Embarrassing stories

lellymine

I know I could use a thread that is completely none baby related and one that could give smiles out to our board. Does anyone want to share a funny embarrassing story?

Bozzy2

I vomited out my nose the other day on a costumer at work when I was running to the bathroom. I felt horrible and my work sent me home early which sucks. But it apparently was funny to watch and the customer wasn't that mad or anything which is good.

lellymine

Oh, all those are embarrassing! When I had my first job I worked at a company that did custom dashboard and seat covers. A store would get a customer in and together they'd place an order with us over the phone. It was my first week and I was so nervous. I was asking the guy questions about the make and model, if it had cd, a/c vents vertical or horizontal and then I asked if it had a climax button (instead of a climate button). Total silence on the other line until the guy said "I WISH!! Is that an option you can provide honey?" As if I wasn't mortified enough tons of laughter followed and I realized they'd had me on speaker phone the whole time. The entire car shop heard me.

SarahS11

Okay, so this just happened... I am wearing a little sweater dress with tights and boots.  So my bump looks a little more like a bump, I have one of those thin belts right under my boobs.  It doesn't buckle, it just clasps in a weird way... 

So I am in front of class teaching, feel a sneeze coming on... I sneeze a big, monster sneeze, belt flies off, and smacks a middle schooler in the side of the head.  He then told me that maybe my belt is getting too small.  Poor kid!  

bebemac

When I was in middle school my older brother had his girlfriend over for a movie one tonight. Of course, being the younger sister, I wanted to watch it with them, too. I ended up falling asleep on the living room floor and ripped a big ol' fart. It woke me up and they were laughing at me. I remember saying, "It's my house, too. I can fart if I want!"

babygabe614

@lellymine I definitely got a chuckle out of that story!!

yayksimp

SarahS11 said:

Okay, so this just happened... I am wearing a little sweater dress with tights and boots.  So my bump looks a little more like a bump, I have one of those thin belts right under my boobs.  It doesn't buckle, it just clasps in a weird way... 

So I am in front of class teaching, feel a sneeze coming on... I sneeze a big, monster sneeze, belt flies off, and smacks a middle schooler in the side of the head.  He then told me that maybe my belt is getting too small.  Poor kid!  

This story made me laugh out loud. Why do all my favorite stories end with somebody getting hit in the head? 

kbellizio3

@lellymine and @SarahS11 you both made me giggle!

kellyjayne

Last year, right before Christmas, DH (DF at the time) and I both got really bad food poisoning. We had a week or so off for Christmas so we were skiing with my family, and then the next day, got lunch, and drove down to the town where we used to live to see friends and go out. We had dinner and a few drinks, and after we went to another bar, Adam looked at me and told me he really wasn't feeling well and then went outside to throw up. So we left, and went back to our hotel. I fell asleep and woke up about 3 hours later, feeling like I too was going to be sick. Since we were in the hotel room, there was only one bathroom and we both had it coming out both ends all night. At one point, I was throwing up and he literally came in the bathroom and drug me away by my shirt and told me to go to the sink. After about 5 hours of this, we finally slowed down a little. I was just about to fall asleep, and thought I had to fart. Mistake. Huge mistake. He saw the look of fear and disgust in my eyes and asked if everything was ok, and I had to tell him that I had just shit the bed. So. Romantic.

ddd2

My hubby and i went to dinner the other night and when i came out of the bathroom to leave he was talking to his church priest, who he has known forever. Of course hubby was drinking and was talking a wee bit much.. he even tried to get him to touch and bless my flabby belly. Fast foward to me whispering in his ear "lets go! You are disrupting his dinner!". Oh no, we couldnt leave just yet. Any way drunken hubs tells him my 6yo isnt baptised, which he WAS. In a catholic church no less. The priest immediatly put it together and pointed out this will be our first kid together.. i dont know this man but my stomach sunk and i immediatly got diarrhea! Ran to the bathoom, stunk it up, and got stuck in there for 20 min since some lady wanted to brush her teeth! Stepping out was akward to say the least.. so much for first impressions!

momof5sept18

ugabamafans said:

I'm sure I've had more embarrassing stories...but today, I'm laying in bed with toilet paper shoved up my nose because my nose won't stop running. I have also had to change my underwear and pants twice because I keep snissing. Once was on my sons carpet. Fucking cold.

