BD is a MORON rant.

eg214

Further proof my ex walks around without a brain and makes me wonder if he can function...

I'm due anytime now, so he wants to be kept in the loop on progress so he can get here from out of state to see her after she is born. No probs. I'm all about it.

So he tells me today that he doesn't want to be around my parents (uhhh are you a boy or a man?) so he'll come up when they leave. Um hey dumbass...do you think they are going to just come up for a day or two and go? My mom will be here for two weeks and then my dad is coming up for the two weeks after to help me. If I have a csection or complications, my mom is taking FMLA to stay for a few months. I told him he is going to have to get over himself, man up, and think about his daughter and not worry about anything or anyone else. I think his family is nasty but do I honestly think I will never see them again for the rest of my life or can avoid them altogether? Absolutely not. This is how I know he's full of shit because he told me when he sent me the visitation proposal that my family would be able to see their granddaughter when he brought her to Florida. Yeah. Right. I mean, I knew that wasn't true but this tells me it totally wasn't.

It's completely maddening the child is about to have a child but can't just get over himself for one minute and not worry about my parents. I get that they hate him and would love to pin him against the wall and chop his nuts off and that must suck knowing that...but get over yourself and man up. Now he's saying he won't see her until they leave, so you know what...fine. Let's hope he doesn't. That way it will make him look like an assbag in court that I gave him all these chances and all this time to see her and he CHOSE not to. Not to mention I'm screen capping all these texts and saving them so he can't claim I was BS'ing in court.

jellybean529

Yep, he's a child all right. I'm so sorry

eg214

Oh yeah. Un FREAKING believable. The manboy never ceases to amaze me. One minute apologizing for everything he's ever done to me. Yesterday calls me for the first time since we've been broken up and was extremely nice, caring, and concerned...then today starts texting me to find out if she's coming and then tells me btw he isn't going to visit with her when my fam is around, tell him well they will be here for a while...and he starts into a legal tirade. GOD I so just don't want to tell him when she's born but I know that will do nothing but shit on me in court.

jellybean529

Maybe you'll be "lucky" and have a super quick and sudden labor and delivery and he won't have time to get there  

MinnesotaMomma91

Sorry hes being a douche canoe

eg214

Well yeah he won't be at the birth. I've already made that clear to him and know legally I don't have to allow him. So he def won't be there for that. It just sucks because I want to be able to enjoy my birthing and first few days with her, but I know in the back of my head what this all means too once she gets here. He's going to get the ball rolling within hours after she's born. I can't get to an attorney until after she's born and probably not until a couple weeks. I know we can't get to court in my county for 3 months (been told this by an atty and legal svs) but I can't remember what the atty said about filing an emergency petition. I've emailed my law professors to see if they know of a family law atty I could ask that question to quickly to get an answer on how fast I'd have to legally allow him to see her if he doesn't want to comply with seeing her in my house with my parents around.

20thirteen

I'm sorry you have to deal with all this bullshit because he sucks at life. lots of thoughts and prayers your way. 

Google emergency petition and your state and see what you can find out that way if you can't talk to an attorney.  From my understanding, you can file an emergency petition at anytime (hence "emergency") and the judge will have to look at it and make a decision right away.  I'm not sure how that would be from state to state but it is DEFINITELY worth looking into.  Especially with how crazy, immature, and retarded your ex is.

Gamera3000

That's just ridiculous. Does he think your parents are going to challenge him to a street fight or a dance off?

20thirteen

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I hope a dance off!!!

tig594

Oops.  Did I forget to tell you your daughter was born?  Sorry, but with all the pain and exhaustion of being a new mom I completely forgot.  My bad.

MinnesotaMomma91

Dance off gang violence?

eg214

LMFAO. Thanks for the laughs ladies.

My law professor sent me a link to a website that I hadn't found in my months of research. It outlines everything in layman's terms for my state and looks like the whole emergency thing wont work for him...it's only if there is a true emergency...like I have the baby and I'm a convicted felon type. Which I'm not. Obviously he would have to prove that as well when he turned in the emergency request. So, he can file and two legal professionals have told me it takes 3 months to get to Family court here in my county and I have to be notified of the hearing so it looks like he is SOL and can KMA. He can keep up the drama and nastiness and scare tactics, but I don't think he has any leg to stand on...which might be why he's trying to intimidate me so much. Knowing its entirely up to me for three months (or until we get to court) if he sees his daughter. 

