I thought I knew what I wanted!

ChelseaElizabeth614

I've been lurking this board for the past couple of weeks. My husband and I got a BFP on January 19, our 4th cycle trying, so we feel very blessed and excited! I am currently 4weeks 6days.

Before getting pregnant I had really educated myself on natural birth with a midwife. I figured a birthing center would be a great option to have a low intervention birth.

Now that I'm actually pregnant, I am having doubts! I was up all night reading horror stories of home births/birthing center births gone wrong :-( ...I read about shoulder dystocia, I think that scares me the most. Any moms have experienced this with a midwife and it turned out OK?

I feel so disappointed that I'm considering a hospital birth and also scared of how that could turn out as well. I have an appointment with a midwife when I am 8 weeks, so hopefully some of these fears will be calmed.

Any encouragement/advice would be greatly appreciated!

spicysurro

First off STAY AWAY from horror stories. They won't help you in any birth situation. Many midwives are trained to handle shoulder dystocia. My midwife explained how she would handle it at my birth class last week. I think its important that you meet with your potential midwife and birth team and discuss any questions you may have. Midwifery has come a long way. I would write out a list of concerns/fears you may have a discuss them with her. I did that with mine. 

During your pregnancy surround yourself with positive birth stories and videos, there are tons on youtube. Don't watch a baby story on tv either, those never turn out well. Its normal to be scared and have all these thoughts of "what if's" come up but looking up bad stories or reading negative things won't help you. 

I would recommend reading any of Ina May Gaskins books, she also has a documentary on iTunes called Birth Story, she actually talks about shoulder dystocia in the video. Its all about positive assurance, we can help you with that on this board. Also a hospital birth is not a wrong choice, you have the freedom to choose was is best for you but seriously talk about your concerns to your midwife at your appointment. Make an educated decision, those are the right ones. Good luck. 

p.s. sorry for the novel! 

stephl3055

Any type of birth can "go wrong."  I've read horror stories about natural births, births with epidurals, births with interventions and inductions, and c-sections.  The vast majority of labors (natural or not) go just fine and have no complications. 

I feel that knowledge is power, so if you are still interested in a birth center ask them how they handle those situations and how many shoulder dystocias they've faced in the past.  More than likely it's not very many.  Any good birth center will have a plan in place for situations like this. 

It' also possible to have a natural birth in a hospital if you would rather go that route.  I had a hospital birth and was able to go epidural free, even though I was induced for GD.  You just have to work extra hard to find an OB that is truly willing to let you have the NB you want. 

catsinawindow

Like pp said, stay away from the horror stories! Statistically, birthing in a birth center is just as safe as hospital birth and you lower your risk for a csection as well as other interventions.

As sad as it is, tragic birth stories happen everywhere, even in hospitals. How far away from a hospital is your birth center? Compare that to how long it would take to get you into an OR in a hospital setting. In many cases, the difference in time isn't that long.

AmyRI

There are equally as many horror stories about c-sections that weren't needed and/or gone wrong from hospital births. Just stop reading the horror stories.

And truly, hospital births aren't the end of the world if you've got a supportive provider and a good hospital. If you think you'd be more comfortable in a hospital, it's a valid option. I know I was comfortable doing a hospital birth for both of my kids and everything went fine - low intervention, no meds needed.

natalie202

My first labor, my midwife was concerned that we might be looking at a case of shoulder dystocia. Between pushing contractions, she very clearly and calmly explained what would happen if that turned out to be the case... what my job would be, what my husband's job would be, what her job would be, what the nurse's job would be. It turned out that all was fine, but I'll tell you, I know now that if I ever had to deal with shoulder dystocia, an unmedicated birth under the supervision of an experienced midwife is the situation I'd want to be in. I would have been able to help get myself into the most advantageous position and I'd want to be relying on someone who specialized in solving birthing problems through positioning and using their hands and brains to troubleshoot on the fly.