Lmao! Sorry but the word "snissing" kills me. Haha. Sorry, don't hate me. (:

JulieSmiles

A few years ago, I was really sick. I went to the bathroom to throw up. I threw up so hard I peed my pants. I had to go back into my bedroom and change my clothes right in front of DH (then bf). I just cried and said, "I puked so hard I peed myself."

fferreiralynn

My nieces first word was 'boobies'. i was carrying her in Target wearing a low cut shirt and she rips the top down and screams 'BOOBIES' as loud as she could.  

mrs_drc_rn

I have no shame so this really isn't embarrassing, but it gave my friends a good laugh today. We were talking about having heavy periods and I was telling them that I used to soak through overnight pads all of the time. Once we got our puppy, I started stealing his training pads to sleep on at night so I didn't ruin my sheets. It's so practical!

LaurelJoy91

Today at work, I went to the restroom. As I sat down, I noticed the toilet seat was awfully cold, but didn't think anything of it considering the current below freezing temps and the restroom's proximity to the front doors. After doing my business (just #1 thankfully) I reached out for toilet paper, only to find that the dispenser was completely empty. Our restroom only has 3 stalls, and one is currently out of order. The third stall had a customer in it. I sat patiently waiting until the customer finished and left, doing my best to drip dry in the mean time, and then stood up to creep across into the now vacant stall for some toilet paper. It was at this point that I realized the coolness of the toilet seat was caused my none other than the previous tenant's own urine, which was now coating my butt cheeks and thighs. *pause to shudder at the memory* My plan to pull my pants up just until they were not quite touching my lady parts was now a no-go, so instead I waddled out of my stall while holding the stretchy maternity band out a few inches so that my urine soaked legs did not make contact with my pants, the crotch down by my knees like a gangster, braving the journey across the bathroom while hoping nobody else walked it. I made a brief stop at the paper towel dispenser, soaked a few in water at the sink, and sneaked quickly into the stall to clean up my legs. STILL needing to wipe, I reached out for some toilet paper, and what did I discover? The customer had used up the last of the toilet paper from this stall, as well. I had to make yet another trip out into the open with my pants around my legs to grab more paper towels in order to finally wipe, though by this point I was most likely all air dried anyway... I am so thankful that the paper towel dispenser was not empty, and also that nobody walked in to witness any of this. However, I'm a little bit worried about what sort of diseases I may have caught in the process of all of this...

chickpea912

I don't have a great memory, so I tend to forget embarassing stories, but I've been really congested lately.  Decided to try a Neti Spot water bottle things (you squirt it up your nose into your sinus cavity to help clear it out), to see if I could get some relief that way, since I couldn't breathe and can't really take much of anything b/c of my blood pressure.

I must have triggered something, b/c I started to vomit violently, pissed myself, started to see stars from the pressure in my head, gave myself a bloody nose, and... well, now my eyes are completely bloodshot/bloody, so everywhere I go, people look at me strange.

I can't even do a neti pot.  I never puke, but apparently this was too much.

chickpea912

Oops, I must have missed the "funny" embarrassing story part... oh well - sorry if I grossed anyone out.  At least I didn't post pictures of my bloody eyes!

chickpea912

Yeah, I'm not sure which would be worse - the uncomfortable nature of not being able to take a shit, or not being able to easily eat for three days b/c I can't breathe and eat at the same time.

chickpea912

No, it's fine - it'd be funnier if I hadn't been constipated during my long stay at the Atlanta airport today - maybe my squirt bottle would have helped

I'm just tired - it's been a long couple of days.

rainbowdashh

chickpea912 said:

I don't have a great memory, so I tend to forget embarassing stories, but I've been really congested lately.  Decided to try a Neti Spot water bottle things (you squirt it up your nose into your sinus cavity to help clear it out), to see if I could get some relief that way, since I couldn't breathe and can't really take much of anything b/c of my blood pressure.

I must have triggered something, b/c I started to vomit violently, pissed myself, started to see stars from the pressure in my head, gave myself a bloody nose, and... well, now my eyes are completely bloodshot/bloody, so everywhere I go, people look at me strange.

I can't even do a neti pot.  I never puke, but apparently this was too much.

Oh man. Now I know why my neti pot suggestion sounded crazy!