I just can't believe this man served in a war and is such a p***y. I mean you're gonna let someone else get in the way of seeing your daughter? You're such a POS! 

tig594

I normally wouldn't say this, but in his defense and as a former soldier, I can't imagine what he's going through emotionally.  You said he has PTSD, right?  If he was in a real war zone I am sure he could easily be emotionally scarred.  Unfortunately, our country has a pretty crappy track record of taking care of our soldiers once they return home.  

Still, he shouldn't be trying so hard to bully you.  

MinnesotaMomma91

Ptsd is rough. Bd was discharged after one to many injuries with the special forces. He has oodles of issues but refuses to acknowledge he has ptsd and his wife is just as far up de-nile.

Anyways ptsd does different things to every one. Maybe stipulate in custody hearings you would like him to seek counceling for ptsd.

Gamera3000

@sstinson1 what is this site?

eg214

All - I don't give two flips anymore about the PTSD. Sounds harsh, but he's had chance after chance after chance to get it right...including me giving him two chances to get it right and get back together with me. He was ordered into anger management group therapy while we were married, we went to counseling together, he was on meds, I mean...every opportunity for this man to change has been given to him..and multiple times. I told him this past time in order for us to get back together he needed to get help. He wasn't going to, then decided to go to the VA and get help, then went on meds, then we split (because he was still unstable) and he's gone off his meds and now refuses to admit he has PTSD..even going as far as telling me he has a letter from an MD saying he DOESN'T have PTSD. When we aren't together, he refuses to admit he has a problem...which is why I just don't care anymore. I constantly get the whole "You're the one with the problem, not me." Despite him being discharged from the military in part because of his "severe PTSD."

I spent the last year working alongside wounded, ill, and injured veterans from I/A and just don't have sympathy. My whole life was sleeping, eating, and breathing this stuff and there's help out there...but my ex refuses to A.) Admit he has a problem and B.) Do what he can to fix it. It's like an alcoholic who refuses to admit they are a drunk. Same situation. They can't get better if they don't admit the problem exists.

The problem also stems from his need to be in control. When things are going his way, he is as nice as can be. The second you tell him no or disagree with him, all bets are off and he turns into a raving lunatic. This is why he is not willing to see his daughter in front of my parents, because he will not have control. This is why the last time we were together, he would not leave MY apartment unless I called the police. He has serious mental issues that go outside the PTSD. The PTSD only exacerbated everything.

I discussed with the atty I met with about making provisions for him to have to get counseling, etc., as part of our custody/visitation agreement but she felt it was pretty much a long shot...along with supervised visitation. Coupled with this supposed letter saying he doesn't have it...and the fact I can't access his military discharge paperwork (already looked into that) it's me against him. That's why I'm so pissed and feel so helpless because he's a lunatic but I feel like the court isn't going to help the situation. I'm still going to ask for it, but odds are I won't get it. Since I live in DC Metro, the judges around here have a lot of experience with soldiers with PTSD, have taken classes on how to handle these situations, and apparently often "feel sorry" for them as well and believe they can rehab themselves. I know they can rehab themselves, but they have to ADMIT the problem, WANT the help, and actively get the help. You can absolutely learn to cope and heal from PTSD, but my ex has chosen denial.

eg214

@GAMERA3000 - Are you in VA?

MinnesotaMomma91

I say this again. You can stipulate he has to be on his meds proove he has a letter from a dr saying he doesnt have ptsd etc in a custody order.

You can file for an emergency protection against abuse if you need in the future.

Get a lawyer. Find out your rights. Hes going to be vindictive becauase you moved.

eg214

Thanks @LAMuehlen. I didn't move, been here for almost two years now. He's going to be vindictive because I refuse to put up with his shit, give him another chance, and be with him again. That's all it comes down to. I pray he finds someone before I do, even then...I can only imagine how ugly things will be when I find a new guy (though I don't plan on this for a long, long time). Lawyer is in the works. No money and no way to get money so legal aid won't see me until she's born. Hopefully the judge will listen to me when I bring up the prior violence/ptsd stuff.

jdias428

this guy's behavior sounds exactly like my BD. except mine is a therapist for PTSD vets. still he is a total child, and loses his s**t if he doesn't have control over a situation. I have no idea how he helps PTSD patients - oh wait, I do, by being totally manipulative. what a pro. 

and honestly, I think the "I forgot to call you after I gave birth" thing is kind of legit. Lose your phone bc you're so overwhelmed with joy or something.  

Gamera3000

@sstinson yeah I'm in Roanoke. My family is from the area where you are.

I have PTSD, severe enough that the judge seemed to factor it in when I got approved for disability. It's not something you can expect your partner or anyone else to understand.

I know a couple other people with bad PTSD (both male and female) and something all people with it know and accept is that its YOUR problem as the ptsd person, not the problem or responsibility of people around you.

