*sigh* NBR other bump boards

tamarar5

I'm reeeeealy tired of the Aug14 board gender vs. sex argument. I just want to yell at them that no one cares any more! Most of our babies don't even definitively have sex organs right now and my personal opinion is that if your baby is born with a penis, you're going to raise it as a boy until the kid is old enough to tell you differently !

Vent over. I must be old and stupid because this bothers me that someone has to point out that gender and sex are different in EVERY post. Grrr. Give it a rest already.

kleigh926

I haven't seen that discussion on my new BMB yet, but I totally agree with you. For our purposes now, they are essentially the same thing.

Rynleigh

It's a super sensitive subject for some people, especially those who are genderqueer/neutral/ambiguous/transgendered/agendered. I think the sensitivity can be extreme and make everything tense when it doesn't need to be, though. When someone uses the word gender instead of sex, I think it's OK to give gentle reminders that it's more considerate or thoughtful to specify sex rather than gender, but I also don't think we need to freak the hell out over the interchangeable use of the words, either. When someone says they're having a "gender reveal" party, it's not because they would punish their child for deciding that they feel more comfortable in a different gender role or even that they're going to enforce/encourage a specific gender roll for their child... they probably just feel more comfortable saying "my baby's gender" instead of "my baby's sex", or "gender reveal party", instead of "sex reveal party". 

Drea926

Rynleigh said:

It's a super sensitive subject for some people, especially those who are genderqueer/neutral/ambiguous/transgendered/agendered. I think the sensitivity can be extreme and make everything tense when it doesn't need to be, though. When someone uses the word gender instead of sex, I think it's OK to give gentle reminders that it's more considerate or thoughtful to specify sex rather than gender, but I also don't think we need to freak the hell out over the interchangeable use of the words, either. When someone says they're having a "gender reveal" party, it's not because they would punish their child for deciding that they feel more comfortable in a different gender roll or even that they're going to enforce/encourage a specific gender roll for their child... they probably just feel more comfortable saying "my baby's gender" instead of "my baby's sex", or "gender reveal party", instead of "sex reveal party". 

I have no interest really in attending a gender reveal party but a sex reveal party? Intriguing... ;-)

tamarar5

You voiced exactly my sentiments, @Rynleigh. The new board has gone way beyond gentle reminders into verbal assaults. Comments like, "My kid will tell me it's gender when it's ready" are constantly being made. I get that they are considered different, but honestly, this is still somewhat a new concept. My family is very traditional and if I tried to explain to my grandparents that sex and gender weren't synonymous, I would probably get slapped. Not to mention if we wanted to do a "sex reveal" party, they would presume that we wasted too air sex videos or something.

draeray

I must be insensitive because I don't see what the big deal is. I use the the word sex and gender interchaneably but in no way am I trying to say that my boy, in 20 years, can't come forward and tell me he feels more like a woman than a man. We are talking about babies for crying out loud.

Rynleigh

draeray said:

I must be insensitive because I don't see what the big deal is. I use the the word sex and gender interchaneably but in no way am I trying to say that my boy, in 20 years, can't come forward and tell me he feels more like a woman than a man. We are talking about babies for crying out loud.

I totally get that. I do just want to point out, tho, that gender identity starts far earlier than that. This is a close-to-home topic for me because one of my best friends is trans and he has been a "boy" (minus the genitalia and the Y chromosome) since I met him when he was five years old. It had nothing to do with his mother's choices about his gender, it was just who he is, and no amount of therapy or coaching or social norms did anything to change that. By the time he was 20 he was seeking his legal name change and trying to find a way to get on T. 

draeray

Rynleigh said:

draeray said:

I must be insensitive because I don't see what the big deal is. I use the the word sex and gender interchaneably but in no way am I trying to say that my boy, in 20 years, can't come forward and tell me he feels more like a woman than a man. We are talking about babies for crying out loud.

I totally get that. I do just want to point out, tho, that gender identity starts far earlier than that. This is a close-to-home topic for me because one of my best friends is trans and he has been a "boy" (minus the genitalia and the Y chromosome) since I met him when he was five years old. It had nothing to do with his mother's choices about his gender, it was just who he is, and no amount of therapy or coaching or social norms did anything to change that. By the time he was 20 he was seeking his legal name change and trying to find a way to get on T. 

I get that too and I am not trying to take those feelings away by any means. I also have a friend who's own mother is that way. She actually had two children and legally has changed her name to a man's name and by all rights and purposes is a man except for the genitalia.

I just think there are way bigger topics that should cause more of an uproar (vax, cirq, breastfeading, etc) than interchangeably using the word gender to mean the sex of their child.  

Rosebean

To be honest, I don't even click on those threads anymore. It's not worth my time. I am actually exhausted just thinking about it.