EmbracingChange

When I was pregnant with DS, my husband was in Iraq. We used to yahoo messenger every night and Skype when we could. We were talking baby names one night and I couldn't see him, I could only hear him. He suggested that we name our son "Dick McGee" in a serious tone. I said something to the effect of "is that like Big Dick McGee? That's the dumbest fucking name I've ever heard! You are outside your mind!" I heard a cough, a giggle, and asked who that was. He said, "oh that's just my room mate"... "Good afternoon ma'am. I'm your husbands room mate. LCpl Dick McGee." I was mortified! He was a really nice guy. He thought it was hilarious.

chickpea912

ohyealovely said:

I don't have a great memory, so I tend to forget embarassing stories, but I've been really congested lately.  Decided to try a Neti Spot water bottle things (you squirt it up your nose into your sinus cavity to help clear it out), to see if I could get some relief that way, since I couldn't breathe and can't really take much of anything b/c of my blood pressure.

I must have triggered something, b/c I started to vomit violently, pissed myself, started to see stars from the pressure in my head, gave myself a bloody nose, and... well, now my eyes are completely bloodshot/bloody, so everywhere I go, people look at me strange.

I can't even do a neti pot.  I never puke, but apparently this was too much.

Oh man. Now I know why my neti pot suggestion sounded crazy!

It was an innocent, but very funny suggestion.

EmbracingChange

I sometimes have very vivid dreams. One night I was having one where something was coming down a hallway to get to me. I wasn't in my own house and I've never been in one like it. There were horse pictures framed all the way down the hallway, the bedroom didn't look like mine, and the window above the bed had these huge heavy drapes. I never saw exactly what was coming down the hall, it was like I was seeing through its eyes as it approached the room and I saw myself sleeping, then I bolted upright and was scrambling to the top of the headboard trying to get away. I was screaming and jerking on the heavy drapes to get out of the window, but I couldn't pull them apart. I kept thinking "I can't get the curtains open! I can't get them open!" 

The next thing I know I hear a crash and my husband's voice scream "WE DONT HAVE CURTAINS!!!!" I apparently had been talking/moving in my sleep and had been yanking on the mini blind cord while dreaming. I brought the whole set of blinds down and they hit him in the forehead. He was not very happy with me!! 

pcourtade

One night, I really had to pee but I didn't feel like getting out of bed so I just went back to sleep. I had a dream that I was in a bathroom and sat down on a toilet and peed. I woke myself up because I realized I really was peeing! Not a lot, but enough to wet the bed a little. I was so embarrassed! I was sleeping with my DH (then DF). Needless to say, I then went to the bathroom. When I came back, he sleepily asked if I had peed the bed. I didn't say anything and he went back to sleep and I don't honk he remembers it. I now go to the bathroom anytime I wake up and have to pee.

JujuB22

Warning, kind of dirty. My DD'a father and I decided to try a vibrating cock ring. Well it wasn't doing anything so it was carelessly tossed off in the middle of things. I completely forgot about it.

Next day I'm getting my 2 yr old dd ready to go to grandma's and she is trying to tell me something. She had delayed speech so I wasn't sure what she was all excited about. She held her wrist up and had the cock ring on. "Brakit" (bracelet). She was so happy with her new bracelet! I had to physically hold her down to get it off her wrist, telling her its dirty and needs to be thrown away.Needless to say she was a bawling mess when we got to grandma's and she kept trying to tell on me to grandma. I pretended to have no clue what she was saying. I felt so mean, but I was not about to explain all that to my mom, but I'm sure my face was red.

One more: I squirted the lactation consultant. In the face. She was cool about it, but DD's dad was laughing his ass off.

MSUMands

In college, I was really excited get to work on a group project with this guy I had a major crush on for several months. When he suggested we work on the project at his house, I was psyched. I spent hours agonizing over an outfit, then went over there and we spent about 4 hours working on it. When we finished, we sat and talked for a long time. We were clearly hitting it off, so he invited me over to a party him and his roommates were throwing that weekend. I told him that sounded great, and got up to leave. I must have been sitting on his couch and my butt went numb, because I didn't even feel the impending gas until it was too late. As soon as I stood up, I let out about an 18 second fart that literally interrupted his sentence. Then the smell engulfed the room. Needless to say, I never made it to the party and couldn't make eye contact with him during our project presentation or the rest of the semester.

ksv107

Right before I found out I was pregnant I was getting my normal bikini wax, but with a different girl than my normal because she had moved. So I'm sitting in that darn butterfly position and she took a really long time. Apparently, in that time, my legs fell asleep so when I sat up and went to stand, I fell! Literally landed on my naked butt! Omg I was sooo embarrassed and the girl had NO idea how to help me with hand placement so she had to stand there and watch me. When the front desk asked if I wanted to have that particular girl again I politely declined and asked for someone else.