Super emotional today

jellybean529

I wish I could blame this on PMS, but alas I cannot. I am just so super whiny/weepy today. The movers are at our old apartment right now packing up the rest of our stuff, and XH is moving to Louisiana on Friday. That means this week, all ties to that apartment in MA are severed. The apartment we had just moved into seven months ago when we were trying to wipe the slate clean and start over, and things were so hopeful.

DD and I are hitting a groove. We're both sick right now but she has been doing really, really well. She's starting to open up and talk to me about things and as a result has been much calmer/better behaved. She did start crying the other day and saying it's not fair that her cousins get to see their dad but she can't see her's. That was a big step for her -- she's internalized a lot of her feelings about the separation and the move. Otherwise, though, she's doing really well in school and told me the other day how HAPPY she is to be back in Florida. 

On the flip side, I was born and raised here, and XH and I spent almost all of our married life living in this area. It sucks to drive by or visit places where we used to go when we were newly married, or as a family, just the three of us. I even work in the same office I worked in when I was pregnant with DD. (My job is awesome, btw.) All this familiarity is a shitty reminder of how different things are now, and how this wasn't what I ever wanted to happen. It sucks to know I did everything "right" (by societal standards of course) -- dated for several years, then got married, spent a few years as a married couple just having fun together, finished college, started my career, waited to have a baby, planned for that baby, spent 12 months trying to get pregnant and now, six years later it all blew up in my face.

Yesterday I was having a moment as I was leaving work like I was on autopilot, planning to go home and see XH....and then realized that can't happen.

So why am I so damn emotional? Life is SO MUCH BETTER than it was before we left. That man who I dated and married doesn't exist anymore. 

MinnesotaMomma91

Hugs! It gets better! Your still grieving your marriage and thats sad. Plys your watching your little girls mourn the loss of her versiob of normal. There will be sad days but those days will pass.

Im glad you guys are settling into your new norm. More hugs for you!

jellybean529

Thanks! I know it will. We're both strong ladies and we will get through it. I guess it's hard for me t accept that I am grieving the loss of this marriage. It's hard to believe that I was one so crazy in love with this guy who completely did a 180 on me. I kind of thought I was over and past the grief at this point but I guess not. :-P

Gamera3000

It takes a long time and there will be good spots and bad spots for awhile. It sounds like you're STILL doing all the right things, despite what you've gone through. That shows real strength of character. It'll all work out before you know it.

tig594

I won't say it will pass but it will lessen.  I still have "moments" after several years from different things.  My XH and I still own a house in Florida so we still talk.  As we were talking the other day I was quickly reminded why I wanted a divorce in the first place.  It will get better.  It sounds like you're really being patient and understanding with your DD and that's a plus.  A lot of parents are not.

jellybean529

Yeah, sometimes DD really pushes my buttons and I do lose my patience, but I'm also an extremely patient person so it takes a lot for that to happen I did realize this morning that it's been about 3 days since she pushed me to the point of yelling...haha. Baby steps. I love that little girl though and none of this is her fault so I can't get mad at her for acting out. As much as this sucks for ME, it's way worse for her.

And sorry about your XH reminding you why you wanted a divorce. They can be real jerks

tig594

lol. It's ok.  He's really not a bad guy.  He just wasn't for me.  I realized that about 10 minutes after I said "I do."  Oops.  

Patience is hard.  It's amazing what the love for a child can do to you, though.