MinnesotaMomma91

Auh. I must have mis remembered. Anyways. Remember vindictive or not stand your ground. Your a good mother you have rights

eg214

@gamera3000 - Here's the site: https://www.valegalaid.org/issues/family-and-domestic-and-sexual-violence/custodyvisitation

I had secondary PTSD after all I went through while we were married. You can bet your ass I was in therapy for years without stopping because of it, because I didn't want it hanging around forever and affecting my life in the future. The first time BD/EX had a ragey anger moment and I reacted by doing the same...I picked up the phone and called for help for myself. That wasn't at all like me and not how I wanted to live. If only he would open his eyes and see the same, but I know he never will. If he hasn't after all this time, he will never change. Never ever.

@jdias428 - Sounds a lot like my experience in a previous relationship with someone who was narcissistic. His brother was INSANELY narcissistic, like should have been locked up if there was such a thing...and this guy thought EVERYONE around him was a slut/scumbag/POS but he was a perfect angel. After going to therapy and realizing bf's bro was a narcissist, I then realized bf was too. It was HUGELY eye opening. But anyway, yeah...sometimes these people have the funniest way of concealing their problems. It's amazing how this stuff manifests. BD has PTSD but helps people who have PTSD yet his life is in shambles because of his own PTSD. Wow. Just wow. Maybe he feels like he's "making it right" by helping other people with what he has instead of manning up and dealing himself. And yeah, I think I'm going to enjoy a quiet 24 hours at least with my daughter before I let him know. I've already told him my fam isn't leaving, but a million bucks says he argues with me before he leaves to come up about how I should make them leave so he can come by or comes up here and then gets ragey when he finds out they ain't going anywhere. He'd totally leave without seeing her too...just because he didn't get his way. I know this is coming...

tig594

I am glad that you can clearly see his side of things.  I know it sucks.  I go through very very similar issues with BD with him being an alcholic who will only admit it when I push him to.  Surely those 3-4 DUIs he has are a farce and someone is clearly out to get him.   :-q

You see so many co-dependent women who think they can fix these guys and don't understand that you can't and that, even though you love them to death, they will not magically get better.  No, you're love is not enough for them to get their act together.  No, a baby is not enough for them to get their act together.  You're not going to be a perfect happy little family.  I won't say they don't care, but they don't care enough to put someone else before themselves.  I'm glad you're not one of these women.  

jdias428

I thought for a long time I could fix him. I thought I'd never get over the situation. But I finally have. The desire to have that happy ending and have everything be perfect was pretty strong for a while. But it's finally sunk in - it will never be perfect with a man like that. 

I've been told I have PTSD from mine and BDs relationship - ironic. The PTSD therapist is just spreading PTSD  around. Thanks, guy! 

And yes @Sstinson1, I have read about narcissistic personality disorder, and it's totally him. I can't believe our stories are so similar.. and I'm sorry they are, for both of us! Hah!   Anyway, BD said he was going to call me this week to finally "talk about the child". I haven't heard anything and I don't expect to. And I really dont' care if I do.  I have it on record that I tried really hard to get him to talk about the situation, the plan, and always excuses... (he broke up with me bc I was pregnant, but claimed he wanted the child in his life.)  And I'm not going out of my way anymore. I'm not going to lift a finger to call him when the baby's here. 

thank you for sharing your story!! feeling like I'm not alone makes things so much better. 

Good luck at your appointment today, @SStinson1!

Gamera3000

@sstinson1 thank you so much!

How did things go?

eg214

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, Quest still doesn't have my test results completed yet. SO ANNOYED. I mean, I turned the damn sample in Wednesday morning. Last time they came within 24 hours. My mom is on her way up here now anyway, so hopefully baby comes soon as she only has two weeks vacation and then has to go back. Clock starts ticking on Monday (my due date). I've had contractions all day that are uncomfortable, but not intensifying. Not sure wth that means but my MW's and doula know so must not be anything outrageous. I've had a lot of goop come out the last couple days and last time, that was effacement and some dialation and so was the last bout of cramps...so hopefully that means I'm totally effaced now (just had a teeny lip on Wed) and maybe dilated some more. Last time the contractions stopped after about 6 hours, but I'm going on about 8 hours now.

jdias428

agh how frustrating!  wishing you a smooth labor, sooner than later! 

kelleighxnicole

that is frustrating. dealt with similar child-like games with BOTH of my BDs. it's sad that even with children coming into the world they can't take their heads out of their asses and make it about somebody other than themselves. best of luck.

MinnesotaMomma91

Keep us updated! Hopefully there will be a new squishy for you to aw on wednesday