Normal grieving vs. PPD

kflynn81

My husband wants me to ask my OB/GYN on Friday about this as he thinks I may have PPD. I'm not exactly sure how to differentiate between the two but I'm admittedly still a trainwreck. I'm still able to somewhat function like a human. I mean, I'm going to work, I'm somewhat cleaning the house, I do my own laundry but thats about where my functionality stops. I dont want to go anywhere but my couch when I'm not at work and I'm randomly having complete and total meltdowns. This morning being one of them which made me 3 hours late for work. I guess I'm worried about myself too but I'm not sure when this stops being "normal" and begins being a problem. Any thoughts?

jonahsma

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, your loss of beautiful Jack is still so fresh and I think what you are dealing with is the "normal " grieving process and it sucks. I remember not wanting to go anywhere I just wanted to stay home alllllllll day, I didn't grocery shop, I didn't cook, I just wanted to sleep and I cried a lot. we loss moms go through a rollercoaster of emotions and all we can wonder is why? and what if? I will be praying for you if you don't mind. I wish none of us were here on this board, one thing I know is im glad we are all here for each other big big ((hugs))

stefuge

I think what you are feeling is very normal - grief is a huge roller coaster and especially difficult in the beginning. That being said - it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor and get another opinion, especially if YH is concerned. ((Hugs))

Edited to add: I dealt with PPD after the birth of DS1 and have struggled with depression at other times in my life, and it feels different than my grieving. I have had depressed days while grieving, but my emotions with grief are all over the place, not just down. There's anger, bitterness, and even some laughter and joy. When depressed I didn't care about anything. I didn't get out of bed, I didn't go out, I didn't want to do any of the normal things I would usually enjoy. Suffering a loss like we have is a huge, life changing thing, and it is normal to be sad and down, but if you feel it overwhelming you, it can't hurt to talk to your doctor and/or a therapist.

Noethola

***Siggy warning***

I agree that what you seem to be experiencing right now is normal. It hasn't been very long since Jack passed away. Finding a grief group or therapist could be really helpful to have a good place to let out the emotions, if you feel that you are not dealing well with things on your own. (I would suggest DH go too.)

I would also remind him that men and women just grieve differently. When we lost our daughter, my DH had to have something to DO. He went back to work three days later, because the grief was suppressing him at home. His outlet for grief was very different than mine. I remember a day about 9 months after losing her, I literally laid on the floor in her room with her little outfit in my hands crying for hours until DH got home. 

There will be a lot of times when grief will literally floor you and stop the world as you knew it. Our losses are catastrophic losses. You are functioning right now, and that is pretty good. It never hurts to reach out for more help if you and your DH are concerned. 

angelsnight

Ticker warning

 

Honestly I have no idea, but everything you describe sounds very normal to me.  About three weeks after our loss, we went to a support group meeting.  The women were all very welcoming and it felt great to talk about our angel.  But the next meeting was once I was back to work, and ALL I wanted to do after work was go home, so I never went back.  For several months after our loss, if there was something I didn't absolutely have to do, I didn't do it.

I did ask my doctor to give me something, which ended up being Zoloft.  It didn't take away the pain, but it made it much more manageable to deal with.  Without it I honestly don't think I would have done very well once I went back to work.  I also saw my therapist every 2-4 weeks and that helped a lot.  Big hugs to you.

ajsweeton

***** siggy warning *****



I suffered from ppd after losing my boys. DH is the one that noticed the problem before I did. It was a struggle for me to get out of bed. I completely lost myself in the grief and I couldn't find a way out. All I did was cry and sleep. I couldn't find the motivation to do so much as take a shower and eating anything other than cookies was beyond me. I started Zoloft about a month after my loss and I suppose it did help somewhat. It numbed me. I was able to function as the grief wasn't so crushing. I had some bad side effects though like tremors and a complete loss of emotion on it so after about 6 weeks I began to wean myself off of it. I do think that it helped to ground me again and made it possible for me to go back to work and slowly I was able to find myself again. I'll never be the same person I was before Elliott and Ryland were born, but at least now I have more "happy" days than sad.
It doesn't sound to me like you're suffering quite the same way. What you describe sounds more like a normal grieving process, but if your DH is concerned it certainly wouldn't hurt to talk with your dr. Sometimes our husbands/partners can see things we don't.

Xath

*siggy warning*

I think that there's a definite difference between grief and PPD, but some MDs are more apt to diagnose a prescription because that's what's in their comfort-zone.  When I was discharged from the hospital after losing Eleanor, the MDs gave me a laundry list of prescriptions for anti-depressants, sleep aids, pain killers, etc.  I didn't take any of them, at the time because I didn't want drugs interfering with what I thought were natural and appropriate responses to loss, and I didn't want to become dependant on drugs for basic human function.  (Note: I am not anti-medical intervention in cases of actual depression.  I just don't agree with using them as a solution for normal emotional responses).  Instead, I started seeing a therapist, at first every week and then gradually weaning to every 2 weeks; then every month.  She helped reassure me that I was handling the loss appropriately and what I was experiencing was normal grief; not depression.  

I highly recommend going to a therapist/psychologist if possible to help you work through everything you're feeling.  They'll help you determine if you're grieving appropriately or have depression and would benefit from medical intervention.  

So sorry you're going through this.