I freaked out DH...

k1911

Hey everyone.  I have been reading these posts for a while now and have learned a lot from you ladies!  

So DH and I kind of decided that we are TTC. He wants to as well, but when we finally came to the decision I was hoping for a little bit more excitement from him, but oh well, I am excited enough for the both of us. Maybe a little bit too much...  I have been researching pregnancy like crazy, talking about it as if he wants to hear all about it, just basically becoming obsessed with it. He rolled his eyes when I read something out loud to him about pregnancy so I have been trying to scale back. I have been charting my cycle and when I was most fertile, I told him. Last night was my most fertile time and I told him in advance and he was unable to perform...I cant blame him because I feel I have been putting pressure on the situation. He told me later that it felt like a job, ew. I am just so excited about the possibility of a baby with him but I feel like I cant really talk to him about it anymore.  Should this not be one of the most exciting times of our lives! (sorry my question mark symbol is not working).  I was not mad that he could not do it, lol, i was just frustrated that he tried for 5 mins then completely gave up and rolled over and went to bed.  Like...I have cut alcohol and coffee this whole month and have been trying to eat SO healthy, plus this has consumed my mind and I was so excited to start trying, and its like he crushed all of that without a care. I got way more upset than I expected I would and I asked him to go to the other room. Barely slept all night. I hope its not like this every single month with him unable to do it because of the pressure...jeez!  Maybe I should be more empathetic and lay off the whole pregnancy thing but I feel that now that I have baby fever, its super hard to let it go. I wish he would cooperate, or at least try.

Ughhhh, I dont know what Im asking from you ladies!  Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and would like to share. Maybe some advice. Maybe im the one in the wrong here.  Maybe im completely crazy, I dont know.  

Jags8

My DH has already told me that when we start TTC this fall, he just wants to "see what happens." Yet he really wants to be a dad soon. So I plan on doing all the work (temping, charting, etc.) and just not tell him when I am most fertile. I don't want him to feel pressured. So when I know I'm in my fertile window, I will just be sure to initiate sex.
So I guess my advice is to just do the charting, researching, etc., but keep the baby talk to a minimum if you can tell your H doesn't seem interested. I would probably be sure that he is still wanting to TTC or if he maybe wants to hold off for a bit longer. Edit: spelling

k1911

Yeah, thats a good idea, not telling him but initiating the sex at the right time. I will definitely be doing that next cycle.  I mean, if it were me I probably could not perform under the pressure either, aha. 

Thanks Jags

mylittlesunshine

First off, take your own advice and lay off the baby talk with DH. If DH constantly talked about something, i would not be excited about it. I found that with DH, he didn't really become excited until he could feel baby move or when he was actually holding our baby.

From here on out, if I were you, I wouldn't be telling DH when you are "fertile". Have fun with it. I could see where he would feel it could become a job. Especially since it sounds like you are constantly talking about. Just take a step back, don't constantly talk about it around him and just have sex without mentioning it is your fertile time. There is plenty of time for him to be excited, don't burn the poor guy out at the starting gate.

k1911

I know, I have become a psycho. You are right though. I just expected him to jump right in and be super excited like me, but I took things a bit too far I guess. Thanks for the advice!

Twinkie0612

My advice is to chill out, have a drink, and lay off the pregnancy talk. It can take a healthy couple a year to get pregnant and you are going to drive your poor husband crazy at the rate you are going.

Wine&Cupcakes

Yup, all good info. My DH knows I'm temping but also knows I'm type A and understands I need some semblance of control so he's fine with it. However, I try to keep baby talk to a minimum.

I agree with not telling home your fertile times. Try to spice things up to get DH in the mood and keep baby talk out of it, DH will be happy to perform and you will know you are getting the job done!

wasatchbaby

Awwww I hear ya! I can display similar "obsessive" type A tendencies that freak out my DH- I have learned that if I want to keep his support and interest (in whatever endeavor I am currently pursuing), I need to keep the information overload to a minimum... and find friends (like on this forum!) who willingly help me analyze details

k1911

Thanks for the advice everyone!!!!!!!!  Much appreciated!