There are horror stories for every kind of birth. Basing your decisions on them just isn't logical. Statistically speaking, for a low risk mom and baby, non-hospital birth centers are a VERY safe option. Look at the research on overall safety statistics and talk to your potential midwives about your fears. Use that to make your choice of where to birth.

And look for positive birth stories to read instead. Going into your birth with negative expectations will set you up for a more negative experience. Don't do that to yourself!

MommyAtty

Find a practitioner you like. No matter what that person turns out to be. I tried 2 diff midwives groups, and both seemed far less concerned about my pregnancy than I thought appropriate. Then I went to an OB who was a terrible fit and finally landed with an OB who was fantastic. I'm using him this time around too. He was my best advocate for a natural birth. I always thought I would use a birth center. Ended up in a hospital and still had the birth I wanted. (Except for a high blood pressure issue requiring induction, but that would have happened anyway.)

ShannonsMOH

I am 5weeks 6days pregnant with my first child. Unfortunately, I don't have a whole of advice or experience to help you with. I would very much be intrested in what people have to say. I have also planned on having a natural birth.

 But unlike you, I didn't hear or read the horror storries from birth centers. Instead I heard horror stories from hospital births and many mothers feeling pressured to take drugs and made to feel like they were bad mothers by not taking and epidural and whatnot. Many mothers I know feel they missed out of part of that experience and connecting with their child on a deeper level because of it.

Unfortunately, I am probably going to have to have a hospital birth because my insurance doesn't cover birthing centers and I simply cannot pay for one out of pocket. I would consider a home birth but 1. DH would not stand for it and 2. Don't think my neighbors in an apartment complex would appreciate me doing a home birth, especially if it was the middle of the night.

I wish I could be of more help, but please take comfort that someone has the same reservations about what options there are and how to decide what is best for our selves and our babies.

Missmommyxoxo

The horror stories are true. They are not made up, they are stories of bad things that have actually happened to people. Don't stay away from horror stories, by any means read as many as you can, because even though they sound scary, they are true, which means you are educating yourself on the dangers of that situation.
I wanted a birthing center with my first pregnancy too, then I found out about all the bad things that happen at those places and I decided you know what? I'm not going to take my chances with my life or my babies life, I need to be in a hospital where I am two seconds away from medical staff and equipment incase of an emergency.
Birthing centers can't do as much for you as a hospital can, and you want to best possible care during your labor and delivery. The atmosphere at a birthing center may seem more comforting, but trust me, if you are doing it unmedicated, you will be in so much pain you won't even remember where you are, trust me.

atsapina

had my first one in a birthcenter, LOVED it. Nothing like traumatic experiences of my friends in a hospital and A LOT of questionable C-sections. If I would choose hospital - only with a doula - she's the one that will be playing on your side no matter what - cause she's paid to do that UNLIKE all the hospital staff who are paid to fill in papers/promote meds/who may be there 3 shifts in a row etc....

Second time around now I am taking the assistaint midwife who attended my first birth and have her suggesting the best midwife for a home birth that she now assists to.

 

1) you do have to remember that birth centers are regulated much more than home births, sometimes they just have to send you to the hospital no matter if they know and want to try 100001 natural method on your particular situation

2) you can ONLY have a comfortable birth with someone you are comfortable with and someone who shares your views. I'd run away both from a midvife or a ob who are just not a good fit for me. Although, you do have to play a few tricks when making the first visits - ask the ladies in line, or ask a doctor what is his no-epidural rate... (like if you do belive that epidural is the last thing you want - your doctor shall say - epidurals are generally OK but they do have downsides etc etc)

3)painless/almost painless childbirth IS possible if you want to invest time and money into it. I was reading A LOT, watching GOOD natural motivating videos, attending relaxation techniques classes etc. There was NOTHING close to horrible/unberable in my birth. around two hours I was pretty miserable but the baby was so close at that point to coming out - I don't even remember those 2 hrs..... It's all in the head:):):) and everything in terms of preparing for the best birth possible is in your hands as well. Doing nothing in preparations for 9 month and just arriving to the hospital with contractions and experiencing the whole mile of interventions is also a choice for somebody....

