XP: Biting at daycare

[Deleted User]

Hi mamas. I posted this on the Working Moms board but thought I'd check in here too since I know some of you work outside the home.
DS is biting the other kids at DC. I feel terrible for the other kids and parents. If I knew my baby was being hurt by another kid, I'd flip. But I don't know what I can do about it since I'm not there. He does occasionally bite me at home (he's an only child), and he gets a time out for that. He also gets time outs for hitting or throwing things at people or pets. DC does the same thing, so we are consistent in that respect. I've also tried reminding him before he goes to DC not to bite or hit, to be nice to his friends, and give them hugs and kisses instead of hitting or biting. The DCP always tells me when I pick him up if he's bitten or hit someone, and I talk about it with DS then too. This has been going on for a few weeks now. At first I thought he only did it when he was teething, because that's usually been when he bites me, but now I'm thinking maybe it's for attention or out of frustration.
I really think the only way to prevent the biting/hitting is for the DCPs to keep a close eye on him and intervene before it happens. I was also thinking of maybe sending a teether or something else for him to bite, and telling him to bite that instead of his friends, or to run away if he feels like biting. I don't know, he's only 22 months old. Any ideas about what else I can tell DC or what else I can do??
Thanks.

Zimger

He may feel like he is not getting enough attention or he may very well be frustrated. DC can be difficult. There are several other children, toys ,and in general, a ton of activity.

I have had experience with children who bite when I worked as a DC provider. Often they were over stimulated and did not know how to express it. Other times they were seeking attention (be it positive or negative). When I had this problem I would try to prevent the situation by understanding what was causing the stress. If it was attention based I tried to involve the child with being a "helper". If they were overstimulated I would attempt to redirect the child to another area/quiet activity.

If all else failed one of us would "shadow" the child. Which basically means we would be one on one with them while they interact with the class. This is not always possible because of staffing. However, it does help sometimes.

nunzchucks

How frustrating!  I have been reading a discipline book (Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline) and the suggestion is to talk with the kid about how to express frustration and anger with words instead of actions.  We haven't had a biting issue here, but we have throwing/hitting issues.  We have been trying that route.

eyenigh

What does daycare do when it happens? Does he get the same discipline there that he does at home?

[Deleted User]

eyenigh said:

What does daycare do when it happens? Does he get the same discipline there that he does at home?

Yes we both do time outs.

countrygrl5533

Zimger said:

He may feel like he is not getting enough attention or he may very well be frustrated. DC can be difficult. There are several other children, toys ,and in general, a ton of activity.

I have had experience with children who bite when I worked as a DC provider. Often they were over stimulated and did not know how to express it. Other times they were seeking attention (be it positive or negative). When I had this problem I would try to prevent the situation by understanding what was causing the stress. If it was attention based I tried to involve the child with being a "helper". If they were overstimulated I would attempt to redirect the child to another area/quiet activity.

If all else failed one of us would "shadow" the child. Which basically means we would be one on one with them while they interact with the class. This is not always possible because of staffing. However, it does help sometimes.

This. Also, it isn't always possible to intervene before it happens. Sometimes one teacher is having to deal with one situation and another is dealing with another or changing a diaper and it just happens. Sometimes the biting is just a phase too. No matter what is done to stop/prevent it, they just have to out grow it. That is the most frustrating of all the biting.

If you and DC are both being consistent, there isn't much more you can do. It just takes time. Most of my biters took anywhere from 1 week to 2 months to figure out to not bite. Some a bit longer.

eyenigh

countrygrl5533 said:

Zimger said:

He may feel like he is not getting enough attention or he may very well be frustrated. DC can be difficult. There are several other children, toys ,and in general, a ton of activity.

I have had experience with children who bite when I worked as a DC provider. Often they were over stimulated and did not know how to express it. Other times they were seeking attention (be it positive or negative). When I had this problem I would try to prevent the situation by understanding what was causing the stress. If it was attention based I tried to involve the child with being a "helper". If they were overstimulated I would attempt to redirect the child to another area/quiet activity.

If all else failed one of us would "shadow" the child. Which basically means we would be one on one with them while they interact with the class. This is not always possible because of staffing. However, it does help sometimes.

This. Also, it isn't always possible to intervene before it happens. Sometimes one teacher is having to deal with one situation and another is dealing with another or changing a diaper and it just happens. Sometimes the biting is just a phase too. No matter what is done to stop/prevent it, they just have to out grow it. That is the most frustrating of all the biting.

If you and DC are both being consistent, there isn't much more you can do. It just takes time. Most of my biters took anywhere from 1 week to 2 months to figure out to not bite. Some a bit longer.

That's what I was getting at with asking if there was the same discipline in both places-- you said it better.

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone. Hearing your perspectives is very helpful. DH talked to our DCP this morning when he dropped W off about keeping a close eye on him, and I'll follow up with them tonight when I pick him up. DS also told me this morning, "Hopey hit Weston" so maybe it wasn't as one-sided as I thought it was (that's the little girl he bit). I told him to be nice and gentle to his friends, and sent a teether with him and told him to bite that or run away if he felt like biting. We'll see how it goes!

I feel like you guys always manage to talk me down when I'm over-reacting. Some kids bite, and it's just a phase, and we're all doing our best to manage it. Thank you again for the replies!

[Deleted User]

Thanks @Excited30. It is weird how personally we take our kids behaviour! I never thought I'd have "a biter". That's something other kids do, not mine, haha.

I've certainly been humbled by this whole parenting thing!

MrsJetSet

Ugh we went through a biting phase. J would bite 2-3 times a day! Daycare shadowed her to help catch her before she bit, but even with that she bit frequently. Oddly, she stopped in the new "older" class, so I don't know if she was bored or if it was something else. For a long time we read Teeth are not for biting, and no more biting for billy goat nightly. I think they were both helpful.