Stressed abt MIL

Jbruce7612

My MIL is a wonderful person and we get along great! But my SIL just had a baby last week and our MIL is driving her crazy!!! They came home on a sunday and my in laws went over there EVERY day for that whole week. And our MIL keeps saying its her right to go see her granddaughter. Which is fine but she is not letting her son and daughter in law get any time to themselves or any rest!! I am having the next grandchild in abt 10 weeks and i DO NoT want to deal with her bein at my house every day. Ive already told my hubby (her son) this and he is aware of how his parents are lol my mom is only going to get a day or two off after our baby girl is born and i wish she could come and stay more, but i dont want MIL there every minute!! She even invited HER friends to come see my SIL's baby. My poor SIL is so frustrated and i dont blame her! I dont want to deal with this either!!! Ughhhh!! Ok vent is over lol

RondackHiker

It's not her right to see her granddaughter.

I'd have dh talk to her in advance and tell her that she CANNOT show up without either an invite or calling for permission in advance (and a good advance, not while she's on her way), and that if she just shows up (or shows up after you say no), she can't come in.

Then I'd make it clear that all guests are limited in the same way. Short visits (less than an hour or whatever you feel is best) and only during certain periods. You get privacy while nursing. No inviting friends without permission... And no one but immediate family in the first two weeks.

mcgeeva

I agree with Adani - they should of had the conversation and it's his job to put his mother in her place. If they say nothing I can't feel bad for them. It's your house and baby - just say no. There is no just showing up - I will not answer the door. Just say no. Not that hard and trust me if you don't have boundaries now..forget it later.

Jbruce7612

Thanks y'all! I will def have a talk with dh abt this before it become a reality lol

rexgirl06

Our little boy will be the first grandchild for DH's family. MIL is widowed and does not work so I have similar concerns about her being over too much and making me feel like my space has been invaded. I think it is legitimate to sit down and discuss appropriate times for visiting. Perhaps every other evening once your spouse is home from work? Or something along the lines of "I know you've got great experience as a mom and can't wait to see the baby. And we want you to have a good relationship with him/her as well. But the first few days I'm going to be really exhausted and will need rest. How about we call you when we feel ready for visitors?" I know we'll be needing to do the same thing so that I don't get overwhelmed.  

rexgirl06

Also, I totally get the whole mom vs MIL. My mom will be there for the birth but teaches school. It''s a little annoying to me sometimes that my MIL is more involved and around than my own mom. 

veetveet

Your SIL needs to open her mouth! I'd make it clear right now that you will have a schedule for visitors- family or not.

RebeccaY1

I agree with previous posters.  Just be honest and give the expectations.  This is your child and while you probably want them to see the baby, it's still your child.  You make the rules.

Disneygeek77

Have scheduled times for her to visit that you are comfortable with.

If she tries to come over at unscheduled times, don't answer the door.  Yes, it is that simple.

If she won't go away, crack the door open and say " Now is not a good time, but we look forward to seeing you on Wednesday" and close the door.  

Most importantly get your husband on board. 

BuckeyeWife07

I had a similar experience with MIL after DD1. She is a little different in the first place (looong story), and now we know she has early onset Alzheimer's, so she's not just a regular guest hanging out. However, she would just show up unannounced several times a week after DD1 was born - and she lives about 45+ min. away and I was having a lot of complications after delivery and was somewhat on bed rest. My mom was there to HELP me, but always stepped back and made sure she wasn't in the way. For DD2, I had DH discuss with his mom and stepdad that they would have to call and arrange a time to come over to see LO and that they couldn't just stop by. It may sound harsh, but you are the mom and you need to know what's coming. If you were planning to feel LO, take a shower, feed again and then nap during LOs longer nap of the day - the last thing you would want is MIL just showing up with her friend. To top it off, I'm the kind that would walk around in yoga pant and a nursing tank top with my hair in a pony tail all day if I know I won't see anyone. It's really aggravating to feel like you have to be ready for people to stop by at any time when you are sleep deprived and still don't feel 100%. I'm with all the PPs, have DH talk to his parents and set some ground rules. We would set it up so visitors would come at times of the day when, first, DH would be home (he went back to work right away), and second, LO was happiest. 

gobbo1985

I have been very vocal with my parents and my husband parents. My parents are Italian and crazy and think they are going to be at the hospital while I'm labouring and I'm not having ANY of that. I have also told everyone we don't not want anyone at our house on the day we take pur baby home and that we want 24-48 to just ourselves then they can't come visit, but not sleep over.

iverske9

You need to tell your husband to deal with this. It sounds like your SIL is not standing up for herself. My husband would have no problem telling his mother to back off if it was overbearing. 

SouthRNComfort

Don't leave it for your husband to bring up. It may not happen the way you'd envision. Tackle this head on yourself. Suggest that you need her extra help once your mother is gone. Also, about brining friends: tell her she can't bring them. It's flu season, there are also strains of H1N1 flying around. So no to lots of random visitors who aren't helping and just want to ooh and ahh at the baby. It's not worth your baby's health.

willowrose16

I'm having the same issue.  I have 10 weeks left as well and BD is telling me that his parents are planning on staying up here for a few weeks when the baby is due. I have tried to tell him that they are not allowed at the birthing center when I give birth and I don't feel like being crowded when I bring the baby home, but he just totally ignores me.  So I totally know how you feel. Luckily my mom is going to be a buffer if they show up to much.  

cMichelle0423

I agree with most everyone else. Personally, I'm a very private person. I don't like people in my space uninvited. I moved out of state and away from my family so I'm surrounded my DH's family and some of them do not get the meaning of boundaries. I've already expressed to my husband that aside from his mother coming to the hospital after baby #2 is born, i do not want anyone else visiting. And the only reason she's allowed to come by, is because she's watching our son while I'm in the hospital and we want our family (as in DH, DS, and myself) to meet the baby first. Even after we get home, I don't want any visitors for the first week. I get that everyone wants to meet the baby and all that, but to me, bringing home a new member to the family is a very intimate experience that I only want to share with my husband and children. After we've had some time to bond as a family and rest a little, THEN people can feel free to stop by, after making sure it's okay first.

Long story short (but not really lol) this is your moment to get to enjoy. So you should be able to choose who you want to share it with. On top of everything else, you're going to be bleeding and leaking and exhausted. No one wants to deal with in-laws when they're feeling and looking like a hot mess.

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