve already killed or hurt my baby.
2. I've heard so many horror stories and I know so many women had had miscarriages.Part of me hasn't even fully accepted that I"m pregnant because I don't want my heart to shatter. I also know of people who go to find out the gender of their baby only to find out that their baby is likely to be stillborn or only life a few minutes. I don't know I can handle that and knowing that there is that chance is crippling.
3. I don't want to give birth in a hospital, but my insurance doesn't cover free standing birth centers. And there is just no way my husband and I can pay for those services out of pocket. Hospitals are a place to go when something is wrong. I don't feel comfortable in hospitals and I don't feel safe. I know some hopsitals and medical centers have "birthing centers" but they are just glorified hospital rooms. I can't do this. I just feel like if I'm in a hospital, I am no longer in control of the birthing experience I want to have (providing both myself and the baby are healthy). I have this overwhelming fear that the nurses or doctors are going to take advantage of me and give me drugs that I really don't want. Also, my sister-in-law's cousin gave birth in Aug. While she was in labor they hooked her up to all sorts of electric monitors and then a nurse tried to put her in a tub of water, while hooked up to all of those monitors. Her husband saved her life by stepping in. I don't want that to happen to me.
I know this is a lot. I'm probably being a total nutcase but I just have no experience to gage with.
Re: First Pregnancy and SCARED
Then why did you repond to it?
Trying to save other people the time it'll take them to reply. You had me up until the part where you believed your cousin was set to be electrocuted and that her husband had "stepped in and saved her life." After that though? Nope.
First off, he is not my cousin. She is my sister-in-law's cousin. This came from my sister-in-law who is an RN. I am not a medical professional, and as I have already stated, I don't have a lot of expereince, exposure or information to go off of. And it's things like this that has me a total mess because I didn't know any better. This is supposed to be a place to support other mothers and answer questions. It seems to me you are wasting your own time with posts like these.
First off, he is not my cousin. She is my sister-in-law's cousin. This came from my sister-in-law who is an RN. I am not a medical professional, and as I have already stated, I don't have a lot of expereince, exposure or information to go off of. And it's things like this that has me a total mess because I didn't know any better. This is supposed to be a place to support other mothers and answer questions. It seems to me you are wasting your own time with posts like these.
I'm not a medical professional, am also a first time mom, and still understand that monitoring systems for water births would likely be waterproof.Sorry if you were serious and therefore offended. Just try to exercise a little common sense and all will go fine with your pregnancy. Years ago, before the advent of apps and the internet, women had nothing but common sense to go off of and did just fine. You will be as well, so long as you calm down .
Best of luck through the rest of your pregnancy.
Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom and experiences. I have had several women I work with tell me that while in labor they were made to feel like they were bad mothers or doing something wrong when they didn't want to accept an epidural and whatnot.
Thank you abb08, you were a great help. I do understand that I have an irrational fear of a hospital birth and it is because of the stories I have of women around me and I have no other expereinces to go off of. But that is until now. Again, thank you ladies. I now have a bit more direction, thanks to you, for my reasearch and now I know some of the questions to ask my doctors and insurance providers. Blessings to you all!
DS Grayson (3yrs) (Emergency Csec)
DS Camden (1yr) (All natural Vbac)
DD Isabella due 8/2/2014
I know you said that you have heard many horror stories about hospital births. Sure, there are always horror stories for EVERYTHING. You honestly just have to hope for the best. Nothing tends to go exactly how you plan it, so I wouldn't expect that, but maybe it would help if you have a Birth Plan... You can write what you want and what you don't. To be honest, I would rather be at a hosiptal in case something does go wrong.
FWIW, my hospital experience was great. They didn't give me any drugs until I asked for them and they certainly did not try to push them on me. I actually didn't want to leave. I was scared to go home because I would no longer have someone to help me, besides my husband.
I don't know if that helped you at all, but I just want you to know that hospitals are not horrible places to give birth if that is what you are going to do.
I wasn't trying to get pregnant. This was all an unplanned surprise. My DH and I were planning on waiting until we had more savings built up and he was out of of school. Apparently that was not God's plan.
_____________________________
Well, again, it was a surprise.
No one even tried to electrocute me!
For now, take some deep breaths and pick up a copy of Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. I found that the more informed I was, the less fearful I was of pregnancy and childbirth.
Congrats and good luck.
ETA: Like you, I was pretty adamant that the hospital was NOT where I wanted to deliver - I had wanted a home birth. Unfortunately my pregnancy and baby had other plans that risked me out of a HB and also risked me out of the "natural birth friendly" hospital nearby. I wound up at a hospital that's known for being a bit of a c-section factory, BUT I picked care providers who I could trust to do what was right for me and my baby. I would up with an amazing set of midwives who fought against their own attending OB for me (at 35w the attending wanted to induce me when my labor stalled - the MWs said no and let me go home to bake LO another 3 weeks, which was awesome) and they supported me through a crazy med free delivery as well. I loved my delivery and even the hospital and I will absolutely go back to them and to that hospital if we are fortunate enough to have more children. There's a good deal of your fears that can be alleviated by picking your care providers wisely and asking good questions throughout your pregnancy. I see you posted on the NB board as well - those ladies are awesome and well educated about med free childbirth so stick around and I think they, too, will help you learn to breathe.
There has been lots of good solid advice given here, listen to it and try to put things into perspective. Yes it's scary that so many things could go wrong but what is the point of sitting around worry about things you can't control? You say here that "that wasn't God's plan", if you believe in Him and that He has your best interests at heart then you need to do some praying and trust in Him. It will help immensely. As for being concerned about a hospital birth, don't be. It doesn't have to be scary and out of your control. Be picky about your OB or, if you aren't high risk, look into a midwife, and make sure to educate yourself, as DebateThis said, the more you understand about pregnancy and L&D the less there is to be afraid of (though don't focus on all the stuff that can go wrong, you don't need that kind of negativity). And don't be afraid to question your OB (within reason). Ask questions about why they want to do something and make sure to speak up about your preferences and desires. I'd just like to say GL and remember lots of people have done this and came out at the end healthy and with a beautiful, healthy baby.
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
Ditto to all of this.