sschwege

Missmommyxoxo said:

The horror stories are true. They are not made up, they are stories of bad things that have actually happened to people. Don't stay away from horror stories, by any means read as many as you can, because even though they sound scary, they are true, which means you are educating yourself on the dangers of that situation. I wanted a birthing center with my first pregnancy too, then I found out about all the bad things that happen at those places and I decided you know what? I'm not going to take my chances with my life or my babies life, I need to be in a hospital where I am two seconds away from medical staff and equipment incase of an emergency. Birthing centers can't do as much for you as a hospital can, and you want to best possible care during your labor and delivery. The atmosphere at a birthing center may seem more comforting, but trust me, if you are doing it unmedicated, you will be in so much pain you won't even remember where you are, trust me.

You know what's a horror story to me, a c-section rate of 32% in this country.  

Rrrrrachel

No matter how many threads miss mommy spouts her nonsense on she's still wrong. For low risk women birth centers have better outcomes than hospitals.

Wyn

Consider reading, "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth."  That should give you a lot to think about. 

lalaith50

Missmommyxoxo said:

The horror stories are true. They are not made up, they are stories of bad things that have actually happened to people. Don't stay away from horror stories, by any means read as many as you can, because even though they sound scary, they are true, which means you are educating yourself on the dangers of that situation. I wanted a birthing center with my first pregnancy too, then I found out about all the bad things that happen at those places and I decided you know what? I'm not going to take my chances with my life or my babies life, I need to be in a hospital where I am two seconds away from medical staff and equipment incase of an emergency. Birthing centers can't do as much for you as a hospital can, and you want to best possible care during your labor and delivery. The atmosphere at a birthing center may seem more comforting, but trust me, if you are doing it unmedicated, you will be in so much pain you won't even remember where you are, trust me.

You are quite a peach.

Anyone who wants their entertainment cut out for them for the night should just follow you around TB and read all your crazy posts!

MommyAtty

I don't even think you have to invest a lot of money and time to get a painless or near-painless birth. I did a one-day hospital class last time. I'm doing a 4 hour class taught by a doula this time (mainly so DH knows how to support instead of being glued to his Blackberry). I had pitocin induction because of a bp spike. I was in a hospital where less than 2% of births are natural. I was a poster child for someone who should have given up and had an epidural. I didn't think birth was that bad at all. Waiting to push was the hardest part. Went natural and I was fine.

LimaD

As PPs have said, stay away from the horror stories. Because you will find plenty in every birthing scenario imaginable. 
Also, if you are wanting to birth in a hospital you can still do so naturally. I did and it was fantastic!

JonandJennifer

Missmommyxoxo said:

The horror stories are true. They are not made up, they are stories of bad things that have actually happened to people. Don't stay away from horror stories, by any means read as many as you can, because even though they sound scary, they are true, which means you are educating yourself on the dangers of that situation. I wanted a birthing center with my first pregnancy too, then I found out about all the bad things that happen at those places and I decided you know what? I'm not going to take my chances with my life or my babies life, I need to be in a hospital where I am two seconds away from medical staff and equipment incase of an emergency. Birthing centers can't do as much for you as a hospital can, and you want to best possible care during your labor and delivery. The atmosphere at a birthing center may seem more comforting, but trust me, if you are doing it unmedicated, you will be in so much pain you won't even remember where you are, trust me.

Oh my word what the world is wrong you chick? You are nothing but a scare tactic! Ignore her crazy post!!!! Fill your pregnancy with positive stories and great books such as anything that Ina May Gaskins writes!! That's a fabulous start and should make you realize how wonderful birth can be on the natural side!

katylady09

Read Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth. That book was a lifesaver for me and full of positive natural births. I couldn't put it down.

 I had a natural birth in a hospital, and everything went great, but I know that I would be more comfortable without med-crazy doctors around. It's exhausting to argue!

 

Also, The Business of Being Born documentaries are a must. Some say they are really biased, but one of the producers in it ends up having a C-section and they talk about that in a positive light. It gives lots of info on natural birth though.